Harvest Man Found Dead On His Lawn

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The Huntsville News

Huntsville, AL

#1 Nov 14, 2013
Harvest, Madison County, AL --

The Madison County Sheriff's Office slowly launched a death investigation after a famous well know and highly beloved Harvest man was found dead on the lawn of the house that he owned, a sprawling twenty acre farm with a ten room house, heated pools, barns with thoroughbred horses, and a five acre lake. They reluctantly announced this at a private news conference Thursday.

Sheriff Andy Taylor identified the dead man as 57-year-old Jason A. Klonowski. Sheriff Taylor said a really good neighbor found Klonowski's body in his yard on Mussleman Lane at Ardmore Highway 53 on Sunday.

The cause of death has not been released and mums the word from the Sheriffs department.

The dead man had nearly three dozen signs in his front yard bordering Ardmore Highway 53 referencing over six sheriff's deputies beating the dead mans friend, Robert Henry Bryant. The signs say "Stop Police Brutality," "Support Robert Bryant (Beaten By Six Deputies)," and "Thank a Good Cop, Report Bad Sheriffs."

The Huntsville News obtained double top-secret court documents filed by Robert Bryant's defense attorney Perry Mason that claim a fight between his client and a Madison County Sheriff's deputy started because of the deputy had a childish vendetta against the defendant.

Attorney Perry Mason writes for the defense:

Two to four weeks prior to the altercation, Deputy Barney Fife, the Madison County Sheriff's deputy at the center of this silly dispute, was at a local gentlemen's club known as the Wild Cherry Cabaret at the same time as Defendant Robert Bryant and felt extremely emasculated because he believed the Defendant had made advances towards his morbidly obese dancer girlfriend named Destiny Wilburn. Based on this previous altercation, Deputy Barney Fife devised a plan to seek revenge against Defendant by having deputy sheriffs help him beat Robert Bryant like a red headed step child.

Sheriff's investigators said the case is being treated as maybe a possible murder or suicide, but did not say how he died and they did not want to address the anti Sheriff signs in his front yard along Ardmore Highway 53.

"The situation you might be speaking of; we're not associated with that and we're not involved in that or any type of serious investigation. His personal beliefs in obamacare and his personal associations with drunken indians and crackheads, as far as stuff of that nature goes, is much to our concern. His death is not really of our concern," said Sheriff Taylor.

Sheriff Andy Taylor said there is not and never has been an ongoing threat to people or homes or animals in the area.

The late Jason A. Klonowski was the founder of Professional Carriers of the South Inc (PCSI). He was a graduate of Lee High School and Jacksonville State University, earning degrees in Political Science and Criminal Justice. In addition, Jason earned his Master of Public Administration (MPA) from Jacksonville. Jason received his Juris Doctorate (JD) law degree from Birmingham School of Law. Jason had over twenty-three years of experience in the transportation industry and served as the Director of Gun Safety and Homeland Security for PCSI.

Jason was also the founder and operator of the non-profit American Indian Museum, which taught poor Indian children throughout the southeast about their great and proud Indian heritage and continuing fight against the evil pale face men who took their ancestors land (as in the well known Jones family of south Huntsville), all while Andrew Jackson forced marched them butt naked during the middle of winter thousands of miles all the way to Oklahoma during the famous Trail of Tears - Indian Removal Act of 1830 death march which killed over half of the 17,000 Indian men women and children who were forced at gunpoint and bayonet blade to leave their Sweet Home in Alabama and open gambling casinos in Oklahoma.
Bobby Walker Red

Huntsville, AL

#3 Nov 14, 2013
I hope the police found out how he died.
If it was a black, they need to fry him extra-crispy in the electrical chair.
Texan Serenader

Huntsville, AL

#4 Nov 15, 2013
Jason was in The Gun Club.
He had medals, he was in the war.
Rooter Tooter

Huntsville, AL

#5 Nov 15, 2013
The Huntsville News wrote:
... all while Andrew Jackson forced marched them butt naked during the middle of winter thousands of miles all the way to Oklahoma during the famous Trail of Tears - Indian Removal Act of 1830 death march...
I was taught about Andrew Jackson's Trail of Tears and Indian Removal Act of 1830 in my high schools Alabama History class. We were told that the American Indians rode loud motorcycles from Bridgeport Tennessee to Huntsville, down Andrew Jackson Way past Lee High School and Mullins towards downtown, where they stopped to meet the famous local writer and Mayor of 5-Points Mr. Omega PigTail. Then the pissed-off Indians headed onto Madison to eat at a really good Indian restaurant and to buy some cold beer. After lunch they rode to Florence and stopped at the W. C. Handy Music Festival to drink some beer and smoke a few joints and to listen to the black mans blues (yes, the redman was down with the black mans struggle), then proceeded onto Waterloo Alabama where they had a big pow wow with BBQ and listened the Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band 38 Special featuring openly gay rockers Mathew & Gunner Nelson (aka The Nelson Twins). After a few days of getting drunk on homemade moonshine and stoned on homegrown dank swag, they continued onto Oklahoma. Most folks don't even know that they were riding nothing but Harley's and Indian choppers and three wheelers (and not those jap rice or nazi jew burners), and having drunken sex with overweight paleface white women along their way.

