One morning around 5am Angelina Jolie
woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had
diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the
wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina
erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In
paralysing pain, Angelina for the next few minutes continued to push
and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she
gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly,
and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. Jolie
unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing
but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a
stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other
leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he
lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at
which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of
her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile
bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he
saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping
and splashing at a furios pace toilet in pain and when
It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident lesbian lover Jenny Shimuzu had kinky sex with Ms. Jolie,
she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, Ms. Shimuzu
gently inserted the creature's tail into Angelina's vagina to derive
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it
to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian
XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of
The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
Traces of Ms. Jolie's DNA were found on the lobster along with
pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints.
The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud
shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they
are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. Jolie's vagina
when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to
gestate and Ms. Jolie was only four days away from getting her
period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was
the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the
eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning
and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.