Suicide, Churches, Bullies and Gays

Suicide, Churches, Bullies and Gays

Posted in the Jamestown Forum

Lost Lesbian

Chapel Hill, NC

#1 Jan 21, 2013
I was born into a religious family, but was molested at a very young age--about which I never told (until older) because my molestors convinced me that I would be blamed and shamed. After all, they were straight saints of god. Ironically enough, years later when I did speak of it, I was accused of lying and fabricating the stories, so I guess their kind of perversity is o.k. and they were right. But as I gre older I began to develop sexual attractioms for other girls. It made me hate myself enough to contemplate suicide regularly, but somehow I didn't go through with it. I did, however, become extremely introverted and bashful. As a young adult, my feeble attempts at expressing myself were unwelcomed and scorned. I became a derelict of society. Those I loved and admired most hated me and nothing I did helped. Each attempt/each cry for help was viewed as stalkerish. I delve into alcohol and drugs. I attempted to force myself to be with men. Every single item left me sickened and filled with more self-loathing. All my life before I had participated in church and attempted to live as chaste and clean as possible. I sat by myself in church and refrained frim social functions. Mant times I fasted and prayed for god to remove the thorn from my flesh. He didn't! Now, I am at a milestone. I have denied myself any satisfaction or happiness for so ling, it seems my only alternatuve is death. All the shrinks I've talked to and preachers I've prayed with, all the tears that have ravaged my eyes were for nothing! God has ignored my humble sincerity. He has forgotten me. I am not an evil person. I wish no harm on anyone--not even those who have abused, bullied and threatened me. I did not forget to love when you beat me with rocks and hammers, whrn you cursed me and spit in my face--when the government hailed you for it. It seems all I have left is death. When that day comes, feel free to dance on my grave. It shows the true demons are inside of you!
jamestownson

Livingston, TN

#2 Jan 21, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
I was born into a religious family, but was molested at a very young age--about which I never told (until older) because my molestors convinced me that I would be blamed and shamed. After all, they were straight saints of god. Ironically enough, years later when I did speak of it, I was accused of lying and fabricating the stories, so I guess their kind of perversity is o.k. and they were right. But as I gre older I began to develop sexual attractioms for other girls. It made me hate myself enough to contemplate suicide regularly, but somehow I didn't go through with it. I did, however, become extremely introverted and bashful. As a young adult, my feeble attempts at expressing myself were unwelcomed and scorned. I became a derelict of society. Those I loved and admired most hated me and nothing I did helped. Each attempt/each cry for help was viewed as stalkerish. I delve into alcohol and drugs. I attempted to force myself to be with men. Every single item left me sickened and filled with more self-loathing. All my life before I had participated in church and attempted to live as chaste and clean as possible. I sat by myself in church and refrained frim social functions. Mant times I fasted and prayed for god to remove the thorn from my flesh. He didn't! Now, I am at a milestone. I have denied myself any satisfaction or happiness for so ling, it seems my only alternatuve is death. All the shrinks I've talked to and preachers I've prayed with, all the tears that have ravaged my eyes were for nothing! God has ignored my humble sincerity. He has forgotten me. I am not an evil person. I wish no harm on anyone--not even those who have abused, bullied and threatened me. I did not forget to love when you beat me with rocks and hammers, whrn you cursed me and spit in my face--when the government hailed you for it. It seems all I have left is death. When that day comes, feel free to dance on my grave. It shows the true demons are inside of you!
I don't care if your gay or not .What happened to you wasn't right.,You should live free and happy now. Who cares what others think. Live for yourself not others. And in the end those who caused you harm will have to stand before God.

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#3 Jan 21, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
I was born into a religious family, but was molested at a very young age--about which I never told (until older) because my molestors convinced me that I would be blamed and shamed. After all, they were straight saints of god. Ironically enough, years later when I did speak of it, I was accused of lying and fabricating the stories, so I guess their kind of perversity is o.k. and they were right. But as I gre older I began to develop sexual attractioms for other girls. It made me hate myself enough to contemplate suicide regularly, but somehow I didn't go through with it. I did, however, become extremely introverted and bashful. As a young adult, my feeble attempts at expressing myself were unwelcomed and scorned. I became a derelict of society. Those I loved and admired most hated me and nothing I did helped. Each attempt/each cry for help was viewed as stalkerish. I delve into alcohol and drugs. I attempted to force myself to be with men. Every single item left me sickened and filled with more self-loathing. All my life before I had participated in church and attempted to live as chaste and clean as possible. I sat by myself in church and refrained frim social functions. Mant times I fasted and prayed for god to remove the thorn from my flesh. He didn't! Now, I am at a milestone. I have denied myself any satisfaction or happiness for so ling, it seems my only alternatuve is death. All the shrinks I've talked to and preachers I've prayed with, all the tears that have ravaged my eyes were for nothing! God has ignored my humble sincerity. He has forgotten me. I am not an evil person. I wish no harm on anyone--not even those who have abused, bullied and threatened me. I did not forget to love when you beat me with rocks and hammers, whrn you cursed me and spit in my face--when the government hailed you for it. It seems all I have left is death. When that day comes, feel free to dance on my grave. It shows the true demons are inside of you!
I am sorry to hear you were molested,and no one listened..God always listens,but he does not always take the thorn from you...Homosexuality is a sin,but a sin God can deliver you from,and forgive you for..
Homosexuality is a sin,but so is adultery,fornication,over eating,etc..You really need to find a very good Christian counselor.Maybe a Psychologist.Not very many Pastors are qualified to counsel people that have homosexuality problems or people who have been molested..That will take a person that has had special training..They do exist,but you may have to go to a bigger city.Crossville or probably bigger.Don't give up because there are people who care,and who can help..All homosexuals are people with feelings and need to be loved,and treated with kindness..I will pray for you,but please find a qualified counselor..What has happened to you will not go away right away even with good counseling.It will take years,but it will be worth it to you..
Lost Lesbian

