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Confused

Stamford, CT

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#23
Nov 7, 2012
 

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Boggles my mind why women would ditch a guy that treats her right because he is "boring" so that they can live in hell with a guy that treats them like crap. Seems to me that if ur with someone that treats u terrible, you have low self esteem or 0 confidence.

No one owes u a better life unless u go out and search for it urself
Tuti Phruti

Cincinnati, OH

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#24
Nov 8, 2012
 

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Confused wrote:
Boggles my mind why women would ditch a guy that treats her right because he is "boring" so that they can live in hell with a guy that treats them like crap. Seems to me that if ur with someone that treats u terrible, you have low self esteem or 0 confidence.
No one owes u a better life unless u go out and search for it urself
A woman with low self esteem and zero confidence, needs to get professional help, before she enters another relationship. If she doesn't, she'll end up with another abuser. Sometimes it has to do with the home, that they grew up in. A daughter who sees their mother being abused, thinks that is the way it should be. It's like when a son sees his father abusing his mother, carrying on with other women, he thinks that is what a husband should be like. We all must remember, our children pay for our mistakes.

Since: Oct 12

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#25
Nov 8, 2012
 
Why do they stay with men who have affairs on them. my brothers wife has put up with it for years that hes had a girlfriend
Abusedtoo

Kailua, HI

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#26
Mar 4, 2013
 

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I'm reading these posts and it's so awful how we let people do these things to us...I'm in a similar situation..but thank god it's not AS extream as most I've read...I'm so sorry to those of u who have been treated these ways..it's not right..it's not ur falt..I hope u know that...I know that about my situation but I also think I can maybe change someone because I "see" the good on them at one time or another...they honestly won't change unless they want too...or can if they sober up and get help for themselves..I'm leaving the man Im with now because he's verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive to me...what I think is the worst thing is that his friends who he's known for over 10 to 20 years think he's NOT the way I see him...they think it's me being the "crazy girlfriend"...only one of his friends understands me, and knows how my bf gets when he's drunk..the others don't and if they do, they won't say a word..which I think is terrible..some real friends he has...anyways, we all need to try to not get into these types of relationships again...and it's hard to figure out at first but when u start to feel maybe it's going "that " way, try to leave...that's what I'm doing...it's the best thing for me AND him...
Married Man

Williamsburg, KY

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#27
Mar 5, 2013
 

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biggossiper wrote:
Why do they stay with men who have affairs on them. my brothers wife has put up with it for years that hes had a girlfriend
They stay with me cause my d!ck is a foot long.
abusedwkids

United States

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#28
Mar 5, 2013
 

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I am a mother of two wonderful little babies. My bf has abused me in every way, mentally, verbally, physically, even sexually! I know its wrong to put up with it. But I am so scared of splitting my children up from their father. They have seen his outbursts and it scares them, but they cry when I tell him he needs to leave. I do not want my babies growing up in this environment, but taking that step to leave scares me to death! I have a job, but it's not enough, my fear is losing my home, or not having the needs for my children. I have sat and tried to figure up a budget that might help me make it, but truth is I can't make ends meet! Plus, it is pure hell when I try to get him to leave. He cusses and screams and then starts yelling at my kids calling me names to them and telling them I will let them die if he isn't around. I have just quit even considering making him leave, it is too hard on my kids and I don't want him to take it out on them, and I don't want them to watch their dad go. I can only hope and pray that he may find another woman and leave me willingly. I don't know what else to do, I am so scared of my children witnessing all this devastation!
not so

Manchester, KY

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#29
Mar 5, 2013
 
I am a mother of two wonderful little babies. My bf has abused me in every way, mentally, verbally, physically, even sexually! I know its wrong to put up with it. But I am so scared of splitting my children up from their father. They have seen his outbursts and it scares them, but they cry when I tell him he needs to leave. I do not want my babies growing up in this environment, but taking that step to leave scares me to death! I have a job, but it's not enough, my fear is losing my home, or not having the needs for my children. I have sat and tried to figure up a budget that might help me make it, but truth is I can't make ends meet! Plus, it is pure hell when I try to get him to leave. He cusses and screams and then starts yelling at my kids calling me names to them and telling them I will let them die if he isn't around. I have just quit even considering making him leave, it is too hard on my kids and I don't want him to take it out on them, and I don't want them to watch their dad go. I can only hope and pray that he may find another woman and leave me willingly. I don't know what else to do, I am so scared of my children witnessing all this devastation!

