jackson man

Brighton, TN

#45 Jan 5, 2013
So how does that explain when someone goes bad and becomes someone totaly unlike the person you met? Say over period of years and starts sleeping around and doing things behind your back that you' re shocked to learn.
As for me I lrearned that a petson can change drasticly ober time. I could pose many more questioms but for the sakeof time I better not.
Was this soup mislabled from the beginning or did it just turn sour.? Hmmm?
Danzig

Västerås, Sweden

#46 Jan 5, 2013
jackson man wrote:
So how does that explain when someone goes bad and becomes someone totaly unlike the person you met? Say over period of years and starts sleeping around and doing things behind your back that you' re shocked to learn.
As for me I lrearned that a petson can change drasticly ober time. I could pose many more questioms but for the sakeof time I better not.
Was this soup mislabled from the beginning or did it just turn sour.? Hmmm?
The recipe was bad from the beginning, the soup is what you eat, i.e those things you describe.
tired of it

Jackson, TN

#47 Jan 5, 2013
Not always. Sometimes the one person gets tired enough of the other person's constant crap. If my husband loved me and cared only for me and sought only me, why was he always searching for porn and other women? If you truly love your wife, why does a man need to constantly be looking elsewhere? And no, he was not deprived of sex either. But when a wife has had enough, she gets tired of it. That doesn't mean she was bad from the start. He helped turn her.
Danzig

Västerås, Sweden

#48 Jan 5, 2013
tired of it wrote:
Not always. Sometimes the one person gets tired enough of the other person's constant crap. If my husband loved me and cared only for me and sought only me, why was he always searching for porn and other women? If you truly love your wife, why does a man need to constantly be looking elsewhere? And no, he was not deprived of sex either. But when a wife has had enough, she gets tired of it. That doesn't mean she was bad from the start. He helped turn her.
What you are describing is the soup, not the recipe.
tired of it

Jackson, TN

#49 Jan 5, 2013
But you're saying only one of the ingredients was bad. It wasnt bad in the beginning.
Danzig

Västerås, Sweden

#50 Jan 5, 2013
I'm saying that the recipe is bad. But lets look at it this way. You had an idea of how to build a relationship already before it began, right? You met someone who had similar ideas, and so you started a relationship based on these ideas. Where did you get those ideas?

Those ideas are the recipe, and you've learned them from elsewhere, which means that you started cooking a soup that wasn't your own, meaning it was fake. At first it might have been genuine, but the problems with that fake recipe show up pretty soon.

Maybe you even remember that the problems were visible quite early, but you chose to bypass them or lie to yourself, thinking maybe "That's not so bad, it will be better later" or something like that. And you know it was a lie, since it didn't get better later. Now you have cooked the soup and you can see what it was, the soup is only how the relationship ended, and it ended precisely as it did, no matter what ingredients you tried to put in it.

If you understand what you based your soup on and fix the problem, then you can build a genuine relationship. Your ex might be still cooking bad soups somewhere else, but you won't be.

I hope this was of help to you. If you really want to understand yourself and your choices etc, I recommend the book I mentioned.
jackson man

Brighton, TN

#51 Jan 5, 2013
In my case I have no second thoughts regarding all that. I did everything as anyone would wish. So in consideration of that I think I picked a person who was in fact predisposed to that kind of behavior. There are more of those than anything else since it's glamourized by the media so much. Even in my workplace the discussion is all about who's sleeping with who. It is a shameful didplay of human depravity in my opinion. This is not a recipie as much as it is the state of social norms. Folks this is who we ate.
jackson man

Brighton, TN

#52 Jan 5, 2013
Are. Sorry for the typo !
guest

Jackson, TN

#53 Jan 5, 2013
Missy R wrote:
I just don't think it's meant to be for some people. That one, being me.
Im so with you on that! Think I'm meant to be a single dad too!
Missy R

