Why is the spouse always the last to ...

Why is the spouse always the last to know

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Curious

Saint Louis, MO

#1 Nov 8, 2007
Can someone please explain why if your spouse is having an affair, it seems as if everyone in town knows about it but the other spouse never hears about it until its to late. I would really like to know how this happens.
my guess

Kennett, MO

#2 Nov 8, 2007
Curious wrote:
Can someone please explain why if your spouse is having an affair, it seems as if everyone in town knows about it but the other spouse never hears about it until its to late. I would really like to know how this happens.
I think sometimes the spouse is in denial.
because

Kennett, MO

#3 Nov 8, 2007
most people don't want to be the messenger of bad news!
I wouldn't want to tell anyone hey your husband or wife is having an affair. That would crush some people.
I feel like if your spouse is having an affair then it is YOUR job to find out. I was married to someone who cheated and I was the last to know because I was so wrapped up in being me and living the good life I didn't see the warning signs !
curious

Saint Louis, MO

#4 Nov 8, 2007
because wrote:
most people don't want to be the messenger of bad news!
I wouldn't want to tell anyone hey your husband or wife is having an affair. That would crush some people.
I feel like if your spouse is having an affair then it is YOUR job to find out. I was married to someone who cheated and I was the last to know because I was so wrapped up in being me and living the good life I didn't see the warning signs !
I understand that all to well, however I feel as if my husband is cheating on me and I am sure that someone knows but they will not tell me. Its starting to drive me crazy.
FYI

Saint Louis, MO

#5 Nov 8, 2007
Its not so much that the spose is the last to know but if she has haerd about it from others and refuses to listen to what has been said is where the problem lies. I know for a fact a certain man G.B is cheating and shes ben told about it but wont beleive it. When you have everything you dont want to leave what you have no matter what. Its prety sad that many stay for financil resons or kids instead of love.

“Born to be mild”

Since: Nov 07

Holcomb

#6 Nov 8, 2007
FYI wrote:
Its not so much that the spose is the last to know but if she has haerd about it from others and refuses to listen to what has been said is where the problem lies. I know for a fact a certain man G.B is cheating and shes ben told about it but wont beleive it. When you have everything you dont want to leave what you have no matter what. Its prety sad that many stay for financil resons or kids instead of love.
First of all you need to learn how to spell that could be a very good reason why the certain person you are referring to may not believe you. Secondly, I think I know who you are referring to and I find that very hard to believe. You always see the two of them together and they are always happy. Please do not start bashing them when you dont know what you are talking about.
arghhhhhh

Blue Springs, MO

#7 Nov 8, 2007
FYI wrote:
Its not so much that the spose is the last to know but if she has haerd about it from others and refuses to listen to what has been said is where the problem lies. I know for a fact a certain man G.B is cheating and shes ben told about it but wont beleive it. When you have everything you dont want to leave what you have no matter what. Its prety sad that many stay for financil resons or kids instead of love.
I can think of no better reason to stay than kids.Too many have to live in broken homes already and IF you can be civil til the hell passes over the kids may be the beneficiaries in the end. It takes a big person to hold things together.
Beenthere

United States

#8 Nov 8, 2007
If you suspect it, it is probably is true. There is ways to find out.....hire a detective and install a keystroke program on their computer. Also get the phone bills.
I suspected it because my spouse was acting differently, loosing weight, dressing differently, couldn't account for times we were away, our sex life was different. Just numerous things if you open your eyes, it will be right in front of your nose.
disagrree

Saint Louis, MO

#9 Nov 8, 2007
arghhhhhh wrote:
<quoted text>
I can think of no better reason to stay than kids.Too many have to live in broken homes already and IF you can be civil til the hell passes over the kids may be the beneficiaries in the end. It takes a big person to hold things together.
I disagree...children can sense when things aren't right
yeppers

Saint Louis, MO

#10 Nov 8, 2007
i don't know what the happy answer is here.
PI in town

Kennett, MO

#11 Nov 8, 2007
I understand that all to well, however I feel as if my husband is cheating on me and I am sure that someone knows but they will not tell me. Its starting to drive me crazy.
There are two ladies in town that will bust this person out. watch them and get whatever it is that you need FACTS! I used them they are great. I got everything I needed to justify a nice divorce
Inquiring Mind

