Adult Children that don't care about ...
Jekily

Alpharetta, GA

#24 Dec 7, 2013
Some parents have unrealistic expectations based on their skewed perspectives of how awesome they were as parents; not at all realizing their children have major issues with them manifesting now that their are all older. The adult child/parent relationship is challenging because neither party fully understands how to evolve with growth and age but I do think it is important to remember, our parents are not here forever and how many of our issues with them are worth years of estrangement.
God girl

Hurricane, WV

#25 Dec 8, 2013
Ma'am, please ignore all the negative people and their comments. You are a child of God and He loves you SO much!!!! A lot of young people think that the time will NEVER come when they too will be older and lonely. After their looks fade and they realize what life is REALLY about they will get it...if it's not too late. I was raised by my grandparents and have the most respect for our seniors and I believe the community should take care of them as their own family members should, especially those who have no one. Surround yourself with people who truly love Jesus (walk the walk not just talk the talk). I would love to be your friend.
anonymous

Amadora, Portugal

#26 Dec 17, 2013
Ok so i am in this situation
my father during years, ignored me, he was a very problematic person, with alcool abuse and he beated my mother, brother in sister a lot when i was child, the usual memories i have from childwood are traumatic, today i suffer from extrem anxiety and my relationship with people around is negative, i dont have any real friends, i never had a girlfriend... and i am unemployed becuase i didnt had any support in life to study or go college, my father said to me when i was 15/16, i wasnt his son, he did as an excuse to not help my mother raising me... so today, i am nealry 30, and my father who is currently unemployed, and it seems to not have any money, is trying to get close of me again... like he was sorry, that he ignored me for nearly 15 years, but i dont like him, i have shame of him, anger... and it seems he is only trying to aproach me, because he might think i can help him with money... but i dont want to share anything of my life with that person, i just want to forget about his existence...
can i be acused of being selfish?? because i dont want a person in my life?? i just want to seek happyness and have harmony in my life wich is deeply affected by my childwood, and now one of biggest responsible for my current situation try´s to aproach me and see if i can help him??
a person who never was worried if i had food on the table after i made 15 years, a person who never gave me any support in the last 14/15 years, and barely called, allways with superficial chat... no emotional conection, but now it seems to want to colect the fact that i am in terms of DNA his son...
so, is this foking fare??? i have the right of not want people that i dont like in my life...
Aggie

United States

#27 Dec 17, 2013
anonymous wrote:
Ok so i am in this situation
my father during years, ignored me, he was a very problematic person, with alcool abuse and he beated my mother, brother in sister a lot when i was child, the usual memories i have from childwood are traumatic, today i suffer from extrem anxiety and my relationship with people around is negative, i dont have any real friends, i never had a girlfriend... and i am unemployed becuase i didnt had any support in life to study or go college, my father said to me when i was 15/16, i wasnt his son, he did as an excuse to not help my mother raising me... so today, i am nealry 30, and my father who is currently unemployed, and it seems to not have any money, is trying to get close of me again... like he was sorry, that he ignored me for nearly 15 years, but i dont like him, i have shame of him, anger... and it seems he is only trying to aproach me, because he might think i can help him with money... but i dont want to share anything of my life with that person, i just want to forget about his existence...
can i be acused of being selfish?? because i dont want a person in my life?? i just want to seek happyness and have harmony in my life wich is deeply affected by my childwood, and now one of biggest responsible for my current situation try´s to aproach me and see if i can help him??
a person who never was worried if i had food on the table after i made 15 years, a person who never gave me any support in the last 14/15 years, and barely called, allways with superficial chat... no emotional conection, but now it seems to want to colect the fact that i am in terms of DNA his son...
so, is this foking fare??? i have the right of not want people that i dont like in my life...
If what you say is true.... You should not feel obligated to help. If you choose to help you might find that it helps you.
Mom x3

