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Guest

Georgetown, TX

#1 Oct 30, 2008
How do you live with the guilt of cheating?
When you are cheating do you think of what you have and may lose if your spouse finds out. Or do you even care?
opinion

Russellville, AR

#2 Oct 30, 2008
First, I have never had an affair.

I know people who have. Is it wrong? Yes. But, things aren't always so black and white. There are many reasons people cheat. I think you might get better answers if you ask why people cheat in the first place. Maybe those who have will respond.

Since: Oct 08

Location hidden

#3 Oct 30, 2008
I had an affair, had to confess to my wife, and it was absolutely the most horrific experience in my life. Did I have to confess? Yes, I was caught red handed. Regret? More than I could express in words. The pain I seen in her eyes, literally broke my heart. When I was cheating, I did think about all I could lose, and at the time it all seemed so unimportant. Why did I cheat? I allowed my personal relationship with my wife to become second in my life, I didnt express myself, my fears, my dreams..nothing. We went from being best friends to being almost complete strangers, and instead of being an adult, I did a completely childish thing. The only good thing that came of me having an affair, was that my wife and I actually talked, cried, and fought to keep one another. It has been over 5 years ago, and my marriage has never been better. I now know that I am allowed to be human, make mistakes, fail...and have doubts and insecurities about my choices, and no matter what, when I look beside me, my wife will be right there supporting me. Would I do it again? No..nothing I ever do or say will heal the pain I caused the most special person I have ever met, and that in turn hurt me almost as bad as it did her. It turned me into exactly what I was so afraid of becoming, and that is something so hard to deal with. There are alot of special things in life that we take advantage of, simple things that we dont even recognize as being signifigant, until we lose them. example, your wife looking you in the eye and you know that since the day you first made love, she has never shared that with anyone else, and you cant say the same. You kiss her good night, and know that she only kisses you, and says I love you, only to your ears, but you have shared what you were supposed to give only to her,with someone else. I still feel the guilt and pain, and although she doesnt show it, I know sometimes she does too. Is it black and white? maybe not to some, but to me, there is no excuse.
Guest

Georgetown, TX

#4 Oct 30, 2008
Crazybob,

I know that no person alive is perfect and we all make mistakes but, it takes a real man and a gentleman to admit his. I respect that.
Thank you and god bless you and your wife.
10 cent take on it

Tuckerman, AR

#5 Oct 30, 2008
opinion wrote:
First, I have never had an affair.
I know people who have. Is it wrong? Yes. But, things aren't always so black and white. There are many reasons people cheat. I think you might get better answers if you ask why people cheat in the first place. Maybe those who have will respond.
Yes, things are in this sense, pretty much black and white. A marriage vow is a convenental promise. A contract of sorts. Anything outside of the contract is a breach. Now, I'm not going to say that long before physical infidelity occurs that emotional infidelity hasn't, in all likelihood been the cause. But, two wrongs never make a right. I say those things for two reasons: I married pretty young when I married the first time. I was in my early twenties. My husband was a little older, but not much, and had a wash out under his belt already. He brought dates to our wedding. I spent the honeymoon in a house room on the business floor while my husband was checked into the honeymoon suite with one of the women he brought along. It continued that way throughout the marriage. Until I finally betrayed my beliefs and got out. Second: Be the bigger man/woman...if you don't want it anymore, if you're too shallow, if you're too burnt out, if you are too hurt and really honestly don't think doing the work is the right thing to do. Get out of it. Clean your house. Then have a healthy relationship. Nothing built on shifting sand will ever last. You ought to know that all too well by that point. Respect yourself.
opinion

Russellville, AR

#6 Oct 30, 2008
10 cent take on it wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, things are in this sense, pretty much black and white. A marriage vow is a convenental promise. A contract of sorts. Anything outside of the contract is a breach. Now, I'm not going to say that long before physical infidelity occurs that emotional infidelity hasn't, in all likelihood been the cause. But, two wrongs never make a right. I say those things for two reasons: I married pretty young when I married the first time. I was in my early twenties. My husband was a little older, but not much, and had a wash out under his belt already. He brought dates to our wedding. I spent the honeymoon in a house room on the business floor while my husband was checked into the honeymoon suite with one of the women he brought along. It continued that way throughout the marriage. Until I finally betrayed my beliefs and got out. Second: Be the bigger man/woman...if you don't want it anymore, if you're too shallow, if you're too burnt out, if you are too hurt and really honestly don't think doing the work is the right thing to do. Get out of it. Clean your house. Then have a healthy relationship. Nothing built on shifting sand will ever last. You ought to know that all too well by that point. Respect yourself.
I do agree with everything you said. Sounds like you really went through hell and back. I'm truly sorry if my comment made cheating sound OK. I didn't mean that at all. And, I should have been more clear. Those I know who have cheated had emotional affairs, not physical ones.

