What should you do if your spouse nev...

What should you do if your spouse never offers any emotional support?

Posted in the Monticello Forum

First Prev
of 6
Next Last
Hurt

London, KY

#1 Mar 19, 2011
We have just reached our 10 year mark. In that time my husband has never, not even once, offered emotional support, no matter the situation, being sick to being offended by another man in front of my spouse by mean words! I have had to go through hell and high water for any kind of comfort. ie fights and/or begging. This is something that I Need, and I have made it Very clear to him, but it still does not seem to matter. When I feel that it has finally gotten through to him, it is all taken away the next time through his repeated action and behaviors. I now think that he will never change on this matter. I don't feel as if I can just pick myself up by the boot straps. Sometimes I need someone to lean on. Sometimes I need him. What should I do?
Hurt

London, KY

#2 Mar 19, 2011
Every time I have to ask for emotional support and he turn it around that it's something I did for the reason he can't give me the emotional support I need! I shouldn't have to ask if he loved me right? This should come from his heart because he does love me right?
Turn to

London, KY

#3 Mar 19, 2011
Hurt wrote:
Every time I have to ask for emotional support and he turn it around that it's something I did for the reason he can't give me the emotional support I need! I shouldn't have to ask if he loved me right? This should come from his heart because he does love me right?
Take your problems to our Heavenly Father....He's always there for you, my dear!!!
Heard That

London, KY

#4 Mar 19, 2011
Hurt wrote:
Every time I have to ask for emotional support and he turn it around that it's something I did for the reason he can't give me the emotional support I need! I shouldn't have to ask if he loved me right? This should come from his heart because he does love me right?
Honey, I think this old boy is taking you totally for granted. Would you be able to support youself if you left? AND the big question that you must ask yourself is

"Am I better off with or without him?"

That is the determining factor. If you would be better off, then by all means leave & MAYBE he will wake up. If not, stay & you know nothing is ever going to change, just more of the same. MAYBE he does need a wakeup call.
imagine

London, KY

#5 Mar 19, 2011
Why did you marry him if he is emotionally unavailable? I dated a guy for 3 years. He couldn't tell me that he loved me... but could say that he loved his ex-wife. When I had surgery I begged him to come to the hospital, to which he said, "You have a big boy, let him take you". My son was 16 and did take me. When he started turning his cheek for me to kiss him goodbye... that was GOOD BYE. Some guys are so into themselves they can't see anyone else in the picture. But I have a feeling your husband was like that when you were dating, so suck it up buttercup. It was your choice to marry him.
head

Leavenworth, IN

#6 Mar 19, 2011
Heard That wrote:
<quoted text>
Honey, I think this old boy is taking you totally for granted. Would you be able to support youself if you left? AND the big question that you must ask yourself is
"Am I better off with or without him?"
That is the determining factor. If you would be better off, then by all means leave & MAYBE he will wake up. If not, stay & you know nothing is ever going to change, just more of the same. MAYBE he does need a wakeup call.
$ that should not b the reason 4 anything...how crazy
Welllllll

Somerset, KY

#7 Mar 19, 2011
head wrote:
<quoted text> $ that should not b the reason 4 anything...how crazy
Bull S... if kids are involved money is an issue. You could not be more wrong. KIDS come first!!! You are very, very ignorant.
lessons learned

Morrisville, MO

#8 Mar 19, 2011
Men change once they marry you, I am in the same situation. I married a man that ask me every day to marry him for at least 3 mos. I finally said yes and for the first 8 to 10 yrs. we had an excellent marriage. Then things slowly began to slide downhill just when I needed him most. I got sick and he promised the doctor he would do everything in his power to help make my life as easy as possible. That lasted about as long as it took us to get home from the hospital.

He started doing completely the oppositive of what the docter told him to do and still insisted on going to every doctors appointment with me, where he plays the part of concerned husband perfectly.

I don't want his sympathy, I no longer want his company. I am sick of this man's behavior and avoid being with him as much as I can. This is not the man I married and I ask myself everyday what has happened.