REPLY: I'm so sorry for your scary circumstances. Do you have any family (biological or church) that you can turn to. Sometimes people stay partly because of the shame of it all, and of having to ask for help from family and friends. But, I pray you have an out if you can just ask for that help. Just think about this, what would happen to your children if he kills you? Do you think a man with that much anger in him would really take care of your children if you weren't there, or would he move on to the next woman he would abuse, taking your children with him to suffer more? And, statistics show that men who abuse often turn to the children and abuse them, especially if you weren't around. Evem though the kids love their dad, seeing him treat their mother like this is not healthy for them, and they risk growing up to either be abusers themselves, or pick a spouse who will abuse them. Kids learn what they live, and it gets so subconsciously ingrained in them that its almost impossible for them to break out of it. By asking for help and leaving with your children, you may be all that saves them from a lifetime of this. And yes, it might be the only way you will even survive. Prayers for you and all in abusive situations to be able to get out.
Been there

London, KY

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#30
Mar 5, 2013
 
Why wrote:
I see so many woman that are so pretty that have a man they have been with for years and he treats her like dirt why would u stay with someone like that and most of them can do better and as a man why would a man treat a woman like that when she's there for him
Because she has low self esteem, and he is probably aware of that,when she grows up she will leave him or we will see her on CNN on trial just like JODI ARIES.
abusedwkids

United States

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#32
Mar 10, 2013
 
not so wrote:
I am a mother of two wonderful little babies. My bf has abused me in every way, mentally, verbally, physically, even sexually! I know its wrong to put up with it. But I am so scared of splitting my children up from their father. They have seen his outbursts and it scares them, but they cry when I tell him he needs to leave. I do not want my babies growing up in this environment, but taking that step to leave scares me to death! I have a job, but it's not enough, my fear is losing my home, or not having the needs for my children. I have sat and tried to figure up a budget that might help me make it, but truth is I can't make ends meet! Plus, it is pure hell when I try to get him to leave. He cusses and screams and then starts yelling at my kids calling me names to them and telling them I will let them die if he isn't around. I have just quit even considering making him leave, it is too hard on my kids and I don't want him to take it out on them, and I don't want them to watch their dad go. I can only hope and pray that he may find another woman and leave me willingly. I don't know what else to do, I am so scared of my children witnessing all this devastation!
REPLY: I'm so sorry for your scary circumstances. Do you have any family (biological or church) that you can turn to. Sometimes people stay partly because of the shame of it all, and of having to ask for help from family and friends. But, I pray you have an out if you can just ask for that help. Just think about this, what would happen to your children if he kills you? Do you think a man with that much anger in him would really take care of your children if you weren't there, or would he move on to the next woman he would abuse, taking your children with him to suffer more? And, statistics show that men who abuse often turn to the children and abuse them, especially if you weren't around. Evem though the kids love their dad, seeing him treat their mother like this is not healthy for them, and they risk growing up to either be abusers themselves, or pick a spouse who will abuse them. Kids learn what they live, and it gets so subconsciously ingrained in them that its almost impossible for them to break out of it. By asking for help and leaving with your children, you may be all that saves them from a lifetime of this. And yes, it might be the only way you will even survive. Prayers for you and all in abusive situations to be able to get out.
I do have family, but they have so much going on in their lives, I just don't want to involve them. And I don't want to face them and let them know what I have put up with. It is very embarrassing.
RLL1111

