letting go of someone who never loves me

Posted in the New Boston Forum

juneforest

Singapore, Singapore

#1 Nov 27, 2013
It's a really hared time for me now. I dunno who else I can talk to. My heart is so painful, as if I am going to die any moment. I wondered how many people actually have the same case like me and how can I help myself...

I like this guy since we were in Secondary school. Which is at the age of perhaps 14-15. I didn't finished my study as I was unwell. Therefore, I left the school. Years ago, I meet him again, we were good friends for a while. There's nothing between us. He never say he have any feelings for me at all. Everything is picture by myself. One-sided wishful love. I decided to leave him and I got married. My feelings never ends from there. I missed him everyday.

After 10 years, I meet him 1.5 yrs ago via a good friend, my friend have spoken something bad about me telling me I like him. Immediately he avoided me and refused meet me for that 1.5 years. Now I am divorce, throughout my life, my heart only have him, only him and nobody else. Despite I have been divorced, he still refused to chat with me and keep giving my cold shoulder and avoiding me.

I am devastated , I wrote a letter to him yesterday nite. Telling him, I'll let go of my feelings with him after 2o over years. I hope we can still be friends.I know it will never happen again. What gone, what lost is lost. I have been crying since last night. Tears never stop, eyes are swollen. I miss him still, but I have to let go. After reading the letter, he said he hope I find a good guy. It's really not necessary at all. He dun have to wish me anything, I will move on but I'll never find another guy cos I only love him. 20 over years is not short for me. If I dun love him, my feelings will not be that long.

I told him not to avoid me in future as I am determined to let go of my feelings for me. It's hard for me. I dunno how I can do it seriously. I missed him everyday, 2o over years.Anyone can tell me how to??? Although I dun have a good ending in my relationship. Still I prayed and hope he have someone who loves him and treat him well.

I wish all couples to be happily together and please treasure whoever who is in your life now. That's my wish for every lovely couple in this world.
gary

Minford, OH

#2 Nov 27, 2013
i think everyone has someone in there life, that they ask the question what if?
Kunte Kinte aka Gary

Cincinnati, OH

#3 Nov 27, 2013
gary wrote:
i think everyone has someone in there life, that they ask the question what if?
Their..........

There's no there there..........
Kunte Kinte aka Gary

Cincinnati, OH

#4 Nov 27, 2013
juneforest wrote:
It's a really hared time for me now. I dunno who else I can talk to. My heart is so painful, as if I am going to die any moment. I wondered how many people actually have the same case like me and how can I help myself...
I like this guy since we were in Secondary school. Which is at the age of perhaps 14-15. I didn't finished my study as I was unwell. Therefore, I left the school. Years ago, I meet him again, we were good friends for a while. There's nothing between us. He never say he have any feelings for me at all. Everything is picture by myself. One-sided wishful love. I decided to leave him and I got married. My feelings never ends from there. I missed him everyday.
After 10 years, I meet him 1.5 yrs ago via a good friend, my friend have spoken something bad about me telling me I like him. Immediately he avoided me and refused meet me for that 1.5 years. Now I am divorce, throughout my life, my heart only have him, only him and nobody else. Despite I have been divorced, he still refused to chat with me and keep giving my cold shoulder and avoiding me.
I am devastated , I wrote a letter to him yesterday nite. Telling him, I'll let go of my feelings with him after 2o over years. I hope we can still be friends.I know it will never happen again. What gone, what lost is lost. I have been crying since last night. Tears never stop, eyes are swollen. I miss him still, but I have to let go. After reading the letter, he said he hope I find a good guy. It's really not necessary at all. He dun have to wish me anything, I will move on but I'll never find another guy cos I only love him. 20 over years is not short for me. If I dun love him, my feelings will not be that long.
I told him not to avoid me in future as I am determined to let go of my feelings for me. It's hard for me. I dunno how I can do it seriously. I missed him everyday, 2o over years.Anyone can tell me how to??? Although I dun have a good ending in my relationship. Still I prayed and hope he have someone who loves him and treat him well.
I wish all couples to be happily together and please treasure whoever who is in your life now. That's my wish for every lovely couple in this world.
Contact Westbo publishing..........
Fuzzyhare

Portsmouth, OH

#5 Nov 27, 2013
gary wrote:
i think everyone has someone in there life, that they ask the question what if?
So agree!
-

United States

#6 Nov 27, 2013
I'm so sorry to read about your pain. Even if one has experienced similar feelings in the past, it's not as overwhelming as in the moment. I am sending much love your way. Getting over someone you feel close too is extremely hard. Especially someone that carries a level comfort as does yours. We all deal with things differently, but the pain is still hard and challenging. Your mind is naturally mourning the loss of the relationship and in order to move on, so must your thoughts. You may want to try something called Cognitive therapy. It's a mind exercises that helps "reprogram" your brain by changing the way you think. Anytime you start to think about your guy, say "goodbye (his name) I have to go". If he pops in, try your best to focus on something positive. Thinking about him longer than ten seconds will increase your minds obsession. Which is why reprogramming your mind is key. Your feelings for him didnt happen over night, so take it one day at a time. When there is over whelming anxiety it's either fear of the future or guilt of the past. So you must forgive yourself of any past wrong doings. You did what you thought was best. Next, visualize your future by thinking of all the wonderful things you want to happen. Make an honest list of what you really want out of life and a husband. Spend a little time at night or in the morning thinking about those things. The more positive energy you spend on those, the less you spend on what you really don't need. After the list is made, you may even find what you're looking for in a husband is not him at all. Think about how exciting it is that the man of your dreams is still out there and one day you will find him. There are over 20,000 matches for every person. Don't give up. Be excited for your new wonderful love. During this time try to eat as healthy as possible and exercise. The more vitamin B2, b6 and b12 the better. These vitamins increase your serotonin levels and exercise will increase endorphins which both fight depression.