Amarillo, TX

#28 Dec 25, 2013
Justamom wrote:
I took out Loans, and stock grants to give them what they wanted. Cars, college, weddings, none done for me by my parents, these kids had the best we could give. Got laid off last year, again Aftec3 quirks, I'm not worth their time for a call. They think their dad walks on water, but it was all my $. Spent 2 weeks while he was on vacation, not a call or invite, could have been dead! Got laid off this week? Not one call or visit. Foster kids would care more
I understand completely. I have done the same for my children as well. Here it is Christmas and not one call. I have bailed them from jail, paid their fines, rescued them from abusive lifestyles and relationships, a place to live when they had no where to go and yet going to party was much more important than calling or spending Christmas Eve/Day with us.
dfs

Summerville, PA

#29 Jan 11, 2014
I too feel upset that I don't get a phone call more than once or twice a month from my 2 daughters. Our son I hear from and his children. I end up calling the girls myself but never say "why don't you call" or anything like that. They would say "well you can always call me", but their lives are so busy and half the time they aren't home.
I don't nag or say unkind things to them at all. Did the college route for all the kids, weddings, and am generous with gifts. Why, Why, Why?????no relationship.
I hear from some of my friends, not all of them, how close they are with their daughters, but mine don't seem to care - why, why, why????
Cck

Spring Hill, FL

#30 Feb 5, 2014
In our blended family, 6 of the 8 are my husband's children or step children. The remaining two are a cousin we adopted and our child together, who is away at college. We have varying degrees of communication with all of them, and most of them don't communicate much with each other. Some do though. Three of them we have regular communication with. The relationship that irritates me most is the son and his girlfriend who live 10 minutes from us, not included in the 3 we communicate with regularly. They have lived in this town for about four years. We have never been invited to their home. We've invited ourselves. When they go out to eat, they never ask us. When we invite them out, we're expected to pay. When we have a big holiday dinner or cookout, I have to tell them to bring something, and ask for help to put things away. I call once in a while to see how they are. But the only time they call us is when they need money. Or when one of the grand kids is having a fundraiser. We didn't raise him this way, but they are such moochers and users. I am going to leave an empty last will and testament folder laying around when they come, lol!
parent to

Cape Coral, FL

#31 Feb 6, 2014
what about dad????
Hurt also in NC

Spring Lake, NC

#32 Apr 5, 2014
Hurt Senior Citizen Mom wrote:
I have two adult children that don't seem to give a "hoot n' hell" about me, their 60 year old mother. They seldom call or ask me to visit. I only live a few miles from one of them. They stay absorbed on whatever they are seeing on their phones when they do see me and virtually ignore me with talking and viewing whatever they see on those phones. I can even go out to dinner with them and they spend most of their dinner time viewing their phones. I am hurt and feel unloved. I feel like I am the only senior citizen around that is hurt and feel unloved by their grown children. I have friends with adult children that say they couldn't be happier with their relationship with those adult children. I guess I messed up somewhere. I wish there were a way to change the relationship(or lack of a relationship) I have with my grown children.
I am in total agreement with you...I am also totally neglected along with my husband by our adult children! Sick, isn't it?
Only if

Huntington, WV

#33 Apr 6, 2014
I imagine if you were worthy of their time they would spend it with you. I know people who have wonderful loving and supporting parents. I myself do not. Mine are very negative and outspoken and sometimes are just not trustworthy. I have realized that for me I am much happier with giving my time to people who love, respect and appreciate me. I have always longed for a decent mother and father but they just have never been that and never will be. Sorry I just don't buy into the whole keep going back for more abuse or just situations that make you feel bad. So parents or not if you don't respect me or my family than I don't want to waste my time with painful situations over and over again.
Russell

Navasota, TX

#34 Apr 24, 2014
Back to the original question... this sweet lady says her children do not give a "hoot in hell" about her and wants to know how to fix it. She feels like she is unique but she is the norm in today's society. If she is anything like my wife and I, this heartbreak is not an example of misperceptions and she did nothing wrong to deserve this... It is the result of major changes in traditional child-rearing (crippling indulgence instead if discipline) and technological distractions which prevent reconciliation. Young people today are intolerant of anything they don't like. They spend all of their time engaged with superficial, or "virtual" fantasies which make real-life situations seem laborious and painful. They are more independent and do not need their parents, and do not suffer reproach or parental authority. In our case, our child had a near perfect childhood, was a perfect child, and threw the switch on us when she went to college, refusing even moderate or acceptable levels of communication.. and it has been downhill since. She is 28 now and we have given up. She is just plain rotten and selfish and cannot love or care about anyone. It is harsh advice, but the others are right to suggest that you get a life and move on... find people who deserve you and your love... don't throw away YOUR life like they are throwing away theirs.
Betty

