stupid baby mamas
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sosick

United States

#1 Oct 28, 2011
Why is it when a couple split up, n also have children together, the "mamas" go outta there way hating on the others new relationship....constantly complaining about there ex's new love, clearly pure jealousy! The children should b the only concern, not wats going on in there baby daddy's life! Wish thes pycho drama queens would grow up n be the mothers they should b!
diy

Scottsville, VA

#2 Oct 28, 2011
I personally know of a "baby mama: who has a right to be upset with the new lady in her ex's life. You're exactly right, she should only be concerned about her child, and not the ex. However, the ex in this situation is now dating a very questionable girl who is clearly nasty, on drugs, and doesn't take care of her own child. It's normal and human for a mother to be concerned about the new woman because her child is now going to be around that new woman and that woman will be influencing the upbringing of the child! You wouldn't be a good mom if you didn't concern yourself with who your ex was dating..and that goes for both moms and dads. A dad should be just as concerned for his child if the mom is dating a man with a bad record or who does questionable things. I don't think it's right to try to smear someone just because they are taking your place but it is perfectly okay to want to know as much as you can about a person who is going to be spending quite a bit of time with your kid.
Ridiculous

Mount Juliet, TN

#3 Oct 28, 2011
As a mother, it is my right to be concerned about who influences my child! Any decent female would understand that...my child is my business. I'm sorry you feel that way "sosick," but maybe you should take that into consideration when choosing to engage in a relationship with a man who has a child. You need to understand that a good mother is concerned about her child's well-being. So, get off of Topix and work on your grammar/spelling!!! Stop bashing mothers that care!
whatever

Mount Juliet, TN

#4 Oct 28, 2011
"so sick," you are ridiculous. Every good mother has every right to stick her nose in her ex's business and if you are the new fling, then that's just something you have to deal with and if you don't wanna deal, don't date men with kids. Don't act like you're five and start a topix about this crap-if you act Luke this, then you have no business dealing with kids and I certainly wouldn't allow you around mine. Also, if you can't spell and don't have any better grammar than that, then you don't need to deal with your new mans kids either.
caesar

Wirtz, VA

#5 Oct 29, 2011
The REAL people hurting here are the KIDS.
Anyone in a serious reationship should live together for a year to make sure the couple is copatable. They should be married before they think about having childern, and they should be at least 21 years old and have a good job so they can raise a child in a good home.
The solution to this problem is kids stop having kids!
CottonEye

Burlington, VT

#6 Oct 29, 2011
Amen, I agree Caesar. I also agree that any man that has a child has a responsibility for life, not only to that child, but to the mother of that child. (Same for the moms)He owes them both the respect to choose only the best women to be with. He must choose someone that is respectable, decent, and caring, and an upstanding person. He must not parade an endless source of women around his child, therefore hurting his child in the long run. I feel the same toward women and their new boyfriends as well. You had a child together, you are hopefully raising that child together. You owe each other respect, and owe that child enough respect to not hurt them. Furthermore, any woman or man dating someone with a child needs to be mature enough that if the time comes to meet the child, and be a part of the childs life- to meet the other parent, talk to them and be as friendly as possible. After all, you are influencing these two people child, you are a part of their lives now, and anyone coming into the mix owes the child that much respect. If you can not be mature and do these things do not have kids, dont date people with kids.
offbeat

Charlottesville, VA

#7 Oct 29, 2011
A parent does have the right to know who their children are being exposed to and should certainly be cautious about any new person in the chidren's lives. Unfortunately, people can be very petty and immauture in these situations. The new person could be absolutely perfect and the ex will find fault with them because they are either too angry or too jealous to take the high road. Ex's do not have the right to interfer in the other person's life by threating to keep the kids etc., if the ex doesn't comply with certain dictates. I agree with Cotton Eye, both parents need to be mature about the situation. Be respectful of the other, put past issues aside, and put the children's needs first.
IDK

Charlottesville, VA

#8 Oct 29, 2011
I agree, most of the time the EX just likes drama. She has to make up sh** to tell. Trying to make herself look good. ha! When people figure out every other word out of her mouth is a lie, there won't be any way to save face then!
fed up momma

