Dating with Kids

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Confused

Rushville, IN

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#1
Mar 24, 2013
 
I am dating a man who has sole custody of his 11 year old child. We had dated before, for a few months and I met her during that time. It has been 2 years since we dated and now we are 2 months into dating again. My question is this: He just now allowed me to come over to his house with her there. I agree we shouldn't rush things. That being said, he does not want me spending the night if she is there just yet. Is that just him being a good parent or is there more to it? He told me it is just out of respect for her, he doesn't want to be a "bad" dad. He allows me to stay the night if she isn't there. I just don't want to make a big deal out of nothing and since I do not have children of my own, I'm not sure how to take it. Thanks in advance for your help!

Since: Jul 11

Murray, KY

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#2
Mar 24, 2013
 

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when you say "more to it", what exactly are you getting at? if he lets you stay when she's not there, I don't see what the problem is. sounds like he is a good father not letting his girlfriend of 2 months shack up with him right in front of his daughter. maybe if the two of you become more serious with time he will be more laid back.
Not Many Fish

Paducah, KY

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#3
Mar 24, 2013
 

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Consider yourself blessed to have found a man that respects his daughter enough to keep her from witnessing his personal life without knowing what may come of it. It is damaging to kids to see boy/girlfriends come and go. It teaches them that relationships are not to be counted on.
Confused

Rushville, IN

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#4
Mar 24, 2013
 

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I think I am making too big of a deal of it. It's just that when we first dated 2 years ago, the kid, he and I all did things together. I never stayed the night with her then either because it was ME who didn't want to rush it. We broke up and went our merry ways and here we are now..2 years later.
I guess I just felt since we have that "history", that me staying the night would not be such a big deal-the kid had already met me long ago. Again, I am not a parent, so I don't understand these things. To me, it just felt like a slap in the face. I am a very good role model and I know he does not rotate women in and out in front of her. I do respect that about him.
Confused

Rushville, IN

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#5
Mar 24, 2013
 

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Sorry-also meant to add: Our time together is VERY limited. He has her 5, sometimes 6 days a week. He works 12 hours a day and I do as well. Weekends are our ONLY time together (and sometimes that just means Friday night because he has a babysitter and has to go pick her up at 7 am on Saturday). I am upset that we see each other so little but he states that as things progress we can spend more time together because the child will be involved. Right now, up until last night, every time we see each other it is dates, just the 2 of us. He allowed me to come over last night for the first time while she was there. He basically implies that as we get more serious we will have more time together because I can be involved in their "family" outings. It's basically like we just started from scratch, day #1 and our history is gone.
Again, I think I have decided I am making too much out of it. As a non-parent it was hard for me to put myself in his shoes. Thanks!!!

Since: May 11

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#6
Mar 25, 2013
 
As a single parent I have run into this and will just say that I agree with Not Many Fish.Take your time with both of them,he's looking out for his daughter as he should.
Old Hoss

Eddyville, KY

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#7
Mar 25, 2013
 
Something about this situation seems unusual. A man usually does not get custody of the child in a divorce. Could it be that he is a widower?

If so, there could be a problem with her accepting another woman taking a place that she sees as still belonging to her dead mother.
confused

United States

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#8
Mar 25, 2013
 

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No, the ex wife is alive and well. He has rotated her in and out for the last 2 years. She is jobless and makes for a great babysitter since he busts his a$$ 12 hours a day to provide for the child he loves so much. Prior to me, he dated another jobless girl. He moved her in after 3 months, the kid hated her. That's why I feel hurt, he will move another girl in so quick but I don't even get to stay the night.
Old Hoss

Eddyville, KY

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#9
Mar 25, 2013
 

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If that's the case, dump the guy and find somebody else. He sound like a first class jerk.
wake up

