how to tell someone they have a child...

how to tell someone they have a child after you've not seen them in 5 years.

Posted in the Jackson Forum

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looking

United States

#1 Sep 1, 2011
should i tell this person, or go on like nothing ever happened?
tell them

Corbin, KY

#2 Sep 1, 2011
looking wrote:
should i tell this person, or go on like nothing ever happened?
Tell them. They should be paying child support.
Hmmmm

Schuylkill Haven, PA

#3 Sep 2, 2011
Is it the mother or the father? LOL!

Since: May 10

Location hidden

#4 Sep 2, 2011
I'd tell them it's not fair to the child
really

Lebanon, KY

#5 Sep 2, 2011
If a woman says a certain man got her pregnant, and the child is 5 years old, and the man doesn't remember if he did or not, then he should have a DNA test done. If he did get her pregnant, he should pay child support, but if he didn't, then he shouldn't, that wouldn't be fair to him. He can make the courts prove that's his child by requesting a DNA test of him and the child. By law, she can't refuse the test between him and the child.
looking

United States

#6 Sep 2, 2011
Well, I've tried finding him. Last I heard he lives in Indiana, and recently was released from jail. I don't know if I want my child around that. But I have no idea where in Indiana he is, and his family are hush hush about his location.
really

Lebanon, KY

#7 Sep 2, 2011
looking wrote:
Well, I've tried finding him. Last I heard he lives in Indiana, and recently was released from jail. I don't know if I want my child around that. But I have no idea where in Indiana he is, and his family are hush hush about his location.
If he is the real father, then you can get the law to find him, and if he denies being the father, you can get the courts to request a DNA from him and your child, and compare both to see if he's the father. If he is the father, he should pay child support, but if he isn't, he shouldn't.
looking

United States

#8 Sep 2, 2011
i'm not looking for child support. just wondering if i should involve him in my childs life. i'm married and my husband is a wonderful father. he knows the situation, and he would rather i leave the real father out of the picture. but still what kind of affect is it gonna have on my child?....
really

Lebanon, KY

#9 Sep 2, 2011
looking wrote:
i'm not looking for child support. just wondering if i should involve him in my childs life. i'm married and my husband is a wonderful father. he knows the situation, and he would rather i leave the real father out of the picture. but still what kind of affect is it gonna have on my child?....
That's something you'll have to talk over with your husband. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but what I would do is ask the real father how he feels about his child, when you find him, and if you're not wanting child support, then let him know. If you and your husband agrees on letting the real father see the child, and the father wants to, then that's up to you and your husband. But, if you and your husband has any doubt that the real father would be a bad influence on your child, or on your marriage, then that's a different story.
looking

United States

#10 Sep 2, 2011
I appreciate the input guys. I need all the help I can get in this situation. Thanks again.
seriously

Irvine, KY

#11 Sep 2, 2011
If I was you I would listen to your husband. If the daddy of the baby has been in prison you don't wan't to expose your baby to that, he's better off not knowing his father.
maybe

Appleton, WI

#12 Sep 2, 2011
I am thinking maybe I know this person you are talking about. He lives in Indiana and has for almost 3 years..I could be wrong but I am just trying to help.. Does ths person have brothers, if so how many???maybe if you can just give me the first letter of his first name..I dont want to say names on here and start a whole other topic, if you understand what I mean..Any info you can give me without being obvious will help. Maybe if you can tell me where he used to live in Breathitt and did he ever live in Hazard???
looking

United States

#13 Sep 2, 2011
the first letter of his name is B. And he used to live in Breathitt County.
medical info

Corbin, KY

#14 Sep 2, 2011
You at least need to get some inkling of the sperm donor's general health and medical info to know if any diseases run in the family.
Bigg sexxy

London, KY

#15 Sep 5, 2011
looking wrote:
should i tell this person, or go on like nothing ever happened?
Send him child support pps
just wondering

Jacksonville, FL

#16 Sep 5, 2011
I know you said that the mans name starts with a B. Are you sure it wasnt decoursey morris, I know for a fact he likes to get girls pregnant and then leave them to raise the child all alone. The last girl he got pregnant is making his sorry no-good lying, cheating arse pay child support. You know that has to burn his wife's arse every month knowing that his cheating is costing them a lot of money. His wife is wayyyy too pretty to be with someone like him, who even lies to her about smoking. I have seen him smoking with my own two eyes, but yet he tries to keep it hid from his wife of all people. A marriage built on lies will not last in my opinion. She should take him to the cleaners, he would be totally screwed if his wife left him. It wouldnt matter who she found next, they would be better than decoursey. Just pitiful. Anyhow, if your husband accepts the situation as you say he does and loves the 5yr old as his own, and wants you to leave the other man out of the picture, I would do that. Sounds to me that the other man who may or may not be the father is useless anyhow, what on earth could he possibly bring to a childs life. Thats right, NOTHING. However, your husband accepts the father role of a child who is not his, sounds to me like he is a very stand up MAN. Keep him, dont bring someone else in, unless the truth is that you miss the jail bird and want him to be around. You may say no, but everything that you have said kinda points in that direction.
looking

United States

#17 Sep 6, 2011
no, it's not him. this man had 3 brothers and he's 26.
really

Lexington, KY

#18 Sep 7, 2011
medical info wrote:
You at least need to get some inkling of the sperm donor's general health and medical info to know if any diseases run in the family.
When a man gives sperm, they screen the sperm for all kinds of diseases before putting it into the sperm bank.
maybe

Appleton, WI

#19 Sep 8, 2011
looking wrote:
no, it's not him. this man had 3 brothers and he's 26.
Well, the man I was thinking of does have three brothers, he is 27 instead of 26 but his name does not start with B, it starts with an M..So I guess this is not the same person but it is strange tat everything is almost the same...sorry I could not help...
advice

Campton, KY

#20 Sep 8, 2011
Like someon else said you need to know this child's father medical history. Such as mental illness, addictions and other genetic problems. But that doesn't mean you have to include him in the child's life. You said something about the family keeping mum about his wereabouts. Talk to them and just tell them that you need some medical history on the family. If you don't want to have the father in the picture reassure the family you are not interested in that. But once the child is a little older he/she will find out that your husband isn't his/her real father and what are you going to say? How are you going to handle that? How do you think the child will handle that? Will they not trust you, or wrose yet begin to resent you for not telling them the truth. You and your husband need to think about the child instead of what is best and easiest for you and your marriage. The child can be told the truth but yet have the real father out of the picture. Just tell the child that his real dad has problems and maybe some day he will work them out. This has worked great for us the past fifteen years with our great neice.

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