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lost

Nashville, TN

#1 Jun 22, 2012
how to bounce bk from at divorce
Benn there

United States

#2 Jun 22, 2012
Wow... Its a very hard thing to do! I was married almost 25 yrs and found out my EX was then having an affair with a convict. I lost my entire world. EVERYTHING...... I could have buried easier then to divorce her. We had a very nice home and I thought everything was fine... I was totally wrong. BUT..... I made it thru. Still not happy and totally sastified. But like the song goes... I get a little stronger everyday. I made a fatal mistake years ago... I made HER my world and gave her everything even things she actually didnt want but I showered her with fine items. SHE WAS A WELL KEPT WOMAN. but i guess she wanted the other men more than she did me. So to answer ur question...... How do ya bounce back???? By letting go of what once was and turning ur back on ur EX...... Its a hard thing to do when love is involved.... But remember.... If they truly did love you.....faithhfulness and strenght would have kept you all together.... NOBODY else could drive a wedge between U two.
Benn there

United States

#3 Jun 22, 2012
I move far away and she moved closer to her work and very close to her former lover. Some say I ram away and I guess I did. But i got tired of hearing about stuff going on. A good friend helped me catch her with pics and a video.... He owns a Private Investigation service and was once sheriff of Anderson County. She nevr could figure out how I knew so much. I seen the bitter truth and knew she was lying. Even met with her convict friend and he lied more than she did. Hahahah i guess they're made for each other still today as I hear rumor of. But u got to let go of Everything! Hard to do but it can be done or U will loose ur mind. I almost did mine and almost done something stupid. REAL STUPID....... BUT Woke up before I pulled the trigger. Prison is NOT for me! Hope this helps....... Talking to people thats been there helped me too.
oh HELL no

Nashville, TN

#4 Jun 22, 2012
yanno something Benn there? those people that said you were running away? are LOSERS. why? to say something like that is to BASH at your integrity, and your RIGHT to sanity, and peaceful existence. AS IF what the ex had done to you wasn't enough. just damn! You didn't RUN FROM anything when you moved, you ran TOWARDS a new life, a new you, your RIGHT to healing. If you ran FROM anything it was to run away from the TOXIC garbage that your ex was too happy to put you through, and ALSO from the toxic garbage of those that said to you that basically you're a coward. F*ck THEM, and congrats!
lovelyoneincrazy town

United States

#5 Jun 23, 2012
oh HELL no wrote:
yanno something Benn there? those people that said you were running away? are LOSERS. why? to say something like that is to BASH at your integrity, and your RIGHT to sanity, and peaceful existence. AS IF what the ex had done to you wasn't enough. just damn! You didn't RUN FROM anything when you moved, you ran TOWARDS a new life, a new you, your RIGHT to healing. If you ran FROM anything it was to run away from the TOXIC garbage that your ex was too happy to put you through, and ALSO from the toxic garbage of those that said to you that basically you're a coward. F*ck THEM, and congrats!
good post!
someone

United States

#6 Jun 23, 2012
When i first started going through my divorce, i found it very helpful to spend time learning things about myself. I needed to know what i was all about. Helped me out a lot.
lovelyoneincrazy town

United States

#7 Jun 23, 2012
someone wrote:
When i first started going through my divorce, i found it very helpful to spend time learning things about myself. I needed to know what i was all about. Helped me out a lot.
one problem I see often is when people become lonely enough or have low self-esteem they become chameleons. Every person they are with they try to be like that person or like what that person likes. In the end a relationship built upon lies or deception is already doomed. You can't live your entire life being fake. I was married to a guy I met in the army before I married my high school sweetheart. The ex and I only knew each other shortly and after 7 months he was beating me an cheating. Found out before he joined the army he was hiding a bipolar blind rage condition. When being deployed the pressure got bad on him and he was snapping. You can't hide who I are because that means you can't talk with the one person that promises to love you and they can't love YOU if they don't know you.
Benn there

United States

#8 Jun 24, 2012
Well Thank You all for the uplifting comments you gave me. I sincerely do appreciate them all. But I'm not the one that is of the importance on here right now... It's the first one name...... "Lost"... I sure hope we ALL have helped you out in some of our posts. Everything we ALL Together have stated is all Excellent advise and good words of comfort. I hope and pray for you and your broken heart. May the Good Lord comfort you in this trying time in your life.
lovelyoneincrazy town

Charlotte, NC

#9 Jun 24, 2012
Benn there wrote:
Well Thank You all for the uplifting comments you gave me. I sincerely do appreciate them all. But I'm not the one that is of the importance on here right now... It's the first one name...... "Lost"... I sure hope we ALL have helped you out in some of our posts. Everything we ALL Together have stated is all Excellent advise and good words of comfort. I hope and pray for you and your broken heart. May the Good Lord comfort you in this trying time in your life.
I am happy that everyone has been supportive on this thread. A divorce can feel like the end of the world, and everything can feel worse and you have less patience. Roll with the punches, don't rush anything and never expect to find the same in the future. Be excited with the new adventure and people that will come in your life.
screw

United States

#10 Jun 25, 2012
lost wrote:
how to bounce bk from at divorce
An old friend once told me "when your heart is broke you have to SCREW it back together". Good luck to you.
lol

Knoxville, TN

#11 Jun 25, 2012
screw wrote:
<quoted text>An old friend once told me "when your heart is broke you have to SCREW it back together". Good luck to you.
worked for me
gotcha

Nashville, TN

#12 Jun 27, 2012
"never expect to find the same in the future"....

what???

you always do that. start off okay then throw in some kind of off the wall "huh???" statement.

