Comments
1 - 15 of 15 Comments Last updated Jul 30, 2013
Derper

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Jul 30, 2013
 
Just looking for thoughtful, intelligent comments on a controversial topic.

What do you think about women who stay with batterers and have children in the house as well?

What about women with no kids who stay with a batterer for years and years?

At what point does someone bear some responsibility for their own choices?

I was thinking today about that woman in New York about twenty years ago, I think her name was Hedda Nussbaum, that let her husband beat their little girl to death and she wasn't punished because they said she had "battered woman syndrome". I always felt she bore a great deal of responsibility. Why didn't she remove the girl or try to get help?

Stuff like that happens around here, too.

Thoughts?
$CashMoney$

Saylorsburg, PA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Jul 30, 2013
 
Much more to the situations than what we can see from the outside looking in. Women sometimes feel trapped, most don't work outside the home, no support for whatever reason, or just can't afford divorce. Some "think" the abuser will change, some "think" that there is no way out, and some probably have chemical dependency issues and some probably mental illness. It is what it is.. It's not as easy as just leaving. Have you ever been to a place like Branches or the city mission? Yea, well it's ghetto fabulous and not the place I would ever want to take my kids or myself.
Lycan

Quincy, MI

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

Interesting topic. And challeging to bring intellegent conversation to something like domestic violence.

If I had to play devils advocate, I`d "assume" any woman who stays in an abusive relationship does so do to harsh life experiences. They compare situations normal people couldn`t rationalize.
The only reason I suggest this is because I once knew a woman in a violent relationship. And she would defend her choice for staying, by attacking the inquirers sensativity to the issue. Sorta like the same way your grandfather wore hardhips like a badge of honor. Of course, killing your own dinner, walking 20 miles to school in 5 feet of snow, etc etc is hardly the same.

Some women feel they have no other option. Or they convience themselves it`s "managable". They fear retaliation for upsetting or triggering an episode.

Other then that, I have no comments about children in these relationships. No child should ever be around violence. And the mother should be held accountable.
Hammie Downs

Richmond, VA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Jul 30, 2013
 
The human brain is amazing but also creates its own inyterpretation of reality. It is evident in these situations but less so but still clear in daily life. This I believe is why generally people understand their family more than others. You shared experiences and discussed things during brain development.

If your parents treated you poorly you learned to rationalze it and can go through most of your normal interactions thinking that everyone understands accept abuse also. I don't know what I am talking about.
Fatback

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

...And some women need to have the shit smacked out of them.
been there done that

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Jul 30, 2013
 
Some woman just have to wait for the right time to leave...... Don't judge until you have lived with an abuser
Derper

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Jul 30, 2013
 
Is it at all possible...bear with me now...that in maybe 1% of the long term wife battering situations...that 1% woman is getting some sort of sad satisfaction out of it?

I've often wondered, when I see a woman who's being mistreated, and friends and family go out of the way to help her escape, offering to pay rent for her in a new, safe place, or offering their own homes, babysitting, money, help with court systems...all kinds of assistance...and yet still, inexplicably, the woman stays with her batterer.

A VERY FEW of these women seem, to me, to find more value in the attention they get while being a victim, than the self-esteem they MIGHT gain by changing their lives. Does that sound crazy? Sometimes they seem to "milk" victimhood...often until it's too late.:(
$CashMoney$

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

Derper wrote:
Is it at all possible...bear with me now...that in maybe 1% of the long term wife battering situations...that 1% woman is getting some sort of sad satisfaction out of it?

I've often wondered, when I see a woman who's being mistreated, and friends and family go out of the way to help her escape, offering to pay rent for her in a new, safe place, or offering their own homes, babysitting, money, help with court systems...all kinds of assistance...and yet still, inexplicably, the woman stays with her batterer.

A VERY FEW of these women seem, to me, to find more value in the attention they get while being a victim, than the self-esteem they MIGHT gain by changing their lives. Does that sound crazy? Sometimes they seem to "milk" victimhood...often until it's too late.:(
Some women are submissive. Yes. They do get off on the attention the abuse brings them. I know several of them that would rather garner attention from the abuser and everyone that shows pity on her rather than do something worthwhile.
1 post removed
Derper

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Jul 30, 2013
 
_-zaphod-_ wrote:
<quoted text>
You sound like an evil Oprah.
Yesssss...that's it. Evil Oprah!! ha ha!
been there done that

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Derper wrote:
Is it at all possible...bear with me now...that in maybe 1% of the long term wife battering situations...that 1% woman is getting some sort of sad satisfaction out of it?

I've often wondered, when I see a woman who's being mistreated, and friends and family go out of the way to help her escape, offering to pay rent for her in a new, safe place, or offering their own homes, babysitting, money, help with court systems...all kinds of assistance...and yet still, inexplicably, the woman stays with her batterer.

A VERY FEW of these women seem, to me, to find more value in the attention they get while being a victim, than the self-esteem they MIGHT gain by changing their lives. Does that sound crazy? Sometimes they seem to "milk" victimhood...often until it's too late.:(
I wish someone would offer me an escape... If only it was that easy
Derper

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Jul 30, 2013
 
what have you done to help yourself? Not judging, just trying to understand...
Question

Proctorville, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Derper, off topic here but I wanted to know your views on the Jonathan Young case (16 yr old), do you think he was suffering from a learned behavior when he killed his brother? Is his behavior due to some biological defect passed on from his father's own pathology?

Was something pathological the driving force behind his jealousy and murder of his 14 year old brother or was it the combination of the two?

I think human behavior is multifaceted,(Battered Women's Syndrome).

On another note,
Have you read the FBI profiles of Serial killers, etc.,? If interested I will post the link.
Question

Proctorville, OH

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

If anyone is interested

http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publication...
Lycan

Quincy, MI

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

I wouldn`t want to believe that a woman would get satisfaction or pleasure from being beat. So I think even that 1% isn`t reality. However I will validate your theory with this...
Most battered relationships occur in cycles. There`s a trigger, the physical confrontation, and then some times after the fallout I would imagine a period of materialstic or emotional offerings of redemption. I mean hallmark doesn`t exactly cover "Sorry I drunk too much and beat you" in thier selection.
So I suppose the extra emotional attention is what a battered spouse would be "getting off" on. But I still can`t imagine someone putting up with that.
$CashMoney$

Huntington, WV

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Jul 30, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Gotta say.. This thread has managed to stay on topic and no bashing.. Rock on boys and girls!

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

140 Users are viewing the Huntington Forum right now

Search the Huntington Forum:
Title Updated Last By Comments
amber N Cremean fm west end 6 min -zaphod- 2
WV Who do you support for U.S. Senate in West Virg... (Oct '10) 18 min bacon hater 53,545
Dylan "D-Stone" Stone 28 min moonbaby 43
Husband fired from Alcon today. 29 min Jennifer 7
amber n cremeans 1 hr simba 1
natasha plymale (Nov '12) 1 hr Gross 13
BOTW motorcycle club 2 hr terry 49
East end thief's (Nov '13) 2 hr Amber 1,318
•••
•••
•••
Huntington Dating

more search filters

less search filters

•••

Huntington Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Huntington People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Huntington News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Huntington
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••