I remember a really good rock group from the 80's who named their band in honor of the the Trail of Tears Indian Removal motorcycle ride. Tears For Fears had a hit song called "Shout", which was about how the Indians held back their tears and shouted at Andrew Jackson while they drove down I-40 towards Oklahoma shouting the lyrics to Sweet Home Alabama (where the governors true). After they got to Oklahoma, they built lots of gambling casinos on their Indian reservations and got into organized crime. Lemme tell ya... Mr. Garrisons history class was awesome!
Madison Mom

Madison, AL

#6 Nov 15, 2013
Rooter are you high now. I dont recall the history of the trail of tears being told like that. I do agree with the overweight paleface thing. My favorite time of the year.
Rooter Tooter

Huntsville, AL

#7 Nov 15, 2013
Madison Mom wrote:
Rooter are you high now. I dont recall the history of the trail of tears being told like that. I do agree with the overweight paleface thing. My favorite time of the year.
Never in my life have I ever smoked anything and I've never been high.
If you were a proud graduate and alumni supporter of the great Lee High School here in northeast Huntsvegaz, you would've learnt the real honest true history of the great state of Alabama and how the Trail of Tears Indian Removal Act of 1830 really went down. Over at that over-rated Bob Jones High School in Madison, all they teach y'all is how to collect welfare $$$ on that liberal obamycare! New Century Lee High School was proudly named after the great Robert E. Lee, the famous commander of the Confederate Army who fought for states rights to keep blacks as pets. Bob Jones High School was sadly named after Robert "Ricky Bobby" Jones, the evil dirty jewish Jackson County lawyer who defended the infamous Scottsboro Boys who raped a bunch of fine looking white women. Madison Momma, don't be trying to school me on Alabama history, cause I know it all!
Miss Mary

Huntsville, AL

#8 Nov 15, 2013
Rooter Tooter wrote:
<quoted text>
... down Andrew Jackson Way past Lee High School and Mullins towards downtown, where they stopped to meet the famous local writer and Mayor of 5-Points Mr. Omega PigTail...
Wasn't local poetry writer Omega Pigtail the illegitimate son of a crazy man known as Bigelow "Big Pig" Piggles?

As I recall reading in that magazine about Old Town Huntsville, Big Pig was suspected to have killed-off dozens of them chinese asians who were in the city building the railroad tracks through the old Rison School Dallas Mill neighborhood.

Story was that Big Pig sired a strange "pig" looking son he named Omega, after having unnatural barn sex at the local Chapman Dairy Farm with pigs, followed by doggy-style sex with one of Confederate Governor Reuben Chapman's albino hermaphrodite slaves named Rosey "Momma Pig" Parkinson.

Omega was known to have been born with a tail like appendage known as a human vestigiality (aka soft tail), furthering the theory that his hermaphrodite slave mother was some kind of a sub-human swine hybrid. Another theory was that an "egg" from one of the Chapman Dairy's pigs vagina's somehow was transferred to the slave woman's vagina via underneath the foreskin of Big Pig's penis.

It was well known that his son Omega was a cross-dressing homosexual transvestite who loved horses, jaguars, landscaping, and reading his bed time poetry to young homeless cherub faced boys.

Years later, Omega's father Big Pig was convicted and sent to jail for life for stealing and reselling blacksmiths tools from Harrison Brothers Hardware on the courthouse square. I remember reading that his bastard son was well known in the Old Town Huntsville 5-Points area as Mayor Omegapig the Equus Poet.
R E Cantrell

Huntsville, AL

#9 Nov 16, 2013
I just love reading all those interesting, informative, and sometimes downright weird stories about old Huntsville. It has been years, but I remember this being one of my favorites. Thanks for bringing back the memories.
Miss Mary wrote:
<quoted text>
Wasn't local poetry writer Omega Pigtail the illegitimate son of a crazy man known as Bigelow "Big Pig" Piggles?
As I recall reading in that magazine about Old Town Huntsville, Big Pig was suspected to have killed-off dozens of them chinese asians who were in the city building the railroad tracks through the old Rison School Dallas Mill neighborhood.
Story was that Big Pig sired a strange "pig" looking son he named Omega, after having unnatural barn sex at the local Chapman Dairy Farm with pigs, followed by doggy-style sex with one of Confederate Governor Reuben Chapman's albino hermaphrodite slaves named Rosey "Momma Pig" Parkinson.
Omega was known to have been born with a tail like appendage known as a human vestigiality (aka soft tail), furthering the theory that his hermaphrodite slave mother was some kind of a sub-human swine hybrid. Another theory was that an "egg" from one of the Chapman Dairy's pigs vagina's somehow was transferred to the slave woman's vagina via underneath the foreskin of Big Pig's penis.
It was well known that his son Omega was a cross-dressing homosexual transvestite who loved horses, jaguars, landscaping, and reading his bed time poetry to young homeless cherub faced boys.
Years later, Omega's father Big Pig was convicted and sent to jail for life for stealing and reselling blacksmiths tools from Harrison Brothers Hardware on the courthouse square. I remember reading that his bastard son was well known in the Old Town Huntsville 5-Points area as Mayor Omegapig the Equus Poet.
Looking for the Truth

