Why do men in relationships look at porn?

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WorldGoneToHell

Mountain Home, AR

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#87
Sep 14, 2009
 
maybe im not normal wrote:
Well maybe I am not normal, but I am a female that loves porn. I like to watch it with my man. I have enough self confidence to not be jealous of a naked woman on tv. I tend to find porn very arousing myself and it puts a little spice in our sex when we watch it. I have no problem masterabating or knowing that he is...its human nature. You have to mix things up from time to time after years of marriage. Like let him watch you get yourself off...trust me- men love it! Or watch him get himself off. Its important to learn what pleases you and your mate. I say go to seductions and buy a good movie and some flavored oil and have some fun.
I did say earlier in the discussion that if it's something you enjoy *together*(that's the operative word) then whatever floats your boat, I don't care. When it is something that is done in secret behind a wife's (or husband's) back, and causes them emotional pain then it is NOT OK.

I really thought I was making my position clear, but maybe I wasn't. But to say that's just how men are and women should accept it, well that's a crock. Men expect fidelity and accountability from their wives, and there is NOTHING wrong with a wife expecting the same from her husband. That is something that should be a non issue for everyone, male or female.
Gal

Weiner, AR

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#88
Sep 14, 2009
 
Guy wrote:
because most women try to play god with the p*ssy and not give it up but when they want it... and you would be suprised how many women like porn too....
I'm a girl and I love watching porn. And would like to learn some of the things they are doing, but I don't quite think I'm that limber:)
It puts me in "attack" mode, sometimes guys like it when girls make the first move.
Guest

Jonesboro, AR

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#89
Sep 14, 2009
 
guest wrote:
After perusing "mature" women sites, my husband had affair with much older (8 yrs) woman. After that his attitude changed and he refused to work on marriage and ignores family. He would not stop his involvement. Now I have to file for divorce due to his attitude and emotional abuse.
Heard it all before.

I heard it all in church before.
Dont Think so

Cabot, AR

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#90
Sep 14, 2009
 
WorldGoneToHell wrote:
There you go dude...when you can't think of anything valid or worthwhile to say, call names.
LOL....
I have not ever attempted to "change" my husband. I don't have to. He's a REAL man, unlike the little boys who are throwing tantrums hollering "it's my right to look at porn, it's my right to do what ever I want to do because I want it and it doesn't matter what my wife wants or if it hurts her".
If it is causing mental anguish to the person you are with, if it is making them feel unwanted, unloved, or not respected then it's wrong. Doesn't matter what you say, or what you want to be, or how many names you call me trying to get under my skin and get me to respond in kind.
You need to grow up. Grow a pair, and take responsibility for your actions.
My "pair" is fully intact, and unlike with your poor husband, they're still "attached". Does it make you feel powerful to neuter your husband? Is that how bitter old insecure harpies get their kicks today?

For your husbands sake, I hope he's getting some on the side because I'll bet you could chill a beer with yours.
Guest

Lake Charles, LA

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#91
Sep 14, 2009
 

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Curious wrote:
Yes I have sat down and had discussions with him about the problem. I have done so in a non-threatening way, and tried to make him understand why it bothered me. I have tried every approach known to man and no matter what I do, he still does it. He promises me he won't look at that stuff anymore, and I inevitably find it. He looks at it online, on his phone, etc. I have tried every approach I can think of. I have even written him letters. I would hate to end this relationship, but if he won't stop I don't think I have any other choice. Maladi, I am assuming you are a male. So why don't you give "us women" some serious insight. What gets through to a guy?
Sorry for butting in. Your guy may be trying his best on his own, but it sounds as if he is an addict. I am a porn addict. No matter how good things are or how bad they are, eventually I resort to porn. I can do amazing things on my own, even quit smoking twice, but I cannot quit porn. If we guys hit bottom, like an alcoholic, then maybe we could do something. I don't know. I do know that it has nothing to do with your attractiveness. If you want to understand more, read the book "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes. Good luck. My addiction busted my family up and ruined all of my personal relationships, but I cannot quit on my own.
Sigmund

Sherwood, AR

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#92
Sep 14, 2009
 

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Possibly because they're so depressed that their ole lady is out SPENDING every nickel they've got on goofy-useless shit at some mall.
The better question is: Why do men hang onto women who spend them into BANKRUPTCY?

“I'm mean because you're dumb.”

