Teen killed in one-car crash

[Sandra Kay]

Katherine wrote:

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Keep it mastered! I would hate to see the miracle of life being wasted on the likes of you! You have no opinion in this matter with that kind of attitude. Your to One-sided!

I fully intend to not make that mistake. I'm also pretty sure I do have an opinion in this matter. And by the way, I think the word you're searching for is "you're" not "your."

[Liberal Values]

At work...Pathetic...

[Deb]

stubborn fishy wrote:

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sure, typical remark from a parent who is trying to *dismiss* parental control over the child--so much for your saying, "i've taught them well"--taught them what??--how to dismiss responsibility for what a person does??!!--this is the very thing that causes kids to get into trouble, cause no one takes responsibility for the behavior--not the kid & not the parent. then,*who* should we look to for whose responsible??--santa clause??!!! face it--you're part of *that* crowd who cant stand to hear that *you* are the parent & have control & that *you* are to blame for not doing *your* job--we know it hurts to hear it, but this is a parents job. since you dont like being responisble for your kids, dont become a parent again--get your tubes tied please. ever heard of birth control?!

sheesh!

WOW Stubborn Fishy! I have usually totally agreed with you on most of these forums. However for you to attack me as such, leads me to believe you are not the person I thought you were.

I am fully responsible for my children. Yes I did teach them well. My kids do not drink, they do not do drugs, they are respectful. They treat elderly people with respect and class. My son works full time at a job he loves and was just promoted after 2 months at this place with a nice raise because of his work ethic and his dedication to his employer.He graduated ahead of his class.

My daughter gets straight A's in school, on her report card 3 out of 5 teachers remarked she is a pleasure to have in class,(she's 15), has many good friends. Does not hang around with kids that are drinking or doing drugs. And you think I shouldn't be a parent? I am a single mom and have worked my ass off to bring my kids up right. They know right from wrong. They know that if they do something they shouldn't.. that no one will be pointing fingers at me.. but at them.. they are old enough to distinguish between the right or wrong choice they make.

No.. Santa Claus is not responsible for my kids. I am and they are. WE don't try to believe that each time a child makes a wrong choice, it is the parent's fault. somewhere along the line a person has to take reponsibility for themselves. Isn't this what we teach our kids so they can go out in the world and make a difference?

You should get a grip.. and think before you start badmouthing someone who doesn't deserve it.
When are you going to take responsibility for your mouth and your attitude towards people or is it your parents fault you have no respect?

[Deb]

stubborn fishy wrote:

here i'll type a little more.........
deb--------

i still feel, therefore, with all i've said above, that the parent in the end, till that kid is old enough, is the primary influencing factor in the home.

I totally agree with you and would have agreed with you if you had of worded it this way the first time. but you said I should think about birth control.. and were extremely mean. There was no reason for that.
I also said in my post that I am and they are (meaning my kids) responsible for them. I am because I am their parent and I will always work to teach them correctly, even if they are 30 and want me to shut up! But they are too because they are able at 18 to go out on their own if they choose, and they had better know right from wrong by then. My daughter at 15 is an example I wish some of her friends would follow. But yes, I will still be teaching her (and my son) for years to come. However, I will not be made responsible and called a bad parent if they do something that the know fully well is wrong, and still do it anyway, for peer pressure, or just out of stupidity. They are not perfect and could very well fall off the good judgement chair.. although I would hope to God they do not.
I will be their worst judge if anything like that were to happen.
I just don't understand why you chose to attack me in that post when I did not deserve it. I still think you have great opinions.. and I agree with a lot of them. just be careful when you choose to be mean, because many times people don't deserve that.

[Deb]

stubborn fishy wrote:

deb---------

dont know if the 2 posts i just left will show yet (sometimes they're delayed)...but i wanted to add to those posts with this---

i'm sorry for "assuming" you were dismissing parental control over your kids. fact is, i dont know you're particular home & what's occurred over time there.

also true, i do care about things, kids being on the top with nature & pets, etc. i get *sick* when i hear on the news of some kid paying for what the parent did, like abandonment etc. also true, i've desperately wanted to volunteer to help people in situations where they could use an adult influence because the parent cant/wont do it or just needs the help; but alas........i'm doing so much civic work now i have to limit my schedule to just a few things.

hopefully this post will come *after* the 2 i just left for you, because if not, it'll sound weird & out of context!

I believe you do good things for people and I applaud that. I know sometimes we get so caught up in what we see around us, we take it out on someone in a forum that we don't know, because it is easy.
I have done the same, without thinking and found that it just isn't right. Thanks for your replies.

Every child deserves a parent who cares, and can raise them with all the respect and conviction to be as good of a person as possible. There are thousands of kids out there who like you said.. don't have that luxury.
I know, I live across the street from a family who could be the poster family for what we are talking about.
The parents are divorced. The kids live with the dad.
Dad is gone all night long about 5 nights a week. At least. When the kids are at their moms, that man's truck never leaves his driveway.
The daughter is now 18 and can't wait to move out because the dad has forced her to be "the Mom" at the house with him being gone all the time. She is a senior in high school, works two jobs, and is expected to keep an eye on her brother at all times.
Her brother who just turned 16 has already been caught smoking pot, drinking, smoking cigarettes, has called the police and reported a problem, with himself as the perpetrator, so he can get a "rush" out of the cops chasing him..
And the dad cannot understand just how this kid is in so much trouble. And he blames his daughter for not keeping a better eye on her brother, while he is out all night all the time.

So much is needed in a kid's life to keep on the right track. Thanks for trying to help as much as you can.

[Case in point]

Zoe wrote:

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*What about those kids whose parents don't give it to them and they find other means of getting a hold of it. I am ashamed to say that I was one of those kids. I found adults that would go buy it for me and my friends so they could earn a little extra money. Not to mention some resturants fail to card and they end up saling to minors. I went to a resturant where we played pool one time and they didn't card me or any of my friends and that night we ended being stupid by driving home while intoxicated. I know now that it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done, but I learned my lesson and now I want to be an example for the simple fact that you don't have to be cool or have fun by drinking or doing drugs. Kids will usually do it anyway...but we need to stand up and be an example to and for one another to make the places we live in better.*

And I think you are a case in point that Sandra is making. Child, where were your parents in teaching you to stay away from these places and people that were obviously a very bad influence on you? You could have been taught better values, from a very young age, not to be that way. It so easily could never have happened. Good values and good behavior all start from the cradle, along with the strength to wield them. It's rarely that children are just born bad, so rare. Please don't blame yourself (and I don't think you do, anymore). And before Miss Goodie Two Shoes chimes in, no, I'm not Christian, and I'm not zoned out in Boulder. I'm a common sense woman that believes in children being taught to believe in better conditions and self respect for themselves, from birth. It's too bad you had to learn and do it for yourself so late in life, but you are lucky to recognize what you needed and so wonderful to want to share that with others. I stand up for you, and warmly commend you for your fortitude and courage.