Gainesville, TX

#1 Aug 29, 2012
If you want to get over your fear of the dark, as soon as you turn off the lights, start to pleasure yourself. No monster wants to see that, then peak under the bed and gently whisper "this one is for you, Mr. Monster".
slimey goo

United States

#2 Sep 1, 2012
Sometimes at night I like to ge naked, cover myself with vaseline, lay on the porch and pretend I'm a slug.

Gainesville, TX

#3 Sep 12, 2012
Let me see if i understand this... my dog eats his own puke, licks his own butt and eats crap out of the catbox and is great. But if i give him a peice of candy, it can kill him.

Gainesville, TX

#4 Oct 6, 2012
Rubbing one out while looking in the mirror isn't wrong. Unless its the rearview mirror, and you're driving a school bus.
just me

United States

#5 Oct 30, 2012
I can't think of anything worse after a long nite of drinking than waking up next to someone I dont know. And wondering what her name is, and how she got there and why I killed her.
Reverend Aiken Nutts

United States

#6 Nov 3, 2012
Yes, there are worse things. Like when I drank a case of Thunderbird wine & polished off five buckets of chicken on Halloween night! Ughhh....
dixie normas

United States

#7 Nov 30, 2012
You can pee without pooping, but you can't poop without peeing.
mike ock

United States

#8 Dec 6, 2012
I used to get higher then hell before class. Then I'd sneak to my desk, slouch down in my seat and hope no one asked me any questions... I was the best teacher ever!

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