Since: Mar 09

Jonesboro, AR

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#93
Sep 14, 2009
 

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WorldGoneToHell wrote:
<quoted text>
ROFL...you have GOT to be kidding me. Are you serious with this?
Divorce has been around since biblical times. Porn was not as rampant as you'd have people believe, and when people had affairs those who were caught at it usually met with such censure from the community that they left the country and went some place else. I have news for you, it wasn't that the wives didn't do anything or felt like they had to stay for religious reasons..because God says it's ok to leave someone for adultery. They didn't leave because men took away their right to own property. Men took away their right to have money. And for awhile men fostered the type of society where women were frowned upon if they worked outside the home or were educated to do anything but take care of a house. Please take a history lesson. Get a grip. It has nothing to do with religion or divorce being frowned upon.
You should change your statement to read men don't respect women. THERE is the bottom line. And if a woman doesn't stand up and demand respect, that's her problem. Yet, those of us who do expect our mates to be faithful, and to take their marriage vows seriously are called "bitch" or fat, or whatever.
What is really being said by these men is "I want what I want and it doesn't matter if you like it or not". Equivocate it with a 2 year old throwing a screaming tantrum for a new toy and you'd have a better picture than the one you've painted.
Have you ever checked out the history of porn? Porn has been around in some form or fashion since people were able to write and draw. When the first camera was developed, porn became much more common.

Divorce was rare and frowned upon for the longest time due to the societal control of the Catholic church. Go read your history book. The church was in control of most society for decades. Divorce has always been somewhat taboo until it became more common in the 70s and 80s.

Affairs have always been common. Many aristocrats kept mistresses in separate housing. It was a highly common practice until the Victorian era. Even during and after, most men with any sort of status kept a mistress. Affairs that were caught back in the day met with some scandal (usually if the woman was cheating), but highly unlikely for the adulterer to leave the country over it. These days, it's becoming increasingly rare to come across a marriage or a relationship that hasn't had at least one event afflicting it.

I'm making the natural assumption that you are a feminist. Women do have equal rights now, just fyi.
Mahastlebatle

Deridder, LA

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#94
Sep 15, 2009
 

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Maladi wrote:
<quoted text>
Have you ever checked out the history of porn? Porn has been around in some form or fashion since people were able to write and draw. When the first camera was developed, porn became much more common.
Divorce was rare and frowned upon for the longest time due to the societal control of the Catholic church. Go read your history book. The church was in control of most society for decades. Divorce has always been somewhat taboo until it became more common in the 70s and 80s.
Affairs have always been common. Many aristocrats kept mistresses in separate housing. It was a highly common practice until the Victorian era. Even during and after, most men with any sort of status kept a mistress. Affairs that were caught back in the day met with some scandal (usually if the woman was cheating), but highly unlikely for the adulterer to leave the country over it. These days, it's becoming increasingly rare to come across a marriage or a relationship that hasn't had at least one event afflicting it.
I'm making the natural assumption that you are a feminist. Women do have equal rights now, just fyi.
Guys have rights too. If they want to take the safe route and not get taken for a cleaning by some cheatin gold digger and just look at flicks to satisfy their imperfect needs then they can do just that. No double standards here. Guys can just say no just like women can.
TruthHad2Take

Sherwood, AR

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#95
Sep 15, 2009
 

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Sigmund wrote:
Possibly because they're so depressed that their ole lady is out SPENDING every nickel they've got on goofy-useless shit at some mall.
The better question is: Why do men hang onto women who spend them into BANKRUPTCY?
This guy hit the nail on the head! Say what you want. He's EXACTLY right. They drive MEN nuts with their EXCESSIVE shopping. A woman would buy cow chips if they were on sale? LMAO
justme

Little Rock, AR

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#96
Sep 15, 2009
 

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Porn and prostitution may have been around forever, but never before in our society have women had to compete with naked strangers prostrating themselves in our very living rooms. Always before they had to at least be invited in (by subscription if nothing else) but now they are beating down the door and offering themselves for free!
I do feel sympathy for men. Being so visually stimulated, that has to be an unbearable temptation. I know it can't be easy, but that doesn't make it right to give up the battle against temptation completely.
And, no, I'm not a (b)witch. My husband is free to leave at anytime, yet he chooses to stay. 90% of the time in a gender war, I'm siding with the men because I think women treat their men abominably these days. They take them for granted and use their natural ability to manipulate the emotions of men in a torturous manner. It's insane to see a big, strong and successful man all hunched over and stuttering because of a tiny woman--yes, we have that power, but if it's not trained and used properly it causes chaos. And that creates a bunch of hardened hearts among the male population for the decent women to contend with. Men may be easily manipulated by women, but a smart woman can make her man HAPPY about it, and he will in turn strive to make her happy back. It's a win/win situation. When my man is good to me, he is very well rewarded, I assure you. And I pick my battles carefully. He knows what I consider a deal-breaker because I told him up front before we married-it's part of the verbal contract. All else is negotiable.
amazing relationship

