My 2 Pre-teen Daughters

My 2 Pre-teen Daughters

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Concerned Mother

Frisco, TX

#1 Mar 29, 2011
I hAve 2 daughters, both will turn 12 in the next few months. they are 2 months apart in age. one is biologically mine and the other is my husbands from a previous marriage. Both bright, pretty girls who do well in school and have many friends. there's nothing weird or messed up going on in our home, everyone is well rounded. I also have a 4 year old son that is both my husbands and mine in the home. I thought we were one happy family. But I saw something yesterday that disturbed me. I walked in the bedroom that my two girls share, and they were laying on the bed, one on top of the other and they appeared to be kissing. When I asked what they were doing they jumped apart amd said they were wrestling. But that isn't at all what it looked like to me. To me it looked like they were making out. I'm not homophobic at all, but I just don't know what to think of this. They are certainly too young to be making out or doing anything sexual! I haven't told my husband, bc he would flip completely out. I don't know what this means or what I should do ! I was hoping to get some insight. Please don't make a joke of this. To me this is very serious.
Understand

Jonesboro, AR

#2 Mar 29, 2011
Right off the top of my head, I would say it's just curiosity and they're "experimenting." I think it's probably time for "The Talk."
ZEDA

United States

#3 Mar 29, 2011
That is certainly cause for alarm. Of course it is serious. I remember being that age and curious about things. Kids these days have access to so many things and so much information. My niece is 14. She tells her mom and me things that will scare you to death! Kids this age are having oral sex and think it's okay because they don't consider it to be sex. She even knows one girl who has a boyfriend. The boyfriend thought another girl was cute. He had her take pictures of herself kissing that girl and send them to him. Some of the crap on tv is just stupid and trashy. Very degrading to women. You can keep them from seeing it while they are at home but, outside your watch, the whole world can be opened up to them. I don't have an answer for you. I would talk to them before I told their dad. Good luck to you!
Rusty

Jonesboro, AR

#4 Mar 29, 2011
I agree with Understand. It is time for the talk, but make sure they know they can talk to you without feeling judged.

“I'm mean because you're dumb.”

Since: Mar 09

Jonesboro, AR

#6 Mar 29, 2011
Maladii wrote:
that's hot
Well now, I take it you had a couple days to recuperate from your hospital trip then, eh?

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#7 Mar 30, 2011
Concerned Mother wrote:
I hAve 2 daughters, both will turn 12 in the next few months. they are 2 months apart in age. one is biologically mine and the other is my husbands from a previous marriage. Both bright, pretty girls who do well in school and have many friends. there's nothing weird or messed up going on in our home, everyone is well rounded. I also have a 4 year old son that is both my husbands and mine in the home. I thought we were one happy family. But I saw something yesterday that disturbed me. I walked in the bedroom that my two girls share, and they were laying on the bed, one on top of the other and they appeared to be kissing. When I asked what they were doing they jumped apart amd said they were wrestling. But that isn't at all what it looked like to me. To me it looked like they were making out. I'm not homophobic at all, but I just don't know what to think of this. They are certainly too young to be making out or doing anything sexual! I haven't told my husband, bc he would flip completely out. I don't know what this means or what I should do ! I was hoping to get some insight. Please don't make a joke of this. To me this is very serious.
Let them do what they do, if you try to force them to stop they'll either rebel against you or suppress those feelings. Neither of those are good things. They could feel a terrible ammount of fear and guilt which could lead them into teenage drug use. Just let them experiment, if they are lesbians they've probably known for years. Lots of people do that type of stuff, a lot more than people would like to believe, acknowledge or admit to.. more so here in the bible belt where it seems to be rampant! Hey, it's not like they're biologically related or going to get pregnant. Wouldn't that be much worse?
me says

