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#1 Jan 30, 2013
everyone add a joke...
here is mine
men really do get the short end of the stick... u know why?
cause they have a d!ck and a brain but only enough blood to run 1 at a time
i used to smoke while me and my exwife were gettin it on...but the ashtray wouldnt stay on her a$$
a lady in the fitting room overhears a child telling her mother that all of the dresses "look so pretty mommy" no matter which one she is wearing...the lady says excuse me ma'am may i borrow your daughter
Funny Stuff

Kingston, Jamaica

#2 Feb 6, 2013
DUI Mix Up

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldnt walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasnt coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" the trooper asked. He admitted that he was. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.

"And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed." Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage. "May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

See more jokes at http://funny-stuff-1.blogspot.com/

“To b or Not to be...”

Since: Nov 10

Russellville, Tn

#3 Feb 6, 2013
Funny Stuff wrote:
DUI Mix Up

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldnt walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasnt coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" the trooper asked. He admitted that he was. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.

"And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed." Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage. "May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

See more jokes at http://funny-stuff-1.blogspot.com/
Hahaha!! Good 1!:)
haha

Athens, OH

#4 Feb 8, 2013
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing - you already told the b!tch twice.
Shooter McGee

United States

#5 Feb 8, 2013
What does a brick and a fat white women have in common ? They've both been laid by a Mexican .

Do you know why a kneeger holds his gun side ways when his pointing it at someone ?
Because that's the way the gun came in the box.

What did the lil black boy get for Christmas ?
My bicycle .

I think racist jokes are funny.

Since: Jan 13

Morristown, TN

#7 Feb 8, 2013
America
whaaa

United States

#8 Feb 8, 2013
nobody is keeping u here...move if u dont like it
mutt1

Morristown, TN

#9 Feb 8, 2013
What do you call a dog with no legs??? Give up??..... Well u mizwell no call him anything cause the sonsabi£ch won't come to ya no way!!

Corny I know but it's a joke!!!

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#10 Feb 8, 2013
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b!tch knows I'm smarter than her.

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#11 Feb 8, 2013
Pedro, Pepe, and Javier jump out of a 68 story building to see who will hit the pavement first. Who's the winner?

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Society

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#12 Feb 9, 2013
This guy goes into an antique store and sees these two statues he really likes. The first one is a stone cat and the other one is a tablet with a story about the cat carved into it.

The guy asks the store owner how much the statues are and the owner tells him they're $500 apiece, but he only will sell them as a set. The guy asks the store owner if he can buy the cat statue today and come back with $500 more for the tablet tomorrow. The store owner says sure and sells him the cat.

So the guy puts the cat in the back of his convertible (the top is down) and starts driving. After a few minutes, he notices there are a bunch of cats following him around. He tries to drive faster to lose them, but there are more and more cats following him.

This guy realizes the cats are all attracted to the stone cat statue, so he drives out to this cliff to see how far these cats will follow the statue. He stops at the edge of the cliff and throws the statue over the edge to its demise and as he expected, all the cats jump off the cliff after the statue to their bloody end.

The next day he goes back to the store. The store owner sees him and says "Oh, you must be back for the story."

The guy looks at him and says "actually no....how much for that statue of the mexican?"

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#13 Feb 9, 2013
A cadillac with 5 mexicans goes over a cliff, all of them lose their lives. You know what the worst part of it is?

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The cadillac seats 6.

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#14 Feb 9, 2013
This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says,“Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I’m gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop.” The bartender looks. I mean, we’re talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says,“Now wait, let me get this strait. You’re tryin’ to tell me you’ll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?” Customer looks up and says,“That’s right.”

Bartender says,“Young man, you got a bet.” The guy goes,“Okay, here we go. Here we go.” Pulls out his thing. He’s lookin’ at the glass, man. He’s thinkin’ about the glass. He’s thinkin’ about the glass. And then,*foosh*, he lets it rip. And he-he’s pisses all over the place, man. He’s pissin’ on the bar. He pissin’ on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He’s pissing everywhere *except* the forking glass!

Right? Okay. So, bartender, he’s laughing his forkin’ a$$ off. He’s $300 richer. He’s like,“Ha, ha, ha, ha!” Piss dripping off his face.“Ha, ha, ha, ha!” He says,“You forking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300.”

Guy goes,“Excuse me just one-one little second.” Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there’s a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes,“Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300.” And the bartender’s like,“What the fork are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!”

The guy says,“Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you’d be happy.

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#15 Feb 9, 2013
"I'm sorry Mr. Jones, but we mixed up your wife's test results with another patient. As a result, we're not sure if she has Alzheimer's or AIDS."

"Well, that's a big mixup. How can we figure it out?"

"Take her on a ride to the woods, and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't f*ck her."

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#16 Feb 9, 2013
A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.

"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.

"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.

"No, you've got bowel cancer."

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#17 Feb 9, 2013
So this guy is in the checkout line of a supermarket when he notices that the checkout girl is really cute. So he starts smiling at her and she's smiling back while she's scanning his groceries. He's got a 12 pack of beer, a couple frozen pizza, a 2 litre of soda, a bag of Doritos, some frozen dinners, and a Maxim Magazine. So she scans all his groceries and looks up at him and winks at him and says, "So you're single, huh?" and the man looks at his groceries and shyly replies, "Yeah, how could you tell?" to which she responds, "Because you're f**king ugly."

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#18 Feb 9, 2013
Why do they put cotton in the top of pill bottles?

To remind black people that before they sold drugs, the picked cotton.

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#19 Feb 9, 2013
What's the fist thing a woman does when she gets out of a battered wives shelter?

the dishes if she knows what's good for her.

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#20 Feb 9, 2013
whats the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

a pick pocket snatches watches...

Since: Nov 08

Morristown

#21 Feb 9, 2013
why doesn't a woman need a watch?

because there's a clock on the stove.

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