United States

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#10
Mar 25, 2013
 

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I am also a single dad with custody of my child so hear me out. He probably likes you but he can't get over his ex. So he keeps you around for sex and fun outings. He can take care of his child just fine by himself but he also has a void he needs to fill. So he uses you to fill that void but doesn't want it to get serious enough for you to be another woman in his child's life. He is fine with just hanging out with you every so often as he was probably scorned by his ex and is afraid to let that happen again. I know this is not what you want to hear but sadly if you keep giving him exactly what he wants then he'll keep using you. Eventually he'll move on to another girl and so on. If he feels lonely between girls then he'll probably hit you back up making you think he still has feelings for you still but it's just to get a piece of @$$. The outcome... he's been so scorned that he'll never commit to just one woman ever again and will continue to play mind games with women just to fill that void in his life. I know this, because it's exactly where I'm at in my life. So now you have to ask yourself... are you ok with being used for the rest of your life? If so then hang in there but most women feel like crap after being a guys booty call with no commitment. The decision is yours.
JJ

Owensboro, KY

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#11
Mar 25, 2013
 

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Stop being selfish. The daughter is #1 and you are #3. Know your role. You have a history with him, for whatever reason it didn't work then, and probably won't work this time either. If he has had other women in his daughter's life, then he has possibly seen the damage it has caused to her. That it's her home. It is his job to make the home stable, and make her feel secure in their home. You are a threat to her security and her stable home. Sounds like your man is now mature enough to put his daughters needs before his own. He is right or wrong setting an example. You're #3 and will always be if you're going to be with him. Accept it or move on.
Paul

United States

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#12
Mar 25, 2013
 
Just like a stupid woman. Can't leave well enough alone.
Wiser

Eddyville, KY

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#13
Mar 26, 2013
 
She sounds like a dumb broad to me. From what she says the guy is a womanizer. She's his squeeze when he wants one and that's it but she's too stupid to see it. Her like that, however he treats her that's what she deserves.
yeah right

United States

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#14
Mar 26, 2013
 
Confused wrote:
I think I am making too big of a deal of it. It's just that when we first dated 2 years ago, the kid, he and I all did things together. I never stayed the night with her then either because it was ME who didn't want to rush it. We broke up and went our merry ways and here we are now..2 years later.
I guess I just felt since we have that "history", that me staying the night would not be such a big deal-the kid had already met me long ago. Again, I am not a parent, so I don't understand these things. To me, it just felt like a slap in the face. I am a very good role model and I know he does not rotate women in and out in front of her. I do respect that about him.
Maybe the child was hurt by the lose of relationship with you before and he is trying to protect her this time from thinking your back for good til longer into the relationship
Alisha

Murray, KY

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#15
Mar 28, 2013
 

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I respect his decision. That is in the best interest of the child. It's not a good example for him to have overnight lady friends, especially with an impressionable preteen girl. He's trying to set a good example and live the way he would want her to. You should feel lucky that you have a chance with a guy that puts his kids before a girlfriend!! What kind of example is it for her to see every girlfriend staying over? That shouldn't happen till there is real commitment. A lot of divorce papers state no overnight guest. There's a reason judges frown on that type of behavior. If you want to be with him, prove it by respecting his decision. Then in time, if its meant to be, everything will fall into place. Just make the most of the time you do have with him for now, you guys can ease into over night visits over time. As a divorced parent, my ex and I are not allowed overnight visits if the kids are home. I personally think that sets a pretty trashy example, especially for a girl that age! So support his decision as a parent or move on. This shouldn't be about you anyway, but about the child.
Show some class

Murray, KY

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#16
Mar 28, 2013
 
I agree with Alisha, totally! My son is seeing a new woman with three kids and I know that he started spending the night after just a few weeks! What kind of mother sets that example? I'm disappointed that he would do that. I just pray that he doesn't expose my grandchildren to that. He was raised with better values than that. Other than that she seems great, but the fact that she allows that bothers me. So I think you need to stick around and give this guy a chance. I think great dads are sexy.
Good man

Murray, KY

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#17
Apr 5, 2013
 
Iknow a woman who has two kids.And has brought so many men into her home to stay.They could of killed the kids.This man is a good man for protecting his kids.
ronnie

Murray, KY

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#18
Apr 6, 2013
 
I don't date children.......

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