I now have another illness making it impossible for me to leave. So I guess he would have to be the one doing the leaving.
Republican

Somerset, KY

#9 Mar 19, 2011
lessons learned wrote:
Men change once they marry you, I am in the same situation. I married a man that ask me every day to marry him for at least 3 mos. I finally said yes and for the first 8 to 10 yrs. we had an excellent marriage. Then things slowly began to slide downhill just when I needed him most. I got sick and he promised the doctor he would do everything in his power to help make my life as easy as possible. That lasted about as long as it took us to get home from the hospital.
He started doing completely the oppositive of what the docter told him to do and still insisted on going to every doctors appointment with me, where he plays the part of concerned husband perfectly.
I don't want his sympathy, I no longer want his company. I am sick of this man's behavior and avoid being with him as much as I can. This is not the man I married and I ask myself everyday what has happened.
I now have another illness making it impossible for me to leave. So I guess he would have to be the one doing the leaving.
If you are the one posting under this name in the Somerset forum, this post explains a lot. No wonder he treats you the way he does and no need to seek anybody else. They wouldn't want you either.
Welllllll

Somerset, KY

#11 Mar 19, 2011
lessons learned wrote:
Men change once they marry you, I am in the same situation. I married a man that ask me every day to marry him for at least 3 mos. I finally said yes and for the first 8 to 10 yrs. we had an excellent marriage. Then things slowly began to slide downhill just when I needed him most. I got sick and he promised the doctor he would do everything in his power to help make my life as easy as possible. That lasted about as long as it took us to get home from the hospital.
He started doing completely the oppositive of what the docter told him to do and still insisted on going to every doctors appointment with me, where he plays the part of concerned husband perfectly.
I don't want his sympathy, I no longer want his company. I am sick of this man's behavior and avoid being with him as much as I can. This is not the man I married and I ask myself everyday what has happened.
I now have another illness making it impossible for me to leave. So I guess he would have to be the one doing the leaving.
I understand & you have my sympathy. I have a bit of a similar situation. I was always the strong one. When he got sick with cancer. I took care of everything, even doing the research on his illness to find the best care. I took care of everything, house, finances, everything! He was so use to me being strong that when I got sick he is now resentful & angry that I cannot do everything. Spoiled brat, that is what he is & unwilling to man up. Time to cut my losses & find someone who can appreciate a hard working woman who can handle it all & when I need help he will be there.
enough

London, KY

#12 Mar 21, 2011
Hurt wrote:
Every time I have to ask for emotional support and he turn it around that it's something I did for the reason he can't give me the emotional support I need! I shouldn't have to ask if he loved me right? This should come from his heart because he does love me right?
It seems you are ansering your own question. Maybe he doesn't love you any more and it's time to get out!!!If you are to blame in his eyes he will never change anyway.
haha

Corbin, KY

#13 Mar 21, 2011
lessons learned wrote:
Men change once they marry you, I am in the same situation. I married a man that ask me every day to marry him for at least 3 mos. I finally said yes and for the first 8 to 10 yrs. we had an excellent marriage. Then things slowly began to slide downhill just when I needed him most. I got sick and he promised the doctor he would do everything in his power to help make my life as easy as possible. That lasted about as long as it took us to get home from the hospital.
He started doing completely the oppositive of what the docter told him to do and still insisted on going to every doctors appointment with me, where he plays the part of concerned husband perfectly.
I don't want his sympathy, I no longer want his company. I am sick of this man's behavior and avoid being with him as much as I can. This is not the man I married and I ask myself everyday what has happened.
I now have another illness making it impossible for me to leave. So I guess he would have to be the one doing the leaving.
I'm with u all the way!
Listener

Australia

#14 Aug 6, 2012
Your husband obviously does not have the capacity to meet your needs. Relationships are based on needs. We all have them, and rely on each other in those times of need. I was in a similar relationship where my partner could not provide me with support when I required it - but was always needing it. It eventually tired me out to the point of exhaustion. I tried discussing it with him, but unfortunately it was pointless. It was like trying to describe a rainbow to someone who was colourblind. It's a kind of narcissistic trait.
As for what you should do? I think you will find that if he is emotionally unavailable, and this will not change through a discussion. It will require a lot of work on his behalf, and probably some therapy.
I would recommend doing some soul-searching. You need to put yourself first, as you are responsible primarily for your own wellbeing, and asking yourself what are the basic things you require from your husband. If he can not provide you with your basic needs, he may not be right for you.
will they never learn

Chatsworth, GA

#15 Aug 6, 2012
Turn to wrote:
<quoted text>
Take your problems to our Heavenly Father....He's always there for you, my dear!!!
ah sh t these old men in s. ky. don't even have a clue how to treat a woman and that is a fact. I have been married to one for 10 years and there is no excuss for his stupid behavior. We have never been out to eat not one time. We went on one vacation to panama city fl. and he sat on the porch of the motel room the whole 4 days. He uses the dog as an excuss not to go anywhere. I bought him three nice outfits to wear down there and leather sandals what did he wear his shaw uniform and nasty greasy tennis shoes. He had me to bring him back a nasty bucket of kentucky fried chicken ulk. Everyone said when I got back I bet you ate a lot of sea food while you were down there didn't you. I told them no not even one time. I took his new cloths back to kohls and got me some new cloths. He is disgusting and so is his backward idiot kin. The people at the motel thought he was retarded and the man that rented the room told someone that he knew there was something wrong with him as soon as he got out of the car. His kin acts like big hollier than thou CHRISTIANS and everyone that knows them knows it is a joke. They are the biggest GOSSIP bags in the country.
I smell a big stinker

