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hard working man

Lexington, KY

#1 Nov 15, 2012
I have a question for the ladies. Am I wrong for being upset when I come home from work and I see that my fiancé has not done anything really. She stays home and goes to school and when I get home from work, the house is the same way if not worse when I get home. We have kids but really am I wrong for wanting a clean house when I come home. And before you ask I do help around the house when I'm not tired from working.
hummmm

Lexington, KY

#2 Nov 15, 2012
I am awoman, been married 20 yrs. my husband and i both work full time and take care of the house as a team. but if shes not working and schooling only part time, then yes your house should be at the least straightened up each day.also, teach those kids to help pick up also( if they arent already) thats a huge help.
Mann Landers

Lexington, KY

#3 Nov 15, 2012
hard working man wrote:
I have a question for the ladies. Am I wrong for being upset when I come home from work and I see that my fiancé has not done anything really. She stays home and goes to school and when I get home from work, the house is the same way if not worse when I get home. We have kids but really am I wrong for wanting a clean house when I come home. And before you ask I do help around the house when I'm not tired from working.
OK, so she's a lazy slob. You didn't know this already? Come on, I'm sure you had an idea when you married her...or before you had the first child...or before you had the second. I assume they're not infants, so you've probably known for years.

What has changed?
Nothing. And it's likely to never change. She is a slob. Some people are like that.

You will come home and you will moan, bitch, and even try to make her feel guilty. You two will argue for awhile and create a significant amount of stress in the household -- but will anything change? Nope. The past is a very accurate predictor of the future, I'm afraid. If she's been a slob for the past few years, she'll be a slob for the next few years.

You can't change her, so what can you change?

Yourself.

You have maybe three options here.

** You can hire a maid and the place will always be spotless (I hired a Mexican lady to come in for three hours every two weeks and it was cheap and she did an AMAZING job). Seeing the place spotless encouraged our household to live to a higher standard.

** You can dump her. Sure, you have kids with her and you might even love her, but she's nasty dirty and she's too busy playing World of Warcraft of something to worry. Prepare to deal with this for the next 50 years.

** You can accept her for who she is and deal with the mess. You're not going to change her, she's not going to change...so get over it and quit adding to the home drama.

Of course, there is yet another option and that is to change nothing. You can continue coming home and being upset at what you see and you can continue helping create hard feelings which you both are surely experiencing.

Good luck.

Mann Landers
I'm not a shrink, but I play on on Topix
Agree

Louisville, KY

#4 Nov 15, 2012
My man works and I go to school. I always make sure the house is clean just to show him that I appreciate his hard work and I sure as hell don't want to live in filth! I understand kids make it harder but I agree, she needs to teach the kids to clean up after themselves. A couple should share chores, when my man knows I'm really busy and he has free time, he helps out. But no, it isn't too much to ask for the house to be picked up at least. If it's bad before marriage, things definitely won't magically change afterwards...
siren

United States

#5 Nov 15, 2012
if she's in school, she likely has homework and studying that has to be done at home as well doesn't she? You say you are sometimes too tired to help clean after working all day- what exactly do you think going to school, studying, doing homework, feeding kids, dressing kids, driving kids to/from school or sports etc, bathing kids, putting kids to bed, making sure their homework is done, ensuring they have clean clothes to wear to school the next day, signing forms, going to parent/teacher conferences, grocery shopping, putting away groceries, cooking, etc etc etc is? Have you ever stopped to consider that after her FULL day of performing all those things she may be just as tired as you?? What exactly do you think she's doing? Hate to break the news to ya pal, but kids DO NOT take care of themselves. So, excuse the mess, but the children are making memories. Be happy that she is going to school to get a career to help out your family finacially and is raising your children instead of focusing on the things you wish she'd do better. There's probably things she wishes you would do better too- quit worrying about what she's not doing or doesnt have time or energy to do, and worry more about all the wonderful, beautiful things she IS doing- cuz I can promise you that raising healthy, happy children and taking the initiative to further her education are far more admirable and far more important than a perfectly scrubbed floor.