Saint Louis, MO

#12 Nov 9, 2007
PI in town wrote:
I understand that all to well, however I feel as if my husband is cheating on me and I am sure that someone knows but they will not tell me. Its starting to drive me crazy.
There are two ladies in town that will bust this person out. watch them and get whatever it is that you need FACTS! I used them they are great. I got everything I needed to justify a nice divorce
I could really use a PI too, do you mind telling me who you used to catch your spouse? And was it expensive?
Concerned

Saint Louis, MO

#13 Nov 9, 2007
FYI wrote:
Its not so much that the spose is the last to know but if she has haerd about it from others and refuses to listen to what has been said is where the problem lies. I know for a fact a certain man G.B is cheating and shes ben told about it but wont beleive it. When you have everything you dont want to leave what you have no matter what. Its prety sad that many stay for financil resons or kids instead of love.
Exactly who are you referring to when you say G.B.? Is he from Kennett? Approximate age? Just wondering if its the same G.B. that I know as I have heard this same rumor and its not the first time he has cheated.

“Minicoopergal here”

Since: Jul 07

Cameron Mo

#14 Nov 9, 2007
Instead of hiring a PI come right out and ask the spouse if they are cheating, and if they say no, then have a good ole heart to heart and find out why they are not acting their normal.
I mean it could be something as simple as a hormonal imbalance and yes women, men can also get this as well. it is just not a woman thing.

If they are honest and they are cheating, then at that time, take proper steps. Hiring a PI can be very expensive, plus if the spouse is not cheating, you have just betrayed the trust you took in your marriage vows.
Do the simple things first and TALK to your spouse.
been there also

Saint Louis, MO

#15 Nov 9, 2007
My ex husband was acting funny too. he started wearing cologne which he never did before he would say he was working late but when I would call up there they would say he wasn't there. He was being meaner to me then normal. I would rather someone tell me and then I would look into it myself. I hate being cheated on if you are married and aren't happy just get a divorce don't cheat that just hurts the other person more cause eventually they will find out and it's a horrible feeling.
eyesandears

United States

#16 Nov 9, 2007
You wouldn't want your friends to come in and say "guess what" that is for you to seek and find or not, its up to you, as stated above, talk to your spouse<<
Monster mash

Memphis, TN

#17 Nov 9, 2007
OMG is Jessi at it again I mean I know she is divorced and all now but that doesnt mean that the man is.

“Born to be mild”

Since: Nov 07

Holcomb

#18 Nov 9, 2007
minicoopergal wrote:
Instead of hiring a PI come right out and ask the spouse if they are cheating, and if they say no, then have a good ole heart to heart and find out why they are not acting their normal.
I mean it could be something as simple as a hormonal imbalance and yes women, men can also get this as well. it is just not a woman thing.
If they are honest and they are cheating, then at that time, take proper steps. Hiring a PI can be very expensive, plus if the spouse is not cheating, you have just betrayed the trust you took in your marriage vows.
Do the simple things first and TALK to your spouse.
You made a good point but I have learned from experience that if the other party even senses that the other spouse thinks he or she is cheating then they will make sure to watch more closely in order to not get caught. It can work both ways, sometimes couples can talk however the majority of the time one is not going to admit cheating no matter what. They always look for another reason to get out of a marriage other than telling the truth. Its alot more fun actually catching the cheater in the act anyway at least you get the ultimate revenge in the beginning then you can go through the process of healing and dealing with what has happened.

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#19 Nov 9, 2007
eyesandears wrote:
You wouldn't want your friends to come in and say "guess what" that is for you to seek and find or not, its up to you, as stated above, talk to your spouse<<
TRUE TRUE TRUE.

The messenger always gets shot!
Talk

Saint Louis, MO

#20 Nov 9, 2007
FYI wrote:
Its not so much that the spose is the last to know but if she has haerd about it from others and refuses to listen to what has been said is where the problem lies. I know for a fact a certain man G.B is cheating and shes ben told about it but wont beleive it. When you have everything you dont want to leave what you have no matter what. Its prety sad that many stay for financil resons or kids instead of love.
Names, Names, please!!! I know a couple of people with those initials give me some hints or something.

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