Advice on marrying a man that can't h...

Advice on marrying a man that can't have kids

Posted in the Huntington Forum

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Wants to be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#1 Sep 25, 2013
I am 35 years old and have been divorced about ten months and have a four year old daughter. I have met a very nice man who is very good to my daughter. I like this man very much, but am not really that attracted to him because he's a little on the chubby side. He's so good to me and my daughter that I really wish I were attracted to him and also wish I were in love with him. The chemistry I feel for him is just not there. He is such a good friend, however. I do enjoy his friendship. He knows I kind of feel like I am settling for him, but he has asked me to marry him anyway. I probably would marry him, even though I don't have that chemistry and passion that a person would expect to feel towards someone. Maybe those days of passion are over for me. I don't need him for monetary support because I have a very good career and make very good money. My daughter doesn't really need a father figure either because her father is very active in her life. I hate to pass him up because I fear I will regret it and end up with no man in my life. On the other hand, I'm afraid I'll feel I am settling for someone that I don't truly love plus this man already has two kids and doesn't want any more and has had a vasectomy. I really would like to have at least one more child myself. I do hate to pass him up - maybe I can grow to love him, but what about his not being able to have kids part?
Derper

Huntington, WV

#2 Sep 25, 2013
Have you tried submitting any of this stuff to a paying market? It's just one dilemma after another with you. Stop trying to plot your novel in here and submit, for pete's sake. "True Story" pays 7 cents a word, I think. You're wasting your awesome, awesome talent in here.
Derper

Huntington, WV

#3 Sep 25, 2013
and besides, 35 is too dang old to be looking to get pregnant again with someone you've known ten months.
Wants to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#4 Sep 25, 2013
Derper wrote:
and besides, 35 is too dang old to be looking to get pregnant again with someone you've known ten months.
I was just venting - have you ever vented your problems to anyone and felt better after doing so, even if the person you vented to makes little or no comments back? By the way, I don't think I'm too old to get pregnant - I've had friends get pregnant and have healthy babies at 38 and 40 years of age. The one that was 40 was having her first baby - I've already had one and I wasn't talking about becoming pregnant right away either- FYI. Many people marry people that they have known for less than a year - so I don't think knowing someone for ten months is an unreasonable amount of time to consider marriage.
Wants to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#5 Sep 25, 2013
Derper wrote:
Have you tried submitting any of this stuff to a paying market? It's just one dilemma after another with you. Stop trying to plot your novel in here and submit, for pete's sake. "True Story" pays 7 cents a word, I think. You're wasting your awesome, awesome talent in here.
I don't think my story is that unusual and I don't believe anyone would pay me for it because I don't have an awesome, awesome talent.
me

Huntington, WV

#6 Sep 25, 2013
You can't "grow to love someone" you either love them or you don't. He's obviously not what you're looking for, so find someone who is.
Lawless

Columbus, OH

#7 Sep 26, 2013
Good guys are a rare find these days. So is true love. It is possible to have both. It's not fair to you or him if you just settle.
Lycan

Huntington, IN

#8 Sep 26, 2013
Sounds like his self esteem is shot to shit and you just so happen to be there to tell him that you could do better while leading him on.
Yeah go ahead and turn him down, I`m sure the next lad will be just as good to your kid, and be everything you want in life. Cause every eligable bachelor who is good looking great body and all around great guy with that animal attraction charisma is on the hunt for a 35 yr old divorcee with kids.
Wants to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#9 Sep 26, 2013
me wrote:
You can't "grow to love someone" you either love them or you don't. He's obviously not what you're looking for, so find someone who is.
Some people have told me and believe you can grow to love someone. He is what I am looking for in some ways - a nice man, good to my daughter. On the other hand, I don't feel that spark that I think a person is supposed to feel towards a potential spouse - he is more like a friend. If he can settle for a friendship relationship, I'll go with that. I don't think he can, however.
Wants to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#10 Sep 26, 2013
Lycan wrote:
Sounds like his self esteem is shot to shit and you just so happen to be there to tell him that you could do better while leading him on.
Yeah go ahead and turn him down, I`m sure the next lad will be just as good to your kid, and be everything you want in life. Cause every eligable bachelor who is good looking great body and all around great guy with that animal attraction charisma is on the hunt for a 35 yr old divorcee with kids.
I don't believe I have led him on in any way. I pay my own way when we go out and have been as honest to him from the very beginning as I know how to be. I don't think I've damaged his self esteem - I've never cut him down. I have expressed my doubts, however, about wanting a permanent relationship with him. You can go ahead and cut me down all you want. I am not perfect and I know it. I am 35 years old which isn't over the hill yet and as far as kids as you say, I only have ONE four year old daughter - many men would not consider (1) four year old kid as much baggage. I am college educated, make over $50,000 a year. I own my own house and I have a new vehicle to drive. I receive $1000 a month in child support as well. I'd say some all around, great guy who is of normal weight that hasn't had a vasectomy and has that special spark I'd like to feel in my heart just might be out there that would like a self supporting, independent, career woman, divorcee with one child like me. It is a big world and I've only been in the land of the divorced for 10 months.
not really fair

