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Concerned mother

Ashland, KY

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#1
Aug 22, 2013
 
I have a daughter that is 32, divorced with a four year old daughter. She started seeing a guy right after she divorced a little over a year ago. He's a nice guy - about the same age as my daughter, has been divorced a couple of years and has two boys, age 12 and 14. The more I see the guy, the more I dislike him and he hasn't done anything to make me dislike him. He's friendly enough.

I think the main thing I dislike about him is that he had a vasectomy and can't have anymore children. I think my daughter would like to have at least one more child. She sees people all around her having their second child.

My daughter has told me on a couple of occasions that she really feels more like this guy is a friend. She was trying to figure out if she wanted to stay with him recently. Apparently, she decided to stay with him because as I arrived at her house today to babysit my granddaughter, his car was in the driveway and when I went in, he was coming out of my daughter's bedroom. I think she let a couple of her friends influence her to stay with him because he is a "nice guy".

This guy isn't anything special at all. He works regularly, but doesn't make all that much money. My daughter, on the other hand, has a very good job, a nice home and a new vehicle. He can't give her anything she can't get for herself and has several years of child support left ahead to pay. He lives in a small apartment. He isn't a handyman, but does help my daughter with mowing grass, but she cooks for him in return.

I should be ashamed to say this because I am heavy myself, but everytime I see this guy, he looks fatter. There's nothing about him that is good looking. He has to be 250 lbs. and is about 5'5".
He's also going bald. By the time he is 40 - in a few years - at the rate he's going, he'll be 350 lbs.

When my daughter was having her doubts about him about a month ago, she mentioned that she would like to have someone that was trimmer, but that she didn't want to be shallow.

It also irks me, that on two occasions when I got to my daughter's house he is coming out of her bedr. I'd like to see the day, I'd let some guy stay over and my mother see a guy coming out of my bedroom even if it were in my own house and I am an adult. This seems disrespectful to me, but at 60 I have old fashioned ways and am an old fogey. Maybe it irks me even more because my daughter is settling for someone who is a short, balding, tub of lard - but he is "nice". My granddaughter doesn't need a father figure either because her father is very active in her life.

I want to tell my daughter how I feel about her "settling" for this guy. She's slim, attractive and could do much better than him. O.K - people out there - let me have it!

Really

Fairfax, VA

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#2
Aug 22, 2013
 

Judged:

1

You are asking advice from a bunch of idiots on topix. Get real.
Reality

Lexington, KY

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#3
Aug 22, 2013
 
Really wrote:
You are asking advice from a bunch of idiots on topix. Get real.
Sounds like it is you with the problem. Your daughter is an adult, she may sleep with whomever she pleases. From the sounds of it, your daughter is doing alright. Butt out of her business and mind your own. This is a perfect example of what is wrong in todays society, everyone knows what is best for the other person. Take your socialist mindset somewhere else and leave others alone.
Concerned mother

Ashland, KY

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#4
Aug 22, 2013
 
Really wrote:
You are asking advice from a bunch of idiots on topix. Get real.
I know there on a lot of people who want to be smart alecks on Topix, but I've read some really insightful, intelligent things that some seemingly very nice people have made on Topix. Not everyone on Topix is a "troll".
guy

Westminster, MD

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#5
Aug 22, 2013
 
Concerned mother wrote:
I have a daughter that is 32, divorced with a four year old daughter. She started seeing a guy right after she divorced a little over a year ago. He's a nice guy - about the same age as my daughter, has been divorced a couple of years and has two boys, age 12 and 14. The more I see the guy, the more I dislike him and he hasn't done anything to make me dislike him. He's friendly enough.

I think the main thing I dislike about him is that he had a vasectomy and can't have anymore children. I think my daughter would like to have at least one more child. She sees people all around her having their second child.

My daughter has told me on a couple of occasions that she really feels more like this guy is a friend. She was trying to figure out if she wanted to stay with him recently. Apparently, she decided to stay with him because as I arrived at her house today to babysit my granddaughter, his car was in the driveway and when I went in, he was coming out of my daughter's bedroom. I think she let a couple of her friends influence her to stay with him because he is a "nice guy".

This guy isn't anything special at all. He works regularly, but doesn't make all that much money. My daughter, on the other hand, has a very good job, a nice home and a new vehicle. He can't give her anything she can't get for herself and has several years of child support left ahead to pay. He lives in a small apartment. He isn't a handyman, but does help my daughter with mowing grass, but she cooks for him in return.

I should be ashamed to say this because I am heavy myself, but everytime I see this guy, he looks fatter. There's nothing about him that is good looking. He has to be 250 lbs. and is about 5'5".
He's also going bald. By the time he is 40 - in a few years - at the rate he's going, he'll be 350 lbs.