... and NO don't care to hear you hijack yet again another thread in your obsession to take and make it all about you as I just now realized this is how you do it! start off ok then say something that a reader can't help but to respond to the 'wtf?' part of it and then you get on your 'all about me' and 'wah! I am not a troll!' tangents!

------

Look, "lost", it's not easy on anyone. Whether you're the one that wanted the divorce, or they did, or you both did. What's important is that you take care of YOU. DEAL with your mistakes forgive yourself and LEARN. If you feel like you're thinking of backsliding and going back to them, or wanting to, STOP yourself. Baby steps. Hour by hour, and baby steps. Their business is now NONE of YOUR business, and neither is your business one bit their business and you need to make that clear with yourself and STAND strong on it. The end of this marriage means you're to take time out and learn what happened and why and LEARN to want and do better for yourself. That takes TIME. You don't do that then you will just go out and hook up with another loser. That's the LAST thing you need. Take the time to build back your self-esteem ALONE but surrounded by those you KNOW love you, and you can be safe emotionally to share your space and time with. Take care of YOU. BLOCk everything about the ex as in communication with them meaning any 'friends' that want to report back to you about their business, and all means of communication such as phone, net, etc from them for exception of your lawyer. MOVE FORWARD. Baby steps and hour by hour. It's hard, but def doable, and def worth it. BUT, if you're not going to do it legit and leave it behind, then don't bother whining about it and bother people with your bs. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's how it is. Either get RIGHT with YOURSELF, or end up hooking up and deserving the garbage you hook up with. Take care of YOU - old or new HEALTHY hobbies/interests, counseling, moving even - and the rest will take care of itself. You can do it.:) Good luck.
lovelyoneincrazy town

United States

#13 Jun 27, 2012
gotcha wrote:
"never expect to find the same in the future"....

what???

you always do that. start off okay then throw in some kind of off the wall "huh???" statement.

... and NO don't care to hear you hijack yet again another thread in your obsession to take and make it all about you as I just now realized this is how you do it! start off ok then say something that a reader can't help but to respond to the 'wtf?' part of it and then you get on your 'all about me' and 'wah! I am not a troll!' tangents!

------

Look, "lost", it's not easy on anyone. Whether you're the one that wanted the divorce, or they did, or you both did. What's important is that you take care of YOU. DEAL with your mistakes forgive yourself and LEARN. If you feel like you're thinking of backsliding and going back to them, or wanting to, STOP yourself. Baby steps. Hour by hour, and baby steps. Their business is now NONE of YOUR business, and neither is your business one bit their business and you need to make that clear with yourself and STAND strong on it. The end of this marriage means you're to take time out and learn what happened and why and LEARN to want and do better for yourself. That takes TIME. You don't do that then you will just go out and hook up with another loser. That's the LAST thing you need. Take the time to build back your self-esteem ALONE but surrounded by those you KNOW love you, and you can be safe emotionally to share your space and time with. Take care of YOU. BLOCk everything about the ex as in communication with them meaning any 'friends' that want to report back to you about their business, and all means of communication such as phone, net, etc from them for exception of your lawyer. MOVE FORWARD. Baby steps and hour by hour. It's hard, but def doable, and def worth it. BUT, if you're not going to do it legit and leave it behind, then don't bother whining about it and bother people with your bs. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's how it is. Either get RIGHT with YOURSELF, or end up hooking up and deserving the garbage you hook up with. Take care of YOU - old or new HEALTHY hobbies/interests, counseling, moving even - and the rest will take care of itself. You can do it.:) Good luck.
you don't even know what I meant? U won't fid the same because the person will be different in the future. You are allowed to love more than one person. Don't compare the loves, the love will be special and unique to that person.
lovelyoneincrazy town

United States

#14 Jun 27, 2012
lovelyoneincrazytown wrote:
<quoted text>I am happy that everyone has been supportive on this thread. A divorce can feel like the end of the world, and everything can feel worse and you have less patience. Roll with the punches, don't rush anything and never expect to find the same in the future. Be excited with the new adventure and people that will come in your life.
hellooooooo? Read what I wrote! "be excited with the new adventure an people that will come in your life".
lovelyoneincrazy town

United States

#15 Jun 27, 2012
gotcha wrote:
"never expect to find the same in the future"....

what???

you always do that. start off okay then throw in some kind of off the wall "huh???" statement.

... and NO don't care to hear you hijack yet again another thread in your obsession to take and make it all about you as I just now realized this is how you do it! start off ok then say something that a reader can't help but to respond to the 'wtf?' part of it and then you get on your 'all about me' and 'wah! I am not a troll!' tangents!

