To the girl who crapped in my car, can we just start over?

Posted in the Marion Forum

Dan the Man

Mars Hill, NC

#1 Mar 17, 2014
We met here on Topix so I am hoping that this post finds you.

I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at Bar-b-que hut, sharing those hot wings while eating hot dogs and drinking sweet tea. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

Listen, at some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad.
The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling".

I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call.

P.S.- If you did it on purpose to end the evening early...Touché...
Thank you

Marion, NC

#2 Mar 17, 2014
Dan the Man wrote:
We met here on Topix so I am hoping that this post finds you.
I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought we had chemistry sitting at Bar-b-que hut, sharing those hot wings while eating hot dogs and drinking sweet tea. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.
Listen, at some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad.
The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.
I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling".
I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...
I guess what I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call.
P.S.- If you did it on purpose to end the evening early...Touché...
Thank for this post. I just laughed so hard( not to shart though) my stomach hurts. Been a crappy day and man did I need this laugh! Thank you! Please post more if you can. Better than any crap(not to bring up bad memories) on t.v.
know4sure

Banner Elk, NC

#3 Mar 19, 2014
hahaha, too funny! I needed a good laugh to start my day!
Toodles

Burnsville, NC

#4 Mar 19, 2014
WOW! This is SO FUNNY! Are you for real though like did this seriously happen???:) either way it was GREAT!
So Funny

Marion, NC

#5 Mar 19, 2014
That's so funny!!! I want to read more of your life stories bahaha :)
Patty Pie

Marion, NC

#6 Mar 19, 2014
If we go out again please put a roll of charmin in your car.
Dan the Man

Marion, NC

#7 Mar 20, 2014
Thanks, guys. I just can't seem to win when it comes to relationships. I'm sure you all read my letter to my ex on here about a year ago, right? It didn't work out for us and now here I am , cast back into the dating pool. I sure miss her.
Troy Tess

United States

#8 Mar 20, 2014
Mean you didn`t plead with her to sit on your face , give her a rimming , collect and sniff her panties
You are awesome

Marion, NC

#9 Mar 21, 2014
Dan the Man wrote:
Thanks, guys. I just can't seem to win when it comes to relationships. I'm sure you all read my letter to my ex on here about a year ago, right? It didn't work out for us and now here I am , cast back into the dating pool. I sure miss her.
I loved your post it was so funny! Made my day! Please post more stories if you can or want to. Sorry about your ex. You've got a kickass sense of humor.
T Burred

Christiana, TN

#10 Mar 21, 2014
Hey Bro, I think I was there that night. Right beside you. Fer Real! You were in a midnight black Cadillac Escalade with the Stealth/Gold trim package. Right? I Know I'm Right! Yeah baby!
See, I'm sittin' there, mindin' own bees wax, chowin' down on some Knarly Chili-cheese fries (extra napkins pleeeeze!) when a rumblin' like Satan's own Thunder pierced my eardrums soo bad it even cut through the AC/DC Highway To Hall guitar solo I was totally jammin' to in my own Rad 82 T-Bird with 351 Cleeveland V-8 and magic massaging fingers custom installed in the faux leather heated bucket seats!
Anyways, this rumble was of such magitude, I thought, Hey Dude! This is a real Earthquake! Like OMG! Gonna Die! Here and Now!
But I look over and see a face pressed up on the window of the car next to me and it's this Babe! She's Vibrating! Oh My God! The whole Car is shakin' Then I look to the driver (you, I presume) and your hair is all flyin' back from the force of the blast and your eyes are all crossed and like WOW!
I know what's goin on, and I just wait fer yew to come unglued. But No!
What a gentleman you are, sir! You merely force a smile, smooth your hair back down and offer the lady an economy Mega-Roll of extra-absorbent paper towels your just happen to have on hand!
What a Gesture! I was indeed touched, Sir! I salute You! I would've run like the hounds of hellfire was after me! You must, indeed be in love.

Dear Abby would advise that you are what you are and you ain't what you ain't, and I concur!
Ah, yes. True love does indeed overcome many obstacles. Even irritable bowel syndrome and explosive, rotten incontinence! I like your chances son , but please, if you see me at the Bar-B-Que hut again, park a few spaces down.
Good luck, you silly Love Birds!
Dan the Man

Marion, NC

#11 Mar 26, 2014
Here's the post I made about my wife. I hope you enjooy.

http://www.topix.com/forum/city/marion-nc/TQN...
Bravo

Marion, NC

#12 Mar 27, 2014
Dan the Man wrote:
Here's the post I made about my wife. I hope you enjooy.
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/marion-nc/TQN...
love your posts keep us updated! We need more !

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Marion Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
I'm going to jail! 5 hr smarterwoman 6
trust again ?? 8 hr really 4
McDowell High Lockdown? 9 hr Emergency Worker 5
Girls in Marion with the prettiest eyes. (Mar '12) 13 hr abm6210 74
Ghetto Word Of The Day 13 hr Cliven 1
African Dip Carnival Game memories 14 hr Robert 4
Barack Ebola 16 hr Robert 1
Marion Dating
Find my Match

Marion Jobs

Marion People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Marion News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Marion

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]