Palm Harbor, FL

#5 Jan 21, 2013
Green Hornet 007 wrote:
<quoted text>
I am sorry to hear you were molested,and no one listened..God always listens,but he does not always take the thorn from you...Homosexuality is a sin,but a sin God can deliver you from,and forgive you for..
Homosexuality is a sin,but so is adultery,fornication,over eating,etc..You really need to find a very good Christian counselor.Maybe a Psychologist.Not very many Pastors are qualified to counsel people that have homosexuality problems or people who have been molested..That will take a person that has had special training..They do exist,but you may have to go to a bigger city.Crossville or probably bigger.Don't give up because there are people who care,and who can help..All homosexuals are people with feelings and need to be loved,and treated with kindness..I will pray for you,but please find a qualified counselor..What has happened to you will not go away right away even with good counseling.It will take years,but it will be worth it to you..
You still dob't have ears to hear or eyes to see! You made the presumption that my counsellors weren't qualified. On that you are severely mistaken. I gave them 20 years and nothing changed except the growing loathe I have for my life ans people who assume they have the authority to speak of something they know nothing about. The blood of the innocent will be on the hands of many--not only the initial abusers but also thoze who continue to torture the tortured souls. I hope you can live with your consciences. Mine is clean! I have repented daily. Have you?

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#6 Jan 21, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
<quoted text>
You still dob't have ears to hear or eyes to see! You made the presumption that my counsellors weren't qualified. On that you are severely mistaken. I gave them 20 years and nothing changed except the growing loathe I have for my life ans people who assume they have the authority to speak of something they know nothing about. The blood of the innocent will be on the hands of many--not only the initial abusers but also thoze who continue to torture the tortured souls. I hope you can live with your consciences. Mine is clean! I have repented daily. Have you?
You stated,"I have for my life ans people who assume they have the authority to speak of something they know nothing about."....

Not sure what you mean about that.

You ask if I repent daily...No..You are much better than I..I repent often,but daily no..That all by itself is a sin for me..I need to strive better,that is for sure...

Definition: Repentance means a sincere turning away, in both the mind and heart, from self to God.

So you have seen Christian Psychologists in the past? If so,then I am sorry that it has not helped..I will pray for you.
Lost Lesbian

Palm Harbor, FL

#7 Jan 22, 2013
Green Hornet 007 wrote:
<quoted text>
You stated,"I have for my life ans people who assume they have the authority to speak of something they know nothing about."....
Not sure what you mean about that.
You ask if I repent daily...No..You are much better than I..I repent often,but daily no..That all by itself is a sin for me..I need to strive better,that is for sure...
Definition: Repentance means a sincere turning away, in both the mind and heart, from self to God.
So you have seen Christian Psychologists in the past? If so,then I am sorry that it has not helped..I will pray for you.
Pray for yourself or some hungry child. Prayer without action is useless! Perhaps I wAs put here to teach tolerance. Christ forgave all who asked! You say I must turn away yet I don't hear you asking divorcees to forsake remarrying when clearly Christ said not to remarry one put away. And we all know that well into the 60% range of people my age have been married mulriple times. "As in the days of Noe (Noah) so shall be the coming..." Those were wicked days where people wete drinking, marrying, divorcing and remarrying. He destroyed Sodom (according to most ill-founded ideas) because of their sin which most think was sodomy. Sodom was a single city. He destroyed the entire earth in the day of Noah! You would do well to listen and contemplate the lobe voice in the wilderness! It makes no difference who speaks it...THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS BE THE TRUTH. Those who cannot hear or see the truth are but dust shaken from off my boots. "And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake iff the dust of your feet. Verily I say unto you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gommora in the day of kudgement than for thst city." Matthew 10:13&14 "Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves." Matt. 10:16 That is and always
has been me! People who refuse to accept truth deny Christ!