Chase City, VA

#9 Oct 29, 2011
Ok...since this seems to be such a controversial issue, let's see what you have to say about this. I am the step-mom in this situation, but I am called Mommy, and in my eyes and his, he is my son. The biological mother, or egg donor as I affectionately call her has nothing to do with this kid unless it will benefit her. She has other kids too, and she hasnt grown up not one little bit and the kids are the ones suffering. I am the one who has helped his father provide a consistant loving structured home for this child. I read him bedtime stories, we make cookies together, I kiss his boo boos and I'm who he runs to when he is sick or scared. We have been to court dozens of times for various reasons and she keeps getting chance after chance which has unfortunately reulted in more stresss and trauma for this child. There was once after court that we didn't hear from her for over a month to check on him or try to see him. I was the one who had to answer questions and deal with tears when he asked why she wasnt coming or calling. There is so much more to this story than I am allowed space...but not all step moms or "new women" in a kids life are bad....some of us are "real moms" who actually give a shit and try to do right by our kids. I mean heck I have even reached out to this worthless human and tried to encourage her to be a part of his life. I in no way shape or form have tried to be a replacement I have only tried to be what he needed.
offbeat

Charlottesville, VA

#10 Oct 29, 2011
Fed up...I really admire your devotion to this child. I am also a step-Mother and my husband is step-dad to my kids. He is the only father they have ever known because their sperm-donor disappeared when they were two and five. I've never seen a dime in child support or heard a word from him. Never a birthday card or a Christmas present. Some people simply don't deserve to be parents, luckily there are people like you who care enough to be REAL parents even without the blood connection.
fed up momma

Chase City, VA

#11 Oct 29, 2011
offbeat wrote:
Fed up...I really admire your devotion to this child. I am also a step-Mother and my husband is step-dad to my kids. He is the only father they have ever known because their sperm-donor disappeared when they were two and five. I've never seen a dime in child support or heard a word from him. Never a birthday card or a Christmas present. Some people simply don't deserve to be parents, luckily there are people like you who care enough to be REAL parents even without the blood connection.
Thank you! My husband is also step-dad to my kids :). I appreciate your compliments! There are alot of people out there who don't deserve to be parents. The egg donor in my story has had other kids and I worry for them. My son worries that they are not being looked after and those youngins really don't have anybody else because nobody knows who their sperm donor is. We have tried to help look after them too but its hard enough worryin about the ones we have. I wish some people in the "system" would wake up and do somethin. But, as I mentioned before, she has been given chance after chance...I often wonder what its going to take.
CottonEye

Burlington, VT

#12 Oct 30, 2011
Fed up- it is so great that your kids, and your step kids have someone that is so devoted. It is so sad when the natural parent is the one who drops the ball. If all adults showed the respect and class that you do when it comes to your spouses children, we wouldnt be having this discussion. Sometimes there is no clear cut solution to these problems, the only one I or anyone can really think of is to be true adults, think of the children first and anyone who does not put the kids first, should not be around them. I feel sorry for those parents and step parents who miss out of the blessings that children can bring those who love them.
offbeat

Charlottesville, VA

#13 Oct 30, 2011
I have a good relationship with my step-son's mom and her new hubby.We think it's important for both sides to get along for the good of the child. I'm so glad I'm not in your shoes Fed up! All the best.
a mom

Bristol, VA

#14 Oct 30, 2011
fed up momma wrote:
Ok...since this seems to be such a controversial issue, let's see what you have to say about this. I am the step-mom in this situation, but I am called Mommy, and in my eyes and his, he is my son. The biological mother, or egg donor as I affectionately call her has nothing to do with this kid unless it will benefit her. She has other kids too, and she hasnt grown up not one little bit and the kids are the ones suffering. I am the one who has helped his father provide a consistant loving structured home for this child. I read him bedtime stories, we make cookies together, I kiss his boo boos and I'm who he runs to when he is sick or scared. We have been to court dozens of times for various reasons and she keeps getting chance after chance which has unfortunately reulted in more stresss and trauma for this child. There was once after court that we didn't hear from her for over a month to check on him or try to see him. I was the one who had to answer questions and deal with tears when he asked why she wasnt coming or calling. There is so much more to this story than I am allowed space...but not all step moms or "new women" in a kids life are bad....some of us are "real moms" who actually give a shit and try to do right by our kids. I mean heck I have even reached out to this worthless human and tried to encourage her to be a part of his life. I in no way shape or form have tried to be a replacement I have only tried to be what he needed.
i just want to say "thank you" from all the ex's of the world. you are who we wish to care for our children when we cannot be there. i am the mother, and would have LOVED my ex to have someone like you in his life. maybe he wouldnt be the absent, drug abusing "sperm doner" he is. i too had to wipe tears, make up excuses, and listen to the bull, and i commend you for taking up this womans slack. more women who choose to take on the step mom role need to read the above and take some notes. great job fed up
fed up momma

