How to combat nematodes naturally

Nov 4, 2008 | Posted by: roboblogger | Full story: The Wilson County News

Calvin Finch, PhD November 4, 2008 Q. I understand it is wildflower planting time.

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Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#1 Dec 29, 2008
Dr. Finch I tried what you advised last year and almost burned my house down... Using a propane torch is not the way to do it! Fire may be natural -but- the fire marshall gets somewhat upset. I was darn near arrested for arson.
Jackie

AOL

#2 Dec 29, 2008
ddd2633 wrote:
Dr. Finch I tried what you advised last year and almost burned my house down... Using a propane torch is not the way to do it! Fire may be natural -but- the fire marshall gets somewhat upset. I was darn near arrested for arson.
A typical LaCoste resident - about as sharp as a box of marbles.

Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#3 Dec 29, 2008
Jackie wrote:
<quoted text>
A typical LaCoste resident - about as sharp as a box of marbles.
If I am understanding you correctly, you just stated that all LaCoste residents including me are idiots. We not be as wealthy as you city folks i.e. driving BMWs & Hondos, living in castles, etc. BUT we do have our pride. I placed my trust in Dr. Finch's recommendation and if he said to try it again, I WOULD.
Jackie

AOL

#4 Dec 30, 2008
ddd2633 wrote:
<quoted text>
If I am understanding you correctly, you just stated that all LaCoste residents including me are idiots. We not be as wealthy as you city folks i.e. driving BMWs & Hondos, living in castles, etc. BUT we do have our pride. I placed my trust in Dr. Finch's recommendation and if he said to try it again, I WOULD.
HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks, Goofy! You've proveed my point.

Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#5 Dec 30, 2008
Jackie wrote:
<quoted text>
HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks, Goofy! You've proveed my point.
HA HA - At least my last name isn't AOL! I've got a serious question for Dr. Finch.

Dr. Finch:

Greetings!

I've got a rat problem in my house. The suckers have taken over. I tried using traps baited with cheese -but- it proved to be too dangerous. Wife nearly lost her fingers trying to remove the cheese for a midnight snack. Had a few beverages the other day and decided to kill them with my trusty shotgun. Got a couple -but- the house was damaged -plus- my wife got hit with a few pellets in her rear. I pulled the pellets out with a pair of needle nose pliers and poured half a bottle of Shiner beer on the wound. Waste of good beer! So, we sleep in the car... Not a problem on a warmer night -but- when the temperature drops, I burn nearly a tank of gasoline trying to keep the car warm. We both have headaches in the morning. That's probably due to my wife's snoring problem. That woman could wake the dead! But getting back to real problem, I need help with our rat problem.

Thank You!

Barney
Dr Finch

AOL

#6 Dec 30, 2008
My dear friend:
I hate to tell you this, but you have more than rat problems. Unfortunately, I cannot help you with your stupidity as I am not versed in caring for brain-challenged people such as yourself. However, I may be able to help you solve your nematode problem, your rat problem, and your snoring wife problem. Please follow directions carefully:
1. Go to HEB and buy the biggest box of bug bomb/fumigators you can find.
2. Go home and close all windows and doors and seal all cracks.
3. Turn on your stove, oven, heaters, and ceiling fans.
4. Make sure your wife is in the house along with all rats and nematodes.
5. Put a bug bomb in each room and turn them on.
6. Light a cigarette and RUN LIKE HELL!

Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#7 Dec 30, 2008
Dr Finch wrote:
My dear friend:
I hate to tell you this, but you have more than rat problems. Unfortunately, I cannot help you with your stupidity as I am not versed in caring for brain-challenged people such as yourself. However, I may be able to help you solve your nematode problem, your rat problem, and your snoring wife problem. Please follow directions carefully:
1. Go to HEB and buy the biggest box of bug bomb/fumigators you can find.
2. Go home and close all windows and doors and seal all cracks.
3. Turn on your stove, oven, heaters, and ceiling fans.
4. Make sure your wife is in the house along with all rats and nematodes.
5. Put a bug bomb in each room and turn them on.
6. Light a cigarette and RUN LIKE HELL!
It may be a few days before I can proceed to step 2... It's a long story -but- I'll try to get to the point as quickly as possible. As directed, I went to HEB... I was reading the instructions when a portly lady driving one of the HEB go carts ran into me. I called her an ignorant jack ass. Like I said, she was a very large woman. She stood up. Towering over me like King Kong; she picked up a very large hog head from her basket and started beating me. I really couldn't hit her back because she had sometype of handicap... Wonder what it was? After what seemed an eternity, she put the hog head back into the basket and drove away. Got up, regained my composure and stumbled out of the store. Not feeling too good right now... Will continue later. I have some questions, that I need answered before I proceed with step 2. Barney
Dr Finch