United States

#54 Jan 5, 2013
guest wrote:
<quoted text>
Im so with you on that! Think I'm meant to be a single dad too!
Hey atleast u still have a child to raise, my youngest is a teen. So i am really alone. I know i gave it my all, i did love with all my heart. Just loved the wrong person.
Much happier

Jackson, TN

#55 Jan 5, 2013
My ex-wife was a drunk, and a mean one at that, several black eyes to prove it. When I got sober she got worse.
My marriage was based on the wrong things though, booze, partying. 17 years of pure hell.
But I do have 3 wonderful children who are worth all the crap I went through.
In fairness....I was not a good husband because of my drinking, I wasn't a mean person, just self- involved and selfish.
Much happier

Jackson, TN

#56 Jan 5, 2013
Oh, and we were a church going, private school for the kids, smile on the face in public kind of dysfunctional. Not some rednecks living in a trailer.
just me

Oliver Springs, TN

#57 Jan 5, 2013
I believe some people just can't stay in a committed relationship. Oh they start out committed but I think some feel they must have the spice of variety. I loved my husband for 7+ years and he seemed to share those feelings as well. The last year we were married things seemed to change drastically almost overnight. We divorced and he remarried his old girlfriend 2 weeks later. I never saw that coming even though we worked together daily at our company and spent evenings together as a family. Does "True Love" exist...yes I believe it does...it's just not the everlasting love of your parents & grand-parents era! If I even love again...it will have to be for the long haul.
Much happier

Jackson, TN

#58 Jan 5, 2013
just me wrote:
I believe some people just can't stay in a committed relationship. Oh they start out committed but I think some feel they must have the spice of variety. I loved my husband for 7+ years and he seemed to share those feelings as well. The last year we were married things seemed to change drastically almost overnight. We divorced and he remarried his old girlfriend 2 weeks later. I never saw that coming even though we worked together daily at our company and spent evenings together as a family. Does "True Love" exist...yes I believe it does...it's just not the everlasting love of your parents & grand-parents era! If I even love again...it will have to be for the long haul.
Sounds like he was a douchebag. Probably had been talking to the old girlfriend for a while.
just me

Oliver Springs, TN

#59 Jan 5, 2013
Sure he was too...just like he tried to talk to me now that he has been married a year. Not playing that game. Spouses aren't like toys to a two year old...you can't keep changing your mind when you get bored and want to play with another one. I on the other hand have been single all year just trying to get myself together. Really screws the trust issues up.
tired of it

United States

#60 Jan 5, 2013
Am I the only one who misses the affection? I miss the hugs and kisses. I want someone who wants me and me alone. Someone who wants to do the things I like to do. Usually it doesn't bother me to do without this, but every now and then it hits.
just me

Oliver Springs, TN

#61 Jan 5, 2013
What I miss the most is that feeling of contentment. I can remember looking at my spouse no matter what he was doing and thinking...that's my husband...and the feeling was indescribable. I miss the affection and the companionship the most. The hard thing for me is now to realize most of that was one sided. Trust is out of reach for me just yet.
Much happier

Jackson, TN

#62 Jan 5, 2013
just me wrote:
Sure he was too...just like he tried to talk to me now that he has been married a year. Not playing that game. Spouses aren't like toys to a two year old...you can't keep changing your mind when you get bored and want to play with another one. I on the other hand have been single all year just trying to get myself together. Really screws the trust issues up.
He wants his cake and eat it too. I don't you you but I do know you don't deserve that. No one does.
Much happier

Jackson, TN

#63 Jan 5, 2013
just me wrote:
Sure he was too...just like he tried to talk to me now that he has been married a year. Not playing that game. Spouses aren't like toys to a two year old...you can't keep changing your mind when you get bored and want to play with another one. I on the other hand have been single all year just trying to get myself together. Really screws the trust issues up.
"Know"
guest

Jackson, TN

#64 Jan 5, 2013
Love sucks but true love swallows

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