Barrie, Canada

#35 May 25, 2014
RAISING UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN
Not to worry. It is very painful but it happens to many of us. I am 80 and see neither of my over 60 year old daughters. I don't really know if I gave them too much or too little - if I am too independent or not independent enough? Am I too smart or not smart enough? Was I too selfish or not selfish enough?
Are they to blame [and if so does that not still make me to blame for raising kids with so little to give?]- is it the sign of their times [the sixties when not liking your parents was in style as well as putting yourself first] or is it simply genetics. We have a very screwed up family with lots of mental illness and/or disturbance from away back.
If I knew then what I know now I would not have had children. But how would I have lived if I had not had children? I enjoyed every moment of them when they were growing up and I can never say I am sorry I had children. I can't say the same about my adult daughters as they have caused so many tears and heartbreak over the years.
Maybe we should do what they do - enjoy what is/was there to enjoy and then leave it behind when we don't need it any more? I have talked to so many women and men who feel neglected and/or used by their children. Often they are only seen and heard from when they want or need something from us. When you are 80 you have nothing left to offer them and on top of that your memory is shit etc.
Build your own life and stop living in the past!
Betty
an accused child

Pittsburgh, PA

#36 May 26, 2014
my mom is 64 & acts like she's this years prom queen waving to the pions from the back set of a convertible in the county fair. its exhausting & annoying. she tries to rule the family with her money, destroyed our family with divorce over finances, affairs & enabling drug use with siblings then claims we use her & appreciate nothing. its one thing after another, always starting drama & trouble where ever she goes & way too invested with her image in the mirror. wished she would act her age. she threatens me with her will but i dont care if she leaves me a single dime. money is not everything and it certainly doesnt buy my love...maybe some of those parents who financed college tuitions, cars & weddings are expecting a return in the form of something that cant be bought.
JLT

Proctorville, OH

#37 May 26, 2014
lol wrote:
Text them while they are driving, then they will be wanting to talk.
Even better, text them when they are at work. They're guaranteed to be playing on their phones then. This new generation of whippersnappers can't put those phones down.
Jane doe

Kingsford, Australia

#38 May 30, 2014
Hurt Senior Citizen Mom wrote:
Thanks for your good advice. I do need more of a life of my own.
Looking at the date of your posts im a year too late but if your still visiting in here I wanto share my heart ache too. I have 4 grown kids and they ignore my calls, msg, & if I ask why, they dont give me a reason. ive gone through the empty nest days, mths, yrs, the mourning, loss, now im feeling angry. Ive been a mum since I was 18. I am now 58. Ive never evn smacked my kids. They began ignoring me treating me badly 9 yrs ago when I was forced to call DOCs on one daughters boyfriend. He bashed my little 2yr old grandson. Leaving him with black eye, sore teeth, & head. I knew kirsty would punish me for exposing him but his rich & has bribed all 4 of my kids all these yrs. I found they slandered me to protect him. This man still sleeps in his undies with my 8 yr old grandaughter. Ive spent 9 yrs trying to protect these precious kids & yet Im the bad person in this. Its destroying me and I hate him. I really hate this man. His destroyed my family. my life. His now working on my youngest son who is nearly 30. Im so heartbroken.
an accused child

Presto, PA

#39 May 30, 2014
your blasting family names & dirty laundry on topix...but you think your kids are the ones who are out of line??

wow
Lindy Ann

Huntington, WV

#40 May 30, 2014
I know it's quite late in the conversation but I have a very good relationship with my mother and father. However, my sister consistently hurts them by her actions. My parents are very good people and I'm sure they would be willing to make more connections with other good people. If you're interested let me know.
Betty