AOL

#8 Dec 31, 2008
ddd2633 wrote:
<quoted text>
It may be a few days before I can proceed to step 2... It's a long story -but- I'll try to get to the point as quickly as possible. As directed, I went to HEB... I was reading the instructions when a portly lady driving one of the HEB go carts ran into me. I called her an ignorant jack ass. Like I said, she was a very large woman. She stood up. Towering over me like King Kong; she picked up a very large hog head from her basket and started beating me. I really couldn't hit her back because she had sometype of handicap... Wonder what it was? After what seemed an eternity, she put the hog head back into the basket and drove away. Got up, regained my composure and stumbled out of the store. Not feeling too good right now... Will continue later. I have some questions, that I need answered before I proceed with step 2. Barney
My dear friend:

Please accept my sincere apologies for sending you to the Lytle HEB. I should have known better as that store is headquarters for every morbidly obese person in Atascosa and Medina counties! I, too, have faced life-threatening situations at the hands of those big porkers. I have been trampled, stepped on, crushed, and run over by them and their motorized carts. They will kill you for a donut! You say your attacker had "some kind of handicap" which I have determined to be "Mad Hog Disease."

When you have sufficiently recovered from the injuries inflicted by the frozen hog head, don't go back to Lytle HEB. You may want to try True Value or Ace Hardware. In the meantime, take two asprins and call me in the morning.

Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#9 Dec 31, 2008
Jackie wrote:
<quoted text>
HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks, Goofy! You've proveed my point.
Even though you called me "Goofy"; here's wishing you a "great" and "happy" New Year... 2009 is gonna be fine...

Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#10 Dec 31, 2008
Dr Finch wrote:
<quoted text>
My dear friend:
Please accept my sincere apologies for sending you to the Lytle HEB. I should have known better as that store is headquarters for every morbidly obese person in Atascosa and Medina counties! I, too, have faced life-threatening situations at the hands of those big porkers. I have been trampled, stepped on, crushed, and run over by them and their motorized carts. They will kill you for a donut! You say your attacker had "some kind of handicap" which I have determined to be "Mad Hog Disease."
When you have sufficiently recovered from the injuries inflicted by the frozen hog head, don't go back to Lytle HEB. You may want to try True Value or Ace Hardware. In the meantime, take two asprins and call me in the morning.
Dr. Finch:

Sure wished you would have warned me about HEB. Man those people driving those "go carts" are sure mean... Hope I don't meet up with "Ms. King Kong" again. For a handicap person, that woman was strong. Of course she was very large.(Hope she doesn't read this.) Forgot to tell you that I almost got run over by another large person running to her vehicle in the handicap parking area.

Well, here's wishing you a very happy New Year! Will get back on the rat problem next year. Not too bad sleeping in the car. Locked the wife out of the car last night. She snores like a bear during mating season.

Later,

Barney

Jackie

AOL

#11 Dec 31, 2008
ddd2633 wrote:
<quoted text>
Even though you called me "Goofy"; here's wishing you a "great" and "happy" New Year... 2009 is gonna be fine...
Dear Barney:

Wishing you & yours a VERY GOOD New Year. I hope '09 is 1,000% better for ALL of us! Have a great year and never lose your wonderful sense of humor.
Dr Finch

AOL

#12 Dec 31, 2008
ddd2633 wrote:
<quoted text>
Dr. Finch:
Sure wished you would have warned me about HEB. Man those people driving those "go carts" are sure mean... Hope I don't meet up with "Ms. King Kong" again. For a handicap person, that woman was strong. Of course she was very large.(Hope she doesn't read this.) Forgot to tell you that I almost got run over by another large person running to her vehicle in the handicap parking area.
Well, here's wishing you a very happy New Year! Will get back on the rat problem next year. Not too bad sleeping in the car. Locked the wife out of the car last night. She snores like a bear during mating season.
Later,
Barney
My dear friend Barney:

I would have gotten back to you sooner, but I had to go to Lytle HEB. I think I met Ms. Kong. Does she have purple lips, a hairy face with three chins...weighs about 465 lbs.? On the other hand, maybe she is not the same person who clobbered you with a hog head; you said that one was tall, the one I saw was probably the daughter because this one was about 4 1/2 feet tall and about 5 feet wide and mean as a junk yard dog. She dropped her bag of potato chips and I went to pick it up for her; I guess she thought I was going to keep it as she popped a wheelie on her motorized cart and tried to run me over! Luckily, I'm very agile and was able to jump out of the way in time, otherwise, they would be scraping me off the HEB parking lot.

Yes, we will get back to your nematodes and rats after the New Yeara. In the meantime, here's a solution for your snoring wife. Just put a piece of baloney over her face; make sure it covers her nose. That should muffle the snoring.

I wish you and your wife the very best for the coming year. Have a good one.

