Should gparents spend special one on ...

Should gparents spend special one on one time w/ gkids?

Created by Curious on Jul 25, 2013

5 votes

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Yes each child should be made to feel special

no, all the gkids should have to share gparent tim

not if they're siblings

if theyre just 1st cousins yes

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Curious

Versailles, KY

#1 Jul 25, 2013
It doesn't give you enough room to explain.. Do you think that grandparents should spend special one on one time with their grandkids?

Maybe if they are siblings the grandparents could spend time with the group of siblings but if there are 4 sets of grandkids should they all have to share the time with the grandparents? None of them ever getting special time? Especially when one of the 4 sets of kids is just an only child?

I think that each child should get some special attention unless its a set of siblings then they can share the time but I dont think all the 1st cousins should be shoved together and have to share the gparent time.. The gparents prefer it this way but I think the kids deserve to feel special especially when there's an only child. Of course its fun to see your cousins but once a month why can't the gparents just spend a few hours alone with the kid so they feel loved important and special and not just another number in the herd.
uhm

United States

#2 Jul 25, 2013
Curious wrote:
It doesn't give you enough room to explain.. Do you think that grandparents should spend special one on one time with their grandkids?

Maybe if they are siblings the grandparents could spend time with the group of siblings but if there are 4 sets of grandkids should they all have to share the time with the grandparents? None of them ever getting special time? Especially when one of the 4 sets of kids is just an only child?

I think that each child should get some special attention unless its a set of siblings then they can share the time but I dont think all the 1st cousins should be shoved together and have to share the gparent time.. The gparents prefer it this way but I think the kids deserve to feel special especially when there's an only child. Of course its fun to see your cousins but once a month why can't the gparents just spend a few hours alone with the kid so they feel loved important and special and not just another number in the herd.
You've asked this already. Grandparents are human and maybe having them at one time, gives them time to themselves. There is nothing that says it's supposed to be this way. If your child is spending time with them frequently, they are building a relationship. If you are a parent that has a household full of children, you are rarely going to have one on one with each child. So, how's this really any different? Grandparents have EARNED time for themselves. Spending time with each grandchild individually is time consuming. On top of that, they're not young! Having clusters of kids can help by giving the kids someone to play with, to help with younger ones and so forth. Kids are demanding and take a lot of energy, you should know that. Get over your hang ups and accept that you're not the one that has to make that decision. You can't call the shots, so accept it and get over it! You shouldn't want someone to feel like they have to do something they don't want to do anyway. I doubt your child worries about it, but will if you bring it to his/her attention.
uhm

United States

#3 Jul 25, 2013
I know you're not wanting to hear what I'm saying since you never responded the last time you asked this question. You're wanting someone to agree with you. You may not get that. Instead of asking strangers on here, maybe you should call the Dr. Phil show and see if you can get on his show. He'd be the better one to listen to anyway. Hope it works out for you.
Curious

Lexington, KY

#4 Jul 27, 2013
The grandparents actually NEVER want time to themselves. All they want is all their children and grandchildren there every minute of every day! All they do is want to spend time with them.. In fact one set of grandkids gets extra special time all to themselves because the married in mom will stop allowing them to see her kids if they don't do things her way. So those kids get special time but the others are all expected to share. My husband has divulged to me that being one of 5 siblings he was never made to feel special, they never took time out for just him and he's concerned that our son will feel the same way. All the other siblings just show up unannounced with their kids, while I await an invitation. They think it's weird for me not to just show up uninvited. The way I was raised, it's RUDE. My grandparents would call my mom and ask for my brother or I for the weekend.. The next weekend they would take the alternate. It allowed us to grow up feeling loved individually. I don't want to be liike my sis in law and say, "well if you dont show my kids special attention you won't see them." I just feel like they shouldn't play favorites.
Curious

