No not insane. Just like the other " insane" poster have been a battered wife. You're are right there are no hard and fast rules but there are dynamics, signs, there are personality traits and certain behaviors that point to an abusive relationship. If you have lived them, you've studied them and have FINNALY healed from them; you can see them if you are in close enough. And no,Wow! I don't know or care if this was an abusive marriage or not. But you last 2 posters are insane if you think abusers and the abused are easily spotted!! There are no hard and fast rules, there is no special way to do it. Many many many of them, in fact, MOST of them seem perfectly normal to everyone around them. The 'preacher man' has been referenced a lot on this thread. They were in the spot light all the time, not isolated in any way. Abuse, like rape, is about control. How much control an abuser has determines how apparent it is. Y'all are grasping at some pretty weak straws here! You both would probably be very surprised at how many people you encounter every day that are suffering some kind of abuse! Emotional abuse is the worst too, and you CAN'T see it.
the other "insane" person and I would not be surprised at all how many abusers are out there. We've lived it. But I can tell you this I've been able to spot them a mile away sometimes especially if either of our children started to date one. All I was saying earlier is; this situation does not fit those dynamics.. Not saying it didn't happen.