Adult Children Ignore Me

Posted in the Montgomery Forum

Comments

Showing posts 1 - 20 of21
< prev page
|
Go to last page| Jump to page:
Hurt Senior Citizen Mom

Ashland, KY

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Sep 30, 2013
 

Judged:

2

1

1

I am a 60 year old woman with two adult children that don't spend any quality time with me. I babysit for their children when needed and try to be thoughtful to both of my adult children, but they make fun of me because I have some little quirks in my behavior that they find amusing - like eating potato chips and putting two or three in my mouth at once or because I groan with my aching back (say I grunt) and other things they say I do that I can't think of right now. I really try to not do anything around them that they think is silly or tacky or stupid, but the harder I try, it seems like I do even more things that are silly, tacky or stupid. When my children are around me, they spend most of their time talking or viewing whatever it is on their phones even when we have gone out to dinner (on rare occasions). I have considered just letting them go and not be a part of their lives anymore. It will hurt to do that, but it is obvious they have no love or respect for me. I have friends that have adult children that treat them wonderfully. I messed up somewhere. I don't think this situation can be fixed - mentioning to my children how I feel when I am around them will probably just alienate them further. I feel like I am walking on egg shells, unable to be my true self when around them. I can change the chip eating habit and try not to "grunt", but I can't change everything about me. I just wondered if their are other seniors out there that gets mistreated by their adult children.
kuda

Cincinnati, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Oct 2, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

Hurt Senior Citizen Mom wrote:
I am a 60 year old woman with two adult children that don't spend any quality time with me. I babysit for their children when needed and try to be thoughtful to both of my adult children, but they make fun of me because I have some little quirks in my behavior that they find amusing - like eating potato chips and putting two or three in my mouth at once or because I groan with my aching back (say I grunt) and other things they say I do that I can't think of right now. I really try to not do anything around them that they think is silly or tacky or stupid, but the harder I try, it seems like I do even more things that are silly, tacky or stupid. When my children are around me, they spend most of their time talking or viewing whatever it is on their phones even when we have gone out to dinner (on rare occasions). I have considered just letting them go and not be a part of their lives anymore. It will hurt to do that, but it is obvious they have no love or respect for me. I have friends that have adult children that treat them wonderfully. I messed up somewhere. I don't think this situation can be fixed - mentioning to my children how I feel when I am around them will probably just alienate them further. I feel like I am walking on egg shells, unable to be my true self when around them. I can change the chip eating habit and try not to "grunt", but I can't change everything about me. I just wondered if their are other seniors out there that gets mistreated by their adult children.
Your post makes me feel sad. Your children sound so self-absorbed that they have no respect for others around them, especially you whom they take for granted. I suspect you may have spoiled them rotten, but you deserve a relationship of mutual respect.

Why not get them together, ask them to turn off their cell phones, show them your post, tell them that you love them, want them to treat you with respect and that their disrespectful behavior is extremely painful for you. Ironically, if they donít change, their own children will grow up to treat them as poorly as they treat you. Show them my response to your post too! Maybe it will help.
Hurt Senior Citizen Mom

Ashland, KY

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Oct 3, 2013
 
kuda wrote:
<quoted text>
Your post makes me feel sad. Your children sound so self-absorbed that they have no respect for others around them, especially you whom they take for granted. I suspect you may have spoiled them rotten, but you deserve a relationship of mutual respect.
Why not get them together, ask them to turn off their cell phones, show them your post, tell them that you love them, want them to treat you with respect and that their disrespectful behavior is extremely painful for you. Ironically, if they donít change, their own children will grow up to treat them as poorly as they treat you. Show them my response to your post too! Maybe it will help.
Thanks for responding to me in such an empathetic manner. You are right - I did spoil my children rotten. I guess I didn't know how to be an effective mother. One day, I just may show them what I wrote and what you said - the timing just doesn't seem right to do it today. I'll wait until the timing is right, but I can't wait much longer. I'll wait until the end of this year and no longer because I don't want to spend the new year (2014) feeling as I have in 2013 and in past years as well. Thanks again!
kuda

Cincinnati, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Oct 3, 2013
 
You must stop agreeing with them that youíre to blame by virtue of having been a bad mother. That's a shared family myth and it summarizes the problems in a nutshell. The bottom line is that they need your love as much as you need theirs, but everyoneís afraid to acknowledge that for some reason.
Living MY Life

