At what age can a child choose what p...

At what age can a child choose what parent he wants to live with?

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Not surprised

United States

#1 Nov 13, 2009
Mine is 12 and he wants to be with me and is with me and i have custody, but im afraid the ex and his new wife will try to sue for custody if i try to get more child support, i only get 35 a wk and i carry insurance on him.
biker life for me

Jonesboro, AR

#2 Nov 13, 2009
As a matter of fact I just looked that up last night. They cannot make that decision until their 18. However, the court does put some weight on where the child wants to live. Usually once a child has lived with one parent for a substantial time, the custody stays the same.Unless their is neglect or abuse. The problem is though, if a child doesnt come home from the non custodial parents home if he is around the age of 16, police usually dont enforce the order. hope that helps!
iDiOt ChAsEr

Sunnyvale, CA

#3 Nov 13, 2009
Not surprised wrote:
Mine is 12 and he wants to be with me and is with me and i have custody, but im afraid the ex and his new wife will try to sue for custody if i try to get more child support, i only get 35 a wk and i carry insurance on him.
ahem.. also support and custody are normally done seperate plus custody shouldve been petitioned at the time that you two seperated.plus HE should be carrying insurance on this child.further more if he's only paying $35 a week its doubtful he can retain a lawyer at minimum of $2500.good luck.

Since: Aug 08

Arkansas

#4 Nov 13, 2009
Not surprised wrote:
Mine is 12 and he wants to be with me and is with me and i have custody, but im afraid the ex and his new wife will try to sue for custody if i try to get more child support, i only get 35 a wk and i carry insurance on him.
Your ex would have to show good cause why custody should be taken from you and given to him. A judge will consider several factors, including the desire of the child, but he is not bound by what the child wants.

Child support is a mathematical function based on the non-custodial parent's income. I think for one child it's like 15% of his gross income minus federal and state income taxes, social security taxes, and any amounts he pays for insurance premiums for the child. If you are getting $35 per week, your husband's net income must be around $235 per week. That's barely over minimum wage if he works full time.

Even small amounts of change in income are sufficient for the court to hear a request for a change in support. If a motion is filed in court requesting a modification of the divorce decree in order to change child support, both parties are required to file affidavits stating their income.

If he is paying support through the office of child support enforcement (OCSE) they may be able to help you.
parent

Blytheville, AR

#5 Nov 13, 2009
that is not true for a child to be 18 because my son just moved in with me and he was only 14. the judge said he was old enough to know who he wanted to live with.
Mother

Blytheville, AR

#6 Nov 13, 2009
At age 14 the judge will listen to where the child wants to live but will put the child where he/she thinks is best for the child.
Guest

Siloam Springs, AR

#7 Nov 13, 2009
When we were going through our custody suit our lawyer told us (and the judge backed him up) that, generally, when the kids reach age 12 the judge will listen to what the kids want. Believe me, after what we went through, this is true. Their Mom had them scared to death that we weren't going to let them see any of her family any more and they'd never be allowed to have any fun, so they said they wanted to stay with her. In spite of all of the evidence/witnesses telling how her and her husband were neglectful and abusive, the judge left them with her b/c they said they didn't want to leave their friends. They were about 10 at the time. We were also told that the law GREATLY favors leaving the kids with the mother.
Not surprised

United States

#8 Nov 13, 2009
At the time 5 yrs ago he was on unemployment, but now he has his own business which does good and just built a new house, i think he can afford a little more than 35 now.
modify

Little Rock, AR

#9 Nov 13, 2009
Then you file to modify the support order.

He cannot take you to court to even modify the custody order unless there is a "substantial change of circumstance".. For the CHILD- not him. He would have to prove there is a change and that changing custody is in the best interests of the child.

Judges are not stupid, they know the score when a parent files to change custody when there is a request to modify support. They see right through that crap.

If you are providing a stable home, are not a criminal and junior is doing good in school you have nothing to worry about.

On the other hand, if junior has bad grades or misses a lot of school, there is an issue. If you move around a lot, or are unable to keep the heat and water running, there is an issue. If you are talking bad about the daddy, or telling junior bad things.. no matter how true, about the other parent, you are interfering in the relationship.. could cost you custody.

