Emergency Serious Advice
Posted in the Johnson City Forum
#1 Nov 13, 2013
I'll be as factual and as brief as I can. I live with and care for my parents. Dad is an invalid almost by choice. It's been a hard year but Medicare has stopped the home visits. So he either gets better or he gets worse from here. I am certain that I could have him up and walking by Christmas, I am also convinced that if he stays in bed, he will die by Christmas. I am certain that God wants me to leave my job in faith and care for dad. Believe me,they would have me back whenever I'm ready to return.
But instead, my parents would rather that I work from 8 am until 8pm, come home and care for dad until midnite, then get on average two wake up calls to come and change him in the middle of the night. Sometimes I don't get back to sleep and I might get 2 hours of sleep. I drive a company car a lot and I have almost fallen asleep at the wheel several times.
I'm dying here. And they see it right before their eyes. Yet, they insist that I continue to work. I think that they would rather that I die, than maybe admit to themselves that either they can't take care of themselves or the guilt of my having to quit my job for them. I don't want to quit my job, I just don't want my dad or myself to die for whatever the motive is.
Anyway, I left them a note this morning after 2 hours of sleep, that I was offering notice to work that I was leaving. Well, I was so busy that I dint even have time to do that. When I got home after a 12 hour day, first I got the silent treatment and when I asked the simplest of questions, I was shouted at......
This isn't a matter of pride any longer, this is now down to simple survival. I cannot handle all three jobs and I can't stay at a place that I'm being abused at. Sure, I will take anonymous advice from perfect strangers.
A person simply cannot do what I am doing and it's not as if they are oblivious to it. It's happening right before their eyes.
These are my choices as I see them
1) give notice and quit the job and take all kinds of daily hell from the people who I'm trying to help.
2) keep the job and move out and leave my dad to whatever happens with him.(Not as punishment , but as pure survival)
#2 Nov 13, 2013
Have you considered an FMLA leave, or a temporary leave of absence? Situations such as yours are why FMLA law exists. I hope you are not making this story up. Have you considered Hospice care?
#3 Nov 13, 2013
Is your mother not helping at all?
#4 Nov 14, 2013
don't quit the job. look into hospisce care & medicaid coverage. do you have anywhere else to go? you have to have 8 hours of sleep & take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. if nothing else call adult protective services for help now & get out of there. i took care of my loved one but made sure i always had enough sleep. if the caretaker doesn't take physical & emotional care of themself the whole thing falls apart. i didn't have to work. hope you aren't making this up.
#5 Nov 14, 2013
Checkwith your dads doctor. UETHDA might be able to help to
#6 Nov 14, 2013
This may seem harsh, but have you looked into nursing home placement for your dad? And before anyone yells at me, I mean temporarily, one with a good therapy department that will get him to walking again? He would work harder for "strangers" than he would for you, and would maybe be able to get on his feet and on the road to recovery. You didn't say whats wrong with them. Would you mind telling us? You hardly mention your mom. Is there some reason she can't change him instead of waking you up?No, they don't want you to die, they just don't want to be the cause of you leaving your job. I agree with the poster above...move out, stay at work, make a life for YOU. Tell his doctor to refer him to an agency that will see to his care. Not all people have children, thats why these agencies exist. Please keep us posted.
#7 Nov 14, 2013
i didn't mean to seem harsh but my situation was very different than yous. my loved one was not going to get better. hospice came regularly to bathe & teach me to change his adult diapers. they also taught me their tricks for changing the patient's soiled sheets while the patient was still in bed. my husband was 5'10" & 225 lbs while i am 5'1" & 140 lbs as well as disabled. the time i spent with him in hospice was the hardest thing i've ever done in this life. but i look back & treasure every moment even the bad ones i spent with him while he was still alive. we were retired he was my world. your family has to decide to fight to live or to die for themselves . your presence in the situation prevents them from taking personal responsibility for their lives. you have become the paqrent & they have become the children. it's called role reversal.
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