West Carrollton, Ohio
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
To: The Editor
Subject: Fireman Fred J. Peckolt published by East KY Magazine
“Fireman Fred shares my pains of fame”
Fred J. Peckolt has invaded my literary territory. I, Leon Harrison, am a, uh…The Duke of Hazard and the Buckeye Bureau Chief of East Kentucky Magazine. Well, my old Woody’s coffee-bum, uh…consultant, buddy and pal, Fireman Fred, recently had one of his fire-safety-tip letters printed in East Kentucky Magazine, by one of my better publishers and editors. Not being a jealous fellow, I do not mind and do not whine about Fireman Fred finally making the big time.
At the Moron City Awful House, uh…the Waffle House, Fred was signing his autograph upon and within the pages of this July/August 2008 issue of East Kentucky Magazine. I have been giving him some lessons and suggestions about how to write a big bold distinctive memorable signature for people and posterity, if not for publicity, prestige, profit and prosperity. I have been likewise signing copies of one of my recent letters that was published by one of my better editors at the Dayton Daily News. You can also enclose them inside those Christmas cards as thoughtful personal sincere thrifty gifts.
Unlike Fred, I do not complain or whine about not making a dime from my writing and online time [research]. Not that either of us brag until we make people avoid or run from us or gag. All of this would be a good deal, if we could at least trade our autographed copies with these people for a meal. So, henceforth and hereafter, if our fans want these autographed copies, they are at least going to have to buy us a meal, including coffee and diet pops. These magazines cost at least $2.50 apiece; our friend, Luther MaGill, gets them gratis since his late mama, Maudie, came from Jackson, KY. My fans shouldn’t complain or holler if I charge them ten dollars.
Yes, Fred has been sharing my pains of fleeting literary fame, including those of posing for pictures and of being burdened by an infamous, uh...famous name. Our coffee-bum conferees, consultants and audiences love it when we humbly hint and hesitatingly tell them all about our literary abilities, efforts, accomplishments and disappointments...for at least an hour or so, like ya know.
However, it seems to me that, before I retired [Feb. 2007], I had more friends when I was working seven days a week [at the DMAX factory] and owned those two Chevy S-10 pickup trucks...that were at least good enough for me to haul their stuff with. Since I have retired from the DMAX factory, and can no longer be fired, I have had to cut down on those waitress-served meals, car washes and haircuts. I have had to likewise ration my compassion and those charity checks that I used to enjoy signing and sending, that may soon be ending with my GM benefits and pension. For three decades or so, Fireman Fred has been sharing the pains of my fleeting fame and the glory that comes with our mutually-shared literary territory, especially when our news and views are printed by Steve Sandlin within and upon the Opinion pages of THE NEWS.
EKMBBC Leon Harrison, G.C.M.
Buckeye Bureau Chief of East Kentucky Magazine
EKM Buckeye Bureau
West Carrollton, Ohio