Elkhorn City, KY

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#33
Mar 10, 2013
 

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"abusedwkids", I can relate to what you are going through. If you or anyone else dealing with past/present abuse, it is safe to email me:-)
Kentucky_rose_00@yahoo.com Sometimes it helps just to talk and have support
someone

Duluth, GA

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#34
Mar 10, 2013
 
As for me I don't ever see my he care for his friends not me and when we are with friends he call me names and think it all cute
Praying for you

Manchester, KY

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#35
Mar 11, 2013
 
I do have family, but they have so much going on in their lives, I just don't want to involve them. And I don't want to face them and let them know what I have put up with. It is very embarrassing.
Reply: Love your heart. I bet you are an awesome mother, and I'm sure it would be very embarrassing. No woman should have to be fearful for their lives at the hands of the man who is supposed to love them. Abuse of any kind is not "love" and even though they always apologize and say it will never happen again, usually it will. Your family may already have some idea of what you are going through, unless you are an Academy-award quality actress! I see the post from "Kentucky Rose" with an email. I hope and pray you will email that person...maybe they are in a position to help you, and you can always talk privately. That offer of a listening ear may be the lifeline you need. Praying for you and your family to find safety, peace, and happiness that you all deserve.
abusedwkids

United States

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#36
Mar 12, 2013
 

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Thank you for reaching out. I have emailed you, thanks again for the people who send out prayers for people in situations like mine.
just one more..

Duluth, GA

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#39
Apr 4, 2013
 

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I myself am in a bad relationship. And the reason I stay is to try and protect the ones I love... He has told me he will destroy all that matters to me if I leave or make him leave....
Seriously

Carrollton, KY

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#40
Apr 5, 2013
 

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My situation is not scary or abusive. But its not good either. I think I understand what one lady mentioned. It's like you feel as though if you leave and later on start another relationship, they will see your flaws and not want you. I have friends tell me all the time that I'm wonderful and deserve better. I work, take care of my family and home. Thats all I do. I get accused of cheating, being boring, etc. I've never cheated, not ever. I'm not boring - I'm responsible.I have a family to take care of. I just sometimes wish I had help or even had someone to take care of me from time to time. I'm not in an abusive relationship anymore, he has gotten better. He doesn't lay a hand on me, but verbally - he can get pretty mean.

Then again, when I hear these other stories, I think - "see, I dont have it so bad - could be worse and if I leave, I could end up with someone worse" - I guess its the fear of the unknown and change that makes me stay. I don't know. I just know I'm sad and this is not the marriage I always hoped to have........
support

Manchester, KY

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#41
Apr 5, 2013
 
To Just one More and Seriously...please know there are many in this community who will support and pray for you and your family. Please email RLL1111 - Kentucky_rose_00@yahoo.com. This person is able to help you and we can all pray for you to somehow have the peace, health, and happiness that you deserve. Good luck and God Bless!
Alice

Reseda, CA

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#43
Apr 27, 2013
 
Unfortunately I'm in that situation and to say I feel like I can't leave because having two kids isn't easy to just walk away and also because I love him. He was never the asshole. I keep thinking he will change despite him telling me he doesnt love me anymore I don't want to believe it. What man wants baggage.....no one.
Jesustakethewhee l

Perth, Australia

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#44
Jan 19, 2014
 
Maybe it's because her father was a man that treated her like crap.
billfrtheville

Englewood, OH

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#45
Jan 21, 2014
 
Alice wrote:
Unfortunately I'm in that situation and to say I feel like I can't leave because having two kids isn't easy to just walk away and also because I love him. He was never the asshole. I keep thinking he will change despite him telling me he doesnt love me anymore I don't want to believe it. What man wants baggage.....no one.
you can NOT make someone love you. It is an important fact that children need to see and experience affection in a family. Wouldn't you rather see that you children have this instead of waiting for your husband to show you love?

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