Anyone know anyone like this?
Posted in the Morristown Forum
#1 Feb 15, 2013
Have you ever given or received the silent treatment? Chances are good that most of you have.
Its not the silence that is the problem. Its the intent behind it. Theres nothing wrong with silence. But when you purposely ignore a person whom you love or are developing a relationship with, thats not good. Obviously, there is hurt involved, which turns to anger, which compels the retaliation to hurt back, known as the silent treatment.
Why does anyone find it helpful to hurt someone back who has hurt you? Yet, we do just that. Its like its second nature. You get hurt in some way. Then youre angry and desire to cause pain to the person who hurt you.
But why the silent treatment? What is accomplished in purposeful silence toward the person you are with that is better than yelling at them or talking angrily to them about why you are mad?
There are two key things here: 1) the absence of talking and 2) the distorted presence of silence.
To not talk to someone you normally talk to stops significant communication. You are no longer sharing information, and thus no longer sharing yourself. Not speaking to a person stops the presses on the relationship in a significant way.
Silence is important to every individuals life, and also important to growing in love with another. There is the silence we should seek out daily which allows us to connect with God through prayer. To avoid finding quiet time to be with God or just to be alone with your own thoughts is to condemn yourself to the need for audible distractions.
Perhaps you always have the TV on, even when you dont really watch it, or have the iPod piping music into your ears in between work and home because the alternative silence is too unbearable. We connect with ourselves and with God via silence. We refresh our spirit and keep focused on what is important as we continue daily life in this world.
There is the silence that naturally happens in a positive way in any relationship that is deepening. As love grows, the need for words lessens. Therefore silence is that wonderful companion to two lovers who no longer feel the pressure of filling dead air with the sound of words spoken. They delight in simply being in each others presence. That experience in is a symbol and imitation of the love we should experience with God.
#2 Feb 15, 2013
Because of our love for silence, we are not so addicted to noise, thus sparing the person we are dating the need to hear ourselves talk and developing the habit of being a good listener.
So silence is a friend, indeed. But only when it is natural.
It is completely unnatural, and harmful, to impose silence in a relationship at times when it is not called for. When you create a prolonged silence your intention is not only to extinguish verbal communication, but also to ignore the person.
Why is this so harmful? Probably most people who inflict the silent treatment on another do not think of it this way, but it is no less true: when you purposely ignore someone, you are indicating that you wish they did not exist.
I will say that again. When you purposely ignore another fellow human being, created in the image and likeness of God, who shares the same requirement for human dignity that you do, you are indicating outwardly and publicly that you wish that person did not exist.
No matter what anyone has done to us, no one deserves this kind of treatment. The silent treatment should be renamed the Wish You Didnt Exist treatment. Perhaps then we might rethink choosing to do it to someone.
You might think I am making too big of a deal of something that is basically just a normal, every day type of spat couples who are fighting go through. Perhaps you are right. But I think we let ourselves get away with too much cruel behavior with fellow human beings, particularly those whom we are building or have deep relationships with, and then excuse it as being normal and part of the territory.
That is not the standard Christians should hold themselves to. I dont think is fine for any decent human being, but certainly not for Christians. We have been given a high standard of love that starts with the dignity of all human beings to be respected by each other.
Theres no place for the silent treatment among mature adults. If you have a problem with someone, you need to find your own dignity. Maturely present your problem to the person you have the problem with in an appropriate manner. If your anger gets the better of you, then fine. But be quick to apologize and make things right, and have a firm purpose to not behave like that again.
How should one best handle the silent treatment? First of all, do not accept it by letting the person get away with it via leaving them alone or avoiding them while they are in this mode. Dont return silence with silence. You risk making things worse and getting yourself caught up in the silent treatment by your own resentment.
Best to be yourself. Be normal. Talk to the person as you normally would. If they do not answer you or keep ignoring you, let it go. Be honey, not vinegar. Dont address the treatment directly by asking when they are going to talk to you again. Be sweet and inviting, without being insistent that it stop.
Your hope is that you will defuse the situation and make it more inviting for that person to come out of the silent treatment cage they entered voluntarily. Remember, this person put themselves in hell. You must be heaven to them, and as inviting as possible.
Live the common sense words of Our Lord when he said,Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
#4 Feb 15, 2013
If in my life the many ladies,
That I've dated or had wed,
Had've given me "silent treatments",
Were the best words they ever said.
#5 Feb 15, 2013
If someone berates you, disrespects you,& can't seem to control themselves, leave them in your dust. Those who tear down your character & make you feel bad about yourself, leave them in your dust. Those who take their frustion with their life out on you, leave them in your dust. Your mission in life is to slowly build a better you, anyone delays,prevents,or tears at your constuction should be left behind. Walk with those who will give you brick & motar. Converse with those who speak with a hammer in their voice & wood in their heart. Time will come that the dust be forgotten but the Soul built whole.
#6 Feb 15, 2013
As much as you seem to like to talk, they probably can't get a word in. Maybe you don't know how to shut up and listen so they just quit talking. I hope this helps you out.
#7 Feb 15, 2013
I didn't even come up with this for your information. It came from a christian counselor!
#8 Feb 16, 2013
AAAHHHH hence the problem,,,a christian counselor!!!
Since: Apr 09
#9 Feb 16, 2013
Perhaps if words of hurt are to spoken then truly silence would be golden.
Since: Apr 09
#10 Feb 17, 2013
The above should have stated, "perhaps if words of hurt are to be spoken, then truly silence would be golden."
Add your comments below
|Stripper (Apr '13)||2 min||OMG||58|
|why do you read topix ?||2 hr||Doyle Sexton||8|
|Bobby Bowlin (Jun '14)||2 hr||CHEATERCHEATER||6|
|Brandy pregnant again who the daddy?||3 hr||Aaaaaaaaaa||12|
|Nicest places in Morristown to live? Hard to p...||3 hr||lovinevrym1nute||8|
|Policy Question(s) for HC Board of Education||3 hr||Reader||14|
Find what you want!
Search Morristown Forum Now
Copyright © 2016 Topix LLC