Ask Amy 11/7/09

[Lifes a Beach]

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/column...

[Lifes a Beach]

LW1 - Have the kind of wedding you want. Wear whatever you want. If you want to wear white, wear white. If you want to wear your white shoes afterward, just remember the same people who will complain that you wore white at the wedding will have a keniption fit if you wear the shoes after Labor Day.

LW2 - Okay, 5-6 might be too young to watch Hair, but, 11-12 year olds are not learning anything they don't already know. And 5 year olds with teenage siblings become worldly pretty fast.

LW3 - "I don't want to grow old gracefully. I plan on getting face lifts until my ears meet" comedian Rita Rudner

[edogxxx]

LW1: Okay, so you've had your dream wedding and the marriage didn't last. So now you don't want another "big" wedding because why? You've been there before? I don't understand. Get over yourself. This is supposed to be a new start for you and your SO. Think of it as a new celebration. Have the biggest wedding possible! As far as the white dress, I doubt you were a virgin at your first wedding so what's the big deal?

LW2: Really?! I need to see this musical!!

LW3: Fine by me, I go after young chicks anyway.

Thanks Life!

[Pixx]

Maybe she doesn't want a big wedding because they are stressful and expensive and whatnot. But she seems more concerned about what's "proper" and what isn't -- just do whatever the hell you want! I don't understand her fretting over the color of the dress, either. But if she really wants a cream dress, she should have it. Her preferences should be considered too.

[I Like Tonka]

Lifes a Beach wrote:

LW1 - Have the kind of wedding you want. Wear whatever you want. If you want to wear white, wear white. If you want to wear your white shoes afterward, just remember the same people who will complain that you wore white at the wedding will have a keniption fit if you wear the shoes after Labor Day.

Yes. F the "rules". Anyone who would have a problem with you wearing white because some archai "rule" says so can go f themselves. You celebrate however you and your husband want. Make your own "rules".

[I Like Tonka]

edogxxx wrote:

As far as the white dress, I doubt you were a virgin at your first wedding so what's the big deal?

Nice!

[I Like Tonka]

Pixx wrote:

Maybe she doesn't want a big wedding because they are stressful and expensive and whatnot. But she seems more concerned about what's "proper" and what isn't -- just do whatever the hell you want! I don't understand her fretting over the color of the dress, either. But if she really wants a cream dress, she should have it. Her preferences should be considered too.

Her color preference is because she's concerned with what's "proper". I apply the "just do whatever the hell you want!" advice here too.

[Pixx]

Too many people get all wound up in what's "proper" and what isn't "proper" in their weddings. The expansive social etiquette is kind of fading out, and I'm glad of it. As long as you aren't rude (ie, demand money for a vacation instead of gifts, or something) and everything is done tastefully (ie, your bridesmaids aren't dressed in leather mini skirts and sparkly sequined bras), I don't see any reason to not just have fun with it. That is what a wedding is supposed to be, after all!

[liner]

So, sounds like it's his way or the highway? Gas up the car girl!!!!

[Lifes a Beach]

Pixx wrote:

leather mini skirts and sparkly sequined bras),

if you've got the figure to go with it - then what the heck go for it.

[Lifes a Beach]

edogxxx wrote:

LW1: As far as the white dress, I doubt you were a virgin

you know haw many weddings I've been to where either the bride was prego, already had a kid, or the couple were already living together?? Just about all of them. How many of those brides wore white? ALL of them.

On All My Children, I think Erica Kane (Susan Lucci's character)always wears white whenever she gets married. She even has ex husbands walk her down the aisle and as best man.
I'd have to google the wedding pictures, but I think Elizabeth Taylor wears white at all her weddings too.

[edogxxx]

Lifes a Beach wrote:

<quoted text>
you know haw many weddings I've been to where either the bride was prego, already had a kid, or the couple were already living together?? Just about all of them. How many of those brides wore white? ALL of them.

I think the issue of the LW is that she wants the wedding done her way, as she should. Her SO is the one who's never been married and wants it to be a big production (which I find odd because NO MAN is all about the wedding ceremony, that's all the bride's thing. Or maybe this guy's mother is the one pushing for the huge ceremony with white dress?) Either way, wear as you wish but don't do so persuaded by "what is proper."

[Terri at home]

L1: Have the wedding that you think will start off your marriage the best. I like Amy's reminder it is a good time to learn how you two negotiate and solve problems together.

L2: MYOB.

L3: Does Amy's answer mean she's been trying to act and looking younger? I'm a baby boomer. Take me as I am I say, colored over gray hair and everything.

:)

[Andie J]

edogxxx wrote:

LW2: Really?! I need to see this musical!!

You really don't know about "Hair"? That's wild. I saw it in 1970, for a friend's Sweet 16 party. The nude scene is only for a few seconds, then the lights go down. Oh Calcutta! was known for having extensive nudity. A real scandal at the time.

[AngelaMN]

L1: First of all, he doesn't get to dictate the color of your wedding dress. And the color of your dress has nothing to do with your having been married before. If he wants the big wedding, go for it. Just be sure to spread the word to YOUR side of the family and YOUR friends that you really don't want any gifts. "What does she want?" "Oh, nothing, seriously, you gave her a gift at her first wedding, she just wants you to be there to share in the day."

(Amy is 100% wrong when she said to not do that.)

L2: I bet you let your kids watch violent tv shows and movies, and play violent video games. I'll take nudity and some sexual content over the violence any day.

L3: Amy likes to give others the opportunity to pat her on the back.

[Andie J]

L1- Oh for crap's sake. Not another wedding problem. How much you want to bet the bride will be writing in a couple of years about how it turns out her husband is gay. No man should say what color the bride's dress should be. That's just so wrong.
L2- Why is the LW concerned about other people's kids? And why is the LW writing to an advice columnist about it? Is s/he going to get ahold of the family & chew them out?
L3- I saw my old hairdresser yesterday. He told me perms are on sale & I should cover the grey. I told him I want my natural (long, straight & greying) for a few more years. Maybe forever. I actually like the grey. It looks blonde in the summer. And I think grey roots look really bad.

[AngelaMN]

A white wedding dress does not symbolize virginity. It's the veil over the face that does that.

[AngelaMN]

L2: Imagine the letter writer if he/she saw children at "Equis" (or wahtever that horse/love show is on Broadway with the guy from Harry Potter).

[I Like Tonka]

Andie J wrote:

<quoted text>
You really don't know about "Hair"? That's wild. I saw it in 1970, for a friend's Sweet 16 party. The nude scene is only for a few seconds, then the lights go down. Oh Calcutta! was known for having extensive nudity. A real scandal at the time.

Hah! 1970. I was but a gleam in my daddy's eye in 1970. I've heard of hair. I know it was hippie musical way back when. But I know nothing of the content.

[I Like Tonka]

Andie J wrote:

L1- Oh for crap's sake. Not another wedding problem. How much you want to bet the bride will be writing in a couple of years about how it turns out her husband is gay. No man should say what color the bride's dress should be. That's just so wrong.

I don't think its so much that he is trying to dictate to her what color the dress should be, but that he see's no need for her to choose a color other than white because of some skewed sense of propriety.