I guess after seeing all that they (and others like you) have been through, I can't help but wonder if human beings can commit to just one person for life? This totally conflicts with my christian beliefs, but I can't wrap my mind around why so many people cheat. That's what I should have said in my first post. Again, sorry to infer otherwise.

Since: Oct 08

Location hidden

#8 Oct 30, 2008
i like it wrote:
crazybob i bet i could get you alone for 5 minutes i would have you out of your jokeys or boxer and laying on your back on my bed all stiff and ready to perform penis has no mind of its own and you would love it and keep it quiet so we could do it another day or night we would be having more sex then you and your wife ever had it is the new unknow that draws that co-k out of your pants and i want to try it with you one time and if you like it we will keep going think about it when a woman looks at you and drops her eyes below your belt what she is thinking and looking for the next time i see you i will be looking and checking out your crotch baby
I am to old for sex now..even if I wanted to, I do it at home. Thanks anyway!
10 cent take on it

Tuckerman, AR

#9 Oct 30, 2008
opinion wrote:
<quoted text>
I do agree with everything you said. Sounds like you really went through hell and back. I'm truly sorry if my comment made cheating sound OK. I didn't mean that at all. And, I should have been more clear. Those I know who have cheated had emotional affairs, not physical ones.
I guess after seeing all that they (and others like you) have been through, I can't help but wonder if human beings can commit to just one person for life? This totally conflicts with my christian beliefs, but I can't wrap my mind around why so many people cheat. That's what I should have said in my first post. Again, sorry to infer otherwise.
Opinion, why ae you apologising? You asked for feelings. You got feelings. That doesn't mean other people will or won't feel the same way.

Let's just put it this way, all my other woman experience has been on the recieving end. My perosonal opinion of anyone who would hurt their husband that way is really pretty low, so we don't have to bring it up.

As far as the comment, everybody has a different experience level with different life issues. It's a process, it's fluid and it's dynamic. And who can really say what values they won't budge on until they have to grapple it out on the mat.

Look up. A few posts before these Crazybob has a story to tell.

That's courage. It is also strength. There have been times in my life when I thought, if only, and we could duke our way through. After living a while, I have softened a lot. I am able to admire the ones who can make it work again, but personally in my position the best thing was to get out. I was fooling myself trying to hang on. My fahter was terminal throughout all of this, and I guess I was in denial.

So don't apologise. We're just different.
Beautiful Day

Littleton, CO

#10 Oct 30, 2008
As a rule of thumb the husband has an enhanced sex drive compared to the the wife. Is this why God allowed concubines during biblical times?
10 cent take on it

Tuckerman, AR

#11 Oct 30, 2008
No, God allowed concubines and polygamy during biblical lines for three reasons, #1 it was a carry over from earlier mesopotamian clutlure. #@ He was calling and building a nation. #3 To secure a succession to the throne.

Since: Oct 08

Gregory, AR

#12 Oct 30, 2008
i know a certain bastard step-father who is guilty of said actions...
opinion

Russellville, AR

#13 Oct 30, 2008
10 cent take on it wrote:
<quoted text>
Opinion, why ae you apologising? You asked for feelings. You got feelings. That doesn't mean other people will or won't feel the same way.
Let's just put it this way, all my other woman experience has been on the recieving end. My perosonal opinion of anyone who would hurt their husband that way is really pretty low, so we don't have to bring it up.
As far as the comment, everybody has a different experience level with different life issues. It's a process, it's fluid and it's dynamic. And who can really say what values they won't budge on until they have to grapple it out on the mat.
Look up. A few posts before these Crazybob has a story to tell.
That's courage. It is also strength. There have been times in my life when I thought, if only, and we could duke our way through. After living a while, I have softened a lot. I am able to admire the ones who can make it work again, but personally in my position the best thing was to get out. I was fooling myself trying to hang on. My fahter was terminal throughout all of this, and I guess I was in denial.
So don't apologise. We're just different.
Cool. Just didn't want to offend anyone, it's not in my nature. I'm glad you had the strength to get out of a bad situation. Sounds like you are much better off. Thanks for sharing on here. Maybe you insight will help others.
panTsniffr