Pittsburgh, PA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Oct 4, 2013
 
Hurt Senior Citizen Mom wrote:
<quoted text>Thanks for responding to me in such an empathetic manner. You are right - I did spoil my children rotten. I guess I didn't know how to be an effective mother. One day, I just may show them what I wrote and what you said - the timing just doesn't seem right to do it today. I'll wait until the timing is right, but I can't wait much longer. I'll wait until the end of this year and no longer because I don't want to spend the new year (2014) feeling as I have in 2013 and in past years as well. Thanks again!
Tell them you are tired of being the punchline to their jokes. Stop babysitting, become busy--make friends & when they do call or want to visit---don't be available. Let them realize what they are missing---stop playing the martyr. Tell them you are tired of laying in the road & letting them run over you. Enjoy however many years you have left, doing what YOU want, not what your kids want you to be. Good Luck!
Grandma

Ashland, KY

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Oct 7, 2013
 

Judged:

2

Unfortunately, adult children don't always realize what their parents mean to them until they are at the funeral of one of their parents.
Linda

Plymouth, MI

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Dec 18, 2013
 

Judged:

1

It makes me sad your kids are making you unhappy. I think maybe the teasing might just be a way of having fun and they probably don't realize it's hurting you, my kids do the same. Try telling them it hurts but you might try to see if you can find some humor in it too. If you enjoy the time you get babysitting I wouldn't stop doing it. Don't look at it as being used by your adult kids but a chance to spend time with your grand-kids. I also go through the same thing.

My problem is I have a daughter who seems to forget I'm alive unless she has something on her mind or needs a favor. When we're together we have a good time and she treats me lovingly but then that's it. If I don't call her I don't hear from her. I long ago stopped calling her because when I do she either doesn't answer or she's busy and will call back later which she never does. Now, I could just give her some of what she give me but what would be the point, I would probably never see her. So I'll just try to keep myself from thinking negatively and take what I can get, because maybe it's the best she can do.

Just try to stay positive and not let it upset you. I'm sure they love you very much and their just so busy they don't have time to think about how their actions are affecting you. Please don't listen to Pittsburgh, it will only make matters worse and push you further from them.
Pops

Newport, KY

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Jan 7, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

It seems to me that you didn't demand or deserve respect when they were young. I have told people in relationships that they can use me, but NOT abuse me. There is a difference. They use you for babysitting, they ABUSE you with the disrespectful remarks & ridicule.
Re-explain the the lines between them & stick by your guns.

I realize that they may get spiteful & keep the grand kids from you so you need to evaluate that risk & what possible options may follow that.
lover

Cardington, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Jan 7, 2014
 
Go get grandparents rights
Cincinnatian

Hamilton, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Jan 8, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

You could always hang around Topix forums like ol Pops and act like you know something, even if you have No idea what's going on. Or you could state a position and then flip flop on it-just like Pops. Seriously don't take Pops advice cause he'll say something different tomorrow. Alzheimer's sucks thats why We just go along with Pops, most of us feel sorry for the lonely old man who thinks a blow up doll is his wife. Just watch who you take advice from.
Katie

Hamilton, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Jan 9, 2014
 
Hurt Senior Citizen Mom wrote:
I am a 60 year old woman with two adult children that don't spend any quality time with me. I babysit for their children when needed and try to be thoughtful to both of my adult children, but they make fun of me because I have some little quirks in my behavior that they find amusing - like eating potato chips and putting two or three in my mouth at once or because I groan with my aching back (say I grunt) and other things they say I do that I can't think of right now. I really try to not do anything around them that they think is silly or tacky or stupid, but the harder I try, it seems like I do even more things that are silly, tacky or stupid. When my children are around me, they spend most of their time talking or viewing whatever it is on their phones even when we have gone out to dinner (on rare occasions). I have considered just letting them go and not be a part of their lives anymore. It will hurt to do that, but it is obvious they have no love or respect for me. I have friends that have adult children that treat them wonderfully. I messed up somewhere. I don't think this situation can be fixed - mentioning to my children how I feel when I am around them will probably just alienate them further. I feel like I am walking on egg shells, unable to be my true self when around them. I can change the chip eating habit and try not to "grunt", but I can't change everything about me. I just wondered if their are other seniors out there that gets mistreated by their adult children.
This is so sad, I will pray for you
shunned

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Jan 11, 2014
 
I did not know this is a situation with a lot of seniors. I have been trying to figure out the changes I feel when I am around my adult children and grandchildren. I feel left out of the loop. I am confused and hurt by some of their subtle jokes and comments. I need to find more activities and friends to fill the void.
shunned

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Jan 11, 2014
 
I had a a revelation tonight. I'm feeling sorry for myself! One of my sister's comment to me was, "you can't expect your children to fill your void." A friend told me the same thing. Changes in life happen and we must adjust to them or become a sad, bitter person. I want to evolve as a person and want my children to do the same. This is my reply to me.
Livin day 2dat