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#8 Jan 22, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
<quoted text>
Pray for yourself or some hungry child. Prayer without action is useless! Perhaps I wAs put here to teach tolerance. Christ forgave all who asked! You say I must turn away yet I don't hear you asking divorcees to forsake remarrying when clearly Christ said not to remarry one put away. And we all know that well into the 60% range of people my age have been married mulriple times. "As in the days of Noe (Noah) so shall be the coming..." Those were wicked days where people wete drinking, marrying, divorcing and remarrying. He destroyed Sodom (according to most ill-founded ideas) because of their sin which most think was sodomy. Sodom was a single city. He destroyed the entire earth in the day of Noah! You would do well to listen and contemplate the lobe voice in the wilderness! It makes no difference who speaks it...THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS BE THE TRUTH. Those who cannot hear or see the truth are but dust shaken from off my boots. "And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake iff the dust of your feet. Verily I say unto you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gommora in the day of kudgement than for thst city." Matthew 10:13&14 "Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves." Matt. 10:16 That is and always
has been me! People who refuse to accept truth deny Christ!
I do pray for myself,but also pray for many people who are hurting or suffering.Many people who I do not know.Action? How do you know I do not put things in action? Do you know me and what I do? I help people quite often.Why? Because I care.I can not help everyone,but I do the best I can.
Tolerance? If it is to accept the gay lifestyle,then no..God does not want anyone to teach tolerance to sin,but God does want all Christians to speak truth through love..We are to treat all people that sin with love and kindness,..

You stated,"He destroyed Sodom (according to most ill-founded ideas) because of their sin which most think was sodomy."..Where is it ill-founded? It is what the Bible says..God also destroyed Gomorrah for basically the same thing.The sin that basically got those cities destroyed was the sin of homosexuality..God was very patient with the people of those cities,but when the sin was rampant and the people would not turn from their sin,then God destroyed those cities. Lot was so infected by the wickedness of Sodom that he offered the homosexuals his two virgin daughters instead.That offer was turned down..Why? Because they wanted homosexual relations with the 2 angels,not normal sex with 2 virgins..
God is mercy also..He gave them chances to turn from their ways,but did not..God gives us all many chances to turn from our ways.He is patient and loving to all of us,no matter what the sin..

You stated in part,"I don't hear you asking divorcees to forsake remarrying when clearly Christ said not to remarry one put away."...I would have talked about divorce if that was the topic here,but it was not..There are reasons for divorce that God says is ok..He also says that remarrying is ok if the reason for divorce was adultery,and if you read real deep in the Bible it may also show where divorce is ok for abuse,but that is for another topic..I did state,if you will look,in my first post that adultery,and fornication is a sin.
I am sorry that you have a lot of anger built up inside you,and I will still encourage you to find another Christian Physiologist or Psychiatrist to help you..Sometimes seeking the right person to help you will finally pay off.Just because several of them did not help,does not mean that there isn't one out there that can help.
I still will pray for you.Have a good day.
lady in the hills

Livingston, TN

#9 Jan 22, 2013
Green Hornet 007 wrote:
<quoted text>
You stated,"I have for my life ans people who assume they have the authority to speak of something they know nothing about."....
Not sure what you mean about that.
You ask if I repent daily...No..You are much better than I..I repent often,but daily no..That all by itself is a sin for me..I need to strive better,that is for sure...
Definition: Repentance means a sincere turning away, in both the mind and heart, from self to God.
So you have seen Christian Psychologists in the past? If so,then I am sorry that it has not helped..I will pray for you.
Your post has me puzzled. I do not have any idea what you have been through but I do know if you ask for God's forgiveness and repent, God is just and he will cleanse your soul. But, you have to turn away from the sin you are repenting for.
lady in the hills

Livingston, TN

#10 Jan 22, 2013
Sorry GH, my post went on the wrong one.

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#11 Jan 22, 2013
lady in the hills wrote:
<quoted text>Your post has me puzzled. I do not have any idea what you have been through but I do know if you ask for God's forgiveness and repent, God is just and he will cleanse your soul. But, you have to turn away from the sin you are repenting for.
I understand who the post was meant for,and you are correct...Just asking though does not do it..You have to be serious,and be willing to turn from it..Just words is not enough,but if serious He will forgive anyone of their sins no matter what the sin is.Have a great day.