Harrisburg, AR

#8 Mar 30, 2011
Concerned Mother wrote:
I hAve 2 daughters, both will turn 12 in the next few months. they are 2 months apart in age. one is biologically mine and the other is my husbands from a previous marriage. Both bright, pretty girls who do well in school and have many friends. there's nothing weird or messed up going on in our home, everyone is well rounded. I also have a 4 year old son that is both my husbands and mine in the home. I thought we were one happy family. But I saw something yesterday that disturbed me. I walked in the bedroom that my two girls share, and they were laying on the bed, one on top of the other and they appeared to be kissing. When I asked what they were doing they jumped apart amd said they were wrestling. But that isn't at all what it looked like to me. To me it looked like they were making out. I'm not homophobic at all, but I just don't know what to think of this. They are certainly too young to be making out or doing anything sexual! I haven't told my husband, bc he would flip completely out. I don't know what this means or what I should do ! I was hoping to get some insight. Please don't make a joke of this. To me this is very serious.
this is nothing but a lie to get peoples reactions. this is not the first fantasy this jerk has written.
Guest

Jonesboro, AR

#9 Mar 30, 2011
Younger girls often "practice" kissing each other, and shouldn't be anything to freak out about. If they have a very close bond as sisters, and feel they can trust each other, then it's probably even more so the case.

I've known twins who were brother & sister to "experiment" with each other. It just is what it is.

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#10 Mar 30, 2011
me says wrote:
<quoted text>this is nothing but a lie to get peoples reactions. this is not the first fantasy this jerk has written.
lmao, this is no fantasy.. I have a friend that's been a lesbian longer than I've been alive. I'm just telling it like it is. You can believe your children aren't having sex with each other if you want. I was having sex at twelve. Statistically one our of every twelve Americans are homosexual, that means out of twenty-four children (your child included) two of the are going down on each other, like it or not.
Concerned Mother

Frisco, TX

#11 Mar 30, 2011
Thank you for all the feedback. Maladii you're disgusting, these girls are 11 years old. I'm afraid if I do confront them they will be embarassed and it might mess them up sexually for the rest of their lives. I surely don't want them to ever feel ashamed of their sexuality however i do feel they are entirely too young to be acting on it. I'm just so confused. Is there any way I can find out exactly what is really going on without asking them directly?

“I'm mean because you're dumb.”

Since: Mar 09

Jonesboro, AR

#12 Mar 30, 2011
Concerned Mother wrote:
Thank you for all the feedback. Maladii you're disgusting, these girls are 11 years old. I'm afraid if I do confront them they will be embarassed and it might mess them up sexually for the rest of their lives. I surely don't want them to ever feel ashamed of their sexuality however i do feel they are entirely too young to be acting on it. I'm just so confused. Is there any way I can find out exactly what is really going on without asking them directly?
Be a creepy parent and set up hidden cameras in their rooms? Be a creepy parent and burst in on them at random intervals, hoping to catch them in the act? They likely won't tell anyone else about it, so there's really no other way besides asking them.
EYES HURT

Montgomery, AL

#13 Mar 30, 2011
Maladii wrote:
that's hot
If thats your picture? you are FUGGLY!!!!! I've seen better heads on cabbage!
Wow

Little Rock, AR

#14 Mar 30, 2011
Probably (and for your sakes hopefully) they were just role playing. I had a friend when I was about that age that we would pretend to be grown ups, living in an apartment, and occasional she'd make me be the "boyfriend". Neither one of us were "gay", and we never did actually kiss or touch sexually. My mom and dad would have freaked out if they would have saw us though....and I would probably freak out on my kids too.:~D
UHMM

Jonesboro, AR

#15 Mar 30, 2011
C.O. Having sex at twelve with your moms cat doesn't count. Maladi, your just a a freak show wanna be. They were just experimenting. It's time for the "TALK".
guest