Lexington, KY

#5 Jul 27, 2013
By the way, my son gets maybe 2hours a week with them while two sets of the gkids live in the same neighborhood and the others stop by at least 4 times a week uninvited.. also, they don't have the older kids help with the younger. They allow all of them to run around like heathen's screaming at the grand parents. The 5yr old is allowed to scream GRANDMA GET THAT FOR ME NOW!!! and the kids own parent's aren't allowed to call her down in front of the grandparents. Which is another reason I'd like for my child to get one on one time because I don't want him learning those behaviors. I was raised that you treat your elders with respect!
Ann

Chicago, IL

#8 Jul 27, 2013
Seriously according to your way of thinking the grand kids would only be allowed to visit their grandparents once a month as a family group or individually once every two or three months. Seems as if you are being the rude one, trying to control all family interaction. I'm sure the ones who are involved in their extended family lives are all the more richer for it. I feel sorry for your son and hope he realizes its his parents' fault that he isn't close to his cousins. Your best friends growing up are your cousins.
Wow

Chicago, IL

#9 Jul 27, 2013
You need to stop thinking about yourself and think about your child. It's kind of sad to see that you are depriving your child of memories and relationships. It seems kind of selfish of you to keep your child from that. I bet you'll blame those absent memories on the grandparents. You'll tell them that their family never wanted to see them. Just remember that it's your fault your child will not have the proper social skills in the future. And when they find out what you have taken from them, they will hate you for it. Grandparents never have to beg you to bring the child down.
Dont get it

Atlanta, GA

#10 Jul 27, 2013
My son is an only child and on my side of the family he is one of four grand children and on my husbands he's the only one, I don't feel that my mom should take my son by his self because he's an only child and my nieces and nephew as a group because their sibling how is that fair? And where would she get the time? It sounds to me like you want your son to get extra attention apart from the other grand children and that's selfish, point blank, don't teach your child to think that way! And the other women needs to learn that children are not weapons!! And when do the gparents get time for themselves?
really

Melrose, FL

#11 Jul 27, 2013
Really ur going to get upset about ur kid seeing his g.pair. when it is deff you with the poblem all grand parants i have seen love there grand kids and will love to see them any time un invited or not... you need to get off the crack grow up and take your son to see his fam.. If you care/ love him it is best for kids to see there fam as much as pos.. GROW UP
nonono

United States

#12 Jul 28, 2013
You sound like you think you're the only one that has class. You want your child to be exclusive because he's too good to socialize with the other children. If being made to feel special makes kids end up growing up and acting like spoiled brats the way you do, no thanks, I'll pass!
Wowsaysitall

Chicago, IL

#13 Jul 28, 2013
Maybe you should get off this site and get a life. Sounds like a jealousy issue on your behalf. Maybe you should step back and take a good look at your own issues and realize the world doesn't revolve around you. If your hudband has an issue with it maybe HE needs to grow up and address it himself without his wife fighting his battles. I think the one who isn't feeling special is YOU sweetheart. Maybe you need to seek counselling or something....or is it possible YOU never felt special as a child and may be transferring those feelingd? In any event a bit if maturity may be in order for you? Or is it possible the grandparents come from large families? Therefore they would be used to all the kids being together? You leave so much out of your whining post here and it sounds as though this is your second time doing so.
Curious

Lexington, KY

#14 Jul 29, 2013
When did I say I didn't allow him over there? Every time my son is invited which is either Saturday or Sunday for a visit I take him there personally, play with my nieces and nephews and allow my son time with his cousins and gparents. There's 4 sets of kids.. What's wrong with 1 day a week since there are 4 in the month, taking each set by themselves for just a couple hours of special time? Then the rest of the weekend the cousins all play together? Every week night at least 1 of their own kids, and their kids are there. So the gparents never have alone time because they don't want it! I refuse to show up uninvited for fear I'm interrupting the other cousins time with their gparents. There's hidden animosity amongst all the siblings (I'm married in) about their own kids not getting enough attention. They show up so often trying to get the most attention trying to best their siblings. All this jealousy and animosity would be solved if they personally requested a few special hours with each set. The kids don't tell the gparents how angry they are with each other, but they discuss it amongst themselves. Each one discusses it with my husband because we're the only ones not caught up in this attention game. I asked a simple question, a poll question, I didn't ask for people who don't even understand the situation to make snap judgements. If you have actual advise please respond, if you're only here because you like to belittle others, have your opinion heard, whatever, please go to another thread. I'm not scared of constructive criticism's, just need real advice and not people talking to me as if I'm a child.
Curious

