what is the respected waiting time to...

what is the respected waiting time to start dating after your spouse dies

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respect

Raleigh, NC

#1 Dec 28, 2007
Just wanted your opinion
3 posts removed
cub fan

United States

#5 Dec 28, 2007
When my husband died I told the children I would never get married again. I felt this way until approximately 18 months and when I met the right one I started dating again and married him. I guess it is different for everyone, most people would say a year. Life does go on. You will never forget them, but you will learn to live again with God's help and grace. My children are grown now and they are one of the lucky ones, they have a great stepfather.
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hmmmm

Barnesville, OH

#7 Dec 29, 2007
the next day.......?

it's all about when you're ready

JOK

Since: Dec 07

Clarksville, AR

#8 Dec 29, 2007
I think from all I have read that after the death of a spouse it is wise to wait for at least a year to make any decisions.
You are really vulnerable right after losing your mate and your decisions are naturally a little shaky to say the least. Anyone so insensitive to ask you out or want to go out with you while the coffin is till warm is probably not the best choice for a date.
2 posts removed

JOK

Since: Dec 07

Clarksville, AR

#11 Jan 1, 2008
cub93 wrote:
well I think if you really love somebody out of respect for that person you should talke things slow get your mind together things taken care of. I think that a person should deal with the loss of there loved one instead of replacing it and think of all involved its a very hurtful thing to see your family members wife or husband dating after only a few months. sometimes it just dont look good.
I think that a person should deal with the loss of there loved one instead of replacing it.
Well said.
sportsmom

Cedar Rapids, IA

#12 Dec 1, 2008
I am dating a man who lost his wife to cancer over four years ago. We get along great. we have been a couple for over a year now. It bothers me that he still celebrates holidays, birthdays etc with his in-laws. Am I beeing to sensitive or is he being to didicated?
BCHS Mom

Reston, VA

#13 Dec 1, 2008
sportsmom wrote:
I am dating a man who lost his wife to cancer over four years ago. We get along great. we have been a couple for over a year now. It bothers me that he still celebrates holidays, birthdays etc with his in-laws. Am I beeing to sensitive or is he being to didicated?
I have not been in this situation myself, but my cousin has. She lost her husband to cancer also and is now dating again seriously. She also still celebrates all these occasions with in laws. I have asked her and she says that after 17 years of marriage that they became her family also. She was close to them during the marriage and still is. She says it has nothing to do really with memories or keeping the "ties" that bind...she just loves them like her own family. This may be the case in your situation or it may not be. However, if it bothers you that much, then I would take into consideration what you are willing to deal with to be with him.
STONE COLD

United States

#14 Dec 1, 2008
Tonight is a good time to start
no you need to wate 27 more days
so you can say you went a hole
year with out any. I couldnt doit
The Quest

Providence Forge, VA

#15 Dec 1, 2008
I would say that if there are young kids involved, maybe you should try and give them time to see how they feel about it. Give them time to come to the realization that mom or dad needs someone. I would never tell my kids that I would never date anyone again, simply because that may be a statement or promise that has become an image in their minds, and hurt them when broken. Other than that, you kept to your vows. It is now up to you to decide when. If words fly around town about how people feel to your decision, let it go, smile and live your life.
empty house

United States

#16 Dec 2, 2008
if you really in love with your spouse,i would say three month. there is nothing wrong with going out to eat with someone of the opposite sex anytime if you feel like you need other people to talk to. .
a fan of this place

Newport News, VA

#17 Dec 2, 2008
i would say a year but thats just me
pauhg9

Forest Hills, NY

#18 Jun 7, 2009
my mother started dating someone only 6 months after my fathers death they were married 39 years. As far as i am concered she was probably interested in this guy all along. I am 37 years old and I loved my father deeply I still have great respect for him even if she does not. She used to be my best friend but not any longer I will hate her forever for this and refuse to meet this man as long as i am alive. This post is for all of the widows and widowers that think your the only ones affected. This is the result

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you have no respect

Walnut Cove, NC

#19 Jun 8, 2009
pauhg9 wrote:
my mother started dating someone only 6 months after my fathers death they were married 39 years. As far as i am concered she was probably interested in this guy all along. I am 37 years old and I loved my father deeply I still have great respect for him even if she does not. She used to be my best friend but not any longer I will hate her forever for this and refuse to meet this man as long as i am alive. This post is for all of the widows and widowers that think your the only ones affected. This is the result
Your mother may have been your best friend but she never had a best friend in you from your answer. Your mother is a real person too with real feelings. You are a disrespectful, spoiled BRAT for feeling like you have the right to intervene in her PERSONAL life. What gives you the right to decide the appropriate way for her to act? I am in my fourties and have been married since 17. I DARE my children to tell me how to live if something happens to their father. I also love both my parents and although I know it would be hard to see them with someone else I would never wish them to be lonely in the time they have left. GROW UP and love your Mother because one day your "best friend" will be gone as well and you will be sorry.