Proctorville, OH

#11 Sep 26, 2013
Really? why would you do this to yourself? you are 35 years old and you dont think this is the love of your life? why would you set yourself up for damage to follow a costly divorce which takes money away from your child and a man with a broken heart, and you not being happy you have already wasted 10 months dont waste no more time, nobody wants to jump in a relationship and then get pregnant right off the bat, I say you need to move on, and another thing its not whats on the outside its whats on the inside that counts, and honestly you dont deserve this man so just stop using him and move on..
Wamts to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#12 Sep 26, 2013
not really fair wrote:
Really? why would you do this to yourself? you are 35 years old and you dont think this is the love of your life? why would you set yourself up for damage to follow a costly divorce which takes money away from your child and a man with a broken heart, and you not being happy you have already wasted 10 months dont waste no more time, nobody wants to jump in a relationship and then get pregnant right off the bat, I say you need to move on, and another thing its not whats on the outside its whats on the inside that counts, and honestly you dont deserve this man so just stop using him and move on..
If you had average reading skills, you would know that I never said I wanted to jump in a relationship and get pregnant right off the bat. I have a few years left before my biological time clock runs out and I may not meet anyone in the child bearing years I have ahead. I haven't wasted the last ten months of my life - I have a career, my child, yard work and other hobbies I enjoy. I haven't spent the last ten months of my life with this man either. I have been dating him for only three months, but I knew him from years ago in high school. As far as what is on the inside that counts, ask some 300 lbs. nice single women or men how many dates they have been on recently. Yes, it should be what is on the inside that counts. I have met guys in my life that I didn't find all that physically attractive, but as I got to know them better and better, I started finding them physically appealing. I agree with you, this man would be better served to find someone who will truly love him. I'd like to remain friends, but I don't think friendship would be enough for him. 4004
Anthony

United States

#13 Sep 26, 2013
Wamts to Be a Mommy Again wrote:
<quoted text>If you had average reading skills, you would know that I never said I wanted to jump in a relationship and get pregnant right off the bat. I have a few years left before my biological time clock runs out and I may not meet anyone in the child bearing years I have ahead. I haven't wasted the last ten months of my life - I have a career, my child, yard work and other hobbies I enjoy. I haven't spent the last ten months of my life with this man either. I have been dating him for only three months, but I knew him from years ago in high school. As far as what is on the inside that counts, ask some 300 lbs. nice single women or men how many dates they have been on recently. Yes, it should be what is on the inside that counts. I have met guys in my life that I didn't find all that physically attractive, but as I got to know them better and better, I started finding them physically appealing. I agree with you, this man would be better served to find someone who will truly love him. I'd like to remain friends, but I don't think friendship would be enough for him. 4004
You sound extremely shallow..overweight? What ru a dream model? So far im getting your college educated, rich, beyond beautiful, skinny..I have an idea..marry yourself... conceited bitch
been in his shoes

United States

#14 Sep 26, 2013
Except I am a female. My ex told me I am too big for him. He likes stick figures flat on both sides. I am 5'4 145lbs. I am a size 8. I am healthy. I work 40 hrs a week I have my own car and rent an apt for me and my son.we don't do government handouts. He never worked. Exercised contstantly and tried to force me to and if I refused I was a lazy unmotivated lard a$$. I know now after getting out of this mess that he was a manipulative control freak who verbally and emotionally abused me and my son. He wanted to control us but he had no control over his own life He told me he never loved me well I kinda new that since he spent almost 2 years belittling me. He stayed 2 years because I was so good to him. He said he thought he could eventually love me and he said he tried but can't. Lmao. He can't because he's a narcissistic jerk.
Now I found his med. Records as I was cleaning out the last of his crap. He's been gone 6 months and last week I found them and read them. In 2007 he was diagnosed with hepatitis c. He never bothered to tell me. Shows his true character. Monday I went and got tested wont know for two
weeks..takes a special kind of person to do things like that wouldn't ya say? Honestly I hope he rots in hell... I was always to good for him and he knew it so he belittled me to try and bring me down to his level of lousiness and it worked for awhile I felt so bad about myself I couldn't stand to look in the mirror but everyday I am healing and getting stronger overcoming the past and moving toward an awesome future...thank you Jesus. And that's my rant.
Dirty