Since: May 12

Lextown

#6 Nov 15, 2012
Speaking from the flip side of the coin. I work 12.5 hour shifts. My child is 6 in school, my child's father is home most days (He only works when staffing calls him) I requests few things of him normally the list is small... put dishes in the dish washer. Put the clothing that is in the dryer in the hampers, put the clothing in the washer in the dryer and that isn't done.
You can either excepted it (she is in school for 8 hours not like it is impossible or she makes it hard for him) and do it yourself.
Hire a maid to scrub your house.
Or Get over it.
I personally Bitch for an hour, then do it myself. When he complains about my bitching I remind him I am the bread winner. I pay all the bills. I bathe the child, birthed the child, help her with her home work, read to her each night, and he knows where the doors it.
Personally, if I were you, I would be happy she is studying for school, taking care of your kids, and get over the house. Unless you come home and there is pudding on the floor, flours on the ceiling, and it looks like Katrine happen in your home, get over it.
Mann Landers

Lexington, KY

#7 Nov 15, 2012
4everfallen wrote:
I requests few things of him normally the list is small... put dishes in the dish washer. Put the clothing that is in the dryer in the hampers, put the clothing in the washer in the dryer and that isn't done.
And I think this is part of the problem. You are making these requests as if the spouse is a child for which you're supposed to (or entitled to) give orders. It's not appropriate that either spouse tell the other what to do, when to do it, etc. Neither spouse is to dole out assignments. In a healthy relationship, it should be each spouse's pleasure to help out so the other spouse can be less burdened. If this is not the case, you should look more closely at your relationship.

A spouse is not an employee.
Rembrandt

Lexington, KY

#8 Nov 15, 2012
Women always try to play up all they do everyday. Bunch of drama queens is all they are. Try doing a real job, then after 8-12 hours of back breaking labor, come home to your lazy ass spouse sitting on the couch all day complaining about how hard their day was. Women think everything they do is so damn hard and so impossible, yet I can do the same stuff after working a real job all day.

Here's a hint, your woman is a lazy spoiled brat, you're wrong, she's right. If you don't like that then leave her. She will never change and it'll only get worse.
I Have An Idea

Paintsville, KY

#9 Nov 16, 2012
Why don't you try cleaning the house, taking care of the kids and spouse, go to and study for classes? Maybe then you'll see there's not too much time left in the day. I've been there and done what she's doing and it's no picnic! I hired a maid and my husband helped with the cooking and cleaning AND he didn't complain at all. Just because she's not bringing in an income right now, doesn't mean she isn't contributing. She can't be in class and be home cleaning at the same time! Lighten up! Everything isn't about working all the time.
...and way to go Mann Landers! Best post ever!
I have done both

Lexington, KY

#10 Nov 16, 2012
I've worked long hour days before our child was born(now 2). Now I stay at home with him. My days are mostly spent picking the same things up out of the floor over and over and over and over well, you get the point. I put things back where they go and 5 minutes later as he makes his way back around the house they go right back in the floor.When he takes a nap that's when I cook for myself and take a shower. By that time he's awake. We eat out 1 time a week and the rest I cook at home for all of us. And, I ,before our child was born ,was a "everything in its proper place" kinda woman. Now, I realize no matter how many times u put something in its place it doesn't stay there very long before its back in the floor being played with. My point is she's probably doing a whole lot of little things that are being over looked like making sure you have clean clothes, a full stomach, a happy child, errands run that you don't have time to do and guess who comes last on the list of being taken care of... That's right her! She puts herself last to do all the the things that she needs to get done . How about saying thank you every once in awhile instead of getting on here complaining about her! My husband tells me thank you all the time because he realizes while he's out making the money for our home I'm making our home a "home". And , I say thank you to him all the time because if it wasn't for him working his tail off everyday I wouldn't be able to stay at home and chase our child around the house trying to get my pot and spatula back from him to cook in :)
AlsoSerious

