No report of abuse preceded killings

No report of abuse preceded killings

There are 17 comments on the Honolulu Star-Bulletin story from Sep 2, 2008, titled No report of abuse preceded killings. In it, Honolulu Star-Bulletin reports that:

WAILUKU Lanai residents say they are shocked at the murder-suicide of an island couple, especially after similar deaths two years ago.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Honolulu Star-Bulletin.

nanakulimama

Kailua, HI

#1 Sep 2, 2008
Another senseless killing. 5 more children are orphans because of one stupid act. Sorry, know you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but this was truly stupid. Geez, if your marriage is not working out get a divorce then move on with your life. I know it's difficult but it can be done.

May God bless and keep these children and the people who are now going to care for them. God bless the mother and forgive the father also.
nidalap

Brooklyn, NY

#2 Sep 2, 2008
REMEMBER; The most dangerous time is when you are leaving.Please ask to have the police assist you in leaving .They are the other ones with GUNS.
ladydi702

Henderson, NV

#3 Sep 2, 2008
The reason why for this senseless killing is cause by marrige that fail between husband & wife, the wife went back to get her things, thinking she dont want to be with her husband and she wants to get on with her life, but the husband no like let her go. So the husband think no way if I cant have her nobody will. I was in a situation like that but I got out of it, she shouldnt have went back to get her things without a police escort. She would be alive now. And the husband would be in jail right now not dead. The husband killed himself knowing that he going jail anyways. To bad for the kids, Now they have to live without parents for the rest of their lives. May god bless them all.
alice

Honolulu, HI

#4 Sep 2, 2008
nidalap is right. men fold when their women leave them. Their pathetic ego cannot stand it. And where were the state social workers or lazy non-profits who claim that they do a better job wasting and raising money than protecting women?
thecommongood

Honolulu, HI

#5 Sep 2, 2008
alice wrote:
nidalap is right. men fold when their women leave them. Their pathetic ego cannot stand it. And where were the state social workers or lazy non-profits who claim that they do a better job wasting and raising money than protecting women?
It might be a good idea to qualify this statement by adding the term "abusive." "Abusive men." But then, that's not really acurrate either. It's not that they "fold" when their women leave them. From what I can tell, abusive men seem to have a lot in common with rapists. It's not about sex or love or whatever you may think. It's about control. "You think you're leaving me? No, no, no... let me correct you on that.*Stab, stab, stab*" It's more of a "I say when (and how) you can leave" sort of thing. You two are right about the dangerousness factor though. For those people who think "why don't they just leave," think about this: staying will get you beaten and might get you killed... eventually. Leaving will often speed up the process. It really is a very dangerous situation for the person leaving. So when you hear people say, "it's not that easy," the difficulty their referring comes down to the question of "how do I leave and not get killed."
No problems

Kailua, HI

#6 Sep 2, 2008
Das why I no get involved. Not worth this B***sh*t!!!! Cus U hurting everyone else but yrself.
huh

Waimanalo, HI

#7 Sep 2, 2008
alice wrote:
nidalap is right. men fold when their women leave them. Their pathetic ego cannot stand it. And where were the state social workers or lazy non-profits who claim that they do a better job wasting and raising money than protecting women?
A while a go I would agree with you. Now I notice women behave just like men:

"Wife allegedly hits car of spouse, rival
A 29-year-old woman was charged with attempted murder yesterday after she allegedly smashed her car into a vehicle that carried her husband and another woman.
Police said Therese Tufaga was driving Sunday night in Laie when she spotted her husband driving with another woman.

Tufaga allegedly chased the car to Hui Iwa and Hui Kelu streets in Kahaluu at about 10:35 p.m. when she rammed the car with her vehicle, police said.

A 27-year-old woman, who was a passenger in the car, was taken in good condition to Castle Medical Center. No one else was injured.

Both cars were severely damaged, police said.

Police arrested Tufaga on suspicion of first-degree attempted murder, and her husband was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of an intoxicant and on a traffic warrant.

Tufaga was being held in lieu of $15,000 bail yesterday."
tessie kaaiawaawa

Honolulu, HI

#8 Sep 2, 2008
This is very sad, sad for everyone, mostly the kids, thats who suffers the most, we need to educate the mens, alot of them was brought up this way, and sometimes this is the only way they know how to deal with this kind of problems, our cultures teaches the mens to take charge be in control. an if you don't than that would make them a wimp, but little do they know that the mens that treat the ladys nice, with respect thata gentle men, so mothers out there teach the boys that you need to respect our ladys, and treat them like how they should treat there mom,it's the only way this can stop, by our mothers stop living in violence, because that is where your son is learning it from, the dads, stop the circle of life,
tessie kaaiawaawa

Honolulu, HI

#9 Sep 2, 2008
thats why most of the ladys is turning gay, so come on men wake up and smell the coffee, love should never hurt, respect them they are equal to you now days, it's not like the old days men rules, theres wife making way more money then them, so treat everybody the way you want to be treated, hawaii is aloha, look for help,
Love Waianae

Ewa Beach, HI

#10 Sep 2, 2008
I've always said they should issue a woman a gun permit along with the marriage license. Her first black eye should be her last one. On the other hand, I know lots of women that get beat up regularly, yet stick around for more. Yet we gave these same women voting rights. Sheeeesh.
Rufus

Honolulu, HI

#11 Sep 3, 2008
Tough, and sad situation; small island small population. Where are you going to run too. Where can you hide and how do you take care of the kids. I guess the husband felt he had the upper hand but "what now" the families got to take care of the keikis a month old baby. My prayers go out to the kids and the families; another truly senseless act of a weak, and selfish individual.