When my daughter was having her doubts about him about a month ago, she mentioned that she would like to have someone that was trimmer, but that she didn't want to be shallow.

It also irks me, that on two occasions when I got to my daughter's house he is coming out of her bedr. I'd like to see the day, I'd let some guy stay over and my mother see a guy coming out of my bedroom even if it were in my own house and I am an adult. This seems disrespectful to me, but at 60 I have old fashioned ways and am an old fogey. Maybe it irks me even more because my daughter is settling for someone who is a short, balding, tub of lard - but he is "nice". My granddaughter doesn't need a father figure either because her father is very active in her life.

I want to tell my daughter how I feel about her "settling" for this guy. She's slim, attractive and could do much better than him. O.K - people out there - let me have it!
Wow. I'm a nice, attractive guy with a good job and treat my girl very good when I have one. I'd love to meet your daughter :)
Reality

Lexington, KY

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#6
Aug 22, 2013
 
guy wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow. I'm a nice, attractive guy with a good job and treat my girl very good when I have one. I'd love to meet your daughter :)
Better make sure you have mommas approval first or you will be the next topic here.
Concerned mother

Ashland, KY

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#7
Aug 22, 2013
 
Reality wrote:
<quoted text>
Sounds like it is you with the problem. Your daughter is an adult, she may sleep with whomever she pleases. From the sounds of it, your daughter is doing alright. Butt out of her business and mind your own. This is a perfect example of what is wrong in todays society, everyone knows what is best for the other person. Take your socialist mindset somewhere else and leave others alone.
I've not expressed my opinion about this guy in any way to my daughter. I was just expressing my thoughts and needed some kind of sounding board. I can't afford a therapist. I expected I would hear from critical people like you. I've lived my life and made some huge mistakes that I regret and don't want my daughter to have the whooping amount of regrets I have. Yes, she can sleep with whom she wants - I don't expect her not to have a love like. I just don't see why she'd want blubber all over her from this guy.
I just thought it might show respect on both their parts to not be so obvious to an old lady like me about their love life and then there is my little granddaughter in the next room - be respectful of her.
They Sure Do

Lexington, KY

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#8
Aug 22, 2013
 
You should be the poster picture for the effects of not using birth control and that's the kindest way I know how to tell you.You and your daughter deserve every piece of misery you get.The apple didn't fall far from the tree did it?She wants skinny you want skinny hes this hes that.Who do you all think you are judging people in such a way?This man would be very very wise to run as as fast as his feet will carry him the other way.I wouldn't want anything to do with none of you or your daughters disaster.That poor child involved is the biggest loser because she cant help but be subject to perfect people that live in an unperfect world.It will be most disasterous for her!You need professional help not to mention a good dose of reality and she needs some parenting classes to learn how to make her child a top priority in her life and keep her from what could become a very hostile living environment because of YOU!Get help lady for the sake of that child who may still stand a chance!!
Reality

Lexington, KY

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#9
Aug 22, 2013
 
Concerned mother wrote:
<quoted text> I've not expressed my opinion about this guy in any way to my daughter. I was just expressing my thoughts and needed some kind of sounding board. I can't afford a therapist. I expected I would hear from critical people like you. I've lived my life and made some huge mistakes that I regret and don't want my daughter to have the whooping amount of regrets I have. Yes, she can sleep with whom she wants - I don't expect her not to have a love like. I just don't see why she'd want blubber all over her from this guy.
I just thought it might show respect on both their parts to not be so obvious to an old lady like me about their love life and then there is my little granddaughter in the next room - be respectful of her.
Respect? Is that what you call it? What, you never had sex with your daughter in the house? I doubt it. If you go to her house and walk in and see something you do not want to see then do not go, or at least announce yourself prior to going. That would be respectful thing to do. Now stop it with the, "its about the kids" crap.
Concerned mother

