Loving an Alcoholic
Tired

Waynesboro, VA

#1 Mar 14, 2013
I actually know the answer, but I am so distressed I thought some input would help.

I have been with a female alcoholic for 7 years. We are middle aged, not married. I have tried so hard to get her turned around the right way. I know if they don't want help there is usually nothing you can do. I also know all of the money spent on items, bills, work performed. car repairs, etc enables an alchoholic.

I know she loves me, but the alcohol and the peers that come with it in a bar outweigh anything I can possible be, no matter how much I treat her like a queen.

I have walked away before for a few months and was begged back under impoved circumstances. That didn't last long. I don't understand how a person at the end of their rope,(that basically has nothing to show for their life) can let someone walk away from them that loves and supports them emotionally and financially if needed.

Any positive input or suggestions would be greatly appreciated
Level 2

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#2 Mar 14, 2013
You both need to talk to someone outside the situation, together. It seems to me like this is too big for one person, even a good caring person like you.
Stop now

Chesapeake, VA

#3 Mar 14, 2013
Tired wrote:
I actually know the answer, but I am so distressed I thought some input would help.
I have been with a female alcoholic for 7 years. We are middle aged, not married. I have tried so hard to get her turned around the right way. I know if they don't want help there is usually nothing you can do. I also know all of the money spent on items, bills, work performed. car repairs, etc enables an alchoholic.
I know she loves me, but the alcohol and the peers that come with it in a bar outweigh anything I can possible be, no matter how much I treat her like a queen.
I have walked away before for a few months and was begged back under impoved circumstances. That didn't last long. I don't understand how a person at the end of their rope,(that basically has nothing to show for their life) can let someone walk away from them that loves and supports them emotionally and financially if needed.
Any positive input or suggestions would be greatly appreciated
She has already chosen the Bar and her peers over you. What more positive input do you need?
peteyslide95

Huntington, WV

#4 Mar 14, 2013
Tired wrote:
I actually know the answer, but I am so distressed I thought some input would help.
I have been with a female alcoholic for 7 years. We are middle aged, not married. I have tried so hard to get her turned around the right way. I know if they don't want help there is usually nothing you can do. I also know all of the money spent on items, bills, work performed. car repairs, etc enables an alchoholic.
I know she loves me, but the alcohol and the peers that come with it in a bar outweigh anything I can possible be, no matter how much I treat her like a queen.
I have walked away before for a few months and was begged back under impoved circumstances. That didn't last long. I don't understand how a person at the end of their rope,(that basically has nothing to show for their life) can let someone walk away from them that loves and supports them emotionally and financially if needed.
Any positive input or suggestions would be greatly appreciated
I feel for you "tired". You have so much energy, time, money, love, etc. invested in this relationship. I understand where you are coming from. The one thing that you must do is not give in to her disease. Do not let it ruin YOUR life. Just because you are not an alcoholic does'nt mean that the disease is not affecting you. It affects everyone who is involved with the person. With that being said, your own personal health needs to be adressed. I know its gonna be hard but the solution is always a great deal tougher than succumbing to the problem. But it needs to be done. You have to communicate to this woman that you are not gonna be around to watch her kill herself slowly. Alcohol destroys everything! It destroys a persons light. It destroys their mind body and soul. You have to get out of this relationship before you get too sucked in. No contact until this person proves she has taken all the steps to quit drinking. It can be done. I was a big drinker and now I don't touch the stuff. Im 32 yrs old. Thank goodness I quit now before it was too late. She can too. Good luck to you. Be strong and supportive but do not do anything that will enable her. Thats why I said you should not have any contact with her.
1 post removed
I know

Reedy, WV

#6 Mar 14, 2013
She can change, but only if she is ready! Until than good luck!! I have been in your shoes and it is hard to just walk away when u love someone who really needs u!! Has she ever said she needs help so she can stop drinking??
Tired

Waynesboro, VA

#7 Mar 14, 2013
"Stop Now" although your advice speaks the obvious truth, I already knew that! When your heart truly bleeds for someone it is a little more difficult than that. The input I asked for seems to be part of my grieving process, and the loss of someone I love more than anything, similiar to losing someone at death.

"Peteyslide95" thank you for the heartfelt understanding and some of the best, but difficult advice anyone has offered. My plan is to follow your suggestion. Seems you really understand.
Thank You !!
Tired

Waynesboro, VA

#8 Mar 14, 2013
I know wrote:
She can change, but only if she is ready! Until than good luck!! I have been in your shoes and it is hard to just walk away when u love someone who really needs u!! Has she ever said she needs help so she can stop drinking??
She is in denial, and doesn't need help.
peteyslide95

Huntington, WV

#9 Mar 14, 2013
Tired wrote:
<quoted text>
She is in denial, and doesn't need help.
Your very welcome "tired." There are probably some deep-rooted issues that she needs to come to terms with. Weather it be depression (which alcohol causes), history of abuse, etc. Drinking is just like taking a pain pill. It only works for the short term and never adressess the root cause of the problem. If she can identify where her pain comes from then she is one step closer to getting cured!
runna

Huntington, WV

#10 Mar 14, 2013
If ya can't help'em join'em
1 post removed
Maiden

Rochester, PA

#12 Mar 14, 2013
Tired wrote:
I actually know the answer, but I am so distressed I thought some input would help.

I have been with a female alcoholic for 7 years. We are middle aged, not married. I have tried so hard to get her turned around the right way. I know if they don't want help there is usually nothing you can do. I also know all of the money spent on items, bills, work performed. car repairs, etc enables an alchoholic.

I know she loves me, but the alcohol and the peers that come with it in a bar outweigh anything I can possible be, no matter how much I treat her like a queen.

I have walked away before for a few months and was begged back under impoved circumstances. That didn't last long. I don't understand how a person at the end of their rope,(that basically has nothing to show for their life) can let someone walk away from them that loves and supports them emotionally and financially if needed.

Any positive input or suggestions would be greatly appreciated
RUN TO THE HILLS!
Yep

Charleston, WV

#13 Mar 14, 2013
You gotta enjoy your life
1whoknows

Chesapeake, OH

#14 Mar 15, 2013
What Is your definition of an alcholic? Some may vary. My advice to you, I think you should be there for her and help her deal with whatever is causing her addiction. There Is a reason she drinks the way she does. It cold be she has a void in her life she is trying to fill with alcohol. Or maybe she is unhappy and When she drinks she forgets momentarely. Whatever her case, If the roles were reversed, would she give up on you? I think, If she loves you she would pick you over the bar scene. Dont run When she needs you the most. I wish you the best with your situation.
BarFly

Waynesboro, VA

#15 Oct 18, 2013
My Ex is 53 years old and still spends most of the spare time in a bar. Normal (Non-alcoholic) people usually quit living in bars after college or at least before 30.

If your still hanging in a bar in your 50's you are definitely an alcoholic. Alcohol is a very strong and evil addiction / sickness.

I feel for those afflicted.

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