Lexington, KY

#11 Nov 16, 2012
I have done both wrote:
chase our child around the house trying to get my pot and spatula back from him
I have to chase my kids around to get my pot back too. Those bastards are little fiends, I tell you.
well

Lexington, KY

#12 Nov 16, 2012
I have done both wrote:
I've worked long hour days before our child was born(now 2). Now I stay at home with him. My days are mostly spent picking the same things up out of the floor over and over and over and over well, you get the point. I put things back where they go and 5 minutes later as he makes his way back around the house they go right back in the floor.When he takes a nap that's when I cook for myself and take a shower. By that time he's awake. We eat out 1 time a week and the rest I cook at home for all of us. And, I ,before our child was born ,was a "everything in its proper place" kinda woman. Now, I realize no matter how many times u put something in its place it doesn't stay there very long before its back in the floor being played with. My point is she's probably doing a whole lot of little things that are being over looked like making sure you have clean clothes, a full stomach, a happy child, errands run that you don't have time to do and guess who comes last on the list of being taken care of... That's right her! She puts herself last to do all the the things that she needs to get done . How about saying thank you every once in awhile instead of getting on here complaining about her! My husband tells me thank you all the time because he realizes while he's out making the money for our home I'm making our home a "home". And , I say thank you to him all the time because if it wasn't for him working his tail off everyday I wouldn't be able to stay at home and chase our child around the house trying to get my pot and spatula back from him to cook in :)
Get ur lazy butt to work! Women who stay home are pitiful! Get a retired sitter or something to pick up after ur kid! If u are healthy and able to work then u are wasting ur life doing little crap like picking up toys all day when u could be bringing home money! And even if u are home u shouldn't have to be doing that crap all day! When u pick up the toys u teach him to put them back!!! If he doesn't u smack the crap out of him! I sure wouldn't put up with it. My kid would be raised right and not like some messy heathen. And my wife would never ever stay at home! If she couldn't work then I wouldn't want her!!!

Since: May 12

Lextown

#13 Nov 16, 2012
Mann Landers wrote:
<quoted text>
And I think this is part of the problem. You are making these requests as if the spouse is a child for which you're supposed to (or entitled to) give orders. It's not appropriate that either spouse tell the other what to do, when to do it, etc. Neither spouse is to dole out assignments. In a healthy relationship, it should be each spouse's pleasure to help out so the other spouse can be less burdened. If this is not the case, you should look more closely at your relationship.
A spouse is not an employee.
Agreed on that, but he told me from the start I would have to tell him what I want done if I want it done. Granted... should have known that was a lie, but still. I had hope. He just learned, don't piss off the lion, or if you do, don't get in the way when she is cleaning, cooking and taking care of business or she will show you the door. Thanks for the advice though, I do know you mean well.
He has he good points though, he does play well with his kid, and he tends to understand what a grocery list is and how to follow one. As well as when he add things to it, plus, he remembers when we got together and birthdays... things I can't :-p.
bigby

Lexington, KY

#14 Nov 16, 2012
4everfallen wrote:
<quoted text>Agreed on that, but he told me from the start I would have to tell him what I want done if I want it done. Granted... should have known that was a lie, but still. I had hope. He just learned, don't piss off the lion, or if you do, don't get in the way when she is cleaning, cooking and taking care of business or she will show you the door. Thanks for the advice though, I do know you mean well.
He has he good points though, he does play well with his kid, and he tends to understand what a grocery list is and how to follow one. As well as when he add things to it, plus, he remembers when we got together and birthdays... things I can't :-p.
Die
merry maids

Lexington, KY

#15 Nov 16, 2012
get you a maid service and stop bitchin' about dirty apartment house.
workingmom

Los Angeles, CA

#16 Nov 17, 2012
well wrote:
<quoted text>
Get ur lazy butt to work! Women who stay home are pitiful! Get a retired sitter or something to pick up after ur kid! If u are healthy and able to work then u are wasting ur life doing little crap like picking up toys all day when u could be bringing home money! And even if u are home u shouldn't have to be doing that crap all day! When u pick up the toys u teach him to put them back!!! If he doesn't u smack the crap out of him! I sure wouldn't put up with it. My kid would be raised right and not like some messy heathen. And my wife would never ever stay at home! If she couldn't work then I wouldn't want her!!!
LOL! You obviously have never had to take care of a 2year old! so stfu trying to give "advice to her, when your the idiot
workingmom

