Quit your Bitchin and figure out what...

Quit your Bitchin and figure out what started the problem!

Posted in the Independence Forum

Since: Feb 13

Kirksville, MO

#1 Feb 4, 2013
Speaking from experience. I used to be the queen of the meth world....in and out of prison... did it help? Didnt i want to stop if for no other reason than to stay out of prison? Well let me tell you, my head was so messed up that even the thought of prison didnt bother me because when i was high i didnt have to feel anything and i didnt go to sleep very often so that stopped me from having the nitemares about the terrors that i suffered as a child. I ran away from home when I was 11 because the situation at home was unbearable and had been going on for years. I did my first shot of heroin and cocaine at the age of 12. then later on was introduced to meth and absolutely fell in love with it....at least for awhile. because i am a pretty woman its always been easy for me to get drugs and i went for years staying high at least 90 percent of the time. Then of course in time i caught my first case then another and so on. one stay in a federal prison and two in state. did that make me stop?The answer is no because i hadnt dealt with what the real problem was and only when i decided to do that and( believe me that was one of the hardest things that ive ever had to do) could i get rid of my addiction. SO THE NEXT TIME YOURE LOOKING DOWN ON USERS... With your nose up in the air. Remember me and try to see and maybe even care. As you look into there bloodshot eyes....try and see beneath the drugs. There might just be a child inside whos dying for a hug
Bath Salts

Wichita, KS

#2 Feb 4, 2013
We all have stuff happen in our lives and deal with it differently. I hope you are clean but for a while know that you chose to deal (or not deal) with your problem through drugs. Just say no. I do applaud people who get clean. I am sure it is tough. But don't ask for everyone that you crossed or bridges you burned or people you hurt or even the taxpayers that funded you trips to jail to just 'look beneath the drugs'. How many people tried to look beneath the drugs with you and helped that you double crossed for that next hit. You have to want to be clean.
Again, I am really happy that you are clean as it is one of the toughest things. Praise to you and maybe you can help others by being a counselor. Good luck.
prettyp

Kirksville, MO

#3 Feb 4, 2013
Bath Salts wrote:
We all have stuff happen in our lives and deal with it differently. I hope you are clean but for a while know that you chose to deal (or not deal) with your problem through drugs. Just say no. I do applaud people who get clean. I am sure it is tough. But don't ask for everyone that you crossed or bridges you burned or people you hurt or even the taxpayers that funded you trips to jail to just 'look beneath the drugs'. How many people tried to look beneath the drugs with you and helped that you double crossed for that next hit. You have to want to be clean.
Again, I am really happy that you are clean as it is one of the toughest things. Praise to you and maybe you can help others by being a counselor. Good luck.
(You have to want to be clean) GEE why didnt i think of that?! I think that was pretty much the point I was trying to get across, but in order to get clean and stay clean you have to get to the root of the problem and if you dont do that then no matter how bad you want to kick it you WILL RELAPSE. And I was a child when I was given my first taste of drugs so it was NOT MY CHOICE but what was chosen for me by an adult. And weather you choose to believe it or not addiction is a real medical condition and should first be treated instead of punished. Prison didnt help the situation at all, as a matter of fact if anything it made things worse because i learned all kinds of things on the inside that you would never even think to learn about on the streets. And right now I'm at a stage in my life where finally i'm happy with the person i have become and i'm really kind of surprised that i've lived this long.lol. The people that i have in my life (my choice) are very dear to me and i truly care about them and how they see me, but as for the rest of the world, I figure if you like me ,thats great! but if you dont so what, i could care less. There are reasons for me being the way that i am and most couldnt deal with just a portion of what ive dealt with. I cant stand these sanctimonious assholes who think they wouldnt have done it the way i did.... All i can say to that is unless you were in the exact same position you have absolutely no way of knowing!
methusula

Wichita, KS

#4 Feb 4, 2013
prettyp wrote:
<quoted text>(You have to want to be clean) GEE why didnt i think of that?! I think that was pretty much the point I was trying to get across, but in order to get clean and stay clean you have to get to the root of the problem and if you dont do that then no matter how bad you want to kick it you WILL RELAPSE. And I was a child when I was given my first taste of drugs so it was NOT MY CHOICE but what was chosen for me by an adult. And weather you choose to believe it or not addiction is a real medical condition and should first be treated instead of punished. Prison didnt help the situation at all, as a matter of fact if anything it made things worse because i learned all kinds of things on the inside that you would never even think to learn about on the streets. And right now I'm at a stage in my life where finally i'm happy with the person i have become and i'm really kind of surprised that i've lived this long.lol. The people that i have in my life (my choice) are very dear to me and i truly care about them and how they see me, but as for the rest of the world, I figure if you like me ,thats great! but if you dont so what, i could care less. There are reasons for me being the way that i am and most couldnt deal with just a portion of what ive dealt with. I cant stand these sanctimonious assholes who think they wouldnt have done it the way i did.... All i can say to that is unless you were in the exact same position you have absolutely no way of knowing!
You obviously feel like you weren't afforded choices when you were young but you do now have choices as to the paths you take. Good luck.

Since: Feb 13

Kirksville, MO

#5 Feb 7, 2013
Thank you!
want a cookie or sumthin

Jefferson City, MO

#6 Feb 7, 2013
prettyp wrote:
Speaking from experience. I used to be the queen of the meth world....in and out of prison... did it help? Didnt i want to stop if for no other reason than to stay out of prison? Well let me tell you, my head was so messed up that even the thought of prison didnt bother me because when i was high i didnt have to feel anything and i didnt go to sleep very often so that stopped me from having the nitemares about the terrors that i suffered as a child. I ran away from home when I was 11 because the situation at home was unbearable and had been going on for years. I did my first shot of heroin and cocaine at the age of 12. then later on was introduced to meth and absolutely fell in love with it....at least for awhile. because i am a pretty woman its always been easy for me to get drugs and i went for years staying high at least 90 percent of the time. Then of course in time i caught my first case then another and so on. one stay in a federal prison and two in state. did that make me stop?The answer is no because i hadnt dealt with what the real problem was and only when i decided to do that and( believe me that was one of the hardest things that ive ever had to do) could i get rid of my addiction. SO THE NEXT TIME YOURE LOOKING DOWN ON USERS... With your nose up in the air. Remember me and try to see and maybe even care. As you look into there bloodshot eyes....try and see beneath the drugs. There might just be a child inside whos dying for a hug
A little too much info for me..... sounds like its still rattling in your head a bit yet.
want a cookie or sumthin

Jefferson City, MO

#7 Feb 7, 2013
don't be sucked into the pity pool.
yomom

Centerton, AR

#8 Feb 8, 2013
Posting this on topix was asking for trouble. Just sayin. But good for you for addressing the root cause of your pain and working toward being clean for good. I'm sure that dealing with mental health issues on top of substance addiction is hell on Earth, but probably well worth the hell so that you have the rest of your life to look forward to. Forget the naysayers. All that is in your past and no one knows what they would do unless they had walked in the exact same shoes of your their whole life. You now have insight to take action and make better choices, though. Take care of yourself!
pretty p

Kirksville, MO

#9 Feb 8, 2013
want a cookie or sumthin wrote:
<quoted text> A little too much info for me..... sounds like its still rattling in your head a bit yet.
Well of course its still rattling around in my head a bit and it always will because it was most of my childhood and I ABSOLUTELY DONT WANT YOUR PITY. My point that i was trying to get across was that even though i havent forgotten any of it,i went and got the help i needed to learn how to deal with itother than sticking a needle in my arm

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