NEED some advise
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London, KY

#1 Dec 2, 2012
My husband is perfect in every other department. But he has NO""interest in sex, and I've tried numerous to talk to him about the issue. He denies that it is not because he is no longer attracted to me, or that there is another women, but I have no idea what the problem could be. Plus, as much as I've tried I can't get him to even discuss the problems we have. There is no affection, and pretty much no longer any physical anything", and it driving me crazy. I need to know he loves me, and not just saying it. I need to feel my husband the way I use too, and 'by the way I'm still as extremely attracted to him as ever, and am still am madly "in love" with him. So I would appreciate any one that has any advise for me please respond. I kneed to find a way to get him to talk to me honestly, and let me know how exactly he feels, and I need to know if he even truly still wants to fix our problems. I am completely crushed inside, I am heartbroken, and have tried everything I know to do to get that love back that we one had for each other We have both made mistakes, and I just want to get our lives back that we once had together.I just want to feel his love the way I use to. I would much rather him to tell me what ever is causing this behavior that find out in five years he has a kid by a different women or something worse. I can hadle anything, as long as the truth comes from him. I feel so stuck and don't know what to do, and don't want to start a fight over what could be nothing, or tear my family apart. But I honestly want him to be happy, I just want him to be honest with me, and trust me enough to do that, I know I'm not making him happy,, I can feel it, but he wont admit that it true. I don't know what do do if he want talk to me.. All I want is for him to honest with me, and I want him to be happy and I would do anything in this world to make that happen ,, even if it meant giving him up. Because he is my one true love, and always will be; no matter where he is..I will love him and nothing or no one will ever ever change that.I only want to chance to ix what ever is wrong an give us a fighting chance, because I truly am in " IN Love" with you more that you will ever understand. But I feel like you've have up on this relationship for a long time know, and I miss u so much.I just wish you would could let be back in, so we can make this right, you are my everything, and without u I am nothing, I need you more than you understand, and I want you more than ever before..EB; so please let me back in, the way we use to be, love me again,I need to feel that so so much. I know I haven't been the best, but neither have you, I wanna start new, out everything out there, and work on getting past it all. You are all I want in this world, and your all I need, because you make me the happiest girl ever..Please let me bback in, so we can fix this...(it' bkwrd) My love for you will outlast this simple world.....
watch do you think

London, KY

#2 Dec 2, 2012
I'm sorry to turn her, and that my story is so long, but I don't know where else to turn.. I've tried countless time to talk to him about all this, but I get no where. I feel like there is another women, nut I've not found any sigh of that. I really don't know don't know what to do, because I love him more than anything, but know that something isn't right...I know he's not happy..I've tried everything I can't think of.l But I still can't get him to talk to me..i just need to know where I stand, we have been together for a few years, and I don't know if it's something I've don't, or if he has just realized that I'm not what he whats...I'm so Lost and Confused. Thanks again for listening to be ramble, but I'm so so lost here,,i can't imagine my life without him
well
#3 Dec 3, 2012
stop talking and take action...sex always makes a relationship stronger so dress in something seductive, crawl in bed beside him and go down on him and then crawl on top of him and take control, act like teenagers again and spice your relationship back up. Seriously!
what do you think

London, KY

#4 Dec 3, 2012
I have tried, l;;and everything in between,, he just has no interest in sex anymore, or affection for that matter..it's like he doesn't ever want me to touch him, but i stil love him and need hime, and he sears that he loves me, and wants to be with me, but just doesn't know whats wrong..but that hard for me to buy, because i really believe that it's another women..I'm lost here
Dear Abby

