Living with an addict x 4

Living with an addict x 4

Posted in the Lexington Forum

Tears

Cincinnati, OH

#1 Oct 12, 2012
I am so sad and depressed. Putting this on here won't help...but maybe just writing it down will. I'm living with an addict...with multiple addictions. Cigarettes (not that big a deal)..pot (not a big deal either)...gambling...and pills. I have worked many years to save enough money so that I could feel slightly secure as I got older. He's destroying that. Every month the bank balance decreases by $1,500 to pay for his addictions. It's killing me. I can't say anything to him...he has a hair-trigger temper. I'm in my early sixties...and I feel that I have a few more years to live, but I'm destined to live them in loneliness and misery and regret. I've never been "broke"...never had to live from week to week, waiting on a paycheck. But I think that is coming. I'm not sure I can deal with that..........
career mom

United States

#3 Oct 12, 2012
Tears wrote:
I am so sad and depressed. Putting this on here won't help...but maybe just writing it down will. I'm living with an addict...with multiple addictions. Cigarettes (not that big a deal)..pot (not a big deal either)...gambling...and pills. I have worked many years to save enough money so that I could feel slightly secure as I got older. He's destroying that. Every month the bank balance decreases by $1,500 to pay for his addictions. It's killing me. I can't say anything to him...he has a hair-trigger temper. I'm in my early sixties...and I feel that I have a few more years to live, but I'm destined to live them in loneliness and misery and regret. I've never been "broke"...never had to live from week to week, waiting on a paycheck. But I think that is coming. I'm not sure I can deal with that..........
U need to get counseling and at the same time GET OUT! If that's hard to do put your money somewhere else and tell him he spent it all keep your neat egg and protect yourself!
career mom

United States

#4 Oct 12, 2012
Also get family involved those are his secrets not yours get you a support group!
Know how it is

United States

#5 Oct 12, 2012
I have delt with this for a long time and tried to help my ex wife and work on it for the children but realized it was doing nothing but enabeling her to continue the pills which led to street drugs theft and other crimes. First thing is get out and if you have children get them out with you , divorce him and don't look back it is time for you to worry about you and you only because if you don't it will completely destroy not only him but you with him so first things first Get Out and legal separate until the divorce is final , second being female you have home court advantage hit him with everything you got at divorce court to help get you in a good position to start your new life third put distance between you and him or he will continue to drive you crazy living close by very important , I know it sounds brutal but I found out the hard way there is no nice way to deal with additions no matter what it is trust me I have tried everything and this is the only way , keep us informed because I'm still dealing with issues from my ex with her additions and our children I know where your at and first step is a biggie but once your out things start to fall into place and you will finally have peace again trust me but first get out of there
FaSho

Jasper, IN

#6 Oct 12, 2012
I kno from experience I am a recovering addict if u do not put ur foot down he will continue to use u and all ur money. As I did my fiancÚ. U need to tell him to quit everything or u go that's the only way he will stop. Sorry if I seem harsh but it's the truth an addict doesnt think like normal ppl
Know how it is

United States

#7 Oct 12, 2012
Good advice but putting your foot down only causes him to take different methods to hide the additions , once an addict always an addict , you cannot give ultimatums because he will only hide it a different way , do what's right n if possible leave with bank book and all valuables to a family members house until you can get the rest , and work quietly and fast not alerting him because he will take what's left and pawn it , addicts don't get better most times they get worse and when they do recover most times they relasp plenty of times and at your age and position in life you cannot spend that kind of time and Probley will never fully recover anyhow . That would be time you yourself would be on the road to recovery from the traumatic things you have delt with and lived through. Best thing wake up in the morning gather your things together hit the bank and empty the accounts and open one under your name only at a diff bank , get to an attorney start the divorce and legaly seperate so your not stuck with his debts and get on with your life , this is the only way he will help himself because he has the life he wants now with his addictions , home, money, you, and his other addictions he has lost nothing , I will pray for you because it's the hardest thing you will ever do but in the end you will relize you did the right thing
Know how it is

United States

#8 Oct 14, 2012
Hope to find you already on your way with a new start , counseling , and ultimatums only prolong what really needs to be done, I still have to deal with loose ends from my ex wife and being a man it's much harder even though she is as messed up as she is the courts give her every chance in the book even with drugs theft destruction of property and a past record of felonys and drug offenses they still give her every chance in the book and with me no record not even as much as a ticket but they will cater to her , but all in all I'm almost over with all the drama that goes along with it but you can never be over it unless you move on with your life , he will not change when he has everything he needs right in front of him , and as I said you have an advantage as a woman to have the court system work on your side and please not to offend my any means but it does sway in your favor in court , at very least get out legal seperate and then see where he goes from there if straightens up great , but don't jump back to fast for the ever happening relasp because once an addict always an addict !!!! Good luck and my god be with you and see you through to happiness
Bradley

Terrell, TX

#9 Oct 14, 2012
Tears wrote:
I am so sad and depressed. Putting this on here won't help...but maybe just writing it down will. I'm living with an addict...with multiple addictions. Cigarettes (not that big a deal)..pot (not a big deal either)...gambling...and pills. I have worked many years to save enough money so that I could feel slightly secure as I got older. He's destroying that. Every month the bank balance decreases by $1,500 to pay for his addictions. It's killing me. I can't say anything to him...he has a hair-trigger temper. I'm in my early sixties...and I feel that I have a few more years to live, but I'm destined to live them in loneliness and misery and regret. I've never been "broke"...never had to live from week to week, waiting on a paycheck. But I think that is coming. I'm not sure I can deal with that..........
wo
guy in lex

Versailles, KY

#10 Oct 14, 2012
Your giving up your future security for this loser?..call the police and have him escorted out and go file restraining order.
Smile

Lexington, KY

#11 Oct 14, 2012
Stay strong!!! The more people that bring this to light the more solutions will start to form!
well

Louisville, KY

#12 Oct 14, 2012
She's not going anywhere nor is he, and it will end badly. Hate to be blunt but I've heard her story 100 times and the people telling it were sicker than the addicts - they were addicted to the addicts. She'll keep crying, begging, threatening and trying to make him feel guilt (which he won't, he's an addict) while they lose everything they have. Eventually he'll either od or go to prison, or kill her, or kill her and himself. There is no good ending unless he gets clean and stays clean.
I know it sounds mean, but it's just the truth. I used to be disgusted with the addicts, but the people who help them stay addicted so both their lives get ruined are truly more deeply disturbed.

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