Los Angeles, CA

#17 Nov 17, 2012
Do you contribute to the household aswell, and no I don't mean financially, just curious, if because you work, and she is at home, do you feel you are doing your part? I mean, i'm just trying to understand is all. I've never been a stay at home mom, but I do know that some days, on my day off!!!!, that I wish I was at work that day, cause i'm wire the fuck out at home. I work 12.5 hour night shifts, and drive 1 hour each way to work. Before I came to work today (between shifts) I had to shampoo my carpet, load dishwasher, take out all trash, do laundry, and scrub makeup off my walls that my 2year old got into(my fault for trying to sleep between shifts lol) and makes 2 meals for my kid and pack a third for daycare. Just saying, I do your job, and "hers", so instead if bitching, and trying to make your wife look bad on the internet, stfu, and help out!
I have done both

Lexington, KY

#18 Nov 17, 2012
well wrote:
<quoted text>
Get ur lazy butt to work! Women who stay home are pitiful! Get a retired sitter or something to pick up after ur kid! If u are healthy and able to work then u are wasting ur life doing little crap like picking up toys all day when u could be bringing home money! And even if u are home u shouldn't have to be doing that crap all day! When u pick up the toys u teach him to put them back!!! If he doesn't u smack the crap out of him! I sure wouldn't put up with it. My kid would be raised right and not like some messy heathen. And my wife would never ever stay at home! If she couldn't work then I wouldn't want her!!!
. Well, if it was necessary for our family I would work a job that pays money . But, we are lucky in this economy and it is not necessary. We do just fine. If we were struggling financially I would not hesitate to bring in some of the bacon. It's obvious from your reply to mine that (1) your a young person(2) you have no children(3) that your just a money hungry douchbag who probably works a minimum wage job. My advise to you is go to school and get some kind of degree in something. That way when you are ready to put your big boy pants on and raise a family you are able to support them without having to struggle . What our family does works very well for us but we worked things out before we had our child . We made sure we were financially secure before we had him. I'm sorry you are so miserable and have a poor outlook on life.You should work on that ! Have a nice day :)
lois

Versailles, KY

#19 Nov 17, 2012
well wrote:
<quoted text>Get ur lazy butt to work! Women who stay home are pitiful! Get a retired sitter or something to pick up after ur kid! If u are healthy and able to work then u are wasting ur life doing little crap like picking up toys all day when u could be bringing home money! And even if u are home u shouldn't have to be doing that crap all day! When u pick up the toys u teach him to put them back!!! If he doesn't u smack the crap out of him! I sure wouldn't put up with it. My kid would be raised right and not like some messy heathen. And my wife would never ever stay at home! If she couldn't work then I wouldn't want her!!!
And this is why you obviously have no wife & child.
epidemic of bastards

Lexington, KY

#20 Nov 17, 2012
workingmom wrote:
LOL! You obviously have never had to take care of a 2year old! so stfu trying to give "advice to her, when your the idiot
My mother stayed at home while my father worked hard to bring home the bacon. Together in marriage they had eight children in an 11 year span. My mother worked hard at home raising us while keeping an immaculately clean house, growing a garden and canning her harvest, cooking wonderful nutritious meals everyday, keeping all eight of us in clean and mended clothing, all while being a loving and understanding parent. And she did not have any babysitters or nannies. That was her job, a woman's job. She did it well and she loved what she did. That's what it's like to have a family to tend to. Today's broken families are saddening and if taking care of one 2 year old is a burden then it don't sound like they really wanted a family to start with. Should've just bought some baby dolls. Most people (parents?) today are just plain lazy. Too lazy to get married before they have children. Too lazy to work hard to provide for their responsible offspring. Sad indeed.

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