“'ello”

Since: Nov 09

burkettsville

#12 Jan 22, 2013
all that praying you people keep doing for homosexuals seems to just make more and more of them kill themselves. maybe god is trying to tell you something.
Lost Leabian

United States

#13 Jan 22, 2013
Green Hornet 007 wrote:
<quoted text>
I understand who the post was meant for,and you are correct...Just asking though does not do it..You have to be serious,and be willing to turn from it..Just words is not enough,but if serious He will forgive anyone of their sins no matter what the sin is.Have a great day.
You Fool! I prayed intil my eyes became bloody!!! Don't you evet call me insincere! You are the fool with the hard heart--not me!!! You presume you can jydge me? You are nothing but a deceivwd dog eating crumbs from your Jewiah masters table!!!!!
Lost Lesbian

United States

#14 Jan 22, 2013
poetaster wrote:
all that praying you people keep doing for homosexuals seems to just make more and more of them kill themselves. maybe god is trying to tell you something.
I have denied myself all pleasure...and for what? You deceived mongrels who suppose you know the will of a god that is beyond your undwrstanding. If I am damned, I will see you in hell!!! well burn together hatet!
Lost Lesbian

United States

#15 Jan 22, 2013
why are people who claim to be "loving" so full of hate and unacceptance? I suppose I must do as many of my peers..take the dark road. Why should I not have a right to be lived as others are? Why should I bow to that pitiful little wand you think holds some magic? YOU ARE WORSE PATHETIC THAN ME!!!!!

“'ello”

Since: Nov 09

burkettsville

#16 Jan 22, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
<quoted text>
I have denied myself all pleasure...and for what? You deceived mongrels who suppose you know the will of a god that is beyond your undwrstanding. If I am damned, I will see you in hell!!! well burn together hatet!
i think you misread my post.
Straight Guy

Cookeville, TN

#17 Jan 22, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
why are people who claim to be "loving" so full of hate and unacceptance? I suppose I must do as many of my peers..take the dark road. Why should I not have a right to be lived as others are? Why should I bow to that pitiful little wand you think holds some magic? YOU ARE WORSE PATHETIC THAN ME!!!!!
Clearly you are in pain. I will say a prayer for you, and sincerely hope it gets better.
Lost Lesbian

Charlotte, NC

#18 Jan 22, 2013
You are all Pathetic!!! You dont know my sufferring! My VLOOD IS OB YOUR HANDS!! you idiots made me and now you feebly attwmpt to change me! Change your lustful selves or burn ib the hrll where you send ne.. you god forsaken liars!!! You hide in a cloth rhat is so cleatmr yoy cant even cover your boners!!! YOU ARE DOGs!! ROT IN HELL YOU BAPTIST FOOLS!!!?
Lost Lesbian

Charlotte, NC

#19 Jan 22, 2013
You are no better than Hitler wgo killed us first! I bear my pink cross proudly you fasct piigs and fat vulgar sows!
my 2 cents

Cookeville, TN

#20 Jan 26, 2013
It would seem that your biggest issue is not so much the molestation and the pain and shame that follows as the bitterness you have allowed to well up within. This appears to be so in your responses to those who are trying to help and encourage you. God is your greatest source of help for any problem. I am sure you pray, but search your heart and let go of any bitterness as you pray.
Redneck Woman

Livingston, TN

#21 Jan 26, 2013
Lost Lesbian wrote:
You are all Pathetic!!! You dont know my sufferring! My VLOOD IS OB YOUR HANDS!! you idiots made me and now you feebly attwmpt to change me! Change your lustful selves or burn ib the hrll where you send ne.. you god forsaken liars!!! You hide in a cloth rhat is so cleatmr yoy cant even cover your boners!!! YOU ARE DOGs!! ROT IN HELL YOU BAPTIST FOOLS!!!?
Clearly you have so much anger and resentment built up and you have overreacted emotionally to posts from GH. That is understandable with what you have went through and you are still punishing yourself for wrongs that were beyond your control. I worked with abused chidlren for years and even after the abuse has ended, lifetime of issues face the survivors.
I had a relative that did inappropriate things around me and other female relatives. Not the extent with what you went through but although I am hetrosexual, I have major trust issues with men. And like you, when his wife was told his actions, she held up for the POS. He is dead now but his actions has affected so many lives.

Sometimes, all a person can do is pray for someone who is going through pain. I will pray for your pain and not for your sexuality. The Bible belt like the Catholic church condemns homosexuality and so many treat homosexuals badly. GH is one of the few that has stated like with other sins, need to treat homosexuals with kindness. I myself have many homosexual friends who have struggled for years trying to be straight and caused more issues.
Like GH stated, many are not quailified in that area. Not all therapists are right for that particular patient. I do think if you can find a good therapist to help you, it would be a good idea. I do not think a religious therpaist would be the best alternative since your abusers were church members (and they are hypocritical pedophiles and an abdomination to God).
If you wish, I can check around to see what therapists or even victim support groups. The only thing is if you are in Jamestown, may have to travel to Cookeville or Crossville.

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