London, KY

#5 Dec 3, 2012
As scary as it sounds, you HAVE to turn the tables, and become just as aloof. As long as you're grieving doing EVERYTHING you can, WHO wouldn't love that, and prolong it as LONG as they could? If during your relationship with him, you found out that 'everyday he would declare his undying LOVE for you, sprinkled with loving and exciting sex overtures, waiting on you hand and foot, concerned you are on the verge of leaving at the drop of the hat, how would YOU respond?' All your efforts are working in his favor, and it sounds like you have tried everything else, so put this to the test! Now you have to be brave and patient with this theory, & you may not think it's working, but I've NEVER seen it fail! He IS 'your' husband, and obviously returns to the nest everyday, you said yourself, & "you don't think there's another woman", right? Now I'm going to be blunt...keep an eye on his time in the bathroom, and when you feel he's taking too long, knock on the door! What he's doing is not fair, you're doing ALL the work and he counters with 'hand job', don't fool yourself, that option is always on the table, & as far as I'm concerned 'that's cheating', because anything or anyone that can change dynamic of your relationship, has to be stopped. There are people who rely with stimulation on the Internet, so watch him on that, In FACT watch everything! You may even need to let him know that 'YOU' have the same options' as well. AND you can expect that the 1st few times you 'get it on', it will take him long, because at this point, he'll have to get back in the grove of a woman, NOT his hand!
well
#6 Dec 3, 2012
I agree with ~Dear Abby~. And if you honestly think there is another woman, there are ways to find out! Stop sitting back and taking it and take some action! I'll help you if you want.
My 2 cents

Brodhead, KY

#7 Dec 3, 2012
I've been married for 10 years and trust me when I say that my hubby and myself have been thru A LOT! Obviously depending on the situation, it affected our love life in different ways but NEVER has he not wanted to have sex..lol. Maybe he'd be too tired at times or he was not feeling well..but if he had it his way it'd be happening 24/7! So, unless there are some serious issues between yourself and him affecting it or an illness even..I'd be seriously concerned. Especially since you said you've tried the whole seduction thing! And the fact that he doesn't have a reason, is even more alarming. How was your sex life prior to this? I think that'd tell you a lot. Because believe it or not there are some guys out there who just do not enjoy it. You know your relationship better than anyone else, so it's hard for us to speculate. I wish u the best!!
one she needs advice on

London, KY

#8 Dec 3, 2012
well I went to work today only to get a call that my girl was running around with a girl that was planning on stealing from "US" and already planned and executed a robbery of one of our child hood friends... Not only was she running around with her and her friend but she thought it was a good idea to sit in the back in the middle of two dudes.... so maybe I could use some advice as well...... but that was today and tmrw will be different...
As far as things changing... I am sorry, I do love you. My perception of relationships have changed over the duration of our relationship... The reason I never had a long-term relationship until you was because I didn't believe in them.. I have seen my mother divorce 3 times the 2nd being my step-dad and I never thought they would separate.. but they did.. my sis and her love split and seemed like they would be together forever, not meant to be... and others I am close to never seemed to find what worked... then I met u and fell in love.. and felt what I had been missing my whole life.. the 1st year was amazing... we spent all our time together, made love 2 to 3 times a day... moved in together and had a wonderful house and a wonderful life, throwing parties, going on dates, entertaining for our friends.. it was going great, then I got sent to training and after a week I got the cold shoulder from you. u threatened to break up with me on the phone wouldn't answer when I'd call, said you would lose your phone or leave it in a store all night... I got back six weeks later and there were msgs from a guy, I made myself believe you and then 2 years later I meet the guy on a business trip and he tells me the whole story, and you still denied it for a min... but then you told me what he was saying was true... I forgave you and I do forgive you... because I love you...
You are my world and we have had many problems since then... I don't care about the problems, I love you still and I'm with you because of that, I want to stay with you, I do NOT want to split up.. I am sorry that my perception of relationships has been skewed but I cannot allow myself to believe being in love means you will not hurt the one you love the most... having sex once every couple of 2 to 3 weeks lets me be sure you won't get burnt out on me again...
I know nobody will read all of what I have wrote here but if by chance someone has please chime in and maybe you could give us both a lil advice.
Sigh

