married and cheating or have cheated before

Posted in the Jonesboro Forum

wondering

United States

#1 Sep 17, 2010
I am researching married ppl who cheat. Please be serious. Please state if you are male or female , how long the affair lasted, and did you end up getting divorced because of the cheating ? Also it would be a nice talking point to list as to How it began ?
Chronic Cheater

Little Rock, AR

#2 Sep 17, 2010
I cheat about once a week, usually with a different woman every week. I've had sex with over 200 women in the NEA area since I got married 12 years ago. I never keep anything serious, it's just about sex...my wife is too puritan to engage in anything other than missionary position, and she won't even take all her clothes off for it. She doesn't like sex at all, and she only lets me enjoy her body a few times a year. She knows about my activities, and is OK with it as long as I maintain a positive relationship with her both in and out of the bedroom and if I keep getting tested and use precautions.
My first 'affair' happened about 3 months after the honeymoon. We were out with another married couple, and my wife felt ill. I took her home, but she insisted I go back, so I went back to the other couple's house, where I later found out what swinging was.
I've never paid for sex overtly, but I guess you could consider the drinks and food before hand a form of payment. I don't get attached to the women, and they don't get attached to me. I am currently seeing 4 women, most in a similar situation; they are married to men who don't appreciate them and can't afford to divorce. 3 of the husbands don't know, and the one who does know has participated in the past.
I think cheating is a strong word for what I do, since there is no emotional attachment for any of us, but it really is what I'm doing.
Victim

United States

#3 Sep 17, 2010
I haven't cheated, ever. But i have been cheated on. Twice, once in a marriage. And in a current relationship now.
The marriage, i found out just by accident, She was working late for an attorney, i went to suprise her with a late dinner delivered, with my infant child. She wasn't there, i went by a mutual male friends house, and there she was. I forgave her, never forgot it, but i didn't throw it in her face. She cheated a second time and i divorced her right away, and i got custody of our child. Both affairs went on for a few months, both guys were mutual friends. Came over for barbques, partys, superbowls, things like that, so they were very aquainted.
Current relationship, This time it was my friend, and he was sending funny pictures to me and my friends while we were in a group, she wanted the pictures too, so she gave him her number, i thought it was innocent, which it was at first, but then it became friendly texting, till he was "listening" to her problems, which she claimed i didn't do. Could have been true, but you know guys, they will listen to anything to get some strange, lol, it lasted 6months, i caught them by checking phone records as i am paying her cell phone bill on my plan, she ended it. But just for a few months. He changed his number, and she put a false contact name in for his name. I caught them by putting a voice activated recorder under her sofa in the living room over night. Just got them talking though, on the phone that is. She even talked really bad about me. But i took her back.

The reason i gave both a second chance is because, i think if i had ever cheated, i think i would be worth a second chance. But i know i won't the first time, because then the second time is easier.
been on both sides

North Little Rock, AR

#4 Sep 17, 2010
Victim I'm sorry, I know how it feels. You never quite trust anyone else completely ever again.

Regretably I cheated on my wife after ten years of marriage. It happened three times and she took me back every time till the last time when we both realized we needed a divorce. I had my reasons and justifications at the time. But, of course, now I see how wrong it was to put her through all that pain and heartbreak.

I continued seing my girlfriend and we planned to marry after the dust settled. Predictably early on I caught her after she had lunch with her ex. She had told me she stopped all comunication with him over a month prior but was lying the whole time.

To keep me she begged me to look at her email, facebook, and myspace accounts. She gave me the passwords. Amazingly(sarcasm) the inboxes were all clean, but I found several shady messages to other guys in the sent files. Guess she underestimated my determination. But most of it (not all) was before we got serious so despite gut instinct I tried to put it behind us.

Then the divorce started to drag on and she quickly and progressively turned cold to me(even though she knew I wasn't delaying the divorce intentionally). She then started withdrawing sexually from me(and was always selfish in bed anyway) So, due to the past, I became suspicious she was seeing someone else. At this same time her old room-mate moved into her parents house and she started staying over there more and more, instead of with me.

Eventually things got bad and we were on and off for a few weeks. Thats when i caught her leaving a black guys apartment at midnight. For some stupid reason my ego couldn't just let her go. She came back and I forgave her, but never trusted her again.

Admittedly I checked on her every move after that. And the divorce continued to drag on. She finally became so cold that I was lucky to get sex once evey two or three weeks if that. She was constantly cold and distant. I do understand my prying perpetuated that greatly. But that's just her. She was always pissy and played the silent treatment at the drop of a hat.

Recently we both became so hateful to one another, and we are not usually that way, that we decided to break-up.

Of course I found out she had been talking to a guy(ha, one that I know of...) at work on occasion for several months and went out with him soon after she moved out, if not before. Now she tells me she is in a committed relationship with another guy who has kids. And probably a wife still too.

I realize I deserve everything and have brought it all on myself. I know it was Karma and a lot of bad decisions.

