Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church
Posted in the Macclenny Forum
#1 Nov 26, 2013
Welcome to Super Fun, Warm and Friendly, Good Time Baptist Church!
Don't forget! Our Thanksgiving Service and Lord's Supper Observance will be tomorrow (Tuesday, November 26), at 6:30 PM in the Super Mega Warm and Friendly Auditorium. Join us as we count your blessings and your offerings (Don't forget them offerings) and enjoy worship and fellowship together. Dinner will be available for purchase from 4:00 - 6:00 PM in the Super Mega Good Time Dining Room. Those of you prone to gluttony will have to pay a little more (you know who you are).
*** And before I GET ANY SMACK TALK FROM YOU BLOGGERS, let me state that I do not care about your opinions! If we (the clergy) decide that we want to make a few extra thousand dollars a year selling you stuff, that is our business, not yours. We have no convictions against turning the "house of god" into a house of merchandise, and making merchandise of you simple laymen.
Thank you to everyone who brought in a shoe box for Observation Christmas Children! Over 40 non paid simple minded laymen volunteers helped package more than 3000 shoe boxes last week, while those of us that actually get paid to do the work of the ministry got all the credit for it the regional Association meeting.
I would like to thank you for being willing to serve the Lord for free, and not for a salary. There is nothing like free slave labor to build my religious empire, and if everybody expected to be paid like I do, there wouldn't be enough money for me to make those huge bonuses every year, and to pay my family for their "guest speaking" gigs.
Those boxes will be on their way to needy children just as soon as my grandkids go through them and pick out what they want.
I would like to thank each of you who gave to my wife and I for Hireling Appreciation Day.
On top of the 300,000 a year salary, and housing allowances, car allowances, insurance, and you paying my taxes at the end of the year, it is nice to know that you are willing to treat your poor, lowly, reverend, doctor,bishop, brother, and his first lady to a nice bonus offering.
I am going to have to ask that you please take up another offering, because Christmas is coming, and my daughter and son-in-law are needing a new washing machine and dryer. Just remember people, it is more blessed to give that it is to receive (unless you are a pastor, then it is good to be receiving).
Amen amen amen,
reverend, doctor,bishop, brother F. Luker;
chief elder most high reverend dictator of Super Fun Warm and Friendly Good Time Baptist Church
#2 Dec 1, 2013
That's funny right there! Sounds like a letter from a real pastor! LOL!!!
#3 Dec 2, 2013
Check out these funny church satire newsletters here:
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