State University, AR

#16 Mar 30, 2011
Concerned Mother wrote:
Thank you for all the feedback. Maladii you're disgusting, these girls are 11 years old. I'm afraid if I do confront them they will be embarassed and it might mess them up sexually for the rest of their lives. I surely don't want them to ever feel ashamed of their sexuality however i do feel they are entirely too young to be acting on it. I'm just so confused. Is there any way I can find out exactly what is really going on without asking them directly?
It is very normal for girls this age to begin exploring sexually and because these girls are so close in age it is natural that they would talk to one another and maybe do more. As the parent YOU are the biggest influence in their life right now and you can make all the difference. Gather some information, you can talk to a doctor a family counselor a psychologist or even a Psyc professor from ASU. Dr Sarnio teaches adolescent Psyc and much of this type of material is covered in his class. Once you have done your research take the girls someplace where they are comfortable and will feel safe talking to you dont freak
Out and get mad at them if they tell you things you didnt expect to hear kids this age are much more informed about sex than most parents think. tell them what you thought you saw and what you think about it don't be mean don't be judgmental don't get all embarrassed just open that door for communication. Sex is natural it's nothing to be ashamed let them know that if they are curiouser or have questions you are there for them. The reality is even if
they are having sex, which I doubt, you can not stop them completely and if did find a way to keep
Them apart 24/7 they will just move on to someone else.
Concerned Mother

United States

#17 Mar 30, 2011
Thank you. How do I get on touch with this dr sarnio? I'm not sure a psychologist or counselor is in our budget, but I will try and work something out. I haven't noticed anything odd going on between the two since this has happened. I try to give my girls as much privacy as they deserve. They Are good girls, never been in any trouble, I would hate to go through their bedroom and invade their privacy like that. But the thought has crossed my mind. They know about sex, Ive been pretty open with them regarding the subject and have let both them know they can come to me with anything that they may be going through. Tonight as they were getting ready for bed I went into their room And gently reminded them that I'm there if they need to talk. It may just be my being paranoid but to me both girls seemed a little uneasy regarding the subject. Perhaps bc of whatever it was I walked in on. Forgive me for going on and on about this. I'm new to the area, originally from NC but we moved here 6 months ago for my husbands job. I haven't made many friends. It's nice to be able to come to topix and receive all this great advice, thanks to everyone.

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#19 Mar 31, 2011
My niece and her best friend were always "checking each other out" and by that I mean they were always touching each other or kissing each other and for a while my mother (her grandmother) was freaking out thinking that she was a lesbian. I told her not to worry about it either because the more she pushed my niece the more she'd rebel and want to keep doing the things she is doing. She was doing it to figure out what she "wanted" to see "who" she was and as long as everyone left her alone she'd discover and then it would be over. If your two daughters were just practicing kissing, I'd say get over it. If they were trying to "find out who they are" then let it run it's course. I agree they are a little young being 11 but my niece was 14, I don't know about you but 3 years to a pre-teen girl is not that much different. You have to remember girls mature a lot faster than boys and THEY may feel that they are ready for more than YOU think they are ready for. I'm not condoning sex, but if that is what they had in mind, then nothing you can do will stop it.
Obviously you caught them doing something they think they should feel guilty about so they are skiddish around that subject. I'd leave it alone for a while and when things start returning to normal take them out for a girls day and get nails/toes and such done and have a talk with them. Find out by telling them what you saw, and ask what was meant by that. If they tell you then great if not don't push it, and by all means DO NOT MAKE THEM FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT, DON'T TELL THEM IT'S DISGUSTING EITHER, that will just hurt them and they won't talk to you about anything.
P.S. A word of advice about the snooping in their room, if you do that you will break their trust and they will most definately hate you. I had that done to me when I was 14 ( I was a straight A student, no problems at all, I even went to bed at 8:30 at night) and my step dad did that just because he was "curious" and I hated my mother because she allowed it to happen. Ask them what is going on DO NOT SNOOP.
Omg

Jonesboro, AR

#20 Apr 6, 2011
Buy them a dil do

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#21 Apr 7, 2011
At the end of the day, would you prefer these two pre-teen daughters be on top of each other kissing or on top of two guys kissing? They're not going to get each other pregnant, I'd let them handle their business. In fact, if I had a little girl.. I'd prefer she be a lesbian, at least through high school and college anyway. lmao
speedy3160

United States

#22 Jul 26, 2012
they may be experimenting at their age but they definitely need to have the talk brought toward them by u and the father

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