I finally let go of my girlfriend in my head and in my heart today. I have been delusionally hoping she would realize how cold she has been since the begining and come back to me. Unfortunately, you can't make somebody feel the way you want them to about you. She just never did love me the way I loved her. She will always be number one in her life.

I still love her but finally realize that I deserve better. Today for the first time the future seems bright. I feel like I'm finally ready to meet someone new. I haven't felt this way in a long time.

Hopefully, Karma has been paid in full. I'm ready to live my life on the straight and narrow.

Moral of this story...You get back out of life what you put in. Cheating only results in pain for ALL parties involved.
Victim

Morrilton, AR

#5 Sep 17, 2010
That was a good post. You'll be rewarded in love.

Don't mean to sound gay! lol

Since: Aug 09

Location hidden

#6 Sep 17, 2010
I don't believe in cheating or enabling a spouse to cheat. You shouldn't be with the person if you want someone else.
Been on both sides

North Little Rock, AR

#7 Sep 17, 2010
Victim wrote:
That was a good post. You'll be rewarded in love.
Don't mean to sound gay! lol
Thanks! My post was pretty gay too. It sucks being a sensitive man! Lol.

But I'm really not gay. I swear! I enjoy the female physique exclusively.
Been on both sides

North Little Rock, AR

#8 Sep 17, 2010
torture wrote:
I don't believe in cheating or enabling a spouse to cheat. You shouldn't be with the person if you want someone else.
I agree. I was immature and self-centered back then. I let myself get caught up in my own desires and overlooked what was right and wrong. There was no excuse for what I did.
Genius

Little Rock, AR

#9 Sep 17, 2010
torture wrote:
I don't believe in cheating or enabling a spouse to cheat. You shouldn't be with the person if you want someone else.
I do believe in cheating and/or enabling a spouse to cheat. There are more reasons to be with someone than sex. I have a wonderful relationship with my wife. We have amazing discussions, love to go out and enjoy being with each other. I love sex, she doesn't. Why should we sacrifice the wonderful relationship we have outside of sex just because of that one thing? If I can be sexually fulfilled outside the marriage without changing the relationship, what reason is there not to? Don't be all high and mighty with Biblical quotes. I don't believe that way. We are animals and have animal instincts and it goes against our nature to deny those instincts.

Basically, I'm just saying that a marriage doesn't have to be a sexual relationship.

Since: Aug 09

Location hidden

#10 Sep 17, 2010
Genius wrote:
<quoted text>
I do believe in cheating and/or enabling a spouse to cheat. There are more reasons to be with someone than sex. I have a wonderful relationship with my wife. We have amazing discussions, love to go out and enjoy being with each other. I love sex, she doesn't. Why should we sacrifice the wonderful relationship we have outside of sex just because of that one thing? If I can be sexually fulfilled outside the marriage without changing the relationship, what reason is there not to? Don't be all high and mighty with Biblical quotes. I don't believe that way. We are animals and have animal instincts and it goes against our nature to deny those instincts.
Basically, I'm just saying that a marriage doesn't have to be a sexual relationship.
So you are telling me that you don't have sex with your wife at all? Would it be ok if the shoe was on the other foot? Say your wife liked sex so much that you weren't enough for her.
Been on both sides

North Little Rock, AR

#11 Sep 18, 2010
Victim,

Are you still with the girlfriend?
Victim

Jonesboro, AR

#12 Sep 18, 2010
Not dating anymore but I still have her on my cell phone plan. lol
been on both sides

North Little Rock, AR

#13 Sep 18, 2010
That's funny. Glad you are not dating her. But don't let her take advantage of you! It is true people can change but that usually only applies to a new relationship.
It's like you said earlier. The second time is easier...
iwould

United States

#14 Sep 18, 2010
I cheated on my ex-wife during our 20 year marriage. It was just about sex, nothing more. she was good, and she would let me do anything I wanted, it just wasn't enough for me. I have been divorced for 2 years now, and I love it most days. I don't have to feel guilty for all of the things that I do. I am not sure if I will ever get into a long relationship again.
Dont

Jonesboro, AR

#15 Sep 28, 2010
iwould wrote:
I cheated on my ex-wife during our 20 year marriage. It was just about sex, nothing more. she was good, and she would let me do anything I wanted, it just wasn't enough for me. I have been divorced for 2 years now, and I love it most days. I don't have to feel guilty for all of the things that I do. I am not sure if I will ever get into a long relationship again.
If you still want to do "all of the thing you do" then take some advice and don't even consider marriage.
Genius

Little Rock, AR

#16 Sep 29, 2010
Forgot about this post. My wife and I try every now and then, but she has a very hard time engaging in actual intercourse due to a childhood car accident. This robs her of sexual appetite, but it has done nothing to mar her in any other way. Knowing that I have sexual needs and desires, she allows me to pursue outside activities. We are open and honest with each other, and sincerely love each other. Don't judge things you don't understand.

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