O Fallon, MO

#14 Oct 30, 2008
I'm the worst! I go on business trips to big cities and cheat on my sweet innocent wife every time! I find sleazy adult bookstores and spend hours giving unprotected oral sex to strange men or I pick up a street hooker and don't always use protection!
guess it will probably come to a stop if she picks up sum disiese cause I luv 2 be a freaky deaky pervert when I'm away!
she would be confused and hurt but I could fix that within a week, she loves me way 2 much to walk out..omg why is that funny2me?

I'm sick (-;
opinion

Russellville, AR

#15 Oct 30, 2008
panTsniffr wrote:
I'm the worst! I go on business trips to big cities and cheat on my sweet innocent wife every time! I find sleazy adult bookstores and spend hours giving unprotected oral sex to strange men or I pick up a street hooker and don't always use protection!
guess it will probably come to a stop if she picks up sum disiese cause I luv 2 be a freaky deaky pervert when I'm away!
she would be confused and hurt but I could fix that within a week, she loves me way 2 much to walk out..omg why is that funny2me?
I'm sick (-;
Are you serious? I'm thinking this is a joke. If not, I won't judge. I'd just recommend getting tested for AIDS and other STD's, BEFORE you give it to your wife. Sex may be fun for you, but killing someone in the process isn't funny at all!!

Since: Oct 08

Location hidden

#16 Oct 30, 2008
panTsniffr wrote:
I'm the worst! I go on business trips to big cities and cheat on my sweet innocent wife every time! I find sleazy adult bookstores and spend hours giving unprotected oral sex to strange men or I pick up a street hooker and don't always use protection!
guess it will probably come to a stop if she picks up sum disiese cause I luv 2 be a freaky deaky pervert when I'm away!
she would be confused and hurt but I could fix that within a week, she loves me way 2 much to walk out..omg why is that funny2me?
I'm sick (-;
I agree with you..your sick and need help
badabing

Alexander, AR

#19 Oct 30, 2008
I have never cheated, but I once had a boyfriend who always suspected that I was. I was crazy in love and would have never done anything to hurt our relationship. Comes to find out, he was the one who was cheating. Later, he accused both his first and second wives of running around on him. Guess he used this as an excuse to cheat on them, too. Last time I talked with him, he had broken up a preacher and his wife, plus slept with his children's babysitter. From what I understand, he has vowed not to marry again. But,he did just have his fourth child with his live in several years ago. He has three other children with his first and second wives. I just don't understand how a cheater can get so many women to sleep with him, especially if they know his past history. He is attractive, but cannot offer security and has a horrible past. What's the deal?
Ivory Girl

Tuckerman, AR

#20 Oct 30, 2008
He's an abuser. Run don't walk. Remember Lot's wife...don't look back either.

Since: Oct 08

Jonesboro/Trumann

#22 Oct 30, 2008
I think pantsniffr is making this all up...if not have you ever heard of "What goes around comes around!"
Not Again

AOL

#23 Oct 30, 2008
After being married 15 years I cheated, ended up doing several men, and had several one night stands. At the time it didn't bother me at all. My husband never knew. I ended up falling in love with one lover but I could never hurt my hubby and kids, so I broke it off. My affairs lasted for many years, but I haven't cheated in 8 years and won't again. I feel shame now, but didn't at the time. I love my husband and did then, but loved the "chase".
The Lake to The LA

State University, AR

#26 Oct 30, 2008
I cheated on my wife w/my wife's sisters cousins best friends sisters girl friend, who knew this gorgeous woman that was formerly in porn movies. Long story short, she videotaped our little action and I'm now A BIG PORN STAR out in Hollywood. From Lake City to Los Angeles, you too can do it. All it takes is a little balls. Remember men...a ring means a FLING!

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