Chase City, VA

#15 Oct 30, 2011
Thanks to all of you for your positive feedback :). My husband and I have tried numerous times to try to have a good relationship with the "donors" in our situation, but obviously it doesn't always work. When I first talked to his son's mother, I told her that I wanted him to be one of the few "lucky" kids that could see BOTH of his "moms" getting along and maybe even sitting together in the stands watching him play ball and graduate...I don't think its gonna happen. Things went relly well for a little while and you see where we are now. Honestly though, I don't mind because like CottonEye stated above I am truly BLESSED because I have the love of this child. I know that when he grows up and has children of his own that he will look back and remember how hard I tried and know how much I truly love him. I do wish that I could help him understand that her choices are in no way his fault and that he did nothing to deserve the way she treats him. He didn't choose his parents or ask to be brought into this world. He has said a thousand times, "I wish I had just come out of your belly Mommy." In all honesty I wish that were true too, but its okay because if anyone asks, he IS MY son and he tells the world that I am HIS MOMMY. That is all there needs to be...what we feel in our hearts is all that matters. I am grateful for the chance to tell my side of the story...that doesn't happen very often. Most people just assume that I am the "evil step-mother" or that I only pretend to be so interested to hurt HER....and that is the farthest thing from the truth.
Blko500

Brooklyn, NY

#16 Feb 17, 2012
Ridiculous wrote:
As a mother, it is my right to be concerned about who influences my child! Any decent female would understand that...my child is my business. I'm sorry you feel that way "sosick," but maybe you should take that into consideration when choosing to engage in a relationship with a man who has a child. You need to understand that a good mother is concerned about her child's well-being. So, get off of Topix and work on your grammar/spelling!!! Stop bashing mothers that care!
I think the op is referring to the mothers that are more concerned about their baby daddy's relationships and being jealous than the well-being of their own kids.
actually

Charlottesville, VA

#17 Feb 17, 2012
Blko500 wrote:
<quoted text>
I think the op is referring to the mothers that are more concerned about their baby daddy's relationships and being jealous than the well-being of their own kids.
This is true for a lot of women. But, it goes both ways if there's going to be another woman or man in a child's life the other parent has a right to meet this person and make sure he or she has good intentions with said child.
posers1245

Hermitage, TN

#18 Feb 17, 2012
What I find really repulsive, is when the new girlfriend wants to judge the childs mother and slander her, even though she has no idea what's even going on, and its frankly none of her damn business. I also find it funny they just automatically believe everything the "baby daddy" says, even if his past is questionable.
Blko500

Brooklyn, NY

#19 Feb 18, 2012
actually wrote:
<quoted text>
This is true for a lot of women. But, it goes both ways if there's going to be another woman or man in a child's life the other parent has a right to meet this person and make sure he or she has good intentions with said child.
I get what you're saying, don't get me wrong. But what I mean is if the mother neglects the children because she's so needy and more concerned and desperate for a relationship with the baby daddy or just any man because she's just so needy or wants somebody to sleep with and doesn't give a darn about her kids' needs, then I would wonder does she really care about her kids or not? Again, not saying you're wrong. You're absolutely right, but I hope you can see what I'm saying.
CottonEye

Burlington, VT

#20 Feb 18, 2012
Unfortunatly we all know people who fit the "stupid parents" description. Some are single, and dating again and some are still married. I know more than one person- male and female- that are so selfish with themselves and their wants, that the kids get left out. They like saying they are parents but when it all comes down to it, the kids are just an accessory. What these people are doing to their chilrens lives, and emotions doesnt matter because then it wouldnt be all about them. Its so sad. There are so many good parents, and people that would love to have children to love. No parent is perfect, we are all human and we all have selfish ways,but only to a point. I also get tired of hearing "oh I didnt have a good childhood". I dont care, yes childhood things affect you, but once you have kids, its not about you, or your story. You are now responsible for creating the "story" for your child. It disgusts me. As for the main point of the topic, its just sad that someone would be that crazy of an ex. Why make yourself look stupid and jealous, not counting desperate, for someone that does not want you? Just let them go. Try to be civil and be friendly with each other. Have respect for yourself, your child, and your childs other parent. If you are acting that way, I dont care how old you are, you need to grow up.

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