------

Look, "lost", it's not easy on anyone. Whether you're the one that wanted the divorce, or they did, or you both did. What's important is that you take care of YOU. DEAL with your mistakes forgive yourself and LEARN. If you feel like you're thinking of backsliding and going back to them, or wanting to, STOP yourself. Baby steps. Hour by hour, and baby steps. Their business is now NONE of YOUR business, and neither is your business one bit their business and you need to make that clear with yourself and STAND strong on it. The end of this marriage means you're to take time out and learn what happened and why and LEARN to want and do better for yourself. That takes TIME. You don't do that then you will just go out and hook up with another loser. That's the LAST thing you need. Take the time to build back your self-esteem ALONE but surrounded by those you KNOW love you, and you can be safe emotionally to share your space and time with. Take care of YOU. BLOCk everything about the ex as in communication with them meaning any 'friends' that want to report back to you about their business, and all means of communication such as phone, net, etc from them for exception of your lawyer. MOVE FORWARD. Baby steps and hour by hour. It's hard, but def doable, and def worth it. BUT, if you're not going to do it legit and leave it behind, then don't bother whining about it and bother people with your bs. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's how it is. Either get RIGHT with YOURSELF, or end up hooking up and deserving the garbage you hook up with. Take care of YOU - old or new HEALTHY hobbies/interests, counseling, moving even - and the rest will take care of itself. You can do it.:) Good luck.
stop with the bs. You really need to evaluate why u have this need to half read posts just to start trouble.
nope

Nashville, TN

#16 Jun 27, 2012
lovelyoneincrazytown wrote:
<quoted text>
you don't even know what I meant? U won't fid the same because the person will be different in the future. You are allowed to love more than one person. Don't compare the loves, the love will be special and unique to that person.
Sorry, but you're clueless. You get out of a bad relationship and do NOT take the time and make the effort to do the hard internal work necessary to fix YOURSELF you will only keep landing the same TYPE = loser - over, and over, and over again. Point is getting yourself into an emotionally HEALTHY relationship in the future. Otherwise, a body is just bs'ing theirself, just same chit different person.
nope

Nashville, TN

#17 Jun 27, 2012
Benn there wrote:
If they truly did love you.....faithhfulness and strenght would have kept you all together.... NOBODY else could drive a wedge between U two.
Takes way more then just "faithfullness and strenght" to keep a marriage together. Love is just the tip of the iceburg. Honest and sometimes hard uncomfortable COMMUNICATION is paramount. Plenty of couples break up where neither one had affairs on the other, they just grew apart and away from each other. Agree though that those that let that happen USUALLY go out on their partner, however one's with self-respect and integrity do not - they either go to counseling and try together to get it back on track, or call it a day and be done with it. It's a LOT more work then people dare to face and get real about - just rather go the EASY denial, martyr, and blame the other game garbage.

Then I know more couples then I could shake a stick at that are in some toxic nasty relationships for DECADES, that should have never gotten together to begin with. Worst scenario of too man of those though is if they have kids together but stay married to each other... that's the worse thing for the kids - neither had the balls to do what was right for them: get away from each other, and improve themselves and teach their kids THAT so that THEY could have a better chance at choosing better partners for themselves, when they grow up.
nope

Nashville, TN

#18 Jun 27, 2012
"Worst scenario of those..." .... no idea where "of too man" came from, between there (wth? lol) but, whatever.

Anyway, how are you doing since posting this "lost"? Hang in there.
Benn there

United States

#19 Jun 27, 2012
This is very true "nope" and I should have been more clearer on the strenght part. But when cheating becomes the "EX" first priority with countless lies and doesnt stop..... And you bust them over n over..... Its time to shake their dust off your feet and walk away. I also find that sooner or later they (EX) will get their bitter wakeup call in the end and wish they hadnt done their B.S. But its too little too late. COMMUNICATION cant be LIES. TRUTH the first time goes along ways and forgiveness can be done IF the B.S. Stops the 1st time. I wasnt that lucky with my EX. It went on an on for many months. Also the WORK in trying to salvage some trust in them and restoring the crushed heart takes TIME.. TIME tells all tails..... The "EX" was all vemon lies and sad part I already knew. Old saying goes...... You cant bullshit a shitter. In other words.... Dont lie when you know the other one knows the truth! Hardest part was giving up and facing the bitter truth. You feel used, disrespected, and worthless.
Benn there

United States

#20 Jun 27, 2012
Agree though that those that let that happen USUALLY go out on their partner, however one's with self-respect and integrity do not - It's a LOT more work then people dare to face and get real about -
Sounds like my "EX" NO SELF-RESPECT OR INTEGRITY FOR HER OWN SELF OR ANYONE ELSE. Here's the sad part.... Whoever gets her will get used just like me. She cheated on me and she will cheat on them too. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. A person that cheats on their spouse or now former spouse will ALWAYS BE LABELED A CHEATER and other harsh truthful words. I'll leave those words for everyone's imagination!!! Like slut... Whore.... Trash...skank,,,, OOPS did I say that out loud?????? Hahahahahahahah

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