Since: May 12
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $1 million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is $6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
Since: May 12
Q: What is the President Bush's new fitness program to get people walking again?
A: GAS at $3/gallon
Q: When visiting India what did George W think upon seeing a woman with a red dot on her forehead?
A: Holy Shit!!!! She must've been hunting with Cheney
Q: Whats the best birthday gift you can give to George W?
A: An Exit Strategy from Iraq
Q: Why is George Bush giving tax cuts like Jim Jones giving Kool-Aid?
A: It tastes good but it'll kill you.
Q: What would happen if George W Bush had selected the court in 1954?
A: Clarence Thomas would have never got to law school."
Q: Why did the Iraqi women shave there fannies?
A: To send a message out "No more Bush"
Since: May 12
Q: Why does Laura Bush (Presidents Wife) always get on top?
A:...Because George Bush can only fuck up.
Q: Why is George W a big fan of Palestinian president Abbas?
A: He absolutely loves his hit song, Dancing Queen.”
Q: What is the difference between the George W and Clinton's administration?
A: George W has a trouble controlling his generals and Clinton had trouble controlling his privates
Q: Why is Karl Rove was under fire again today?
A: For leaking the plot of the new Harry Potter book to U.S. President Bush?
Q: Why is the Bush administration so bad at creating jobs?
A: Because they can barely hold onto the ones that they have!
Q: What's the difference between George W Bush and an average student?
A: An Average student can't find Iraq on a Map, George W can get out of Iraq
Q: What happens if Bush's popularity falls any further
A: He'll become a Democrat
Q: What did President Bush do when Ryan Secrest said 62 million people voted in the American Idol finale?
A: He went out and bought a karaoke machine
Q: Why is Hurricane Rita Bush's worst nightmare?
A: An electric chair with no power!
Q: How is George W similar to the Peanuts character Pigpen?
A: Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton.
Q: What did George W ask the Louisiana National Guard when visiting the destruction from Katrina?
A: Does this visit count toward the service time I still owe the National Guard.
Q: What can't George W do while in the White House?
A1: Imprision US Citizens without a trial (...in the name of national security)
A2: Wiretap citizens of the country even though other laws state that you can't
A3: Go to war without a declaration from congress
Since: May 12
"The elephant is the perfect symbol for Republicans: they never forget, lead
each other around by the tail, and think everyone should work for peanuts."
"The Republican National Committee has announced it's changing the emblem of
the Republican Party - from an elephant to a condom. The Republican National
Chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the Party's current
stance... owing to the fact that a condom accepts inflation, halts
production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and
gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Please make
certain your Republican friends make the appropriate changes on any of their
One can always tell when a Republican is taking Viagra because he gets taller.
"Republicans are good for one thing: getting elected every 30 or 40 years so
people can be reminded how terrible they are." - Bob Shrum
Little kid got on the school bus today wearing a T-shirt with the slogan
"Proud to be a Democrat." Bus driver asked why he was a Democrat and the kid
said "Because my parents are Democrats." "So," said the bus driver, "What if
your parents were lying, biblethumping, perverted hypocrites? Then what?" The
kid replied: "Then we'd be Republicans."
"Much has already been published about the sex life of former President Clinton.
However, little has been reported on the sexual practices of the current
Commander-in-Chief. It has recently been learned that the President and Mrs.
Bush only do it with Laura Bush on top since George W. Bush can only fuck up."
Since: May 12
50 SILLY REPUBLICAN/CONSERVATIVE QUOTES"
* "When the President does it, that means that it's not illegal." -
Richard M. Nixon
* "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is
a nation that suffers from incredible disease." - President George W.
Since: May 12
The 1st Annual Ditto-Head Convention"
Ditto-Heads of America
For immediate release
Ditto-Heads of America President, xona anox, today announced the first
annual DILDO-HEAD convention to be held in Cesspool, Texas.
"This will be an excellent opportunity for Ditto-Heads all over
America to come together to celebrate Rush Limbaugh and the spirit of
Ditto-Headism," said president xona. We have an extensive program
that will take place over three days and there will be many nationally
known political, sports, religious, and business leaders and
personalities in attendance. In addition, there will be numerous
booths and displays by various organizations like the KKK, White
Christians for the salvation of America, Christian identity, Bigots
and Homophobes of America, The Family Research Council, and others of
Planned events include: Find the queer, grope the feminist, and name
the abortion doctor. In addition, Sen. Trent Lott will host the
cross burning contest, which is sure to be an event crowd pleaser.
Congressman Henry Hyde, Bob Barr, Dan Burton, and former speaker Newt
Gingrich will host the adulterers' contest with Rep. Henen Chenowith
being the prize as the "DILDO-HEAD SLUT FOR A NIGHT" going to the
The Main event will be the great one himself, Rush Limbaugh, who will
speak about his greatness and his many accomplishments for the white
Far-right christian fundamentalists, whom he so proudly represents.
And, to honor his recently departed Mother, there will be a special
cock sucking contest to see who can win the MA Ma Limbaugh Trophy as
the best cocksucker in America.
All sorts of Limbaugh memorabilia will be available, such as his
soiled underwear, rubber models of his 1/2 inch penis, and balloons
filled with his gas so the average DILDO-HEAD can take it home, pop it
open and inhale the true essence of Rush Limbaugh.
It is expected that thousands of Ditto-Heads will attend the
DILDO-HEAD Convention. Price of admission for the three day event is
$49.95, which includes a nice a nice 8 by 10 glossy of Rush at an
all-you-can-eat-buffet, doing what his does best.
So, all you Ditto-heads, come on down to Cesspool, Texas, and join the
thousands of human turds that called themselves ditto-heads for what
is sure to become an annual American Event.
Since: Dec 13
These Republican jokes are very funny.. I wet my pink lace panties laughing.