Huntsville, AL

#10 Nov 16, 2013
How many good Huntsvillians will the local mobsters murder?
First Ross W. Flores was "found" with a bullet in his head.
Then his body disappears...?
Then Jamey L. Butler was "found" with a bullet in his head.
Then his body disappears...?
Then Robert E. Clark was "found" with a bullet in his head.
Then his body disappears...?
Now Jason A. Klonowski was "found" with a bullet in his head.
Then his body disappears...?
What's going on here? Where did they really go?
Are they being taken away in a witness delocation plan?
Are the being taken away for vivisection by aliens?
We're just Looking for the Truth!
Casy Anthoney

Madison, AL

#11 Nov 17, 2013
Great questions. I want the truth also. Who is running this city and county?
Kenny Masonic

Huntsville, AL

#12 Nov 18, 2013
Miss Mary wrote:
<quoted text>... I remember reading that his bastard son was well known in the Old Town Huntsville 5-Points area as Mayor Omegapig the Equus Poet...
By any rare chance did this Mayor Omegapig of old town Huntsville ever have uncles or brothers, or even more doubtfully his ownchildren or grandchildren? I was just wondering, because their used to be an overweight pig nose looking fella always loitering around the 5-Points area smoking pot and drinking heavily. He used to tell everyone downtown at the Kaffeeklatsch dirty liberal hippy coffee shop that he was the much loved "Mayor of 5-Points". Locals thought he was a wacko off his rocker... a few cans short of a six-pack, etc, etc...
Turtle

Huntsville, AL

#13 Nov 29, 2013
What's to investigate? I thought it was a known fact Bobby Walker killed Jason Klonowsi.
war beagle

Huntsville, AL

#15 Dec 1, 2013
I swear, you idiots amaze me. NOBODY murdered Jason Klonowski. Inside connections tell me he choked on a chicken bone and this fact will soon be released. The sheriff just has to conduct an investigation first to cover their butts because of all the signs in his yard.
food for thought

Gardendale, AL

#17 Dec 11, 2013
If this man owned a security firm and receiving death threats, where was his security??
wiry

Huntsville, AL

#18 Dec 12, 2013
Rooter Tooter wrote:
<quoted text>
Never in my life have I ever smoked anything and I've never been high.
If you were a proud graduate and alumni supporter of the great Lee High School here in northeast Huntsvegaz, you would've learnt the real honest true history of the great state of Alabama and how the Trail of Tears Indian Removal Act of 1830 really went down. Over at that over-rated Bob Jones High School in Madison, all they teach y'all is how to collect welfare $$$ on that liberal obamycare! New Century Lee High School was proudly named after the great Robert E. Lee, the famous commander of the Confederate Army who fought for states rights to keep blacks as pets. Bob Jones High School was sadly named after Robert "Ricky Bobby" Jones, the evil dirty jewish Jackson County lawyer who defended the infamous Scottsboro Boys who raped a bunch of fine looking white women. Madison Momma, don't be trying to school me on Alabama history, cause I know it all!
All toot and no root.
poo paper roll tide roll

Huntsville, AL

#19 Dec 28, 2013
war beagle wrote:
I swear, you idiots amaze me. NOBODY murdered Jason Klonowski. Inside connections tell me he choked on a chicken bone and this fact will soon be released. The sheriff just has to conduct an investigation first to cover their butts because of all the signs in his yard.
Jason was choking his chicken when he died? Wow!
Did they find him hanging naked with a boner? Like David Carradine from that Kung Fu show and Michael Hutchence from the band INXS and G. Robinson from The Black Forrest, did he die from autoerotic asphyxiation? That's what the rumors are in the local strip clubs...
banyonboy

Toney, AL

#20 Aug 17, 2014
Who killed him? That's what I want to know....
Robin Williams

Madison, AL

#21 Aug 18, 2014
He died like me, whacking his pud.
Awesome way to go!
Stoner with a Boner

Madison, AL

#22 Aug 19, 2014
Bong hits and beating off were made for each other!
Robin Williams wrote:
He died like me, whacking his pud.
Awesome way to go!
Caridine

Madison, AL

#23 Aug 19, 2014
I like to wack with a belt and a Batman costume

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