“Got Bananas?”

Since: Aug 08

Hawaii

#12 Sep 4, 2008
wow...just hearing about this today. i'm shocked. this was a very hard-working, pleasant to be around, easy-going guy. i never had the chance to meet his wife. my condolences go out to both families...his and her friends and co-workers.
prayers will be said for their 5 little ones.
this is just so sad.
Concerned

Lanai City, HI

#13 Sep 4, 2008
tessie kaaiawaawa wrote:
This is very sad, sad for everyone, mostly the kids, thats who suffers the most, we need to educate the mens, alot of them was brought up this way, and sometimes this is the only way they know how to deal with this kind of problems, our cultures teaches the mens to take charge be in control. an if you don't than that would make them a wimp, but little do they know that the mens that treat the ladys nice, with respect thata gentle men, so mothers out there teach the boys that you need to respect our ladys, and treat them like how they should treat there mom,it's the only way this can stop, by our mothers stop living in violence, because that is where your son is learning it from, the dads, stop the circle of life,
In response to above-I strongly disagree about your statement-"our cultures teaches men how to take charge and control"...that is insane. Do you have any idea what that statement suggests about hawaiians in general. I happen to know this guy personally and he wasn't a violent man, he was my classmate. The media and his neighbors has reported no domestic abuse. Contrary to that, he was as kind, gentle, very hard working man with only love for his wife and children. And regarding respect, it goes both ways...and is not specific to any gender. He did not have a violent past.
island gurl808

Waimanalo, HI

#14 Sep 15, 2008
I pray for the 5 children that was left behing with no daddy or mommy to care for them. They won't be able to feel the way we feel of having a mom and dad....Gerry wasnt a bad man...it's just that he had problems with his wife dating a construction worker and got pregnant from him this all wouldn't have happened...Gerry was a hard working man...I neva did see him in that way...now that their not here it wont be the same...seeing them pass down the road and saying hi....but all i have to say is take care of the kids and i miss you uncle gerry....
Lanai Princess

Waimanalo, HI

#15 Sep 15, 2008
barah you knoe how hard it is to wake up to child that's not even yours...if you found out your wife was seeing anodda guy and got pregnant, how would you feel?.. Pissed right???? well i bet that's how he felt...looking at a child your wife gave birth to but doesn't at all look like you...i knoe he tried working it out but i guess when she planned on moving out he just lost it.That's nuts to the max. Also leaving those kids behind...i pray for them all the time. how you going explain to them that their mom and dad is dead. That's hard. They not going understand until they get older...but just leaving them behind is sad..At least now their mom and dad is watching over them. Gerry and his oldest son is so close. They use to do so much things together. Everyday I use to see them. Even at work they both would drive down just to go weigh their fish. Now Gerry boys at youth challenge and being so far from his dad is a difficult thing to take in knowing that when you go home from this program your dads not going to be their to congratulate you on your hard work. That's hard!!! But that's how life goes and there's nothing you can do to go back in time just to stop what had happened....
someoneonlanai

Lanai City, HI

#16 Sep 16, 2008
No one really knows what happened, but just because he pulled the trigger, doesn't make her a saint. No one deserves to die, and Gerry, obviously, did not do what was right.

Both are at fault, and in the end have paid the ultimate price for their mishaps and failure at marriage.

The only advice to be given here is to be honest and don't cheat, or be sneaky. Admit to your wrongs, and try talking, instead of yelling. If you have problems, seek help, talk to someone, don't bottle up feelings. Talk to the wall, anything, just to get it out.

There was no abuse, but every day you could hear her screaming at the kids, at Gerry, I mean come on, that was no way to live. And he put up with so much....
All he wanted was to love her and for her to love him... it's not a romance... it's tragic and stupid. He should've learned to let go...
Bill

Honolulu, HI

#17 Sep 16, 2008
Lanai Princess wrote:
barah you knoe how hard it is to wake up to child that's not even yours...if you found out your wife was seeing anodda guy and got pregnant, how would you feel?..**** right???? well i bet that's how he felt...looking at a child your wife gave birth to but doesn't at all look like you...i knoe he tried working it out but i guess when she planned on moving out he just lost it.That's nuts to the max. Also leaving those kids behind...i pray for them all the time. how you going explain to them that their mom and dad is dead. That's hard. They not going understand until they get older...but just leaving them behind is sad..At least now their mom and dad is watching over them. Gerry and his oldest son is so close. They use to do so much things together. Everyday I use to see them. Even at work they both would drive down just to go weigh their fish. Now Gerry boys at youth challenge and being so far from his dad is a difficult thing to take in knowing that when you go home from this program your dads not going to be their to congratulate you on your hard work. That's hard!!! But that's how life goes and there's nothing you can do to go back in time just to stop what had happened....
But did he have to kill. That is the saddest part of all.

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