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MDS

Beckley, WV

#20 Jun 8, 2009
you have no respect wrote:
<quoted text>
Your mother may have been your best friend but she never had a best friend in you from your answer. Your mother is a real person too with real feelings. You are a disrespectful, spoiled BRAT for feeling like you have the right to intervene in her PERSONAL life. What gives you the right to decide the appropriate way for her to act? I am in my fourties and have been married since 17. I DARE my children to tell me how to live if something happens to their father. I also love both my parents and although I know it would be hard to see them with someone else I would never wish them to be lonely in the time they have left. GROW UP and love your Mother because one day your "best friend" will be gone as well and you will be sorry.
This is the most selfish attitude I have ever seen. This woman stood by somoene for 39 years and you want to critisize something that she done 6 months after he died! You need to go apologize to her immediately
PAUHG9

Brooklyn, NY

#21 Jun 8, 2009
There is nothing selfish about my attitude. She is not the only one affected by my fathers death. If anything i think she is selfish for not thinking of him who loved and supported her all of her life. For her to try to replace him with the next sap in that short amount of time is disrepectful and if that makes her happy fine. I dont have to live with it. She just has to deal with that just like she is trying to force me to deal with it. For the record I've known quite of few people in this same situation that reacted the same way. Until your faced with that situation you can't relate.
PAUHG9

Brooklyn, NY

#22 Jun 8, 2009
a fan of this place wrote:
i would say a year but thats just me
I agree thats more respectable.
you have no respect

Walnut Cove, NC

#23 Jun 8, 2009
PAUHG9 wrote:
There is nothing selfish about my attitude. She is not the only one affected by my fathers death. If anything i think she is selfish for not thinking of him who loved and supported her all of her life. For her to try to replace him with the next sap in that short amount of time is disrepectful and if that makes her happy fine. I dont have to live with it. She just has to deal with that just like she is trying to force me to deal with it. For the record I've known quite of few people in this same situation that reacted the same way. Until your faced with that situation you can't relate.
To say there is nothing selfish about your reaction is just, well, selfish. Think you should take your own advice..until you have been faced with lonely days and nights without the person you've been with your whole life maybe you can't relate,,or maybe you are just miserable and want your mother to be as well? Either way, face it or not, you are being VERY selfish
FRIEND

United States

#24 Jun 8, 2009
i think the night of the funeral is a good time lmao or meet them at the funeral and go get married lmao
PAUHG9

Brooklyn, NY

#25 Jun 8, 2009
you have no respect wrote:
<quoted text>
Your mother may have been your best friend but she never had a best friend in you from your answer. Your mother is a real person too with real feelings. You are a disrespectful, spoiled BRAT for feeling like you have the right to intervene in her PERSONAL life. What gives you the right to decide the appropriate way for her to act? I am in my fourties and have been married since 17. I DARE my children to tell me how to live if something happens to their father. I also love both my parents and although I know it would be hard to see them with someone else I would never wish them to be lonely in the time they have left. GROW UP and love your Mother because one day your "best friend" will be gone as well and you will be sorry.
First of everyone has opinions. My opinion however, is stated from an actual situation that you have not gone through. Lucky for you, you have both of your parents. I am not saying she should never date again but she has to realize she is not the only person suffering.(I could have delt with it if she waited a respectable time)Im still in morning and just when I was not crying myself to sleep every night she springs this on me.(Oh yeah by the way this happens when you lose a parent, I know you haven't gone through that grieving process to fully understand. Having an opinion and feelings does not make someone a selfish spoiled brat. I hope you never have to walk in my shoes for your childrens sake. Obviously their opinions and feelings would not matter to you. Hmmm... that sounds kind of selfish to me. By the way your commenting on this forum for what reason.( you cant relate)

“iam here wishing i was there”

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#26 Jun 8, 2009
respect wrote:
Just wanted your opinion
ONE YEAR!!! SIMPLE OR THE DEVIL WILL GET YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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