Murray, KY

#16 Aug 6, 2012
will they never learn wrote:
<quoted text> His kin acts like big hollier than thou CHRISTIANS and everyone that knows them knows it is a joke. They are the biggest GOSSIP bags in the country.
But HERE YOU ARE spreading drama that will stay on this internet web till the end of times, but your gossiping about THEM? Somethin is wrong here and I think your poor hubby has had enough of YOU, and not the other way around. THAT'S WHAT I THINK. Shewie, woman. You better git a you a grip. Sounds more like you might have a problem and not him. Now hurry up and say I MUST BE SO AND SO, or I MUST BE his family taking up for him. Way way WRONG, LOLOLOLOL.
will they never learn

Chatsworth, GA

#17 Aug 6, 2012
I smell a big stinker wrote:
<quoted text>
But HERE YOU ARE spreading drama that will stay on this internet web till the end of times, but your gossiping about THEM? Somethin is wrong here and I think your poor hubby has had enough of YOU, and not the other way around. THAT'S WHAT I THINK. Shewie, woman. You better git a you a grip. Sounds more like you might have a problem and not him. Now hurry up and say I MUST BE SO AND SO, or I MUST BE his family taking up for him. Way way WRONG, LOLOLOLOL.
Well evidently someone thinks you are a clueless nut case with a big big mouth. rolmao My boyfried thinks I'm the greatest so go figure you big fat nut case. If he has had enough of me why oh why does he not leave? I have tried to get him to leave and he won't. After all his name is not on the house or cars because he came into the marriage with nothing!! I already had my home and two cars paid for when we got married.
ezbow2013

Brownsville, TN

#19 Aug 14, 2012
Mine never did so I left. I got tired of wishing and trying and nothing ever changing.
my spouse

London, KY

#20 Aug 14, 2012
Thinks as long as they dont have to watch the kids,and make messes for someone else to clean up,its a good day in their world. But its all fixing to chome to a stop. The other spouse does absolutley nothing but work and fuss. Well im getting ready to put a end to the relationship. Ive found someone that will at least pay attention to me!!!
BigDaddy

Chaplin, KY

#21 Aug 14, 2012
will they never learn wrote:
<quoted text>Well evidently someone thinks you are a clueless nut case with a big big mouth. rolmao My boyfried thinks I'm the greatest so go figure you big fat nut case. If he has had enough of me why oh why does he not leave? I have tried to get him to leave and he won't. After all his name is not on the house or cars because he came into the marriage with nothing!! I already had my home and two cars paid for when we got married.
Boyfriend or Spouse? Or do you have one of each? Maybe that is the reason he doesn't want to have anything to do with you ...
FYI
#22 Aug 16, 2012
Hurt wrote:
We have just reached our 10 year mark. In that time my husband has never, not even once, offered emotional support, no matter the situation, being sick to being offended by another man in front of my spouse by mean words! I have had to go through hell and high water for any kind of comfort. ie fights and/or begging. This is something that I Need, and I have made it Very clear to him, but it still does not seem to matter. When I feel that it has finally gotten through to him, it is all taken away the next time through his repeated action and behaviors. I now think that he will never change on this matter. I don't feel as if I can just pick myself up by the boot straps. Sometimes I need someone to lean on. Sometimes I need him. What should I do?
Interesting. You should have recognized this issue prior to marriage; when you were dating.

That is what dating is all about. Getting to know someone; obviously you ignored this from what you've stated and married him anyway. What did you expect? That you could change him? He'd become more of what he wasn't already?

Time to move on, or accept the marriage as it is.

Nothing changes until you change.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 6
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Monticello Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
old stupid sister in-law 3 hr Just trash 5
Am confused 6 hr denny craine 7
anyone know peewee rigney (May '09) 6 hr Stus master 62
Lisa Gilmore (Jul '09) 10 hr curious one 6
My man where did he go? 11 hr curious one 7
whatever happened to David Brown? 12 hr Aye 1
News Bible study rules for public schools proposed (Feb '10) 14 hr LMS 148,314
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Monticello Mortgages