Where's Kelly Turner?

[Hoozema]

What happened to Kelly Turner's website? I count on it as my resource for news. He is the only person I know who speaks the truth at all times. And he is a very successful politician too.

[Man of the people]

He has been called to Washington to spear-head several top secret national and international crises. The group of choppers left Lockport a few days ago headed for a secure air force base where he was taken to an undisclosed location for transport. The people of Lockport must not be selfish and accept that sometimes his country calls and he is needed for a higher cause.

Rumor has it he is leading a seal team into Haiti to secure warheads left behind by guerrilla rebels before they fall into the hands of resistance forces. The second theory is he failed to pay his go-daddy bill and the site went down. I refuse to believe the latter.

Whatever the reason, put your mind to rest...the next campaign for low office is being vigorously planned as we speak. Attack mailers are in production and cheap flimsy door hangers are being boxed and signed "sorry I missed you...Kelly" as we read this topix post.

God Bless you KFT and God bless our country.

[pee wee herman]

i know you are, but what am i

[PACMA]

Man of the people wrote:

He has been called to Washington to spear-head several top secret national and international crises. The group of choppers left Lockport a few days ago headed for a secure air force base where he was taken to an undisclosed location for transport. The people of Lockport must not be selfish and accept that sometimes his country calls and he is needed for a higher cause.
Rumor has it he is leading a seal team into Haiti to secure warheads left behind by guerrilla rebels before they fall into the hands of resistance forces. The second theory is he failed to pay his go-daddy bill and the site went down. I refuse to believe the latter.
Whatever the reason, put your mind to rest...the next campaign for low office is being vigorously planned as we speak. Attack mailers are in production and cheap flimsy door hangers are being boxed and signed "sorry I missed you...Kelly" as we read this topix post.
God Bless you KFT and God bless our country.

This gets my vote for funniest post of the year!

You want to know the scary part? This is actually what Turner dreams about at night!

[Liberty Tax Service]

Word is he has taken a break from the campaign trail (that is for whatever or any election he can run in next) to portray Lady Liberty on the corner of 9th and Read dressed in the Giant green Statue of Liberty outfit. Lets face it folks, it was a win-win opportunity; he could pick up some extra cash to assist in his unemployment and save for the next election that he will run in and it gives him a sense of unmatched patriotism to bust some of his best dance moves in the name of democracy and liberty.

I for one am proud of the little pudgy bugger, it sure does look like he's having fun "raisin the roof" in the name of tax returns. He has my vote in 2011, 2013, 2015, 2017, 2019, 2021 and beyond.

[Red Onion]

Hey, I agree!

[Old Man Murphy]

Man of the people wrote:

He has been called to Washington to spear-head several top secret national and international crises. The group of choppers left Lockport a few days ago headed for a secure air force base where he was taken to an undisclosed location for transport. The people of Lockport must not be selfish and accept that sometimes his country calls and he is needed for a higher cause.
Rumor has it he is leading a seal team into Haiti to secure warheads left behind by guerrilla rebels before they fall into the hands of resistance forces. The second theory is he failed to pay his go-daddy bill and the site went down. I refuse to believe the latter.
Whatever the reason, put your mind to rest...the next campaign for low office is being vigorously planned as we speak. Attack mailers are in production and cheap flimsy door hangers are being boxed and signed "sorry I missed you...Kelly" as we read this topix post.
God Bless you KFT and God bless our country.

Timmy, you promised me you would stay on your medication if I let you move out of the house. Looks like I have to send the white suits after you again. You bad, bad, pudgy little boy!!

[PACMA]

We need that little pudwhacker now more than ever!

Go Kelly Go!

[Old Man Murphy]

I am Kelly's strategic campaign advisor. He cannot reply to these blogs because he is in a secure bunker at the White House trying to help Obama get his healthcare plan passsed.

[CITIZEN X]

whats next on the mailing list? mmm?

[Kelly Insider]

I know Kelly and he is already developing strategy to defeat Krzos, Morris, Fracaro and Colarelli in the 2011 election.

He has his candidates lined up and he is trying to develop the negative campaign themes on these aldermen for his mailers.

You people think that because his website is gone that he has stopped running. But he is just preparing to come back with a whole new, fresh theme.

Don't worry Tom Kelly and Dick Van Dyke...help is on the way!

He will be ready to take back the council in 2011. Trivedi beware!

[PACMA]

Kelly Insider wrote:

I know Kelly and he is already developing strategy to defeat Krzos, Morris, Fracaro and Colarelli in the 2011 election.
He has his candidates lined up and he is trying to develop the negative campaign themes on these aldermen for his mailers.
You people think that because his website is gone that he has stopped running. But he is just preparing to come back with a whole new, fresh theme.
Don't worry Tom Kelly and Dick Van Dyke...help is on the way!
He will be ready to take back the council in 2011. Trivedi beware!

He's already lost to Fracaro and the other guys are two of the best ones in that group.

Kelly Turner must lead a pretty sad life if this is all he's thinking about right now.

Some of us have lives and other responsibilities. We don't have time to be dreaming up lies and distortions about other people for the sake of some paltry city council position.

The world's a big place and Turner is a VERY insignificant part of it.

This city deserves better than that sorry little man.

[Turneris great]

Kelly turner will rule lockport-just you wait!

[Huh]

Turneris great wrote:

Kelly turner will rule lockport-just you wait!

Obviously you've never met Kelly Turner...

[USPS]

I hope he moves outta this town. He's a joke.

[ANIMAL CRACKERS]

He won't. He is going for a position and might be 98 before he attains it but he will keep trying and trying. He is home munching on potato chips right now, did you see those jawls?