Liberty, KY

#9 Dec 3, 2012
one she needs advice on wrote:
well I went to work today only to get a call that my girl was running around with a girl that was planning on stealing from "US" and already planned and executed a robbery of one of our child hood friends... Not only was she running around with her and her friend but she thought it was a good idea to sit in the back in the middle of two dudes.... so maybe I could use some advice as well...... but that was today and tmrw will be different...
As far as things changing... I am sorry, I do love you. My perception of relationships have changed over the duration of our relationship... The reason I never had a long-term relationship until you was because I didn't believe in them.. I have seen my mother divorce 3 times the 2nd being my step-dad and I never thought they would separate.. but they did.. my sis and her love split and seemed like they would be together forever, not meant to be... and others I am close to never seemed to find what worked... then I met u and fell in love.. and felt what I had been missing my whole life.. the 1st year was amazing... we spent all our time together, made love 2 to 3 times a day... moved in together and had a wonderful house and a wonderful life, throwing parties, going on dates, entertaining for our friends.. it was going great, then I got sent to training and after a week I got the cold shoulder from you. u threatened to break up with me on the phone wouldn't answer when I'd call, said you would lose your phone or leave it in a store all night... I got back six weeks later and there were msgs from a guy, I made myself believe you and then 2 years later I meet the guy on a business trip and he tells me the whole story, and you still denied it for a min... but then you told me what he was saying was true... I forgave you and I do forgive you... because I love you...
You are my world and we have had many problems since then... I don't care about the problems, I love you still and I'm with you because of that, I want to stay with you, I do NOT want to split up.. I am sorry that my perception of relationships has been skewed but I cannot allow myself to believe being in love means you will not hurt the one you love the most... having sex once every couple of 2 to 3 weeks lets me be sure you won't get burnt out on me again...
I know nobody will read all of what I have wrote here but if by chance someone has please chime in and maybe you could give us both a lil advice.
You do realize with the information you have here at least one person knows exactly who you are and you know the one this is about will know too...I know you need to vent but please be careful doing so on here...although it does bring a few things into perspective and I'm really glad I did read this I will not put my input on topix...all I will say is good luck and best wishes!
been there

Lexington, KY

#10 Dec 4, 2012
HE'S GAY.
well
#11 Dec 4, 2012
Start all over, go out on dates again. Leave the past where it is because if you don't, then it will only tear you apart....if you can't then maybe it's best you go your seperate ways. But either way you have to have Faith in what you feel in your heart. Best of luck to you!!!!
Dear Abby

London, KY

#12 Dec 4, 2012
Dear "one she needs advice on",

I'm so sorry.....Unfortunately no one is 'immune' when it comes to heartache, one way or the other, Everybody faces a 'wall' in their marriage, don't let anyone fool you. When you see what you believe to be a strong happy marriage, you're witnessing two people who have locked hands and hearts and faced down what would be 'fatal', to most marriages, but you either get over it, or it turns into the 'last ole straw'. You know, the 'only' reason the Bible gives us for divorce is adultery or abandonment. I believe it's because EVEN God knows, betrayal is so crushing & debilitating. But you have decided to climb the wall, and work your way back to her, because in your heart, you still believe she did NOT commit adultery. I always say that "my husband and I fight as passionately as we love", know why? It's because we care so deeply that if there's something important we disagree on, it is a hard fought 'self righteous' battle back to the middle, & unless the argument is settled...it will always and forever be a sore spot, that we will die trying to avoid that subject ever again....even though we have killed each other at least '3 times in our 'Minds', it now has become unspeakable, never solved-just unspeakable. Seems to me she was wreckless with your trust,'but' there comes a time that you have to 'let her UP'.....she gets it,'payback is hell', she knows you're NOT playing and you have drawn your line in the sand.....so what's next? How long does this go on. There's one thing I have learned through the years.'There's trash on EVERY corner just waiting to get what's yours'. There's always someone looking to take your place, so you're running down the clock, stop it!

http://www.google.com/url...