So do all the good stuff and not the bad, things will be fine.
Real Deal

Blytheville, AR

#10 Nov 13, 2009
Per our attorney the child can say where he or she wants to live, but that does not make the final decision. It is based on the best interests of the child. Because the child might say they want to live with one parent, but that doesn't make them the best parent for them to be with. A kid may say I want to live with mom and it might be based on solely because they get their way. if the other parent can prove they are not the best parent to care for the child and have a bad background the judge will not put them with that parent. They will look at the parents and both situations. Does the parent hold a job, own their home, provide for the child, etc. Has the other parent paid their child support on time, followed orders, etc. It takes alot to get custody changed.
Guest

Hurricane, WV

#12 Nov 16, 2009
Modifying a child custody order is exactly as "modify" states above...it's done when there is a "SUBSTANTIAL CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCE"...age is a factor ...the older the child is, the more likely the Judge will listen to what they have to say. Ultimately though, it's what kind of environment/parent the child is living in/with, is the child happy?, etc. Sometimes the Mom is the best choice, sometimes the Dad.....sometimes joint custody. The Judge will take it all into consideration.
modify

United States

#13 Nov 16, 2009
I also want to point out it doesn't matter if you "own your home". There are millions of parents who rent, what matters is the CHILD'S WELL BEING, including mental, physical and emotional.

A parent can be behind in support and still get custody changed/modified, I have seen it numerous times. Some parents think they have it in the bag and its too hard to change custody so they do what ever they wish. Custody courts have changed greatly over the years, especially in the last few years. Judges and child advocates look at everything and make the call for the child's best situation.

Just simply having a job and owning a home doesn't cut it. Children deserve stress free stable homes. So as I said before, make sure junior does well in school, don't flop from house to house. Nurture the relationship with the non custodial parent and both sides of the family, children deserve both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They should NEVER have to hear bad things about the other parent, no matter how the custodial parent feels about them.

If you think a lot of weight is not given to the child's wishes, you couldn't be further from reality. If the non custodial is not unfit, in the eyes of the LAW (not the other parent) the child's wishes hold a lot of weight with current judges.

And judges don't look at it as a mother or father issue, the child will be with the PARENT best suited.. be them mom or dad.

Also, when modifying an order, you can only look at what has occurred since the LAST court order. You don't get to hold the past against someone forever, the courts will stop you cold. If your order was set in 2007, you only get to bring up what has happened since 2007, anything prior is not admissible in court.

I have seen parents get out of prison and obtain custody of their children. I have seen dads get their children when mom has moved the child numerous times and bad talks dad. Children don't pick their parents, the parents found each other suitable to conceive a child with from the beginning, so just because you don't love them anymore doesn't mean the child cannot love them; or that they need to be privy to how much you now hate them or how much your current spouse hates them.

My ex is a real piece of work, but I have never said one bad thing about him. He will always be my child's father and it is my job as a parent to allow my child to love him without reservation.
Another thing parents don't think about, the other parent makes up half of who the child is. When you degrade the other parent you are sending a message to the child that half of them is bad, or that you hate a part of the child.
modify

United States

#14 Nov 16, 2009
One other note, his new wife cannot sue for custody, the only way a new spouse is ever a part of a custody modification is when they are adopting the child and the other parent has either signed off rights or they have been terminated by a court.

Termination of parental rights is VERY hard to do. There was a case not to long ago where a mother had allowed her boyfriend to not only beat her children, but he also molested them. Mom knew all about it, boyfriend went to jail and kids went to dad on a temporary custody order. Mom pulled her act together, complied with the court ordered parenting classes/counseling and drug rehab, and then got her children back. Dad wanted full custody, supervised visits with eventual termination of parental rights. Because dad did not want mom to have anything to do with the kids, he was unable to get full custody because he flat refused to foster the relationship. Even when the state steps in on abuse/neglect cases the eventual goal is reunification with the parent. It is mandated that they must attempt to reunite the family unit and offer services that will assist this in happening. There have been thousands of cases where children have been removed due to abuse and neglect, and those children are in fact returned to the offending parent if that parent complies and proves they can now better care for the children.

Sorry this is so long, its a touchy subject, and I hate when parents for one reason or another feel they own a child like they own a car. I am in no way saying this mother feels this way, in fact, I don't think she does at all. I am just stating what can happen and what has happened when it comes to the custody of children.

Dad would have to prove a change of circumstance for the child before the courts would even entertain a modification. Modification is two pronged, the first is the change of circumstance, a judge cannot even entertain the modification if the case has no merit for change in circumstance.
ArkansasMan