Lexington, KY

#15 Jul 29, 2013
Correction** 1 day a month.. there's 4 weeks in a month.. so the 1st Saturday, this group gets a couple hours, 2nd Saturday this group etc.. Then go join the rest of the cousins aunts uncles etc
Wow

Chicago, IL

#16 Jul 29, 2013
You pretty much said you won't let him over there unless invited. What if he asked to go over there without an invitation? Would you take him or would you tell him to wait? Do you not call and ask if he can visit? It's not a one way street. You have got to make some effort, meet them half way or something. Have you talked to the grandparents about how you feel? I'm sure they'd understand. You're on here talking to complete strangers about your family but you can't talk to your in laws. And competition is just human nature. Families fight with each other, that's how it goes. But in the end, they are just showing their love for each other. Hopefully you see where I'm getting at.
Ann

Chicago, IL

#17 Jul 29, 2013
If the grandparents work, then they should be given even more slack. Most times weekends are the only time families have to see each other. What is so wrong with your son seeing his other family?? Have you invited others over to your house?? Since you have so strongly implied that it is RUDE to show up your house uninvited they are probably waiting for you to invite them. You sound no better than the sister in law you are talking about by not letting your son see his family. It's either your way or nothing. Grandparents have already raised their children. I'm sure that when you do call they are happy to see him and keep him overnight. Talk to your family instead of putting everything on here and then becoming upset over what strangers have said. You asked for advice and everyone agrees to go visit your in laws.
pat

United States

#18 Jul 29, 2013
Sounds like the whole clan needs help. In this day and age, I have trouble believing these grand children actually bicker amongst themselves to receive one on one attention from their grandparents. Kids these days are so involved in video games or iPads, not grandma! Why don't you let your son have his special time with your parents and be thankful for that? I hope you're the kind of grandparent that meets and exceeds the expectations you have from this set.
What kind of answer do you want? It is what it is and it could certainly be worse. All families have issues (including the one you're from) none are perfect. What works for some, doesn't work for others. These grandparents might feel overwhelmed if its one on one. As a group, you don't have to give your undivided attention. I know when my children were small, it was easier to have them all there or a friend over because they didn't demand as much because they weren't as bored.
whatdidyouexpect

Chicago, IL

#19 Jul 29, 2013
So you feel as though your child is lost in the shuffle with the in laws? Where are the child's other grandparents? No mention is made about your family and that is odd. Or do you think dragging your husband's family through the mud is just fine. Why don't you put forth the effort to share your child? Do you enjoy pity parties? What is your husband's feelings on your public forum? And you are only in the middle if you allow it to occur. You really haven't explained the situation well in any of your posts so how can anyone understand? Maybe you need to sit down and talk things over with everyone present and get it all out. Then everyone can understand your feelings on the situation and will no longer put you in the middle. By the way your math makes no sense either are there 5 siblings or not?
Curious

Nicholasville, KY

#20 Jul 30, 2013
To answer the above questions, there are 5 siblings, one is gay so there are 4 sets of grandkids. My parents are deceased so my inlaws are the only grandparents my son has. Also no these gparents do not work.

It isn't the gkids that fight over attention, it's the parent's of the gkids but they don't do it out loud.

