Windbreakers
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Old Man

Loves Park, IL

#1 Jan 25, 2013
Hey beanboy ain't it great. Soup beans, cornbread, mountain trail mix. Just of way of eating high fiber diet and feeling good all the time. It's good to break wind and feel free. Just a word to a wise windbreaker though. Don't do it in an elevator, especially if your the only one on it. It's hard to explain that one to the awaiting crowd. At least a the big stores you can let it go and don't even have to worry about the echo, because there is always some noise going on somewhere in the store. Watch the ones that leave a heat trail, they will follow you like a heat seeking missle, sometimes at least two aisles. I kept wondering while those old guys show up in the stores walking in crowds. They are trying to disguise themselves. The probably have call signs, like bomber one and bomber two. Believe me, when they let em go they can cause some serious nostril damage.
Beanboy

London, KY

#2 Jan 25, 2013
Old Man wrote:
Hey beanboy ain't it great. Soup beans, cornbread, mountain trail mix. Just of way of eating high fiber diet and feeling good all the time. It's good to break wind and feel free. Just a word to a wise windbreaker though. Don't do it in an elevator, especially if your the only one on it. It's hard to explain that one to the awaiting crowd. At least a the big stores you can let it go and don't even have to worry about the echo, because there is always some noise going on somewhere in the store. Watch the ones that leave a heat trail, they will follow you like a heat seeking missle, sometimes at least two aisles. I kept wondering while those old guys show up in the stores walking in crowds. They are trying to disguise themselves. The probably have call signs, like bomber one and bomber two. Believe me, when they let em go they can cause some serious nostril damage.
. Old Man believe it or not, and I swear it's the truth, my great grandmother told me that at a cemetery outside of London that there was written on someone's tombstone these words," Let the wind blow free wherever you may be for the keepin of a fart was the death of me." I have lived by that motto ever since. I do agree that the big stores are better. I don't do evelators and churches or funeral homes. One time I had practice outside at the high school and it was cold. The parents would park near the practice field and wait for us to get done. My Daddy was sittin in his car waitin on me and cut a very hot flutter buster. One of the other Daddy's came and jumped in the car with him to talk. Yeah better watch those small places. My Daddy taught me a lot over the years it was almost an art form for him. He struck mud more than once. I now teach my boys. I got one boy you can point at him at he can drudge one up. Yeah from generation to generation.
Old Man

Loves Park, IL

#3 Jan 25, 2013
That's good beanboy. Beans, beans they're good to eat, the more ya eat the more ya stink. I'd say when you need to get outta line in a hurry at the store just ease out a holdbacker. They last longer and are good for three or four aisles. Poor old fellows think that no one uses soap, but if they only knew. That's one thing good about windbreaks they can't be blamed on just anyone, especially in a crowd. I have always heard that the smeller is the feller and usually the first one to speak up about it.
Beanboy

London, KY

#4 Jan 25, 2013
Old Man wrote:
That's good beanboy. Beans, beans they're good to eat, the more ya eat the more ya stink. I'd say when you need to get outta line in a hurry at the store just ease out a holdbacker. They last longer and are good for three or four aisles. Poor old fellows think that no one uses soap, but if they only knew. That's one thing good about windbreaks they can't be blamed on just anyone, especially in a crowd. I have always heard that the smeller is the feller and usually the first one to speak up about it.
My Daddy always said beans were a musical fruit. I had a cousin that used to live on milk and Doritos, now he could do some damage. When he was 14 he weighed 280lbs. He said he used to wake himself up at night they were so loud. He used to fire them off on the school bus in the winter time. The windows were up the heat was on. A little girl started throwing up. The bus driver stopped the bus and said somebody better control themselves cause if I find out who is doing this you are off the bus. It was like a bomb. Today they would call homeland security. But back to Walmart. My dog kept pulling the tie down stake out of the ground. Me and my boy went to get another bigger one. We walked down the aisle and they were on the bottom shelf to where I had to get down on my hands and knees to get one. Well I thought I would be funny and let one go on my boy. I strained so hard it came out like a coon in a cage. I looked around and the little old woman that works there said," My goodness". The boy was lookin at the chew toys and when she said that he ran off. I ask her where the bathroom was and she said, "It's back by layaway you better hurry." I swear I cried all the way home laughing my boy won't go to the store with me since then.
Old Man

Woodstock, IL

#5 Jan 26, 2013
Now that is funny. You know people are doing it all the time. I can't hold it man. It makes my stomach hurt so bad I can't even walk. But there could be some catastrophe here. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's in the pattern or going for a full landing. Better to be on the lookout for a close by bathroom just in case it is not just an alarm.
Beanboy

London, KY

#6 Jan 26, 2013
I guess I'll have to say that the best thing about all this is no matter if your rich or poor, tall or short, big or small everybody can be an air bender. I've thrown away many a pair of fruit of the looms because I was trying to reach maximum throttle. Sometimes bathrooms can get you in trouble. I've walked out of many of em with no socks or tshirt because of no paper.
Old Man

Cary, IL

#7 Jan 27, 2013
That's a bad feeling dude. I have started making a practice of checking that and making that a priority before going to that stall. That is gross having to walk around smelling and having a wet tail. One thing for sure though. Don't have to break wind anywhere, just show up in an aisle, and watch em scatter.
Beanboy

