Mom's reluctance to discuss sex puts daughters at risk

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old niece, "Nicki," was recently diagnosed with an STD. When her mother, my sister-in-law "Cynthia," found out she was horrified. Read more
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non smoker

United States

#2 Jul 16, 2008
My Sister in law knits everywhere she goes including her grandfathers funeral. I always thought it was so rude but when she did that I was in shock!
Slickster

Miami, FL

#3 Jul 16, 2008
A new marketing high for Abby! Now, instead of advising, she shills her "book" of advice for teens for six bucks a pop!

Hope she gets enough types of letters to offer the opportunity to pimp any other publications she might have put together.
rebecca

Savage, MN

#4 Jul 16, 2008
I remember my first sex talk with my father (my mom passed away when I was a baby and I have two older brothers). My stepmom didn't want to talk to me about it.

I was 11 years old. My dad and two older brothers took a day trip to San Francisco, and there was a billboard for a condom. I didn't know what a condom was and so I did the stupid thing... I asked.

When we got home my dad brought "the book" out, and explained things to me.

I was mortified. I never had a close relationship with my father and I just remember how embarrassing it was.

He also told me that you didn't need to have intercourse to get pregnant or STDs. That the "sperm" could just be near... you get the picture...

About 2 years later he had another discussion (by then I was fully into boys, crushes, etc). He told me something that I will never forget... my straigtlaced, Christian father... he said:

"Men are like dogs. If they can't eat it or $crew it, they pi$$ on it"

I was shocked so much because my dad said words I never heard him use before... but looking back on it I laugh about it now... how funny, and for the most part, how true!!!

:) Have a great day!

p.s. there are a couple ladies at church who crochet or knit during the service... I have crocheted on planes before but never at church. I have crocheted waiting at the doctor's office, and during breaks at work.... but I don't mind when others do it at meetings, etc. doesn't bug me.
rebecca

Savage, MN

#5 Jul 16, 2008
hmm, apparently they starred out my word it is another way to say pee...
TTFN

United States

#6 Jul 16, 2008
rebecca wrote:
I remember my first sex talk with my father (my mom passed away when I was a baby and I have two older brothers). My stepmom didn't want to talk to me about it.
I was 11 years old. My dad and two older brothers took a day trip to San Francisco, and there was a billboard for a condom. I didn't know what a condom was and so I did the stupid thing... I asked.
When we got home my dad brought "the book" out, and explained things to me.
I was mortified. I never had a close relationship with my father and I just remember how embarrassing it was.
He also told me that you didn't need to have intercourse to get pregnant or STDs. That the "sperm" could just be near... you get the picture...
About 2 years later he had another discussion (by then I was fully into boys, crushes, etc). He told me something that I will never forget... my straigtlaced, Christian father... he said:
"Men are like dogs. If they can't eat it or $crew it, they pi$$ on it"
I was shocked so much because my dad said words I never heard him use before... but looking back on it I laugh about it now... how funny, and for the most part, how true!!!
:) Have a great day!
p.s. there are a couple ladies at church who crochet or knit during the service... I have crocheted on planes before but never at church. I have crocheted waiting at the doctor's office, and during breaks at work.... but I don't mind when others do it at meetings, etc. doesn't bug me.
Thanks, Rebecca! Gave me a good laugh!

“Nakedness reveals itself”

Since: Oct 07

Clearwater, Fl

#7 Jul 16, 2008
LW1- How sad, 17yr old w/ an STD and 14yr old concerned w/ being pregnant. It's a good thing these girls at least have an aunt who is concerned enough to try to do something. Mother needs a reality check before she loses her daughters.

LW2- depends on what kind or how serious the gathering is.=D
JBug

Belgium, WI

#8 Jul 16, 2008
Slickster wrote:
A new marketing high for Abby! Now, instead of advising, she shills her "book" of advice for teens for six bucks a pop!
Hope she gets enough types of letters to offer the opportunity to pimp any other publications she might have put together.
Yeah, really. It takes a little courage, honesty, and some ability to relate to the teenagers when talking about sex. You don't need to read a book to make sure you cover everything and spit out some statistics at them. I wonder if it comes with a tear-out quiz to give them after?

I do agree with what advice she gave. An STD at 17 and fear of pregnancy at 14, the reaction from the mother, and the child willing to go to her aunt shows the aunt has the best chance of getting through to them.
Dienne

Chicago, IL

#9 Jul 16, 2008
JBug wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, really. It takes a little courage, honesty, and some ability to relate to the teenagers when talking about sex. You don't need to read a book to make sure you cover everything and spit out some statistics at them. I wonder if it comes with a tear-out quiz to give them after?
I dunno, I kinda think a talk AND a book is a good combination. The talk lets the kid know the person is approachable (and hopefully knowledgeable), but the kid will probably be so mortified that s/he won't remember much of the talk (I know I was). The kid can always read the book later to answer any questions they're too embarrased to ask.