Proctorville, OH

#15 Sep 26, 2013
U just want to get pounded u dirty hoe
yep

Scott Depot, WV

#16 Sep 26, 2013
This is what goes on in the mind of a selfish woman, which is a redundant term itself. Young fellows, take note and learn.
me

Huntington, WV

#17 Sep 26, 2013
Wants to Be a Mommy Again wrote:
<quoted text>Some people have told me and believe you can grow to love someone. He is what I am looking for in some ways - a nice man, good to my daughter. On the other hand, I don't feel that spark that I think a person is supposed to feel towards a potential spouse - he is more like a friend. If he can settle for a friendship relationship, I'll go with that. I don't think he can, however.
I promise, you can't. I tried for 8 long years & it just didn't work. I always felt some kind of way about one of his best friends, he consoled me after we broke up & we ended up having sex a few months down the road. He was all I ever thought about, we just had that animalistic attraction to each other, sexually & emotionally. He was just... the one for me. A few years later I became pregnant with our child & my ex got married to some girl he met after me & years after that all happened, I realized that I wanted him all along. The thing is is that physical attraction has nothing to do with true love, my ex was gorgeous, tall, dark & handsome but I wasn't happy with him, I wasn't really myself for 8 whole years with him, I got together with my husband & he's 6'3 & a very chubby guy but I love him, to my grave, I will love him until he/we die. Keep looking for that someone & don't let physical appearance stand in the way.
Wants to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#18 Sep 27, 2013
Anthony wrote:
<quoted text>
You sound extremely shallow..overweight? What ru a dream model? So far im getting your college educated, rich, beyond beautiful, skinny..I have an idea..marry yourself... conceited bitch
You are obviously one of those lowlife guys that can't get a woman that he finds attractive judging by your name calling me (a conceited bitch). I'll give you some advice - no woman that isn't trashy will ever be attracted to a man that refers to women as being a "bitches" or calls a woman a "bitch". I don't consider myself conceited at all. I am of average weight and fight ten pounds of excessive weight from time to time. I'm no knockout, but I do the best with what I have to work with. I never said anything as being beautiful, so don't put words into my mouth that aren't there, or are you just a poor reader? I am not rich -$50,000 a year is a good salary, but is not rich. I imagine you are probably one of those guys that doesn't work and doesn't want to and sits around drinking or abusing drugs. You don't write in a matter that an educated person would write. Yes, I am college educated, but that doesn't make me brilliant. It did help me get a good career. I worked hard to get where I am. Applying oneself in college and making good grades is a full time job that requires hard work and dedication and I also worked 30 hours a week when I was in college waiting tables. You are obviously an envious person that never went to college and begrudge people that do well in life. I think I will remain single than to settle with someone I don't really love even if that means I won't have any additional children - if that's what you call marrying myself. You aren't really deserving of a response, but I don't like guys that refer to a woman as a "bitch".
2780
Wants to Be a Mommy Again

Ashland, KY

#19 Sep 27, 2013
yep wrote:
This is what goes on in the mind of a selfish woman, which is a redundant term itself. Young fellows, take note and learn.
Yes, take note, young fellows. If a woman feels like she knows what she wants in life and you don't "fit the bill" then move on. I don't know exactly want I want in life. What I want now might be different than what I want later in life. Right now, I want a man I am attracted to and love and I would like to have another child someday before my biological time clock ticks out. If knowing what I want in life and working hard to get where I am makes me a selfish woman then so be it.
amy

United States

#20 Sep 27, 2013
Wants to Be a Mommy Again wrote:
<quoted text> Yes, take note, young fellows. If a woman feels like she knows what she wants in life and you don't "fit the bill" then move on. I don't know exactly want I want in life. What I want now might be different than what I want later in life. Right now, I want a man I am attracted to and love and I would like to have another child someday before my biological time clock ticks out. If knowing what I want in life and working hard to get where I am makes me a selfish woman then so be it.
If you are so professional and above all.. why do you spend so much time on topix? Get offline and spend time with your child

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