The reason for this thread was to show my husband that he's not alone in thinking that our son deserves a little alone time. This is how he feels but he hates conflict and won't approach the subject. Neither will his siblings when it's the same story with them. They are all just so afraid of ruining their mother's pretend perfect family. She refuses to admit to any conflict in her family and claims they have the closest most perfect family ever. I was hoping that this thread would have responses that would show my husband there IS NOTHING WRONG with wanting your child to have 2 or 3 hours A MONTH alone with grandma and grandpa. I really dont see how asking for 2 hours alone out of a 30day month is a big deal but it seems that most people on here think it is. I guess I was wrong to think I'd be able to show him this thread and convince him that it's alright to tell his parents how he feels.. With the responses I've gotten I can't do that. I guess my child will never know a grandparents special love, he will always be lost amongst the numbers. I appreciate all of your responses and advice. I will drop this now as it did nothing to help me convince my husband that telling his family how he feels is ok. Maybe you all are right and I'm just an awful mother for wanting my child to feel special AND to know his cousins. I don't have time for pity though I'm sorry. I'll just do what I keep doing which is loving my son with all my heart and letting him know how special he is to me and his father if noone else.
Curious

Nicholasville, KY

#21 Jul 30, 2013
by the way if I'd wanted to drag my husbands family thru the mud I would have mentioned names.. Actually his family is full of amazing and loving people. This is he only issue that stands between them truly having an almost perfect happy family. I won't tell his parents how he feels or what his siblings have said because it isn't my place. I also won't tell them how I feel his sister's kids got the short end of the stick more than any others even though I'd love to ask why that is but it isn't my place. My son and I visit my parent's graves at least once a month so I guess that will suffice as one on one gparent time. If they were still living, my son would be their life, they would have done ANYTHING for him, and then he'd know that it's not just mommy and daddy that love me and think I'm special.

It's funny.. ALL I wanted to know is if people agree that children should be given special time.. that's it.. I didn't want to get into the life story and all the issues etc.. Just one question.. Maybe I should have phrased it, "IF YOU WERE A GRANDPARENT WOULD YOU TAKE THE TIME TO ENSURE EACH OF YOUR GCHILDREN KNEW HOW LOVED AND SPECIAL THEY ARE?" I bet the responses I'd got from that would be alot different from the one's I've gotten on this one. Everyone is too caught up in knowing the drama and background.. It was one simple question. If people had actually voted instead of jumping the gun thikning I'm some jealous family hater I might have had a good vote turn out to convince my husband, "Hey look these people agree that gparents should spend special time with their gkids."
Curious

Nicholasville, KY

#22 Jul 30, 2013
HAHA you got me! I just noticed that all these reply's are from owensboro or united states. Obviously this is the same person making these comments and it's funny GINA that YOUR the one who makes such a big deal about gma and gpa seeing YOUR kids BY THEMSELVES but you don't care about the other 9 kids? Yes I'm the only one with an only child, but I don't want special treatment just for Trevor I think ALL the kids should have special time. I can't believe you have the audactiy to get on here and tell me I'm jealous and I'm the one who doesn't feel special and the family is fine and my kid shouldn't get any special time when YOUR kids are always put first cuz they are so scared you won't bring them back anymore if they dohn't do what you want. I had invited them to watch Trevor's game but they couldn't unless they brought your kids and took them over to the park.. well then how can they watch Trevor play when they are at the park with your kids? Why can't they just watch one single game by themselves? If I'd known it was you I wouldn't have wasted my time. If it weren't \for you thinking you are just so high and mighty and special and your kids are better thean everyone elses there probably wouldn't even be any problems! Everything's a damn contest with you!!! Oh my two girls walked before Trevor oh they talked before so and so.. WHO CARES? All children are DIFFERENT and that's how GOd made them and that's what makes them special. Please note I DID NOT mention your kids names in this and also I didn't mention any of the family's names.. your married in like me so you and I arent family so i dont mind saying GINA GINA GINA. Thanks for ruining my chance of getting you know who to talk to his parents. You screwed up this whole thread with your hate. No wonder people can't stand you.

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