Warrenton, MO

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#97
Sep 16, 2009
 
i dont see the big deal. watching porn is something me and my husband does together. i would much rather watch it with him and find out what he likes and is in to, rather then let him watch it alone and i never know what he wants. its not just males that like porn, i do to, so why not watch it together. thats my thought
yalljustdontgeti t

United States

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#98
Sep 16, 2009
 

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amazing relationship wrote:
i dont see the big deal. watching porn is something me and my husband does together. i would much rather watch it with him and find out what he likes and is in to, rather then let him watch it alone and i never know what he wants. its not just males that like porn, i do to, so why not watch it together. thats my thought
This topic isn't about watching porn together. It's about men watching it instead of having sex with their partner. Wifey isn't invited.
Montrel

Sherwood, AR

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#99
Sep 16, 2009
 

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Women should go shopping for good PORN TAPES. That would please the hubby. Thus, solving this problem.
funny

United States

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#100
Sep 17, 2009
 
Montrel wrote:
Women should go shopping for good PORN TAPES. That would please the hubby. Thus, solving this problem.
Unless they insisted on watching them all the time. Alone. And then didn't feel like having sex with hubby because they'd already been taken care of.
amazing relationship

Springhill, LA

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#101
Sep 18, 2009
 

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well then let him watch it.
marriage isnt all about sex, and if your husaband wants to watch it, let him
inside out

United States

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#102
Sep 18, 2009
 

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amazing relationship/// you are right sex isnt all marriage is about, however it is a big part of a happy healthly marriage....which does not mean watching porn all the time
WorldGoneToHell

Mountain Home, AR

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#103
Sep 19, 2009
 
Maladi wrote:
<quoted text>
Have you ever checked out the history of porn? Porn has been around in some form or fashion since people were able to write and draw. When the first camera was developed, porn became much more common.
Divorce was rare and frowned upon for the longest time due to the societal control of the Catholic church. Go read your history book. The church was in control of most society for decades. Divorce has always been somewhat taboo until it became more common in the 70s and 80s.
Affairs have always been common. Many aristocrats kept mistresses in separate housing. It was a highly common practice until the Victorian era. Even during and after, most men with any sort of status kept a mistress. Affairs that were caught back in the day met with some scandal (usually if the woman was cheating), but highly unlikely for the adulterer to leave the country over it. These days, it's becoming increasingly rare to come across a marriage or a relationship that hasn't had at least one event afflicting it.
I'm making the natural assumption that you are a feminist. Women do have equal rights now, just fyi.
Feminist? If you mean being a stay at home wife, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my family because I ENJOY it..then I guess I am, but somehow I doubt that's what you meant. I've had the career, I didn't enjoy it. Not in the least.

You obviously do not get it. Take your preconceived notions about me and shove it. You don't have the slightest clue.

Divorce was frowned on because God said NO, and this used to be a much more God fearing world than it is now. In other times, men ruled, and they made rules that would protect them and strip their wives of the ability to own property in her own right. If she left, she was totally, completely destitute, even if SHE was the one who brought all the money to the table in the marriage. THAT is why women stayed.

Secondly, I NEVER said it wasn't around, I said it wasn't as easily accessible. It has not always been click of a button easy. You scored no points there.

Lastly, just because society says something is acceptable, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. If it became a law that you had to sacrifice your first born child for whatever reason...would that be acceptable to you? Hell no it wouldn't. Inside the bounds of a marriage, there is no room for 3rd or 4th or 5th parties. There is no need, room or reason for the husband to "need" porn (as some other poster said a while ago). It is not his right, it is not the wife's right. When you take a vow to forsake all others, THAT is exactly what is expected of you. Whether it is pictures or whatever. And no, not "everyone" does it. Just those who are too self centered to care if it hurts someone they claim to love.
WorldGoneToHell

Mountain Home, AR

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#104
Sep 19, 2009
 

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Once again, I will clarify that if it is something a couple wants to do together, more power to them. But when it is something that is used to replace intimacy with your spouse, that is NOT ok. It is disrespectful and it does not exhibit love for your significant other.
Pat

Hartford, CT

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#106
Dec 12, 2012
 
If you are a guy in a committed relationship and having sex regularly and are still watching porn on a regular basis, prepare yourself to be cheated on. Any woman would think "obviously, I don't do it for him so I guess I'll find someone that thinks I do". End of discussion.
yeah sure

United States

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#107
Dec 12, 2012
 
Julie wrote:
um, because men are mindless pigs?
Or because the wife is too busy on pinterest/facebook/watching soaps or spending $ on ebay

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