Tonight, climb that wall.....
Dear Abby

London, KY

#13 Dec 4, 2012
I don't know if that link worked or not, try this one..

http://www.artistdirect.com/video/alan-jackso...
try this

Pikeville, KY

#14 Dec 4, 2012
viagra
what do u think

London, KY

#15 Dec 4, 2012
The entire car thing was blown way out of proportion. The biggest problem we have is that he doesn't trust me. He doesn't want me to have friends, and he's afraid I'll make a mistake again. But I am hopelessly devoted to him, and only want to find a way to get past what we are going through. I love him more than anything in the world, and wish I never hurt him to begin with, but I have tried since then to make up for it. After he decided to stay with me, but he has not been an angel in this either, there have been many questionable things he has done. But I want to get past the mistakes we have both made, and be happy again. I just need to feel his love again..but I feel like I'm still being punished for what happened years ago. I have tried everything I can think of to get "us" back, but nothing seems to work. I am not giving up, I just need something from him to show me I'm not just fighting a battle that can't be won. All I want is or him to love me..and trust me,, cause I would never hurt him. I hate myself for my mistakes, but I was scared in the beginning, I had been hurt a lot, and seen all those same signs from him, but I guess he was just as scared as I was to make the commitment..I just want my man back, and I'll do what ever it takes to get that..I guess this entire thing was just my attempt to vent,,and try to get new ideas of how to fix this..but it has turned into something, I didn't intend on..so this will be my last post..thanks to all of you that were really trying to help..
really

Winchester, KY

#16 Dec 4, 2012
So you start this thread, blaming him for not wanting to have sex with you, when in reality you just need to keep your legs closed and stay home, he needs to divorce you, case closed.
not the case

London, KY

#17 Dec 5, 2012
Ok, i have not cheated on him, and the car thing was blown out of proportion..I love him with everything I am and would never hurt him. Things are not as cut and dry as u "really" try to make them seem. I could go on for hour the reasons I should leave him, but I can't because I love him..I'm not perfect, but I would never hurt him..
really

Winchester, KY

#18 Dec 5, 2012
not the case wrote:
Ok, i have not cheated on him, and the car thing was blown out of proportion..I love him with everything I am and would never hurt him. Things are not as cut and dry as u "really" try to make them seem. I could go on for hour the reasons I should leave him, but I can't because I love him..I'm not perfect, but I would never hurt him..
You all should try marriage counseling then, because it sounds like he's not happy and that he doesn't trust you.
Dear Abby

London, KY

#19 Dec 6, 2012
Listen, no human can deeply love someone without being 'jealous'! There's different degrees of jealousy, but it's always there! Trust develops after years of seeing your spouse blow off other men/women's that's flirting or throwing themselves at them. Let me tell you something (lol), there's not a spouse alive that will NOT react if they think their home is at risk.

In my humble opinion, I do believe that 'you' think you have the most handsome, sexy, interesting, clever, man in the world, BUT 'I' beg to differ, MY HUSBAND IS ALL THAT, & A BAG OF POTATOE CHIPs! He ages SO gracefully that he looks just like he did the DAY I saw him, but even MORE desirable! I don't 'think' there's woman alive, that would not take my place in heartbeat, given the chance! However I know that's NOT so, but you & I also know how conniving women can be, & men know how smooth men can be. So jealousy will always be there. Did you know that, that's how your husband feel right now...

You had a temporary brain fart & as a married woman, whose married to a jealous man, jumped in the BACK SEAT of a car with 2 other men! WOW! You must've known that wouldn't go well for you! Did you do it for the attention you were missing?

Looks like it would help you both to sit down & make a list of things that are unacceptable & a final deal breaker. And by the way, if the other sounds petty or childish, & there's no negotiation, then you'll need professional help. After promising each other to never again cross the line, you HAVE to forgive each other of the past, and turn over a new leaf, giving new trust that neither one of you, will EVER cross these lines again. At least this way, no one gets to say "I didn't know, or it's not my fault, or I didn't think you would care".
honestly

Mooresville, NC

#20 Dec 6, 2012
really wrote:
<quoted text>You all should try marriage counseling then, because it sounds like he's not happy and that he doesn't trust you.
sounds like youve ridden that horse a couple of times yourself hmmm maybe yours divorce you

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