United States

#15 Nov 16, 2009
You need to ask the Court Systems..
Guest of a Guest

Hurricane, WV

#16 Nov 16, 2009
modify wrote:
I also want to point out it doesn't matter if you "own your home". There are millions of parents who rent, what matters is the CHILD'S WELL BEING, including mental, physical and emotional.
A parent can be behind in support and still get custody changed/modified, I have seen it numerous times. Some parents think they have it in the bag and its too hard to change custody so they do what ever they wish. Custody courts have changed greatly over the years, especially in the last few years. Judges and child advocates look at everything and make the call for the child's best situation.
Just simply having a job and owning a home doesn't cut it. Children deserve stress free stable homes. So as I said before, make sure junior does well in school, don't flop from house to house. Nurture the relationship with the non custodial parent and both sides of the family, children deserve both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They should NEVER have to hear bad things about the other parent, no matter how the custodial parent feels about them.
If you think a lot of weight is not given to the child's wishes, you couldn't be further from reality. If the non custodial is not unfit, in the eyes of the LAW (not the other parent) the child's wishes hold a lot of weight with current judges.
And judges don't look at it as a mother or father issue, the child will be with the PARENT best suited.. be them mom or dad.
Also, when modifying an order, you can only look at what has occurred since the LAST court order. You don't get to hold the past against someone forever, the courts will stop you cold. If your order was set in 2007, you only get to bring up what has happened since 2007, anything prior is not admissible in court.
I have seen parents get out of prison and obtain custody of their children. I have seen dads get their children when mom has moved the child numerous times and bad talks dad. Children don't pick their parents, the parents found each other suitable to conceive a child with from the beginning, so just because you don't love them anymore doesn't mean the child cannot love them; or that they need to be privy to how much you now hate them or how much your current spouse hates them.
My ex is a real piece of work, but I have never said one bad thing about him. He will always be my child's father and it is my job as a parent to allow my child to love him without reservation.
Another thing parents don't think about, the other parent makes up half of who the child is. When you degrade the other parent you are sending a message to the child that half of them is bad, or that you hate a part of the child.
Boy, I really like everything you just said...could not have said it better myself. You hit every nail right on the head! Way to go! When you bad mouth and degrade you are trying to destroy the relationship your child has with the other parent..Judges will look at that and take it into consideration.
not a fan

Mountain Home, AR

#17 Nov 16, 2009
Mother wrote:
At age 14 the judge will listen to where the child wants to live but will put the child where he/she thinks is best for the child.
Not so in Judge Phil Smith's court room.
U R A Loser

Blytheville, AR

#19 Nov 16, 2009
That is typical you would side with that poster since she is your sister! Man, did you know that I have the ability to "hack" into computers, darn I must be good! Not just one, but three! Mom, grandma's and the aunts! You crack me up! Yes, we collect information on people that are involved in his life while at visitation sex phone operators, convicted felons that have weapons & info on other people's minors because the parent (meaning you) my use them as their excuse to not to do their financial obligations. For one, sex phone operators are nothing but paid whores, convicted felons are convicted felons, & what someone post on the internet social sites for the world to read and see is their problem. They have put it out there so they must not mind for the world to see their information or they wouldn't have it on there. Did you know I almost got the paid whore fired from her job? Again, I must be good! Didn't know you could get fired from being self employed. You know mas******ing through the phone! HA! Guess what, there is no hacking to be done about finding info on people on the net. You just got to know what you are looking for. If you don't want your personal crap out there for the public to see, don't put it up! It would be nice to show a judge where this underaged person posted & I quote "remember how you made love to me, it was like I was all you ever needed, did you forget, I didn't" end of quote. Wonder how many people in the world read that? Someone that can be on facebook and myspace many, many times a day & during school hours, but yet can not attend school. Someone that can go to many friends houses, but can't attend school, someone that can ride a intertube down the river, but can't attend school...I think a judge would question the PARENT and how this person can do all those things, but the parent uses them as her excuse to not get a real job and pay her bills. I think a judge would question, why she does not have a real job when it is clear this person is abled bodied to do all the internet stuff and sit behind a computer, but can't sit behind a desk? The parent is just afraid of getting a paycheck garnished so that her support HAS to be paid on time, not on your time and for it to be current. Someone that has an ad on a dating site with 7 men on it, but lies about it. And the sister did in fact change the login on the myspace. BTW, the DWI record is not off. Yes, he was mad when he got home, but after a long talk tonight he has the real picture now. You start threads, I have started threads, you have responded, I have responded and he knows it. You think you will run us off and your sister, but I can assure you this will not happen. All the things we have been told and seen can get your visitation drastically reduced if it doesn't stop and now. I have no fears of court do you? I would be if I was you because we have alot of interesting things to show the judge and I can assure you, that you do not want to see them or answer to the judge about them. Your lies will be revealed. This person that is suppose to be an adult runs down the other parent to the point the child is about to blow, but is not given the truth at all! She wants to say the other parent does it to her though, you better back it up sister! We can, can you? He knows to come to us now and ask us anything he wants and if we can't prove it to him, he can believe you then. You and your sister will burn in hell for the things you do to twist his mind, but it won't happen. Black and white don't lie...among other things!
Guest of a Guest wrote:
<quoted text> Boy, I really like everything you just said...could not have said it better myself. You hit every nail right on the head! Way to go! When you bad mouth and degrade you are trying to destroy the relationship your child has with the other parent..Judges will look at that and take it into consideration.
U R A Loser

