Texas State Legislature Declares War ...

Texas State Legislature Declares War On Feminine Hygiene Products

Posted in the Minneapolis Forum

Christingle Matthews

Kansas City, MO

#1 Jul 15, 2013
Texas State Legislature Declares War On Feminine Hygiene Products While Debating Ladyparts Regulation Bill

By now you have probably read about the Great TAMPONGHAZI!!!! at the Texas capitol building in Austin Friday. While the state senate went through their little Kabuki theater to pass a bill with stringent restrictions on abortion, everybody entering the gallery to watch the performance got searched for contraband tampons by officers of the Department of Public Safety. Yr Wonkette has been mildly hard at work sifting through all the conflicting reports of what exactly went down. Join us as we ask ourselves “What in the everloving fuck?” Will there also be <headdesking>? Probably! You’ll just have to join us after the jump!

Were you aware that women carry around items called “feminine hygiene products” to manage the flow of menstrual gunk ‘n’ whatnot from their bodies? It’s true! Ha ha, women are adorable! But in the wrong hands, those maxi pads and tubes of cotton or whatever tampons are made of could be turned into deadly missiles of disruption, we guess? So the Texas Department of Public Safety, having received information that protesters might use props to disrupt the proceedings, searched purses and backpacks of anyone wishing to enter the senate gallery to watch the debate over HB2. Here is a list of items the officers were reported to have found and confiscated:

The aforementioned tampons and maxi pads
One (1) jar of urine
Eighteen (18) jars or bags of feces
Bricks
Glitter
Paint
Magazines

Here is a list of items reported found and not confiscated:

Guns

No, really. Anything that could be thrown from the gallery was confiscated. Anything that could be shot from the gallery, as long as the gun owner had a concealed-carry permit, was A-OK! What DPS would have done about guns being used as a feminine hygiene product, we cannot say. Apparently the issue never came up.

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