That said, Abby's book isn't the only one out there (and I'm not fond of her columns in which she shills for her books and pamphlets)- I'd shop around for different books for different ages and see which one works best for that particular kid.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#10 Jul 16, 2008
Slickster wrote:
A new marketing high for Abby! Now, instead of advising, she shills her "book" of advice for teens for six bucks a pop!
Hope she gets enough types of letters to offer the opportunity to pimp any other publications she might have put together.
Where have you been? She and her mother before her have had booklets available for as long as I can remember.
suzyq

Princeton, IL

#11 Jul 16, 2008
My mother made sure I found out about sex from her. The technical side of it, the pros and the cons, and most importantly that it was my body and I made the decisions about when to say yes. I was grateful for the knowledge when someone told me some strange "fact" and I knew it wasn't true. This was back in the 60's and many friends of mine had never gotten the talk from their parents. Who do you think will teach your son/daughter these important facts if you don't? Why would you want someone else with their own agenda and moral code or lack of to give your child this info. I can't believe anyone is that naive.
Rational

United States

#12 Jul 16, 2008
Flawless wrote:
LW1- How sad, 17yr old w/ an STD and 14yr old concerned w/ being pregnant. It's a good thing these girls at least have an aunt who is concerned enough to try to do something. Mother needs a reality check before she loses her daughters.
LW2- depends on what kind or how serious the gathering is.=D
Good morning gorgeous one!

I thought the same thing, the 17 year old was sad to hear enough but when I heard the 14 year old might be pregnant I got sick to my stomach!

“Death to humans!”

Since: Jul 08

A long way from here...

#13 Jul 16, 2008
Slickster wrote:
A new marketing high for Abby! Now, instead of advising, she shills her "book" of advice for teens for six bucks a pop!
Hope she gets enough types of letters to offer the opportunity to pimp any other publications she might have put together.
What's wrong with making an extra buck or two?
domini

Eau Claire, WI

#14 Jul 16, 2008
Rational wrote:
<quoted text>
Good morning gorgeous one!
I thought the same thing, the 17 year old was sad to hear enough but when I heard the 14 year old might be pregnant I got sick to my stomach!


I hope the tells them to go to Planned Parenthood or a doctor for an full pelvic exam. The doctor can tell them the facts of life.
Rational

United States

#15 Jul 16, 2008
domini wrote:
<quoted text>
I hope the tells them to go to Planned Parenthood or a doctor for an full pelvic exam. The doctor can tell them the facts of life.
Good morning Domini, I hope she does too.

“Nakedness reveals itself”

Since: Oct 07

Clearwater, Fl

#16 Jul 16, 2008
Rational wrote:
<quoted text>
Good morning gorgeous one!
I thought the same thing, the 17 year old was sad to hear enough but when I heard the 14 year old might be pregnant I got sick to my stomach!
Good morning you Sexxxy playboy! What's on the menu for today?
Amanda

Brooklyn, NY

#17 Jul 16, 2008
When I was in grad school, all of my classes were full of the knitting brigade - women who spent the entire class knitting. I always found it incredibly annoying.

Now I have to discourage fully educated librarians from doing the same stuff at professional development meetings. Really, people. Put it away. You'll survive the experience.
someone

United States

#18 Jul 16, 2008
I dont get parents like the mom.....

We have parents who scream and yell "don't talk about sex to our kids at school. That's OUR job" then the only information the kids get at home is "don't do it before marriage (you'll go to hell, break your mom/dad's heart/make jesus cry/etc"

My daughter is getting practical, technical nitty gritty from us. That way we dont have to rely on a school who had to bow to abstinence only pressure and she doesnt get the bulk of her sex ed from the high school boy trying to get under her bra
EEE

Tinley Park, IL

#20 Jul 16, 2008
LW1: This is SO sad. I hope the aunt steps up since their mother is cleary an ineffectual nitwit.

LW2: Yep. Rude. So is listening to your iPod / watching TV / reading at the dinner table or anywhere else where the people around you should expect your attention.
Ambi

Thiensville, WI

#21 Jul 16, 2008
Why do parents pretend like sex doesnt exist! Obivously it does, because you had to have sex to become parents.
I had to give the sex talk to my sister a couple of weeks ago, my mom died when she was young, and my dad tried bless his heart but he started it with "sometimes boys can be dumb" and it went down hill from there.
I gave my sister all the information i could, then i took her to planed parenthood and had them give her all the information they had, she came home with a file of pamplets and such.
She was so happy, no one wants to be in the dark about important things like sex, prenancy and STDS.

“Nakedness reveals itself”

Since: Oct 07

Clearwater, Fl

#22 Jul 16, 2008
Rational wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, I read somewhere that you were droppin em and getting nekid sooo..........;)
You heard right =D

But what's new eh?

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