Blytheville, AR

#20 Nov 16, 2009
TOO FUNNY! This is her sister!
Guest of a Guest wrote:
<quoted text> Boy, I really like everything you just said...could not have said it better myself. You hit every nail right on the head! Way to go! When you bad mouth and degrade you are trying to destroy the relationship your child has with the other parent..Judges will look at that and take it into consideration.
U R A Loser

Blytheville, AR

#21 Nov 16, 2009
I would not take advice from a paid w***e, people.
modify wrote:
I also want to point out it doesn't matter if you "own your home". There are millions of parents who rent, what matters is the CHILD'S WELL BEING, including mental, physical and emotional.
A parent can be behind in support and still get custody changed/modified, I have seen it numerous times. Some parents think they have it in the bag and its too hard to change custody so they do what ever they wish. Custody courts have changed greatly over the years, especially in the last few years. Judges and child advocates look at everything and make the call for the child's best situation.
Just simply having a job and owning a home doesn't cut it. Children deserve stress free stable homes. So as I said before, make sure junior does well in school, don't flop from house to house. Nurture the relationship with the non custodial parent and both sides of the family, children deserve both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They should NEVER have to hear bad things about the other parent, no matter how the custodial parent feels about them.
If you think a lot of weight is not given to the child's wishes, you couldn't be further from reality. If the non custodial is not unfit, in the eyes of the LAW (not the other parent) the child's wishes hold a lot of weight with current judges.
And judges don't look at it as a mother or father issue, the child will be with the PARENT best suited.. be them mom or dad.
Also, when modifying an order, you can only look at what has occurred since the LAST court order. You don't get to hold the past against someone forever, the courts will stop you cold. If your order was set in 2007, you only get to bring up what has happened since 2007, anything prior is not admissible in court.
I have seen parents get out of prison and obtain custody of their children. I have seen dads get their children when mom has moved the child numerous times and bad talks dad. Children don't pick their parents, the parents found each other suitable to conceive a child with from the beginning, so just because you don't love them anymore doesn't mean the child cannot love them; or that they need to be privy to how much you now hate them or how much your current spouse hates them.
My ex is a real piece of work, but I have never said one bad thing about him. He will always be my child's father and it is my job as a parent to allow my child to love him without reservation.
Another thing parents don't think about, the other parent makes up half of who the child is. When you degrade the other parent you are sending a message to the child that half of them is bad, or that you hate a part of the child.
U R A Loser

Blytheville, AR

#22 Nov 16, 2009
Don't take advice from a paid w$$$e!
modify wrote:
I also want to point out it doesn't matter if you "own your home". There are millions of parents who rent, what matters is the CHILD'S WELL BEING, including mental, physical and emotional.
A parent can be behind in support and still get custody changed/modified, I have seen it numerous times. Some parents think they have it in the bag and its too hard to change custody so they do what ever they wish. Custody courts have changed greatly over the years, especially in the last few years. Judges and child advocates look at everything and make the call for the child's best situation.
Just simply having a job and owning a home doesn't cut it. Children deserve stress free stable homes. So as I said before, make sure junior does well in school, don't flop from house to house. Nurture the relationship with the non custodial parent and both sides of the family, children deserve both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They should NEVER have to hear bad things about the other parent, no matter how the custodial parent feels about them.
If you think a lot of weight is not given to the child's wishes, you couldn't be further from reality. If the non custodial is not unfit, in the eyes of the LAW (not the other parent) the child's wishes hold a lot of weight with current judges.
And judges don't look at it as a mother or father issue, the child will be with the PARENT best suited.. be them mom or dad.
Also, when modifying an order, you can only look at what has occurred since the LAST court order. You don't get to hold the past against someone forever, the courts will stop you cold. If your order was set in 2007, you only get to bring up what has happened since 2007, anything prior is not admissible in court.
I have seen parents get out of prison and obtain custody of their children. I have seen dads get their children when mom has moved the child numerous times and bad talks dad. Children don't pick their parents, the parents found each other suitable to conceive a child with from the beginning, so just because you don't love them anymore doesn't mean the child cannot love them; or that they need to be privy to how much you now hate them or how much your current spouse hates them.
My ex is a real piece of work, but I have never said one bad thing about him. He will always be my child's father and it is my job as a parent to allow my child to love him without reservation.
Another thing parents don't think about, the other parent makes up half of who the child is. When you degrade the other parent you are sending a message to the child that half of them is bad, or that you hate a part of the child.

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