- wishing you a wonderful and happy life.
Kate

Portsmouth, OH

#7 Nov 27, 2013
I believe over the course of our lives we all have our heart broken and break another's at least once. It is very hard to go through, I remember, boy do I remember, what it feels like to have your heart broken. It will get better, I promise, but you have to push yourself a little.
bahaha

Springboro, OH

#8 Dec 2, 2013
Kate wrote:
I believe over the course of our lives we all have our heart broken and break another's at least once. It is very hard to go through, I remember, boy do I remember, what it feels like to have your heart broken. It will get better, I promise, but you have to push yourself a little.
Oh yes! Well said.
Sarah

Sunbury, OH

#9 Dec 2, 2013
Kate wrote:
I believe over the course of our lives we all have our heart broken and break another's at least once. It is very hard to go through, I remember, boy do I remember, what it feels like to have your heart broken. It will get better, I promise, but you have to push yourself a little.
This has been going on for 20 years for gods sake!
Miss you Lisa

Alexandria, VA

#10 Dec 2, 2013
I have had the same thing happen... Pride and stupidity took her from me and 20 years later I reached out and she talked to me for a few years. So much still in common, boys named the same name... Kids both had a kid at 21... Both still missed what we had and cannot figure out why we were both stupid and could not work it out. She told me recently this is not healthy for her relationship and I respect that. We both have a lot of folks depending on us and until they are all taken care of we have to see if it works out later... Hard coming home and knowing she is there and I should avoid seeing her. I know it is best. Just tough! Miss her and think about her and what might have been... Little Texas GREAT song that brings tears to my eyes to this day...
YOLO

Nelsonville, OH

#11 Dec 2, 2013
Seems we always look to the past, and *think we'd do something differently. Sometimes, it's just not in our power though. I think that it's never too late to find love, but if it's one-sided, what's the point?
Personally, I avoid getting too close emotionally, until I know for sure that it's a positive relationship.
From reading your story, I think you read too much into something at some point, and may be wiser now.
The best advice I have for getting over a lost love, is to find another.
I like the post from Illinois. Planning your next move is key, and it's good to know what things you really want in a relationship.
Profiler

Portsmouth, OH

#12 Dec 2, 2013
Can never replace that special lost love. Mine deceased last year, I never told her how I felt after a little spat, wish I had.
Juneforest2000

Singapore, Singapore

#13 Dec 6, 2013
- wrote:
I'm so sorry to read about your pain. Even if one has experienced similar feelings in the past, it's not as overwhelming as in the moment. I am sending much love your way. Getting over someone you feel close too is extremely hard. Especially someone that carries a level comfort as does yours. We all deal with things differently, but the pain is still hard and challenging. Your mind is naturally mourning the loss of the relationship and in order to move on, so must your thoughts. You may want to try something called Cognitive therapy. It's a mind exercises that helps "reprogram" your brain by changing the way you think. Anytime you start to think about your guy, say "goodbye (his name) I have to go". If he pops in, try your best to focus on something positive. Thinking about him longer than ten seconds will increase your minds obsession. Which is why reprogramming your mind is key. Your feelings for him didnt happen over night, so take it one day at a time. When there is over whelming anxiety it's either fear of the future or guilt of the past. So you must forgive yourself of any past wrong doings. You did what you thought was best. Next, visualize your future by thinking of all the wonderful things you want to happen. Make an honest list of what you really want out of life and a husband. Spend a little time at night or in the morning thinking about those things. The more positive energy you spend on those, the less you spend on what you really don't need. After the list is made, you may even find what you're looking for in a husband is not him at all. Think about how exciting it is that the man of your dreams is still out there and one day you will find him. There are over 20,000 matches for every person. Don't give up. Be excited for your new wonderful love. During this time try to eat as healthy as possible and exercise. The more vitamin B2, b6 and b12 the better. These vitamins increase your serotonin levels and exercise will increase endorphins which both fight depression.
- wishing you a wonderful and happy life.
Hi it's nice to read your letter. Have you been thru this before?
Juneforest2000

Singapore, Singapore

#14 Dec 6, 2013
Kate wrote:
I believe over the course of our lives we all have our heart broken and break another's at least once. It is very hard to go through, I remember, boy do I remember, what it feels like to have your heart broken. It will get better, I promise, but you have to push yourself a little.
Hi Kate,
I do agree with you. It's just very hard during this transition.

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