need advice on marrying again

Posted in the Martinsville Forum

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Ruby Taylor

Martinsville, VA

#1 Apr 30, 2013
I am in need of some advice. I see many preachers on here and hope for some help. I am a middle age lady who was married for 22 years and it was rocky to say the least. I cheated on my husband but he continued to stay by my side but years later he cheated to. To make a long story short as possible I began having an affair to when I discovered he was seeing another woman. I got advice from a preacher because I know the bible teaches against divorce except for adultery. I told the preacher that me and my husband both cheated and he said it was a race to the court house which meant whoever filed first for divorce could remarry but the other could not. Well my husband managed to file first cause of the adultery and now I am being told that I cannot remarry. We both cheated and both had affairs but he beat me to divorce and now he is free to marry and I’m not. This is what a preacher told me. How can this be true when me and my husband never even been saved. Do the bible rules mean for lost and saved cant remarry if spouse divorces first over adultery. If we both doing adultery but he filed first he gets by and can remarry while I cannot that just don’t make much sense to me and yes for the record it was cofC preacher told me this.
mopman

United States

#2 Apr 30, 2013
By the coc playbook your husband got the jump on you which means he divorced because you were committing adultery. Sorry but you must remain single or work things out with him. He filed so he is free to marry according to the coc
Ignorance

Bowling Green, KY

#3 Apr 30, 2013
I have never heard of such a thing as a "race to file for divorce"?

Please seek further counsel.
Mike Peterson

Birmingham, AL

#4 Apr 30, 2013
mopman wrote:
By the coc playbook your husband got the jump on you which means he divorced because you were committing adultery. Sorry but you must remain single or work things out with him. He filed so he is free to marry according to the coc
If the marriage is lawful to God at the time you get married, you made a vow before God and cannot remarry.

Being first to the courthouse is ridiculous.

You can get a divorce because of sexual immorality but not remarry.

By the way both have already committed adultery so both need to go to confession.
Mike Conner

United States

#5 Apr 30, 2013
mopman wrote:
By the coc playbook your husband got the jump on you which means he divorced because you were committing adultery. Sorry but you must remain single or work things out with him. He filed so he is free to marry according to the coc
Coc playbook? Wow.

They both commited adultery. They are divorced. They both forfeited their right to remarry. Matt. 19:9.

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#6 Apr 30, 2013
I'd need more information even if I agreed with Mike. I know of a certain church of Christ preacher who disagrees with you Mike. Perhaps Ruby's husband stopped his adultery but the wife didn't....this indeed grants her husband freedom to divorce and remarry. Johnny...if you are here you might should explain to Mike how the conservatives do not agree on all of this MDR stuff. Tell Mike about the meeting where you floored everybody with something you said about MDR.
Bobby

Fort Worth, TX

#7 Apr 30, 2013
This has to be a contrived story:-)
Mike Conner

United States

#8 Apr 30, 2013
JesusCreed wrote:
I'd need more information even if I agreed with Mike. I know of a certain church of Christ preacher who disagrees with you Mike. Perhaps Ruby's husband stopped his adultery but the wife didn't....this indeed grants her husband freedom to divorce and remarry. Johnny...if you are here you might should explain to Mike how the conservatives do not agree on all of this MDR stuff. Tell Mike about the meeting where you floored everybody with something you said about MDR.
Why dont you. Just say what you have to say.

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#9 Apr 30, 2013
Mike Conner wrote:
<quoted text>
Why dont you. Just say what you have to say.
Huh?
Mike Conner

United States

#10 Apr 30, 2013
JesusCreed wrote:
<quoted text>
Huh?
Did you not understand what I said?

Why do you say ask johnny this or johnny tell us that. If you want something said or if there is something you want me to know say it.
Dave P

Morehead, KY

#11 Apr 30, 2013
Bobby wrote:
This has to be a contrived story:-)
Absolutely agree. I'll let the rest of the crew slug this one out.

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#12 May 1, 2013
Mike Conner wrote:
<quoted text>
Did you not understand what I said?
Why do you say ask johnny this or johnny tell us that. If you want something said or if there is something you want me to know say it.
Got to love technology today ;-)

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#13 May 1, 2013
Dave P wrote:
<quoted text>
Absolutely agree. I'll let the rest of the crew slug this one out.
I'm out as well.
mopman

United States

#14 May 1, 2013
Oh so the unforgivable sin is divorce on improper grounds. Really now
Dave P

Morehead, KY

#15 May 1, 2013
Mike Peterson wrote:
<quoted text>
By the way both have already committed adultery so both need to go to confession.
I can't help myself. I have to say this. I am not Catholic, and I disagree with Mike on almost everything. But buddy, this statement is the truth. People worried about winning a race to the courthouse-how about cleaning up inside the vessel first? Some good old fashioned confession is needed for the two people in this story.
Dave P

Morehead, KY

#16 May 1, 2013
JesusCreed wrote:
I'd need more information even if I agreed with Mike. I know of a certain church of Christ preacher who disagrees with you Mike. Perhaps Ruby's husband stopped his adultery but the wife didn't....this indeed grants her husband freedom to divorce and remarry. Johnny...if you are here you might should explain to Mike how the conservatives do not agree on all of this MDR stuff. Tell Mike about the meeting where you floored everybody with something you said about MDR.
You got my interest with this statement. Did Johnny rock the boat somewhere?