Barrie, Canada

#41 Jun 4, 2014
an accused child wrote:
my mom is 64 & acts like she's this years prom queen waving to the pions from the back set of a convertible in the county fair. its exhausting & annoying. she tries to rule the family with her money, destroyed our family with divorce over finances, affairs & enabling drug use with siblings then claims we use her & appreciate nothing. its one thing after another, always starting drama & trouble where ever she goes & way too invested with her image in the mirror. wished she would act her age. she threatens me with her will but i dont care if she leaves me a single dime. money is not everything and it certainly doesnt buy my love...maybe some of those parents who financed college tuitions, cars & weddings are expecting a return in the form of something that cant be bought.
Hi - I wonder if you have wondered why your mom acts like a prom queen. Was she ignored when she was growing up and now want to feel like “somebody”? Or maybe she wants her children to notice her? Sure I suppose it is exhausting and annoying but it seems to me is her problem not yours. Not a terribly serious problem either. Did she beat you? starve you? tell you you were worthless as children?
You say she enabling drug use with siblings - do you mean she gave your underage siblings drugs - if so you may have a case for child abuse.
You think you don’t care if she leaves you a single dime - I am in the process of cutting my ungrateful daughters out of my will and I can assure you they will be very surprised and very hurt if I do so.
Sure parents expect some appreciation for those financed college tuitions, cars & weddings. So will you if you sacrifice for your children.
Give your mother a break. Accept her as she is and try to understand why she may be the way she is.
Alyqua

Fort Worth, TX

#42 Apr 26, 2015
Derper wrote:
<quoted text>
You ARE the only senior who feels unloved by their grown children. That's never happened before in the history of old people.
Get a phone, learn to text (the kids B <3'ing dat textin'), and then next time you get dissed by your ungrateful spawn, whip it out and TEXT them. Surprise!
Even better yet....
Have some FUN with them. Getcha one of those fancy envelopes from a lawyer's office that say "Last Will & Testament", and make a big show about putting it quickly away in a drawer after they catch a glimpse.
Get secretive. Let it slip that you have an appointment with an attorney next week and then refuse to discuss it. Later over dinner, ask is they remember the time when they were VERY little and you took them to see their old maiden aunt Bernice at that "mansion". The one with the grand piano and all the antiques. They'll say "no" and then you put on an EXTREMELY innocent face and say "Never mind, then". And then change the subject. Refuse to discuss Aunt Bernice.
You do that and you'll get more attention out of those kids than you'll know what to do with. Plus it'll be funny as hell, and you'll learn a lot about what they're made of...and knowledge is power. hee hee.
That is the funniest thing I've read!!!!!

My kids know we have money... Still barely tolerate me

I will be a lonely mom one day
Alyqua

Fort Worth, TX

#43 Apr 26, 2015
Russell wrote:
Back to the original question... this sweet lady says her children do not give a "hoot in hell" about her and wants to know how to fix it. She feels like she is unique but she is the norm in today's society. If she is anything like my wife and I, this heartbreak is not an example of misperceptions and she did nothing wrong to deserve this... It is the result of major changes in traditional child-rearing (crippling indulgence instead if discipline) and technological distractions which prevent reconciliation. Young people today are intolerant of anything they don't like. They spend all of their time engaged with superficial, or "virtual" fantasies which make real-life situations seem laborious and painful. They are more independent and do not need their parents, and do not suffer reproach or parental authority. In our case, our child had a near perfect childhood, was a perfect child, and threw the switch on us when she went to college, refusing even moderate or acceptable levels of communication.. and it has been downhill since. She is 28 now and we have given up. She is just plain rotten and selfish and cannot love or care about anyone. It is harsh advice, but the others are right to suggest that you get a life and move on... find people who deserve you and your love... don't throw away YOUR life like they are throwing away theirs.
Yup

I guess that is the way it'll be. Unfortunately I was an empty nester but the summer on we will have both kids in the house for a couple more years.(Because they both messed up with college and are back home)

I am going to be subjected to their disdain for two years.
I was stay at home "perfect Pollyanna" this is gun babe hell

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