Ashland, KY

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#10
Aug 22, 2013
 
They Sure Do wrote:
You should be the poster picture for the effects of not using birth control and that's the kindest way I know how to tell you.You and your daughter deserve every piece of misery you get.The apple didn't fall far from the tree did it?She wants skinny you want skinny hes this hes that.Who do you all think you are judging people in such a way?This man would be very very wise to run as as fast as his feet will carry him the other way.I wouldn't want anything to do with none of you or your daughters disaster.That poor child involved is the biggest loser because she cant help but be subject to perfect people that live in an unperfect world.It will be most disasterous for her!You need professional help not to mention a good dose of reality and she needs some parenting classes to learn how to make her child a top priority in her life and keep her from what could become a very hostile living environment because of YOU!Get help lady for the sake of that child who may still stand a chance!!
Again, as I've already stated, I haven't said a word to my daughter about that guy. As I've already also said, I am on the heavy side myself. I've had difficulties with excess weight for all my adult years. I know firsthand and with my experiences as being an obese woman myself that most everybody in this world looks down on obese people and finds them unattractive and lazy. Obesity is the number one turn off for finding a person desirable physically. Employers will hire a thin or average size person before they resort to hiring an obese person - obese people are thought to be lazy. People don't have empathy for obese people - they think just use some self control, and eat less and you'll lose weight.
I've been subject to some of the most hurtful comments about my weight that you can imagine. Maybe, I should have more empathy for the guy - but I know what the general thinking is in this society about people like he and I. I wish he would run away as fast as he can. My daughter already had one bad experience in an 8 year marriage to a slim man. She doesn't need another bad experience from a man that can't even offer her the ability to have another child. I think that's my main beef with this guy. He's not worth the sacrifice because as I've said he can't offer my daughter anything she can't give herself - she has plenty now. What's the future with him? I don't see that she would have anything to look forward in life with this guy.
They Sure Do

Lexington, KY

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#11
Aug 22, 2013
 
God forbid this man have a child by her daughter.
Really

Nicholasville, KY

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#12
Aug 22, 2013
 
Oh this is funny, the white trash on topix giving family advice. I just fell out of my chair laughing so hard.
Concerned mother

Ashland, KY

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#13
Aug 22, 2013
 
guy wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow. I'm a nice, attractive guy with a good job and treat my girl very good when I have one. I'd love to meet your daughter :)
You are making my point for me. There are plenty of attractive guys out there with good jobs that are "nice". Why settle for someone who is unattractive and has nothing to offer because he's nice. I guess she's afraid to give him up because she's afraid she won't find someone else who is more attractive and a little "nicer"?

I've spent 25 years with a man because he was "nice" and good to my children. He was more like a friend than anything. I regret I let those years go by and settle for someone because they were "nice" and good to my kids. I'm still with him, but he is more like a friend and roommate to me than anything. I wish I would have waited to find my "soul mate" (if soul mates really exist). I settled for nothing special when I wanted something wonderful. "I don't know what I wanted but I knew I wanted more - someone smooth, presentable to blend with my décor" (Lyrics to a Carly Simon song on her "No Secrets" album from around 1972.)
Reality

Lexington, KY

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#14
Aug 22, 2013
 
Now I get it. You said you are 60 years old, the days of men coming in and sweeping a woman off her feet and living happily ever after do not exist, never did. When are you going to learn that those fairy tales are full of shit.
Tommy Toolman

Hindman, KY

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#15
Aug 22, 2013
 
He may not be a handyman around the house, maybe the bedroom is where all his work is done, and I bet he's got the tool that takes care of your daughter. Why do you think she hasn't ran him off? Are you jealous he's not using that tool on you? Now tell us the truth, you know you're needing a good roll in the hay.

As for the vasectomy, did you ever think that maybe it can be reversed?
Reality

Lexington, KY

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#16
Aug 22, 2013
 
Tommy Toolman wrote:
He may not be a handyman around the house, maybe the bedroom is where all his work is done, and I bet he's got the tool that takes care of your daughter. Why do you think she hasn't ran him off? Are you jealous he's not using that tool on you? Now tell us the truth, you know you're needing a good roll in the hay.
As for the vasectomy, did you ever think that maybe it can be reversed?
Just a woman that is dissatisfied with her life, she has to push it off on to others. Misery loves company.
Tommy Toolman

Hindman, KY

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#17
Aug 22, 2013
 
Really wrote:
Oh this is funny, the white trash on topix giving family advice. I just fell out of my chair laughing so hard.
This is free advice and as good as you'll get anywhere. Do you have any problems we can help out with?
They Sure Do

Lexington, KY

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#18
Aug 22, 2013
 
Between the white trash cocky and vain people on this topic this could be a psychiatrist jackpot!
Seriously

Ashland, KY

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#19
Aug 22, 2013
 
Reality wrote:
Now I get it. You said you are 60 years old, the days of men coming in and sweeping a woman off her feet and living happily ever after do not exist, never did. When are you going to learn that those fairy tales are full of shit.
It happens - people get swept off their feet. They may not stay swept off their feet, but at least they felt that way for awhile.
Tommy Toolman

Hindman, KY

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#20
Aug 22, 2013
 
They Sure Do wrote:
Between the white trash cocky and vain people on this topic this could be a psychiatrist jackpot!
Now what's your problem? Wanna share it with us? Maybe we can help. Just what have you got against white trash cocky people? Nothing wrong with being vain if you're sure of yourself.

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