Cincinnati, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Mar 25, 2014
 
lover wrote:
Go get grandparents rights
I have a very similar situation with my Adult children/grandchildren. But, far more hurtful and vial. After my MAJOR heart attack was the beginning of the end, for us.(Me). They dropped over and I had just laid beck down to rest- they insisted I get up and walk to the front sidewalk. I explained I had been up working, etc. And they told me, "Well, if you won't help yourself, we aren't coming back." And didn't! They forget we kept their 1st born the first 4 yrs of his life, wouldn't answer our calls to come get him, bring diapers, food, anything & showed up 2-3 days later after partying. That was 9 yrs. Ago. Now, we are cordial @ family funerals, functions, etc, but there is no respect shown by even the grandchildren now. So, as for GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS; it would only create unrest and begin more chaos and drama= not worth it for me/us.
I've known several friends that have had the same situations with their children. Theirs seem to have smoothed over to some degree. So---- there always Hope & PRAYERS for them, no mater what. Good Luck and God Bless.
Rev

Wilmington, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Mar 26, 2014
 

Judged:

1

When the Lord closes a door, He opens a window. Be thankful your kids are healthy, enjoy reproductive success and are not sponging off you and living in your basement.
GrandPap

Portsmouth, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Mar 28, 2014
 

Judged:

1

Get em together and slap the vinegar out of em. That'll learn em.
Pops

Cincinnati, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Mar 28, 2014
 
Rev wrote:
When the Lord closes a door, He opens a window. Be thankful your kids are healthy, enjoy reproductive success and are not sponging off you and living in your basement.
I have lived that on MORE than ! ocassion. So from MY experiences, I know that you are right on this one.
Rev

Wilmington, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Mar 29, 2014
 
Pops wrote:
<quoted text> I have lived that on MORE than ! ocassion. So from MY experiences, I know that you are right on this one.
Ahhhh.... a common bond. My brother lived in my Dad's basement until he was 32.
LilyChris

Aberdare, UK

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Mar 31, 2014
 
I know exactly how you feel, my son is the same, he and his girlfriend who lived here till last Saturday she can't lift her eyes off the mobile totally ignores my existence.

I am fed up of sitting here waiting to go in my coffin, Although they lived here they stayed upstairs.

I'm 66 so sold my home to buy a pub for my youngest and myself, but as my son has defrauded me a few times also bought a house so he can't beg all my money off me.. we got the pub, then found out he had put it completely in his name.. also his older brother lives with me, my younger one said he didn't want his brother living there. There are 2 flats so he and girlfriend would be in one on their own and older son and me in other flat.. I walked out.. totally gutted so yes I know how you feel, my youngest plays tricks on me, like jumping out of a cupboard, he is 32, and he threw a jug of cold water over me while I was in the shower. he shouldn't have even come in with me being naked... just heartbroken.
Pops

Cincinnati, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Mar 31, 2014
 
LilyChris wrote:
I know exactly how you feel, my son is the same, he and his girlfriend who lived here till last Saturday she can't lift her eyes off the mobile totally ignores my existence.
I am fed up of sitting here waiting to go in my coffin, Although they lived here they stayed upstairs.
I'm 66 so sold my home to buy a pub for my youngest and myself, but as my son has defrauded me a few times also bought a house so he can't beg all my money off me.. we got the pub, then found out he had put it completely in his name.. also his older brother lives with me, my younger one said he didn't want his brother living there. There are 2 flats so he and girlfriend would be in one on their own and older son and me in other flat.. I walked out.. totally gutted so yes I know how you feel, my youngest plays tricks on me, like jumping out of a cupboard, he is 32, and he threw a jug of cold water over me while I was in the shower. he shouldn't have even come in with me being naked... just heartbroken.
I have a recently turned 24 yr old son & he also believes that the a sad number of his own generation has a very self serving attitude. Aimless & wanting personal satisfaction NOW. They seem to have NO idea as to what is best for the anyone or everyone except themselves

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Showing posts 1 - 20 of21
< prev page
|
Go to last page| Jump to page:
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Other Recent Montgomery Discussions

Search the Montgomery Forum:
Topic Updated Last By Comments
OH Who do you support for Governor in Ohio in 2010? (Oct '10) 6 min xxxrayted 28,593
jj hoover is a piece of trash 4 hr Jake from State Farm 3
OH Who do you support for Auditor in Ohio in 2010? (Oct '10) 5 hr gertrud 227
going after Eric Deters 7 hr Pops 2
The 25 Most Dangerous Cities in the U.S. Are Mo... (Nov '10) 15 hr Chet Booswahnicki 18,495
Heroin In Cinci (Jan '12) 17 hr bkcincy 61
Soap Opera : The Inside Story of Procter & Gamble 18 hr Giraffe 5
•••
•••
•••
•••

Montgomery Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Montgomery People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Montgomery News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Montgomery
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••