7 Handy Tips for Surviving a Republic...

7 Handy Tips for Surviving a Republican Government Shutdown

Posted in the Minneapolis Forum

Smart Liberal

Salt Lake City, UT

#1 Oct 11, 2013
7 Handy Tips for Surviving a Republican Government Shutdown

1. Bourbon Highball Mix two ounces of bourbon with your choice of ginger ale, club soda or water. Add lemon peel and ice cubes. Stir while chuckling at catastrophic GOP poll numbers.
2. Screwdriver Pour one-and-a-half ounces vodka and five ounces of orange juice over ice cubes. Stir while extending middle finger at Fox News on TV until mixed to taste.

Sippy cup by Foogo
My golden rule: always use a
sippy cup that's up to the task.
3. Rusty Nail: Pour three quarters of an ounce of scotch into a glass with ice cubes. Float Drambuie on top. Optional: add tears from a Young Republicans recruiting captain.
4. Can of Beer: Push tab to open. Drink. Crush can to symbolize current Republican 2014 election prospects.

5. Whiskey Sour: Add juice of half a lemon, half a teaspoon of powdered sugar, and one-and-a-half ounces of blended whiskey into cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake and strain into a cocktail glass. Add cherry. When glass is empty, dazzle friends by popping cherry into mouth and tying stem into a knot with tongue to demonstrate what Democrats are currently doing to Republicans.

6. Virgin Margarita: Load two ounces simple syrup and one ounce each of lemon juice, orange juice and lime juice into a Super Soaker and shoot it across the room into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake as if you're John Boehner's hand holding a Camel Ultra Light. Serve.

7. Flip: Mix one cup beer [a stout like Guinness works best], two tablespoons of molasses, and one ounce Jamaican-style rum into mug or tankard. Heat loggerhead to red-hot in an open fire [a fireplace poker knocked clean of ashes will do], then thrust into drink. Keep loggerhead in place until, unlike Republicans, foaming and sputtering ceases.

Bonus Tip: Mix vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce and milk in a blender. Pour into tri-corn hat, stand outside a tea party meeting and shout, "I...drink...your...MILKS HAKE! Thrrp Thrrp Thrrrrrrrrrp!!!"

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