It's Friday. Tell me a joke!

It's Friday. Tell me a joke!

Posted in the La Porte Forum

Elaine

Houston, TX

#1 Apr 26, 2013
In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs" who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, " I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday”.
Elaine

Houston, TX

#2 Apr 26, 2013
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy street. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk. The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a police officer.... He took her to the police station where she placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, the policeman opened the cell door and said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"
mymyself&I

Tomball, TX

#3 Apr 26, 2013
Elaine wrote:
In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs" who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, " I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday”.
That's was cute !😉
mymyself&I

Tomball, TX

#4 Apr 26, 2013
Elaine wrote:
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy street. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk. The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a police officer.... He took her to the police station where she placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, the policeman opened the cell door and said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"
Lol!! Go figure!!
Lomaxx

Houston, TX

#5 Apr 26, 2013
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------


Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
----------

The sermon this morning:'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
----------


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Lomaxx

Houston, TX

#6 Apr 26, 2013
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
----------


The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
----------


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
----------


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
----------
----------
And this one just about sums them all up:
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


Lomaxx

Houston, TX

#7 Apr 26, 2013
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------


Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
----------


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
----------


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
----------


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
----------


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
----------


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
----------



Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
----------


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

La Porte Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Hillary's Brain Damage. Sat Defiant1 13
Trump's Child Care Plan Sat Defiant1 20
Clinton bribed Lynch. Sat Defiant1 37
kkk supports hillary Sat Defiant1 50
Does it bother you Christians? Sat Defiant1 77
lpbba Sep 20 Jason 1
Information about an old mansion in La Porte ca... (Oct '14) Sep 19 TxJethro 43

La Porte Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

La Porte Mortgages