The Unauthorized Topix Roast Of Irving

The Unauthorized Topix Roast Of Irving

Posted in the Los Angeles Forum

anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#1 Nov 14, 2012
You know, we may never know just what makes a classic post. But I imagine it has to have qualities of being both thoughtful and interesting. But it also has to be catchy. It has to have that draw that pulls us in. So, it must also be entertaining. But perhaps, some classic posts are classic because they dare to set off a nerve in us. They rile us.

Perhaps, no other Topix poster has gave birth to so many witty one-liners and off-the-wall comments as Irving ... the poster of Tennessee.

Some of you are probaly thinking who is this Irving? Let's just say if you don't know him yet, you will. Oh, you will.

So, Irving, this is all for you. A tribute. A salute. This may be the first ever roast thread on Topix. You've burnt us all a time or two. Some of us have even been schorched. Well, now we're serving you up, well done.

It is only fitting to start this whole thing off by quoting some of those classic Topix phrases and posts made by Irving. And then we'll open up the floor to those who wish to contribute comments or quotes or whatever about Irving. The source threads of those phrases and posts will go unidentified for now. Mainly to protect the innocent. But also to prevent them from being deleted. LOL!!!

3 cheers to Irving. You are The Original Occutard. Really, you are. "Special". Bet you didn't see this one coming.
anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#2 Nov 14, 2012
This one has probaly really set off the nerves of many and no doubt has probaly riled them to the point of clicking the 'Feedback?' button OR 'Report Abuse?' button to complain to Topix a time or two ...


Irving’s Laws of homosexual “debate”:

Rule One:

When on the losing side of a debate, which is 100 percent of the time, a homosexual

will, within the first three posts, invariably state that an opponent is “in the


Rule Two:

When on the losing side of a debate, which is 100 percent of the time, a homosexual

will, within the first three posts, invariably state that an opponent is a “bigot”

and/or a “homophobe” and/or a “racist” and/or “hater”.

Irving’s Razor:

Anyone who has taken a position in any debate, whether about homosexuality or race

relations or the price of tea in China, is by definition a bigot, therefore the use of

the word “bigot” by homosexuals doubles their irrelevance in a debate.

anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#3 Nov 14, 2012
Here's a funny one ...


Wow! All that nothing from a GAMER, for crying out loud.

I knew from the first nanosecond that the hypocritical imbecile was crippled by acne.

anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#4 Nov 14, 2012
This one should definitely be on some sort of Topix all-time greatest posts compilations ...


Dear American liberals, leftists, social “progressives”, Socialists, Marxists,

Communists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of

this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we

tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this

relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right

for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to

irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar

portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a

friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective

representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct

and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the


We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-

diesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however,

responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and

Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless

homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the

Bibles and give you NBC and Hollyweird.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine. You can have the peaceniks and war

protesters and human shields. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism,

Political Correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the United Nations, but we

will no longer be paying their bills.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every

Subaru station wagon and old school bus that you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, as long as you can find any practicing doctors.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
No doubt you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to

Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty

your best shot.

Sign here, and say goodbye, PLEASE!


anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#5 Nov 14, 2012
But who could ever forget those one-word catch phrases ...

"Brainiac" and "shitferbrains"
anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#6 Nov 14, 2012
Okay. Enough of me. Man, those quotes weren't wasy to find. I had to scour the Forum. Maybe a lot has been deleted, Irving. LOL!!!

Well, who's next?

I know you're out there.

I can think of a few who will definitely have something to contribute.
Irving 2 point 0

Newville, AL

#7 Nov 14, 2012
Irving Rules
anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#9 Nov 16, 2012
Irving 2 point 0 wrote:
Irving Rules
Hey Stan and Kyle, did I ever tell you that, for some strange reason, I can picture Mr. Garrison from South Park and hear his voice in my head as I read the words in Irving's posts? LOL!!!
Stan and Kyle

Newville, AL

#10 Nov 16, 2012
My person favorite Irving Quote is "Prayers for the Family".
anonymous california

Columbus, OH

#11 Nov 16, 2012
Stan and Kyle wrote:
My person favorite Irving Quote is "Prayers for the Family".
HA! The other day I read one saying "prayer for the ambulance". Kind of offensive 'cause the thread was about a wreck and people injured. But I knew the 'Irv' was just fooling around with the ignition. I think. But when he started to cypher the gas ...

One he's using a lot lately on those religious threads is "Jesus is the sun that will come again from the East."

His posts say Tennessee. So, I guess this roast is southern-fried.

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