London, KY

#8 Jan 28, 2013
We'll Old Man I usually check the paper situation when I go in too. Sometimes the old O'ring can't take the pressure anymore and if there isn't any at all you gotta let er go. I hate going out to ask the girl at the counter for toilet paper smellin like a horse stable. I wonder what they would do if an old boy went shuffling out through the store with his britches around his ankles and ripped open a pack of paper and shuffled back to the bathroom. I guess the city police would probably escort you up town. I'd hate to be put in the Sentinel Echo for that. So I guess I'll invest in some handkerchiefs. Them flutterbusters can really get a man in a bind sometimes but I'm addicted now. I just can't stop. I gotta get help.
Old Man

Streamwood, IL

#9 Jan 30, 2013
I agree. Just start carrying some spare just in case. In a situation like that just a little T.P. can go a long way. They should put emergency rolls in them stall for guys like us.
Beanboy

London, KY

#10 Feb 5, 2013
Old Man wrote:
I agree. Just start carrying some spare just in case. In a situation like that just a little T.P. can go a long way. They should put emergency rolls in them stall for guys like us.
Hey I don't know if anybody remembers but it seems like years ago that the Roses department store in Corbin had pay toilets. I have sure had some times when I would have paid for some toilet paper. Now that might be a business to get into. Go into the bathroom at Walmart and take out all the paper and when some poor old feller walks in walkin real funny wait for him to get set down and when he says buddy can you hand me some paper charge him 5 dollars. Wait a minute.....that just ain't American to do that.
Old Man

Lake Geneva, WI

#11 Feb 6, 2013
Feller ought to make 'em a deal when they go in there. Say, buddy the T.P. is out, But I'll sell ya this half roll cause they won't sell half rolls off the shelf. You in.
Beanboy

Campbellsville, KY

#12 Feb 14, 2013
Old Man wrote:
Feller ought to make 'eqm a deal when they go in there. Say, buddy the T.P. is out, But I'll sell ya this half roll cause they won't sell half rolls off the shelf. You in.
I like that. But around here someone would come out with 1/4 rolls cheaper thinking they could sell more.
In Jest _ I Guess

London, KY

#13 Feb 14, 2013
I hope I NEVER run into you two @ Wal - Mart when I'm there , I throw up too easy and can't laugh and hurl at the same time .
Beanboy

Mount Vernon, KY

#14 Feb 21, 2013
In Jest _ I Guess wrote:
I hope I NEVER run into you two @ Wal - Mart when I'm there , I throw up too easy and can't laugh and hurl at the same time .
Now hold on, we can't help it. We have to go to Walmart to shop and it just happens. I guess it's all the walkin you have to do in there. I picked up a 50lb bag of dog food strained a little and it popped out. I guess I could get a sign or wear a t shirt that says, warning I fart at Walmart. But that would take the fun out of it. Just wear a face mask.
LADY Jane

Piscataway, NJ

#15 Feb 21, 2013
Beanboy wrote:
<quoted text> Now hold on, we can't help it. We have to go to Walmart to shop and it just happens. I guess it's all the walkin you have to do in there. I picked up a 50lb bag of dog food strained a little and it popped out. I guess I could get a sign or wear a t shirt that says, warning I fart at Walmart. But that would take the fun out of it. Just wear a face mask.
Take beno before you eat,
And there'll beno gas.
Beanboy

United States

#16 Feb 21, 2013
LADY Jane wrote:
<quoted text>Take beno before you eat,
And there'll beno gas.
Now LADY Jane, there are pills for everything. There are pills to pep you up and pills to bring you down. Pills for just about everything. But do you mean to tell me I can take a pill and my musical wind will be gone? Where does it go LADY Jane? Where?
Old Man

Ripon, WI

#17 Feb 21, 2013
It all disappears into thin air anyway. Besides that, who goes around smelling for it anyway. It is what it is. Just natures way of escaping.
Beanboy

Somerset, KY

#18 Mar 4, 2013
EPA is gonna start giving fines to Windbreakers like me. I'm just glad that it's invisible. There was a guy following me around in Walmart with sunglasses and a suit on. I got nervous. But then he grabbed a shoplifter. My uncle tried to develop a pair of underwear with a charcoal filter in the back for me but it gave me a rash. I don't know what to do. I feel like a social outcast. My family won't walk around with me at Walmart. They won't sit by me unless we are outdoors. My wife has fabreeze dispensers everywhere you look. Poor thing sleeps with a airmask on. She said I need to go to the Dr. and I did, but I heard people in the waiting room complaining about the smell. One old woman threw up and when I finally got to go see the Dr. he came in with a mask on and said he had a cold and didn't want me to get sick, yeah right. He told me to change my diet. No beans, no vegetables of any kind, no fruit, or meat, no eggs, no cheese. I saw where this was going. Trying to kill Beanboy. If anybody can think of anything I can do please post.
The Sarge

Kenosha, WI

#19 Mar 5, 2013
Beanboy. I think I know how you are suffering from this tragic scenario, but look on the bright side. Start bottling it up and sell it for heating purposes. You will still be happy and make money too. It's amazing how people will complain about windbreakers, but they will still burn it in their homes and not complain, you know what I mean?
Bean boy

London, KY

#20 Mar 20, 2013
My stomach hurts. I'm headin to Walmart. Seems like if I walk around a while the pain eases up. Usually there are a lot of senior citizens in there walking around too. I just get behind one of the seniors and let one go, and then pass them up. That way they get blamed for it. They are a little stinky anyway so no one really pays much attention.

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