Best regards,
Dr. Finch

Since: Mar 08

Seguin, TX

#13 Dec 31, 2008
Dr Finch wrote:
<quoted text>
My dear friend Barney:
I would have gotten back to you sooner, but I had to go to Lytle HEB. I think I met Ms. Kong. Does she have purple lips, a hairy face with three chins...weighs about 465 lbs.? On the other hand, maybe she is not the same person who clobbered you with a hog head; you said that one was tall, the one I saw was probably the daughter because this one was about 4 1/2 feet tall and about 5 feet wide and mean as a junk yard dog. She dropped her bag of potato chips and I went to pick it up for her; I guess she thought I was going to keep it as she popped a wheelie on her motorized cart and tried to run me over! Luckily, I'm very agile and was able to jump out of the way in time, otherwise, they would be scraping me off the HEB parking lot.
Yes, we will get back to your nematodes and rats after the New Yeara. In the meantime, here's a solution for your snoring wife. Just put a piece of baloney over her face; make sure it covers her nose. That should muffle the snoring.
I wish you and your wife the very best for the coming year. Have a good one.
Best regards,
Dr. Finch
Dr. Finch:

I really appreciate your suggestions.

By the way that was not the same woman! She must have been the baby of the family. The "go cart" could barely go when "Ms. King Kong" took off. You were quite fortunate that the "little one" didn't run you over.

Gonna drive to San Antonio and pickup some baloney. Those strips that you can put on your nose to reduce and/or eliminate snoring are too expensive. So a while back I tried building my own to put on her nose. Used duct tape and a couple pieces of wire. The tough part was trying to apply my new invention while she was sleeping. My wife is a trim woman -but- has the temper of 5,673 yellow jackets. She jumped out of bed, went into the game room and fetched a pool stick. No need to elaborate -but- now we have one less pool stick. May as well elaborate... She glared at me for a moment and then commenced to beat me with the pool stick. Between each whack, I tried to explain. She finally quit after the stick was in many pieces. I slept in the car that night...

I believe our talents would be highly appreciated if we joined a different forum that is more controversial or perhaps we could create our own. Potential creation: Medina Lake is being taken over by alligators,

Open for ideas...

You are doing a great job! Looking forward to your responses.

Since: Mar 08

Laredo, TX

#14 Jan 13, 2009
Jackie wrote:
<quoted text>
Dear Barney:
Wishing you & yours a VERY GOOD New Year. I hope '09 is 1,000% better for ALL of us! Have a great year and never lose your wonderful sense of humor.
Where are you?
anonymous

Richardson, TX

#15 Jul 21, 2009
wtf this is weird
JACKIE

AOL

#16 Jul 21, 2009
anonymous wrote:
wtf this is weird
"Judge not lest ye be judged!"
Still laughing

AOL

#17 Jul 21, 2009
This is one of the funniest threads on the internet. I can't stop laughing. Jackie and ddd2633 are hilarious!

Since: Mar 08

San Antonio, TX

#18 Jul 28, 2009
JACKIE wrote:
<quoted text>
"Judge not lest ye be judged!"
Ms. Jackie AOL:

Hope you are doing great!

Did you happen to see an emu in your area? My wife was going to butcher the sucker and it got away. Now I've got tell you, that woman can eat like a horse. Took her to McDonalds... She ate 17 happy meals...

Enough of my problems...

Barney

Since: Mar 08

San Antonio, TX

#19 Jul 28, 2009
JACKIE wrote:
<quoted text>
"Judge not lest ye be judged!"
Ms. Jackie AOL:

Have to tell you a story...

The old lady, due to her excessive weight, broke one of our dining room chairs...

So last Saturday, I decided to fix the chair -plus- complete some other chores. Here I've got construction adhesive all over my hands and I need to use the bathroom. Get into the bathroom and can't decide what to do. Should I wash the adhesive off my hands first with the possibility of wetting myself or should I chance it - pull down zipper with the possiblity of my hands being glued to my zipper or appendage. Did some quick thinking and decided to wash my hands first... Why? I didn't want to look like one of those ignorant rappers constantly grabbing their appendage while they talk garbage. BTW: I didn't wet pants...

Barney
JACKIE

AOL

#20 Jul 29, 2009
ddd2633 wrote:
<quoted text>
Ms. Jackie AOL:
Hope you are doing great!
Did you happen to see an emu in your area? My wife was going to butcher the sucker and it got away. Now I've got tell you, that woman can eat like a horse. Took her to McDonalds... She ate 17 happy meals...
Enough of my problems...
Barney
Hi Barney!

As a matter of fact, I DID see your emu. He was wondering around the HEB parking lot. Unfortunately, one of HEB's 800 lb. patrons ran over him with a motorized cart. The lard bucket then loaded the emu's body into the trunk of her car. She was laughing and muttering "Mmmm! emu burgers, emu sausage, emo tacos, emu tamales, emu steaks." It was disgusting! That poor little emu never had a chance.

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