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#17 May 1, 2013
Dave P wrote:
<quoted text>
You got my interest with this statement. Did Johnny rock the boat somewhere?
Yes, Johnny rocked the boat [he always is rocking boats lol] at a “men’s meeting” out of State. I will say this about Johnny: he has confronted the church of Christ on issues as he does those in other denominations.

My point: the conservative coc do not agree doctrinally on MDR as they claim. If so, there would be no need to confront other “brethren”.

The circumstances above from Ruby would be treated differently by the coc. If her husband were still committing adultery at the time of their divorce, he is no better, and cannot remarry, according to some coc. If he stopped his adultery before divorcing Ruby and had no choice but divorce because of Ruby continuing her adultery, then he is free to remarry, according to some coc.

If both continued their adultery and Ruby’s husband died after their divorce, some coc will say she is free to remarry and other say she is not.

There are also conservative coc who believe this only applies to those in the church- the saved. In other words, if one is divorced on grounds other than adultery PRIOR to becoming a Christian, such persons are free to remarry. Some coc say yes– some say no.

There are other scenarios on MDR treated differently as well. It varies within the conservative coc.

I have heard people ridicule Johnny for being fired from the Collinsville coc. To my knowledge, it was over this very issue. People there were “living in adultery.” The Elders there seen MDR differently than Johnny which resulted in Johnny being let go.
Ruby

Martinsville, VA

#18 May 1, 2013
No no no. why does it matter if my husband stopped cheating. He still cheated then stopped then filed on me. This all makes absolutely no sense to me. You people say god forgives then if I remarry god takes away from me salvation. What in heavens name is this about. Show me support for this crazy talk. Where in my bible is there somebody told they cant remarry and not be forgiven. Are you saying that when I got baptized in jesus name that I wasn’t forgiven of my sin of adulterer. God holds that against me? Come on now this is just plain stupid. If he forgave me then how come I am not able to remarry.

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#19 May 1, 2013
It goes like this: if you repent from a sin, you turn away from that sin and "sin no more"

If your husband divorced you because you were committing adultery, then you become saved, you cant continue in that sin. It basically means you have to remain single- oops I mean divorced or return to your husband, according to the coc.
Dave P

Morehead, KY

#20 May 1, 2013
JesusCreed wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, Johnny rocked the boat [he always is rocking boats lol] at a “men’s meeting” out of State. I will say this about Johnny: he has confronted the church of Christ on issues as he does those in other denominations.
My point: the conservative coc do not agree doctrinally on MDR as they claim. If so, there would be no need to confront other “brethren”.
The circumstances above from Ruby would be treated differently by the coc. If her husband were still committing adultery at the time of their divorce, he is no better, and cannot remarry, according to some coc. If he stopped his adultery before divorcing Ruby and had no choice but divorce because of Ruby continuing her adultery, then he is free to remarry, according to some coc.
If both continued their adultery and Ruby’s husband died after their divorce, some coc will say she is free to remarry and other say she is not.
There are also conservative coc who believe this only applies to those in the church- the saved. In other words, if one is divorced on grounds other than adultery PRIOR to becoming a Christian, such persons are free to remarry. Some coc say yes– some say no.
There are other scenarios on MDR treated differently as well. It varies within the conservative coc.
I have heard people ridicule Johnny for being fired from the Collinsville coc. To my knowledge, it was over this very issue. People there were “living in adultery.” The Elders there seen MDR differently than Johnny which resulted in Johnny being let go.
Very enlightening. I know you're right about the coc differing from congregation to congregation on the issue. Depends on who you are dealing with. Personally, I stand in the group that believes that you can't "fix" your past. Only God cleans that up. When a person becomes a Christian, past sins are forgiven and forgotten by God. I believe persons who had been divorced prior to becoming Christians are forgiven; and are able to marry again, only in the Lord. Going back and "fixing" a prior marriage may not be possible, and we should not attempt to bind someone to a life of celibacy by force, not choice. That very well could be a stumbling block.

I also believe that people who had divorced and remarried before becoming Christians are acceptable to God as well, without having to leave the current partner.

The first congregation I attended split over this very issue. This was over 10 years ago, and it is just now recovering from it. The county sheriff was also called in over the problems. Black eye for Jesus.

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